Why are some weight loss surgery patients so clueless?

[Chatterboxa86 5]

VSGAANN2014...I agree with your assessment. It's like ok, I've had the surgery and that takes care of the fat. Now that I don't have to worry about that anymore, back to real life eating and drinking. Wake up and smell the coffee!! This is a forever battle. The surgery is just a little help!

I totally agree too...thanks for saying it so clearly. I'm an Aussie sleeved patient who was given a very clear understanding of the commitment to lifestyle change & that it is your responsibility to look after yourself (healthy food choices & exercise), with the assistance of a team who work in the practice (psychologist, dietitian, surgeon, Doctor GP, & Nurse Educator). Does this not happen else where?

I respond with the question of personal care vs motivation that posts are asking about alcohol or chocolate consumption for example. I personally want to be well, healthy & within a normal health range that I abstain from these items.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Some of us have had the stuffing kicked out of us before surgery and then after with every complication known to man except maybe dying...( working on it )

I can't stand the I know better then everyone else attitude....Yes this is WLS and it is a Forum to talk about WLS but not the place to tell it like it is no matter what the cost!

I still think and will always think that there are two ways of saying things... One kind and one not so kind..And back to the original post...No I don't think people who ask questions are clueless. I think that people who continuously make threads regarding people asking repeated questions is just not nice.

I think that it leaves it wide open for us to wonder if she/he is talking about the question I posed.....Have a heart and it will come back to you ten fold!

Going to bed now!

Good night fellow WLS patients....Hope all have wonderful dreams!!!!!!

[Jersrose43 837]

I did not mean to offend- I am simply pointing out that until someone has walked a mile in someones shows, you cannot judge them. What is simple for you might not be simple for me and vice versa. If you are supportive and say move on, then I wish you had been the one to see my post when I needed help My point is- if someone is really worried they ruined their sleeve, instead of turning them into a joke or berating them, wouldn't it be nicer if the community gently explained what they did wrong and offered help instead of screaming down at them when they clearly already feel bad enough? I know I only have 12 posts btw, but I lurk a lot. I am only 2.5 months out, so what use can I really be as of yet?

I am so sorry you felt this way and hope you can come back and post galore.

I am 7 weeks out and post lots.

I am also sorry you didn't get the support you needed from your health care providers. This is my serious objection to doing surgery outside of the us. And further a serious problem we have in not advocating for ourself as a patient.

We are entitled to good healthcare and damned if I am not gonna get it. Everyone should. It's a basic right. Not everyone can or wants or knows how to advocate for themselves which is why they come here sometimes looking for help.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

* * *

And back to the original post...No I don't think people who ask questions are clueless. I think that people who continuously make threads regarding people asking repeated questions is just not nice.

I think that it leaves it wide open for us to wonder if she/he is talking about the question if at I posed.....

RJ, it's clear this thread offends you.

But it's not OK for you to misquote the opening post (by me).

I also wonder if you've confused me with someone else.

FTR, I did NOT say that "people who ask questions are clueless." Nor did I criticize people who post repeated questions. I said:

I'm surprised at some of the questions I see here and on other WLS boards from new VSG patients, like ...

* I just had VSG surgery. What am I supposed to eat now?

* My surgeon says not to drink alcohol until X months out. Can I drink now anyway?

* When can I start eating ice cream?

* I'm four days out and just had chicken McNuggets. Have I damaged my sleeve?

* If you plan to drink heavily, first take a Percocet to calm your stomach.

I totally get that, even pre-op, this surgery can sometimes be overwhelming. But some patients' questions suggest that even though they've just undergone major surgery they haven't read their post-op instructions, understood their instructions, don't believe what could happen to them if they don't follow instructions, or maybe they just never received any instructions at all.

Weird!

I further clarified the OP ...

Just to clarify -- I'm NOT talking about things all new sleevers want to know, like tips for getting all your Water down, which Protein shakes taste best and where to buy them, what are some safe, early exercise regimens, what does "the new full" feel like, etc.

Edited August 6, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The chances of me changing who I am, mulling over every thought I have before I post it wondering if someone is going to get their feelings hurt because they are hangry/confused/freshly post op and hormonal/on the rag/overwhelmed/have a hangnail/etc. is slim to none.

When I post, it is from my experience and what I've learned along the way. I feel no need to lament endlessly about MY complications, about MY struggles, about MY emotions, because it's not always about ME, it's about the question asked. In turn, my answer is not always about the person asking the question either. Consider all the self confessed lurkers... They are learning from the variety of answers given, too. They are in different phases of experience so my answer may apply more them than the person asking. Who knows?

I am who I am. People like me or they don't. That's ok. The longer you hang around here, the more you get to know the "players" or "cast of characters". Who you tend to gravitate to and who you usually avoid depends on you and your sensitivity level. I'm not wishy washy nor am I a hand holder. I see no need to change that because someone else already plays that part.

Edited August 6, 2014 by LipstickLady

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Your title says " Why are some patients so clueless. If you are not saying it then what is it in your title for....I am not offended by what you wrote or anything about you.....you too offer so much to this community and are valuable to say the least @@VSGAnn2014 I have never seen you on the attack and I know that you take this journey very seriously.

I guess for me it is all about the people who post here because they just don't understand the way it has been explained by the first, second or third person.

Why just last night I found out some terminology concerning concerning my latest complication and it was finally explained to me so that I understood......Yup I guess I was clueless the 20 times the surgeon tried to explain it to me....Now I know I am in deep doo, doo this time.....

If I had asked and asked several times on here about it like I did in my life how would people have responded. Would I have finally got the straight, harsh by the book answer....I have before and I did not like it...I felt stupid and like I did not belong to the site...

Well okay maybe I am a hand holder. but you know what I can sleep at night.. Because I used to be the tell it like it is gal and I did not like me ...So be it! That is me....I too am a ford..like me or don't.....But in here I hope people feel safe enough to ask even the silly questions over and over again....That is a forum. It is going to happen and if you think I think less of you because you posted it..You are wrong...I don't spend my time feeling like that...

I am trying to get healthy....inch by inch and step by step like most people on here. Like you too......

I think sometimes when the path is easier for some it is fact and the way it is....People who have hit the hard road on this journey tend to be more the other way...You don't know unless you have traveled the other I think. I would have loved to have had it a hop skip and a jump. But no! So I have all kinds of fears and I hope that if I mention them here that the ones that feel it is repeated and repeated and repeated question. Or comments like my complications through this that they don't roll their eyes and say oh god here she goes again.. boo hoo!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I sleep at night just fine.

I am not one to judge whose path is easier and whose is more difficult. Some of us don't want or need the attention that "complaining" about our own complications might bring. It's extremely unfair and slightly offensive to imply that people who have a "harder road" are kinder or gentler. Just because one doesn't post every detail of their journey doesn't mean it's all been roses and sunshine. Just a thought...

[par1959 470]

RJ when people ask if the cheesburger they ate on day 3 was OK, they are clueless. If one cant handle the truth then they should find somebody to cuddle them and lie to them by telling them everything is OK. Your not going to find much of that in this support group. Most of us are very serious and plan to reach our goals. Before starting this process one should have done their homework and understood this is NOT an easy way out and it takes hard work and dedication to be sucessfull. Being clueless isnt the smart thing to do.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I sleep at night just fine.

I am not one to judge whose path is easier and whose is more difficult. Some of us don't want or need the attention that "complaining" about our own complications might bring. It's extremely unfair and slightly offensive to imply that people who have a "harder road" are kinder or gentler. Just because one doesn't post every detail of their journey doesn't mean it's all been roses and sunshine. Just a thought...

Thank you for your input on my comments!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

RJ when people ask if the cheesburger they ate on day 3 was OK, they are clueless. If one cant handle the truth then they should find somebody to cuddle them and lie to them by telling them everything is OK. Your not going to find much of that in this support group. Most of us are very serious and plan to reach our goals. Before starting this process one should have done their homework and understood this is NOT an easy way out and it takes hard work and dedication to be sucessfull. Being clueless isnt the smart thing to do.

I agree with this 100 %. I am not referring to those who ate a cheese burger three days out....But there are times when some just don't get it and need different ways of it being posted maybe by someone else......I understand your comments and thank you for them......They are true and helpful...

Like I have said over and over again....Sometimes it is how we say things that get the desired effect.

[Forsythia 882]

I had to do a mandatory six month program with my insurance, and my surgeon also required us to go through a six month program to to even be considered. But I am glad I had that six months. Each month we would have nutrition classes, we'd go over good and bad. I had psych evals and couldn't gain any weight over my start weight lest I get sent back to remedial classes. It was a good thing and really prepared me mentally for this process. Because it's a process. The surgery won't work unless you follow the process! And for surgeons to give people no guidelines post op is mind boggling.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a saint. Occasionally I will have pizza or go to Starbucks and get a giant iced coffee. But by and large I follow the plan. I go to the gym 5 days a week and put in the hard work. I still have all of the nutrition instructions the nutritionist gave me and refer back to them if I have questions. I'm not interested in going back to 312 lbs (where I started in my program) or even worse, my all time high of 335. I do not want to go back on my diabetes medications. I don't want to have a heart attack and die.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Forsythia I didn't have to do a mandatory pre op thing but I chose a surgical practice that requires 2 year follow up. It made a big difference. Your attitude that you want to LIVE and enjoy life and that is more important than any food is the mindset that will achieve your goals!

[Forsythia 882]

I have a follow up this month with my surgeon, and then a follow up with the nutritionist next month. Realistically both are short check ins, but it is nice to have that - to touch base and make sure I am on track! Having the surgery and having no post operative support seems to me like Wyle E Coyote when he runs off a cliff and realizes he is over nothing but sky.

Also, it's way easier to enjoy life when walking up a flight of stairs doesn't make you want to die!

[jjinWA 511]

RJ, post your concerns, comments, advice, questions, etc anytime you want. I love reading the kinder gentler version that you present. Your posts are helpful, motivating, and always said with kindness. I am often surprised by some of the more caustic posts I have read on this site. Personalities are what they are and in most if not all cases I think these posts are not meant with malice, BUT placing thought in how the response to these posts might be taken is not always considered before they hit the 'send' button. Because these posts are via text and not face to face, sometimes the words can appear to be a bit sharp when in fact it may not have been meant that way. My company required all of their staff to take a class on how to present your case via email. Again this is because with out the face to face interaction, words alone can be perceived very differently then what it was intended.

I wish you the best in your recovery through all the complications you have faced and I for one thank you for your honesty and willingness to share your journey with us. Because even if you might be talking about 'yourself' there are likely many out there who are reading, relating, and desire the information that you are posting.

[7 Bites_Jen 479]

I had to do a mandatory six month program with my insurance, and my surgeon also required us to go through a six month program to to even be considered.

I think this is brilliant and that more people need this kind of thing! Maybe not a 6 month program, but at least 1-3 months. The education prior to surgery is HORRIBLE. Yes, we can google everything now, but sometimes it takes months to even know where to look.