I ran into someone that I haven't seen in over a year. And she was like girl I didn't even recognize you not being fat! I was like really? All I can do to not be ugly. Yes I was fat, yes I've lost 115 lbs. get over it! Lol.

Fat may be a descriptive word, but the context and intent in which it is used makes all the difference in the world. I even refer to myself as fat. I have no illusions regarding my size. I'm the one who's buying my clothes. A good girlfriend can and should be honest with me. I expect a close friend to check me if I am wrong. A casual friend or acquaintance trying to throw shade? Nope, not gonna float. Do I have a thick skin? Yes, so I rarely get or tolerate that type of treatment. I don't keep toxic people in my life who think they are "keeping it real" by being rude.

Edited December 29, 201411 yr by BLERDgirl

That's just plain rude! I'm always amazed at the things people will say. I try to be encouraging in every space because people have feelings. Some people, unfortunately, don't abide by that rule. And it's funny because when you call them on the behavior they are often hurt. My new favorite question to ask is, "is that a nice thing to say?" This calls attention to the rudeness and also makes them rethink and oftentimes change the statement. Life is all about lessons. Sometimes we have to teach people how to treat us!

That's just plain rude! I'm always amazed at the things people will say. I try to be encouraging in every space because people have feelings. Some people, unfortunately, don't abide by that rule. And it's funny because when you call them on the behavior they are often hurt. My new favorite question to ask is, "is that a nice thing to say?" This calls attention to the rudeness and also makes them rethink and oftentimes change the statement. Life is all about lessons. Sometimes we have to teach people how to treat us!

My line is, "I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude as you just did." with a smile.

@@Lacowgirl72

i frequently have read since i came to this board, how other "overweight" people are meanly/cruely addressed/spoken to

AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL

i know my comment is a "drop in the bucket" (maybe not even applicable to the subject posted) to the way other people were treated and spoken to/about

just wanted to say/express myself

thats ok to say to all you great people, right??

my mother was my primary, horrible mean critic ALWAYS

she treated me badly every way in the book with her "passive aggressive" feelings about my weight

while and after i was/had lost my weight

i frequently heard from others

"you look so much better"

what nice words/compliment

i heard it and felt good briefly

but within a couple of minutes

i couldn't help but think they were saying

"you looked so awful before"

guess i'm saying "its" all about your feelings, how you hear things

to me, hearing what was said sounded awful

they might as well have said "man oh man you looked terrible before!!!"

I did look awful before

and "they" didn't even say any mean words

but for me, hearing those words, still made me sad, and remember my earlier life

maybe kindof silly that if this is the way/reason i was upset

no terrible mean comments were even said

just how i felt

not the typical uplifting post for me

thanx for listening

guess proudgrammy it not always proud

kathy

I'm ALWAYS proud of you. ALWAYS.

My line is, "I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude as you just did." with a smile.

HA! I just used this line on Saturday!

I didnt tell everyone i had surgery just a few close people... BUT

My aunt (who i havent seen in YEARS) saw a post on a public facebook Sleeve sight a year ago(i didnt know it was public till this happen). She im me and asked me why would i post stuff on this sight & if i had surgery & 20 questions on why would i do this to my self etc...I finally I told her i did.

I havent talked or seen her in almost a year... Saturday she sees me at a family thing for the holiday & loudly says "OMG could you lose any more weight? there is nothing left of you, boy surgery sure did drop that weight for you & fast" I replied that "yes i had surgery, but surgery is just a tool - the hard work was all me - I choose what i put in my mouth" she said "um no, actually its all surgery - i know a lot of FAT people who had surgery & they cant eat anything" i replied with "I can eat what ever i want, but i chose to be smart about what goes in my mouth, You know, you really should educate yourself before making comments cause I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude as you just did" and walked away!

Count me in the group that wouldn't appreciate someone saying to me, "Gee, you're so much skinnier than you used to be, and I find you so much more attractive now!" Or some version of that "compliment."

Even if your feedback is honest, it's socially flat-footed.

Therefore, if you're compelled to extend your uncensored candor to everyone, you'll piss off or wound the feelings of a large number of people.

But it's a free country, so feel free to say what you want. And some of us will feel free to think you're an idiot or an asshole or both.

I can tell you that I have heard it all since surgery!! I just have to stop and consider the ignorant souce! LOL Best wishes and Happy New Year to all!!

Terri:)

Let me state that by no means was this person a "friend" this person was a fellow barrel racer that honestly I probably haven't had 5 conversations with in the 5 yrs I have known them. Did it hurt my feelings? Hell No.... Did I find it rude? FOR SURE. And for those that think this was ok because I was FAT. Would it of been ok for me to tell her that she can't ride a horse for shit? Cause it's a fact.... I was just raised better and try to not say mean stuff to people.

Honestly I found it funny.....

Worst compliment:

At a dinner party with my husband and friends. When a person at the table looks at my husband and say's You must be having sex all the time. Ewwww. What some people think is appropriate just floors me

Worst thing said......

Over the Holiday I had a work luncheon. I work from home and only see my boss and co-workers a few times a year at these luncheons. So....I saw everyone for the first time since surgery on Aug 11th. 61lbs in 4 1/2ish mths.

My boss says.....wow, you are losing weight so slowly I thought you would have taken it all off by now. Aren't you following your doctors instructions? And, this was said in front of about 20 people. They all stood there and stared waiting for an answer.

I didn't know what to say. I said UMMM about 4 times and stood there blinking. I finally said that I am on track and my doctor is pleased. I continued to smile stupidly and found my seat by some people who were just as shocked by her comment as I was.

@@Bobby46 ...

I think you win.

Gee.

I think my favorite "compliment" was made by this old hag of a cashier at our grocery. She is ALWAYS nasty and I never go through her line because her face alone makes me angry.

I went through the self check out on my way to an event so I was dressed up with hair and makeup done. She looked me up and down and said, "You getting a divorce or something?". HAHAHAHAHA!

I'm ALWAYS proud of you. ALWAYS.

@@LipstickLady

you are such a sweetie

aces in my book

thanx bud

(after my earlier post - back to my old happy go lucky self!!! )

kathy

Edited December 29, 201411 yr by proudgrammy

My problem is I still have an issue believing the true compliments (not the backhanded ones). I always have to come back with a "Yeah Thanks, but....) I really need to knock that off and be proud of what I've lost so far and not be so darn hard on myself!

I'm totally with you. My skin is as thick as it comes and I rarely get offended by stupid asinine things ignorant people say. I also try to AVOID being the ignorant person who says asinine things that really have no bearing on the overall well being of someone.

Is it nice?

Is it helpful?

Is it necessary?

If it meets two out of three, I'll say it. If it doesn't, I tell my dog and my pillow.

Kinda like what I use with my kids...

THINK is it...

Truthful

Helpful

Interesting

Necessary

Kind

I can go with just one and then it can be said.

For what it's worth, I say "I used to be fat" or "back when I was fat" all the time, which I understand is different. I don't mind hearing it, so I say it first when someone is struggling about how to say it nicely ????