Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.

The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.

The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!

The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

@@hadouni

Wow! I wouldnt want to deal with that last guy at all. That was a huge red flag. Run the other way and dont look back. Dont be blinded by his looks either. He will end up treating you terribly just because he will degrade you and lower your self worth. I can see it in my crystal ball already.

Hadouni, refering to #3 man, um, I'll hold him down if you beat him up !!!! Just kidding ! (Sorta) im not in the dating scene (happily married) but if I was I wouldn't accept any man who didn't treat me well and was so narrow minded and judgemental ! You deserve SO much better ! I hope you find him , and when you do make sure he treats you like the queen that you are !! Good luck !!

take your little boy bs and get gone.

This. I'm sure it's always been this way, but I've noticed it as I've gotten older. But the world is filled with men who think every woman in the world must conform to his idea of beauty. They're assholes, plain and simple. I know this because I have many friends who think this way, even though, they themselves are far from perfect. Luckily, I don't have to date any of them. But be warned ladies, they are out there. They don't have a sweet side that no one else knows about. They're not sensitive once you get to know them. When you peel back the layers on an jerk, you just find more jerk. To the OP, your time is much better spent on finding a person who will appreciate who you are now, and the journey you took to get here. So it might be time to fire up that long dormant sense of self confidence and tell him if he has a problem with it, he can hit the bricks. Sorry for posting in the ladies room, I'll see myself out

Edited April 7, 201511 yr by Jerr_Bear

"When you peel back the layers on an jerk, you just find more jerk."

This.

I'll add: and then you have a bunch of stinky layers on your hands. Those need to go straight to the CURB or they will stink up your life.

That is all.

I'm not in the dating scene but I have to give Kudos to the posters here!!

Men and women alike can be sallow and insensitive and often times it shows their own insecurities with themselves more than it reflects upon us and that is the sad thing.

When people make negative comments or have an expectation of beauty or intelligence it's because they come up wanting themselves and they project that feeling of lack onto another.

You gals and guys are awesome, you have made some serious choices for your lives to be healthy and happy in your own right.

Cheers to you!!

Here's my contribution:

When someone shows you who he is, believe him.

In other words, don't make up a bunch of excuses for bad behavior, inept social skills,stinky hygiene, lack of job, blatant rudeness, etc.

I've had years of dating experience. The little things you pick up on first dates? And try and ignore because he's cute/you like the attention/you are lonely?

All those little things will be the stuff that you'll grow to resent down the line should you move forward in a relationship.

Jerrbear, ive said it before and ill say it again, " Don't take this personally, but I think I love you !" Your comments are always right on, but your sense of humor is what really come through and always cracks me up. "I'll show myself out . " etc, (Dry sarcasm always makes me laugh ! Thanks !)

Lets hear about number 4.LOL!!!.3 was super insulting good luck!!

Edited April 7, 201511 yr by Pepper123

I found myself back in the dating scene about 16 years ago after a divorce. I really wasn't interested in dating all that much but I think I needed validation that I still could be found attractive and worthy of being cared about in spite of the extra weight I was carrying. I actually had lost about 40 pounds and wasn't nearly as heavy as I was when I had my surgery this fall.

I went out with several guys and found out the hard way that in general men have little or no interest in being with someone that they consider to be too heavy. I had one guy that told me that even though he really cared about me and wanted more, he would end it if I got any heavier. Goodbye bozo

Another guy came right out and told me that he "usually doesn't even consider dating women my size", but that if I was interested in dating him I'd do something about my weight. Goodbye bozo #2

I stopped dating all together for about 2 years and pretty much decided I was done with men, then I met my current husband. He was totally different. He made it very clear that no one should judge people for their outside, but rather look to the person inside. He needed to lose 20 or 30 pounds when we met, and together we did manage to lose some weight before we got married 9 years ago. I started having health issues about 4 years ago and got really heavy. When I talked to him about having the surgery he was totally supportive and wanted me healthy more than anything else. Now, my starting to look "good" is a bonus as far as he's concerned.

Life's too short to date jerks. There's already too many women who try to change themselves for some guy. If you've had the surgery hopefully you've done it for yourself and your health. Looking great no matter what your age is the big bonus!!!! I'm 62 and still have some "sexy" left in me!!!

I've not had a date come right out and say anything negative when I've told them I've had WLS. I even had one that was grumbling about his internal "thermostat being broken", (he was always cold), and it turned out he was a WLS patient too! That one didn't work out anyway. There have only been 2 I've dated seriously since surgery and both had lost a significant amount of weight themselves without surgery. They could see the lifestyle I live, (eat small, exercise regularly) and like the fact that I'm focused on maintaining my health. My current BF has told me he likes this about me because he eats smaller by his choice around me, (we typically split an appetizer when out) and it helps him maintain his weight loss. I'm a GOOD influence? Who knew? LOL

I met my husband in 2006 after I had lost 110 pounds on Slim-Fast. We met on a dating website after he messaged me right after I had set up my profile. I didn't even have a picture up yet but he thought what I'd written was interesting and wanted to get to know me without even knowing what I looked like.

After we'd been seeing each other for a while and it became apparent that we were going to be intimate, I told him about my weight loss and that I had a lot of excess skin and sagging going on. His only response was to tell me that he admired me for having lost the weight in the first place.

Fast forward a few years and we've both put on significant weight and developed the usual health issues, so we both had sleeve surgery and are doing well. I can't imagine having to go back into the dating world at this stage of my life, and I hope I never have to!

Oh my gosh, what a can of worms I've opened! This is all great stuff!!

I'm not going to give up on #3 yet and it's NOT because of his looks. He's actually not what I'm typically attracted to. I think we all have some preconceived notions about things we don't have actual experience with and hopefully as we gain experience we have the ability to evolve and develop into more positive humans. =)

I actually enjoy talking with him. He's very entrepreneurial and has some interesting life experiences. He's a thoughtful, caring and involved parent. I think he's actually surprised he likes me. I'm the oldest woman he's seen more than once. After we went out the first time he told me I was much more attractive in person than I am in photos (we met online) to which I replied "Thanks, I think". I know he meant to be complimentary but it was funny delivery. He also has an issue with my height, no wait, he has an issue with HIS OWN height! I've pulled out some flats but that will get old fast. I told him recently he needed to get over it because I've got some great heels I love to wear. It's not like he should be embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm a little taller than he is when I have heels on, right?

So who knows, maybe there will be a #4 but I'm going to give #3 some time figure out if he can step up to the plate and be with an equal instead of someone who is dependent upon him. I have to give him credit for realizing that he likes me for my brain as much, if not more than my looks.

I try to think of how I would respond to a guy who looked fantastic in clothing and for the most part out of clothing who had a morbid obesity problem in the past, and I'll be honest- I would judge him as harshly as I judge myself. I can't get mad at someone for thinking I was a lazy, no self-control fatty when my inaccurate, but honest, thought about them is the same thing.

Jeez.

Louise.

S.M.H.

AvaFern ... speaking purely from inside a blissful marriage of 18+ years ... I think you don't have a clue what love is all about.

I try to think of how I would respond to a guy who looked fantastic in clothing and for the most part out of clothing who had a morbid obesity problem in the past, and I'll be honest- I would judge him as harshly as I judge myself. I can't get mad at someone for thinking I was a lazy, no self-control fatty when my inaccurate, but honest, thought about them is the same thing.

Jeez.

Louise.

S.M.H.

AvaFern ... speaking purely from inside a blissful marriage of 18+ years ... I think you don't have a clue what love is all about.

With all due respect, AvaFern is not talking about love....she's talking about the negative feelings we often have about morbid obesity due to our own self hatred of how large we have/had become.

With all due respect, AvaFern is not talking about love....she's talking about the negative feelings we often have about morbid obesity due to our own self hatred of how large we have/had become.

Fair enough.