Why are some weight loss surgery patients so clueless?

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

SEEN ON ANOTHER FORUM: A woman who recently had VSG surgery in Mexico saw three of her fellow patients -- the morning after they all had surgery -- mixing up and eating their prescribed chicken broth with scrambled eggs and refried Beans. All the patients had been given written instructions on what to eat and what not to eat post-op.

which is why insurance companies require people jump through certain hoops before they have surgery.

[crazyweight 29]

I just want to say that some of you are REALLY judgemental. Everyone has a different journey, everyone has different experiences.

Here is what happened to me: I did surgery at a private hospital in Israel. All my instructions were given out in google-translated English and we did not need 6 months prior counseling, nor did we need a liquid diet, nor did I need to meet with a psychiatrist. I had exactly one meeting with a NUT who barely spoke English. None of these were really a downfall however, and thankfully I have managed to lose a significant amount of weight.

What I did struggle with, however, was that about 4-5 days after coming home (I have three kids) everyone was stuffing their face and having a party. And I ate exactly one tiny pretzel that I chewed into pieces. And you know what? It didn't hurt, it tasted good and I was fine.. What happened next was not OK though- I really was panicked that my sleeve wasn't working, or I had ruined it. I NEEDED support desperately from people who had BTDT, and I made the mistake of posting on here. I got exactly one piece of support and the rest ridiculed/ derided/mocked or basically told me how stupid I was for doing so. Ummmm people f**k up- didn't many of us screw up somewhere to be in need of surgery to begin with? I think this board is great for questions, but you know what? Sometimes people make mistakes. And need support for those mistakes, not to be ridiculed or made fun of or be called out for being stupid.

Had someone said to me back then- "you know, you shouldn't have eaten it, but you haven't ruined your sleeve- PM me if you need to talk in future" that would have done a lot more for my self-esteem and support through the process than all the people who told me I was dumb and I shouldn't have done surgery to begin with etc.. etc..

It is HARD to have little kids who wander round with food and not feel inclined to touch any of it despite having basically been on a fast for at least a week prior. It is HARD to make dinner and smell something yummy and not touch it. Yes, you should realise all thise before you do surgery, but realising something and living it are two very different things. And, quite frankly, if you cannot be in a place to give constructive support to someone who is likely going through a really low point in their lives, look away and move on. Don't mock or deride- keep it in your head or write it on a private chat or FB status. Those of us who feel like we failed at some point need help, not more mocking thrown their way.

To be clear- I am in no way advocating someone to stuff their faces right after surgery - or any point ever after surgery (I am one of the very few who suffers/ed from dumping syndrome after the sleeve) or eat stuff they shouldn't. I am just askign that people on this board be gentle and kind to people who have made a mistake. If you want to be supportive- help them get back on the right track in a kind way.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Crazyweight, we are kind here. If not for Bariatric Pal where would you go for support? Thousands and thousands and thousands of posts prove the kindness here. I have posted almost 2,000 posts. You have posted 12. I will continue as an old lady to help whomever I can, to encourage, to whine, to be happy, to be sad, to cheer, to say omg please please do not eat that pizza one week after surgery. For gosh sake, we are human beings and we ask for opinions and we get them. We give them and either someone likes it or is offended. Maybe if someone wants to eat pretzels, pizza, pureed wontons, and french fries a week after surgery, you should not say omg I just ate this stuff. Keep it to yourself or call your surgeon. Many, many people here post what they ate and gentle souls say move on and are supportive. Best to everyone.

[crazyweight 29]

I did not mean to offend- I am simply pointing out that until someone has walked a mile in someones shows, you cannot judge them. What is simple for you might not be simple for me and vice versa. If you are supportive and say move on, then I wish you had been the one to see my post when I needed help

My point is- if someone is really worried they ruined their sleeve, instead of turning them into a joke or berating them, wouldn't it be nicer if the community gently explained what they did wrong and offered help instead of screaming down at them when they clearly already feel bad enough?

I know I only have 12 posts btw, but I lurk a lot. I am only 2.5 months out, so what use can I really be as of yet?

Edited August 5, 2014 by crazyweight

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

crazyweight,

I don't remember seeing the thread in which you sought help. I'm sorry you sought help and were ridiculed.

Edited August 5, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I did not mean to offend- I am simply pointing out that until someone has walked a mile in someones shows, you cannot judge them. What is simple for you might not be simple for me and vice versa. If you are supportive and say move on, then I wish you had been the one to see my post when I needed help

My point is- if someone is really worried they ruined their sleeve, instead of turning them into a joke or berating them, wouldn't it be nicer if the community gently explained what they did wrong and offered help instead of screaming down at them when they clearly already feel bad enough?

I know I only have 12 posts btw, but I lurk a lot. I am only 2.5 months out, so what use can I really be as of yet?

You can be an inspiration to many here whether or not you have even had surgery. I lurked a long time also. But we all have something to contribute. Relax and move on and be a blessing to the masses here. It will make you feel good.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

All you need is one person to make you feel like you are the bottom of the heap. We have dealt with so much and been through so much that it does not take a lot to bring a patient down.

How many times did we all try and fail at different diets. I would almost say that that is the biggest issue that haunts us all on here. And when mistakes are made do we get the best results by putting people down or by encouraging them to do better..

You catch more flies with honey then vinegar...Same on here!

[hopeful one 86]

Dear Crazyweight, I too feel that some are on here that can be very cold but for the most part they are wonderful, but I feel where you are coming from , and in my post that I posted about a week ago, I talked about this very thing, No one knows what anyone has been thru, I for one have a 6 month time period and all I am doing is being educated and for the ones who don't have this my heart goes out to them. Please know that I may not know much about all of this but if you ever just need to talk about anything message me and I will listen and we can help each other.

[mi75 1,235]

I hope that like me, most everybody here has NOT gotten negative comments or feedback. i have generally gotten mostly positive responses.

i am also THRILLED to give answers and responses. in nursing school i was told that my BIGGEST gift was that of teaching and education. i am so happy i can use my experiences to help others through this awesome journey!

one thing that i HAVE noticed is that anytime the topic of carbohydrates comes onto the boards, there are definitely some folks out there that love to express the fact that maybe those that choose to have some carbs ( for ME, it's on my physician ordered eating plan, and part of my bariatric center's program!) aren't totally dedicated. that's one topic that seems to bring out some ugly comments.

i spend a lot of time on the boards and have read a LOT of topics...i think that there are many wonderful people here and i feel very blessed to have so much help available to me!

[crazyweight 29]

Just to be clear- I re-read the thread that upset me. It really wasn't that bad.. I think that the problem is that we simply don't know where a persons headspace is at when they are writing their message of help- if someone is in a really bad headspace, by giving constructive criticism someone could be really hurt by the comments... I was really hurt then, but if I saw it now after posting a comment I would not be.

My feeling is that if someone is really new, and just a week or two out of surgery, I would have preferred a gentler hand. Once someone is 2-3 months out, bring on the toughness

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

I remember my first 1-2 posts. I remember perceiving someone saying something to me that I felt was negative and hurtful, and I took the wrong way. That person is now someone I adore and admire. Learn from my experience, please.

[crazyweight 29]

I remember my first 1-2 posts. I remember perceiving someone saying something to me that I felt was negative and hurtful, and I took the wrong way. That person is now someone I adore and admire. Learn from my experience, please.

Yup. This.

[Julie norton 2,850]

Linda. You are so kind! We all have something to offer and we all can learn from each other. People sometimes want help. Others want to rant.

Emotions run high. Especially when we don't have our crutch we have used to excess. Food!

I have found nice support and ignored ranters

A nice food tip was the 60 calorie no fat bars offered by the box frozen. At Dairy Queen Would not have ever known that. Certainly not my choice 7 years ago. But now. Life is different and I'm thankful to not fight food everyday'

[terry1118 1,274]

It's way too easy to take offense at the written word. So much is missing - tone of voice, context, other clues meant to lighten what we say. Take it all with a grain of salt and keep in mind that these are merely opinions from people you don't know based on what little is provided (because we don't know you). For the most part we are not medical professionals. All we can do is base our opinions on our own personal experience which may not be anything like yours. We are ALL different. And it's not all bad - we can pick and choose the information which fits our own situations. For all important questions our first source of information should ALWAYS be our own medical provider. Best of luck to all in your journey! :-)

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Linda. You are so kind! We all have something to offer and we all can learn from each other. People sometimes want help. Others want to rant.

Emotions run high. Especially when we don't have our crutch we have used to excess. Food!

I have found nice support and ignored ranters

A nice food tip was the 60 calorie no fat bars offered by the box frozen. At Dairy Queen Would not have ever known that. Certainly not my choice 7 years ago. But now. Life is different and I'm thankful to not fight food everyday'

How sweet Julie. Emotions do run high sometimes. Life, kids, jobs, friends, and family can be stressful. I am beyond the worst stresses of my life, and if I shared you would agree. 7 years, wow, you can teach us things! God Bless!