To tell or not to tell...facing family this Thanksgiving

[Iowa_summergirl 46]

I've been pretty private about who I clued in that I had surgery...my boss, a few co-workers, my sister, hubby, and mom. That's it. Now that I have slimmed down a lot (and loving it!) and not eating much, I'm worried that there will be questions Thursday at Thanksgiving. I've already had a few questions like "what's your secret?" or "how are you losing all your weight?" My response so far has been..."just not putting as much in (calories) as I put out."

Would like to hear your feedback...do you tell everyone who has asked that you actually had WLS? What are your creative responses?

[GreenEyes604 753]

Hi... This is a very, VERY hot and sensitive topic on these boards. Myself, I am a very private person and only 3 people in my life know. My job knows I'm having surgery, but no idea why, and that's perfect for me.

This is a very personal decision that MUST be made by the individual. Some people believe that if someone asks you what you're doing, if you don't tell them that you've had surgery, you're a liar. Personally I think that's the most idiotic thinking I've heard, but again everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

You may or you may not get some responses, but my only advise to you would be to be prepared for what anyone might say. There are a few very vicious threads with a lot of hurt feelings, name calling, etc. associated with this question. Tread lightly my dear, and I wish you all the blessings in the world on your WLS journey.

[S(he) be(lie)ve(d) 151]

Only 4 other people know that I have had the sleeve done and a large hiatal hernia repair. We are very private people and live in a small town. If my SIL knows, the whole town knows. Over the years, it has been a learned lesson with her. In no way am I ashamed of having the surgery done. It is the best decision and gift of life that I could have given myself! For Thanksgiving, I am going to take small amounts of what I want to eat and be done. Our family is so large, nobody really pays any attention to how much you do or don't eat. I'm not really worried about it at all. My business is my business. Simple. Like my hubby says, "I don't tell everyone every time I have to take a poop." Lol!

Everyone is different with how they handle their personal lives. You just have to make the best decision for you. That is what matters most.

[DizzyLib 45]

Nobody has "a right" to your surgery information.

It's up to you to choose who you share this with...hopefully people that will be supportive. No else needs to know.

You do need "an answer" though as more people comment on your weight loss.

I am going to say "I've cut out all sugar, eat much less and taken up walking 6 days a week" and will stick to that.

That is not lying. Just be comfortable with what you tell people and stick to the same answer for everyone.

Tell them you are under a Dietitian's care.

All the best, I can't wait to join you!

[SuperDave 1,115]

From what I have read here, most people consider this a private matter and don't tell many others. I have been the opposite. I really don't care if someone knows I had weight loss surgery. It is what I felt was best for me, and that is that. Mind you, I'm not shouting in the streets or anything, but if asked, I tell. Reactions are mostly positive, but there are a few people in world who know everything about everything and know that I was wrong to do it. That's fine. This is about me, not them. Like I could give a #@*! what they think anyway!

[SuperDave 1,115]

I should add to that, I'm not saying my way is the right way. Just that it is the right way for me.

[veronicalynnnnnnn 35]

I'm three weeks out and I didn't tell anyone but my husband and my mother pre surgery. After I've told a few strangers (retail people, the guys at gnc) I don't like it. I will have my tiny meal on thanksgiving and that'll be it. My generic response for not eating is if I don't change my habits nothing will change, then I go for a walk. I love losing and am actually down about 30 lbs in the three weeks post op.

[carolinda2815 5]

I've been very open about it because nobody slims down so fast without surgery specially being very overweight. To each his own but I'm happy and proud of saying it because I took a conscious decision and improved my life. Like I call my scars my battle wounds because at the end of the day it was a healthy decision and not vanity. I feel amazing and I'm happy to share my journey. It depends how close you are with your family but I've been very open with mine and they've all been very happy for me. I understand strangers but family is there to support you. And hiding that may cause unnecessary drama. That's my opinion.

Edited November 22, 2014 by carolinda2815

[Miss Mac 6,261]

I heard this from the pulpit once: You don't have to lie; you just don't have to tell everything you know.

Do you think that celebrities are obligated to answer every nosey question asked by the paparazzi? Just think of your Thanksgiving company and nosey acquaintances as paparazzi with a camera in your face, and react in the way you see fit.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I tell anyone who asks. For me, I'm pretty independent and have a strong streak of "IDGAF what anyone thinks about how I live my life." I like the fact that I might be directly or indirectly leading people to actually consider a step that could change their lives in a really positive way. When discussing weight loss and surgery, I also stress the importance, for me, of staying on a high Protein, low carb diet and tracking everything I eat on MFP. I don't want people to think that surgery is magical and you don't have to do any extra work besides showing up at the hospital -- at least most of us don't! Also, even for people who aren't going to have surgery for whatever reason, those options might prove helpful.

All that said, I absolutely understand why some people choose to keep it private and I totally respect that. You have to do what works for you.

Edited November 22, 2014 by Bufflehead

[finediva 979]

Oh yes, as@@GreenEyes604 said, thread very lightly, and be prepared for the support, accusations and judgement. Best.

[AlanaRN 419]

I've told a lot of people about my surgery. However if someone questions that I don't want to discuss with, I just say low carb, low fat and no sugar.

[Change it up 62]

I only told my 2 kids, my hub, 2 sisters and a friend about my surgery. I figure it's a private thing. When people ask me how I'm loosing weight, I tell them the truth.....I am following a high Protein, low carb diet. Enough said!

[lovelytrl 162]

No one needs to know but they will see how little you eat and ask questions. It's hard to hide it at the dinner table unless you hide it through conversation. Good luck!

[maxcimax 220]

I have told everyone who asks. I haven't had any negative responses. My daughter is hosting Thanksgiving at her house & her in-laws are coming so who knows what the mother-in-law will say. She can be pretty negative about stuff. She might weigh 110 lbs dripping wet but she has never made any comments about my weight. She will mostly be curious so I will enlighten her.