Can I get a hug and maybe some guidance?

[Smye 694]

@@ilikecake2much, let me first say you are one strong cookie to come join the boards and ask for support! Congratulations on that and keep up the good work! As you note, bariatric surgery is scary as hell at first, many of us swore long ago that we would never even consider such a thing - there's so much stigma, misinformation, fear, and outdated accurate info out there that we're bombarded with everyday; not to mention the messaging we get everywhere to just "cowboy/girl up and buckle down and lose the weight already." Too bad our bodies don't work like that.

I won't presume to give you advice in terms of 'do it' or 'don't to it.' That's no one's place but yours and, possibly, your doctor's and spouses. I will, however, offer this bit of advice. Find a counsellor and/or therapist. Not because there's something 'wrong' with you or your brain, not because you have any sort of neurological or psychological condition, but because even being told 'you're a prime candidate for WLS' is world-rocking. I spent 25 years convinced I was 'fat but fit,' I live on a farm, raise 85% of my own food and walked/jogged 4-8 miles/day. Then my doc gave me the same message yours gave you. The next several months, whether you have surgery or not, are going to be very challenging emotionally and having someone trained who can help you process and coach you through figuring out your own process and decisions is invaluable in staying sane and - from the sounds of things - ensuring your relationship stays as healthy as possible. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to doubt your partner's support, but I know a LMHC can help you to navigate those frightening waters.

And for the little it's worth - I consider myself a very open, educated, and secure individual - but only 4 people in my life know I had WLS. The others only know about the hiatal hernia repair I had at the same time and everyone assumes I've just started living healthier to drop all this weight - I often feel I betrayed my own body and the 'fat-culture' in that, but for my family, there was no way WLS would be acceptable. Whatever you choose to do, keep us posted and good luck!

Lastly - I'm in academia and have access to a large amount of research that most folks have to pay $50-$175/article to get ahold of. Let me know if you need anything or have any research you want to do that i can help you with.

[Smye 694]

And, oh yeah, *hugs*

[amponder 396]

HUGS unfortunately us short people and I am 4'10 just can't handle a lot of weight I was 321 with a BMI of 67. Your struggles with losing but gaining it back I can really relate to. My husband was ok with surgery, but won't change his eating habits or the type of food he keeps in the house, but so far I am doing well with my choice. Good luck, and if I had any advice at all what ever you decide, do it now rather hit 300+ pounds, I was almost disabled after I hit that weight.

[swimbikerun 1,039]

You owe yourself an answer. Not us. I'll support you, as will many others, no matter what you do.

[Mommabird 367]

@@ilikecake2much,

Consider yourself Hugged!

I am also five feet tall and started this journey at two pounds more that you. I had Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure and arthritis. My Endocrinologist was the first person to bring up the subject of WLS, specifically, Gastric Bypass. It took five months of research and soul searching before I went to the informational seminar. Afterwards, my husband and I looked at each other and agreed that I needed to find out the insurance requirement and get started.That was last May. On December 10th, I had my Gastric Bypass. Today, I am rapidly approaching have lost 60% of my excess weigh, I'm off all my diabetes meds and am able to take two exercise classes at the YMCA three time a week with no problems.

I also felt the shame you mentioned. But shortly after my surgery, I was feeling so good about myself and the progress I was making, that I'll talk about my RNY to anyone who wants to know more about it!

I haven't felt this good in decades!

So, do your research, talk to the doctor, put aside what anyone else is telling you, and make your decision based to what YOU feel is best for you and your future health!

And here's another hug! You can never get too many of those!

[Alex Brecher 10,494]

ilikecake2much, Welcome to the forums! Yes, of course - Big Hug your way!

Nobody can tell you what to do except you. Nobody. Not your potential surgeon, or your doctor, or some strangers on a weight loss surgery forum.

That said, I wanted to chime in with my two cents. You can definitely get good advice here from the “been there, done that” crowd. They can tell you what went right and what went wrong and whether they were pleased with their own personal decisions.

On the other hand, remember you may be getting biased opinions. Many of the people who are posting are those who are happy with their decisions. So just keep in mind that you need to think about yourself: can you lose weight without WLS? Do you want to lose weight without WLS? Are you just waiting for someone else to make the decision? If your doctor suddenly said you’re not a candidate and you need to do this on your own, would you cry, or would you be relieved? If you’d be relieved, WLS may not be for you.

So, good luck! It’s all about you, and we’re all rooting for you.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Great response, Alex.

[ilikecake2much 65]

@@Alex Brecher - Thank you for that reply! You're absolutely right. I have been all over the internet looking for people who aren't as happy with their decision, I wanted to hear from both sides. And now that I have, I have made the decision to go for it.
"If your doctor suddenly said you’re not a candidate and you need to do this on your own, would you cry, or would you be relieved? If you’d be relieved, WLS may not be for you."

When I think about it that way, I know I would cry. So that completely validates my decision. Now I know I am going down the right path! Thank you!

[swimbikerun 1,039]

@@ilikecake2much I think the issue is whether or not you do your homework on the decision. I always advocate the surgery, even though the surgeon was/is a bigger issue than the problems from the surgery. I can deal with those, its just how he and the admin acted/treated me.

[JLMET 40]

*HUG*

Deciding to have surgery IS a big deal and it should require a lot of thought. I too don't have any medical issues from being overweight, other than some back pain and being out of breath, but what I decided that I want to have a better life when I got older. I didn't want to be in pain or in the hospital because of something I could take care of while I was young. I'm 36 and WLS was the best thing I've ever done. Yeah, it was REALLY hard before and after surgery but I'm 3 weeks out and feeling really good. My fat brain tells me I miss pizza and cake but my correct brain reminds me that that stuff was what got me here in the first place!

Just take it one step at a time, be vocal and go to support groups. Post here, get advise from those that have gone before and don't worry about what others think. They aren't you and like my Doc said, being overweight is a disease, its something that is REALLY hard to control and WLS is merely another tool to help us to be happier and healthier.

Good luck to you!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

First off BIG HUGS to you ! Secondly, if you had dental problems that were causing you to have a lower quality of life, and your Denist recommended dental surgery, would you feel "ashamed" and think you could "solve the problem on my own " ?? I don't think so !!! By putting YOURSELF first ( healthwise) everybody wins ! More hugs to you !!!

[swimbikerun 1,039]

@@pink dahlia Perfect post.

[Stephanie Stroup McIntosh 157]

My doctor recommended me for bariatric surgery. She said I am a "prime candidate". The surgeon is supposed to be calling me soon to schedule my first appointment. Before all this, I actually have been attending a class on Mindful Eating (which is required for bariatric patients) but I was just taking it in an effort to become more in-tune with myself and my food issues. I honestly had never even considered weight loss surgery. I always saw it as something I would never do, as a last resort for people who couldn't lose the weight, who had hundredS of pounds to loose, or who have major medical issues. But here I am at 246lbs and only 5'0. My BMI is 48, I should probably loose 125-ish lbs. I have been heavy pretty much my entire adult life. I do not have any major medical issues, but my father passed away due to type 2 diabetes complications in his late 40's and my mother has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I have tried everything to lose weight, and I have been semi-successful in the past (never got to goal though), only to be derailed by pregnancy. Then after baby, I get back on track and loose some weight, then gain some, loose some, BAM pregnant again, and the cycle continues I'm sure you all know the story. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of weight loss surgery. It is very overwhelming and kind of humbling. I am still in the getting info stage, but the way I have been thinking about it and talking about it to my hubby and my Mom, I feel like I have already decided. But I'm scared to admit it to myself. Seeing as though I have no major medical issues, I feel like this is a little motivated by vanity. And I really struggle with that. Maybe that is my fat brain trying to convince me not to do it? I *AM* morbidly obese, 246lbs is WAY too much for my little 5'0 frame to carry, I am sore and tired all the time. I do get winded on short walks. And I do need to do something if I don't want to end up like my Dad. But does it really need to be WLS? I do feel desperate, like I have exhausted every other option. I am ashamed of having WLS...is that normal? I feel like my family does not support it...and they are all frowning upon me for looking into it. I know their opinions "do not matter", but it's hard to ignore EVERYONE around me. Even my hubby "just doesn't really like the idea", but he will support me in whatever I decide to do. (But long story, I feel like he kind of sub-consciously likes me fat and insecure as he is very heavy as well) I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I want to be excited about it, but it's hard.

One day someone asked me why I was having the surgery and asked if I was ok or if I was sick. No one had really asked me why before. It was no secret that I was overweight. I responded to the woman by telling her that I didn't have any major issues at this time, but knew it was only a matter of time before something came up.

I feel like I could have written your post (minus the pregnancies). The weeks leading up to surgery, my husband tried to convince me not to have the surgery without actually telling me not to have it. He is over 450 pounds himself and also worried that I would leave him after I lost the weight.

Some people thought I was taking the easy way out and that if I really wanted to lose weight I could do it on my own. People shared their fears.

Basically what I learned is that most people aren't educated about the procedure and are genuinely concerned for your health. I tried to educate everyone who asked me about it so they could have the actual facts.

I am almost 3 weeks post op and all went well. My friends, family, and coworkers know that I had abdominal surgery and many know that it was weight loss surgery. Putting in the 6 months of diet before the surgery showed them that I was serious about losing weight and that I knew this wasn't a quick fix.

Morbid obesity is a major medical issue. Being constantly sore is a major issue. Having a family history of diabetes is an area of concern. I can tell you from my experience, with every pound I have lost, my pain in the rest of my body has decreased.

I recommend getting as many facts as you can about the surgery and share them with the people that question your choice. Start now and make changes to live healthier before the surgery. There is no need to be ashamed. This is just a tool. You still have to put in the work.

I like to compare it to buying a gym membership. If you have the membership, but don't actually go, nothing will change. You wont get any healthier. Same with the surgery. If you don't make healthy food choices, your sleeve won't help you.

I apologize for this being a little unorganized, but I am not feeling so well tonight. Long story short. You do have a major medical issue and this surgery is just a tool. I found it very helpful to have a conversation with myself about exactly why I wanted to have surgery and why I wanted to have it now. Once I was clear in my head, it was all smooth sailing. Good luck with everything and I hope that your friends and family come on board. You are worth it.

[Leisha249 24]

What I finally told myself was if I could do it without surgery, then I would have done it. After surgery, I hated myself and wanted to run back to hospital and have it removed. For about a week. Then I started losing weight. 4 and a half years later. No regrets.

What I finally told myself was if I could do it without surgery, then I would have done it. After surgery, I hated myself and wanted to run back to hospital and have it removed. For about a week. Then I started losing weight. 4 and a half years later. No regrets.