I ran into someone that I haven't seen in over a year. And she was like girl I didn't even recognize you not being fat! I was like really? All I can do to not be ugly. Yes I was fat, yes I've lost 115 lbs. get over it! Lol.

I guess the closest thing to a "bad" compliment I've gotten is when a friend said I look like a prepubescent boy. Once she said it, I realized how right she is.... No butt, no boobs, no hips, flat tummy, and thin, muscular arms. And I LOVE it!

Lol!

A friend of mine told me her worst and it had me

Shuddering. There was

An attractive man she worked with for 8 years and he never talked to her smiled at her anything. After a year of her weight loss he was friendly. A few years later at a get together a woman who was her size pre op walked by while they were talking. He looks at her and shudders and said how disgusting that thing was. She realize then he couldn't even remember who she was. As he flirted with her. She just sat there a moment then looked at him and said, "you disgust me." And walked away. A lady at the end.

Fat is just a descriptive word, it is only an insult if you take it that way. Now if they said something like big as a house, or tubby or some other derogatory slang, that would be different. Remembering where I was, helps me stay on track. Good friends WILL tell you that you are fat. The person didn't say that you look better or prettier, now, just that you look DIFFERENT, which is accurate. I would hope that you look different after such an extraordinary weight loss accomplishment. Congratulations!

I disagree with you. A good friend would never say something that he/she knows would hurt you/make you feel insecure unless it was necessary. (You need help with your drinking, you are spending a LOT of money you don't have, you are in an abusive relationship, etc.)

I will say it again. What good comes of telling someone you like their new hair color better? What if they decide to go back?

What good comes of pointing out that you used to be fat? Because you didn't know? What happens if you gain a few back? Will you not just feel more self conscious?

Why not just deliver a heartfelt compliment without that backhanded slap? Why throw in a dig at all? That's NOT a good friend, not a good friend at all.

sometimes we can be in denial, regarding our weight and a good friend would politely let you know that you are putting on weight. And, again, it doesn't sound like the person said that she looks BETTER, just that she looks DIFFERENT

I guess I just don't want or need those kinds of friends. No one needs to tell me I've put on some weight. Believe me....I got that all figured out. A good friend will love me for who I am, and support me in whatever I decide to do without judging me. (ok, done ranting) carry on.

See, those are the friends I do have and want. "Yes, those pants make you look fat". "No, that's not a good look for you" "don't cut your hair that short, it looks better long", "that hair color makes you look old". "That was a pretty stupid move", "Why do you keep going out with losers?" "Why do you let her push you around?" "Are you ever going to wash your truck?", "You need to brush your teeth...your breath stinks". "You're being a b***h".....

For me, honesty defines a relationship and I don't want to have to be PC with my friends, and vice versa. We aren't being mean or judgmental towards one another. My feelings aren't hurt when they say theses things. I consider it constructive criticism and fully expect it of my friends. I would be more hurt if they tried to be "nice" by not telling it like it is. And we continue to support and love each other despite our differences in opinion, bad decisions, hairdos, guys we date and weight gains and losses.

Edited December 29, 201411 yr by Kindle

EXACTLY kindle! I don't see it as judgment, either, just honesty

Maybe I was bullied worse than other folks were growing up. I don't want to be bullied as an adult as well. just love and support me. That's all I ask.

I totally agree that honesty is really important in a friendship. That being said, I think opinions should be stated as opinions, and facts should be stated as facts. That dress looks bad on you is different than that dress isn't my favorite. It's a fine line between providing constructive criticism and making someone feel bad because of someone else's preference. The word fat to me is a judgement.

I am all about brutal honesty *IF* I am asked or it's an issue that needs to be addressed. My friends know they can come to me if they want honesty, not fluff. That said, I see no reason to offer up my opinion on something trivial like hair color/cut that's already done, an outfit (unless we are in the dressing room), etc.

Sometimes an opinion is best kept to oneself.

It is most likely because I have developed thick skin from being fat all my life, but I really do not care what people say to me. I don't get easily offended. I don't go on the defense. If anything I'll make a joke and move on. My favorite line right now is, "it sucks that a person can lose 180 pounds and still be this fat!" I have found that in most cases people are not trying to offend, so why take offense? I have enough important stuff in my life to worry about without adding peoples comments in to the mix.

Just my humble opinion.

Worst "compliment"

@@Lacowgirl72

i frequently have read since i came to this board, how other "overweight" people are meanly/cruely addressed/spoken to

AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL

i know my comment is a "drop in the bucket" (maybe not even applicable to the subject posted) to the way other people were treated and spoken to/about

just wanted to say/express myself

thats ok to say to all you great people, right??

my mother was my primary, horrible mean critic ALWAYS

she treated me badly every way in the book with her "passive aggressive" feelings about my weight

while and after i was/had lost my weight

i frequently heard from others

"you look so much better"

what nice words/compliment

i heard it and felt good briefly

but within a couple of minutes

i couldn't help but think they were saying

"you looked so awful before"

guess i'm saying "its" all about your feelings, how you hear things

to me, hearing what was said sounded awful

they might as well have said "man oh man you looked terrible before!!!"

I did look awful before

and "they" didn't even say any mean words

but for me, hearing those words, still made me sad, and remember my earlier life

maybe kindof silly that if this is the way/reason i was upset

no terrible mean comments were even said

just how i felt

not the typical uplifting post for me

thanx for listening

guess proudgrammy it not always proud

kathy

Edited December 29, 201411 yr by proudgrammy

It is most likely because I have developed thick skin from being fat all my life, but I really do not care what people say to me. I don't get easily offended. I don't go on the defense. If anything I'll make a joke and move on. My favorite line right now is, "it sucks that a person can lose 180 pounds and still be this fat!" I have found that in most cases people are not trying to offend, so why take offense? I have enough important stuff in my life to worry about without adding peoples comments in to the mix.

Just my humble opinion.

I'm totally with you. My skin is as thick as it comes and I rarely get offended by stupid asinine things ignorant people say. I also try to AVOID being the ignorant person who says asinine things that really have no bearing on the overall well being of someone.

Is it nice?

Is it helpful?

Is it necessary?

If it meets two out of three, I'll say it. If it doesn't, I tell my dog and my pillow.