Why are some weight loss surgery patients so clueless?

[Sandstress51 19]

I can't conceive of the idea of someone being approved for this surgery if they were not well informed, committed, and ready to make a lifestyle change. No alcohol means NO ALCOHOL. You can't have this surgery and expect to go back to your old lifestyle. Why would you go through all this (I'm still waiting for my date) and risk it all on a hamburger or a cocktail?? I'm so concerned about making sure I get all my Protein and Water in, keep up with exercise, and loose skin that I can't even think about what can I eat when. It's a little nerve racking to read some of the questions, but for the most part it is good to see that others have the same questions and concerns that I have. I have found this forum to be informative and heartwarming. But I 'gotta' tell you guys...I'm hearing conflicting stories about loose skin. Some say you will definitely have lots of it - others say it depends on your start weight and your goal weight. I'm 255 lbs @ 5/4" and my goal weight is 170. Will I have a lot of loose skin?? I'm also afraid of lots of face wrinkling and turkey double chin and neck. I'm not to concerned about how I will heal because I intend to follow doctor's orders, dietician's orders, and rheumatologist's orders. Ay ay ay - the vanity!

I just assume they're asking a question they don't know the answer to and want to see if anyone is willing to answer, it really doesn't bother me. In my job I deal with people of all levels of intelligence and so what seems crystal clear to some is going to be confusing and a gray area to others.

Since quite a large number of people who have weight loss surgery lose weight and gain it all back I think it's an opportunity for us to support each other and provide as much good information as we can with as little judgment as possible.

As to why they'd commit to such a big surgery without a lot of research and reflection? Myriad reasons, I would imagine. Again, I think we're all assuming everyone has above average intelligence and self awareness and a lot of people simply do not. They may be feeling so desperate to lose weight they don't consider consequences or how much work really goes into it. Maybe they know someone who breezed through WLS and think they can too. As many reasons and you have people who do it.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I lost 130 pounds at age 28. Loose skin, not so much. I'm 53 now and have lost over 80 so far. Loose skin, oh yeah. Batwings, turkey neck, wrinkled thighs, belly apron. It's age. I'll probably look into plastics somewhere down the road but doubt if I'll be able to afford it. Maybe a panniculectomy if insurance covers it.

Edited August 25, 2014 by JustWatchMe

[une nouvelle vie 327]

I can't conceive of the idea of someone being approved for this surgery if they were not well informed, committed, and ready to make a lifestyle change. No alcohol means NO ALCOHOL. You can't have this surgery and expect to go back to your old lifestyle. Why would you go through all this (I'm still waiting for my date) and risk it all on a hamburger or a cocktail?? I'm so concerned about making sure I get all my Protein and Water in, keep up with exercise, and loose skin that I can't even think about what can I eat when. It's a little nerve racking to read some of the questions, but for the most part it is good to see that others have the same questions and concerns that I have. I have found this forum to be informative and heartwarming. But I 'gotta' tell you guys...I'm hearing conflicting stories about loose skin. Some say you will definitely have lots of it - others say it depends on your start weight and your goal weight. I'm 255 lbs @ 5/4" and my goal weight is 170. Will I have a lot of loose skin?? I'm also afraid of lots of face wrinkling and turkey double chin and neck. I'm not to concerned about how I will heal because I intend to follow doctor's orders, dietician's orders, and rheumatologist's orders. Ay ay ay - the vanity!

You may not be able to conceive it, but it happens. Also, with self pay there is no approval except the surgeon taking the money. I believe that most are reputable, but I think surgeons are people and there are just as many of them who just want money as any other profession.

As for being incredulous that someone would blow their surgery for a cocktail or a hamburger, I hear what you're saying but I think it's more complicated than that. I mean, didn't we ALL blow our lives for food to get to the point where we needed WLS? Couldn't someone with more self control than I had/have look at me and say "God, look how fat she is. She's putting her life at risk to be so heavy. Why would she risk her life for a hamburger?" They'd be right about me and probably about you and all of us because we DID eat too much and the wrong foods when we knew better. It's easy to say what you would or wouldn't do. It's harder to keep on track and change your life and as the saying goes... the surgeon operates on your stomach, not your head. My head is the same one that decided to eat too many french fries before. It could do the same thing later and foul up what I've worked for.

Why do you think there is such a large number of weight loss surgery patients who lose a ton of weight and gain it alllll back? I'm not usually a superstitious person but I'm afraid of giving myself bad juju by judging someone for their choices lest I be that person who thought I'd be a gastric sleeve superstar but ended up gaining most of my weight back. I don't plan to be that person, but I doubt anyone does.

[Kissifur 244]

I can't conceive of the idea of someone being approved for this surgery if they were not well informed, committed, and ready to make a lifestyle change. No alcohol means NO ALCOHOL. You can't have this surgery and expect to go back to your old lifestyle. Why would you go through all this (I'm still waiting for my date) and risk it all on a hamburger or a cocktail?? I'm so concerned about making sure I get all my Protein and Water in, keep up with exercise, and loose skin that I can't even think about what can I eat when. It's a little nerve racking to read some of the questions, but for the most part it is good to see that others have the same questions and concerns that I have. I have found this forum to be informative and heartwarming. But I 'gotta' tell you guys...I'm hearing conflicting stories about loose skin. Some say you will definitely have lots of it - others say it depends on your start weight and your goal weight. I'm 255 lbs @ 5/4" and my goal weight is 170. Will I have a lot of loose skin?? I'm also afraid of lots of face wrinkling and turkey double chin and neck. I'm not to concerned about how I will heal because I intend to follow doctor's orders, dietician's orders, and rheumatologist's orders. Ay ay ay - the vanity!

I understand what you are saying but it is easy to say what you will and wont do until you are in the situation. Hopefully every goes exactly as you planned and you have perfect journey. However for some that is not the case. The surgery is not a quick fix or a magic pill so why is it expected that people wont stumble especially since many were not successful at previous attempts at weight loss.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I feel like you want a definate answer to a question that is not known.... regarding "how much excess skin will you have".

First of all, your idea of "alot" might be different than mine. Your genetics, your background, your age, how much weight you lose and all that make a difference. Example, I had FAR LESS excess skin when I weighed 180 versus when I got to 150. It was astounding to me what a difference that made. I would have been healthy staying at 180 so that is a viable option too... don't get quite as thin.

As bad as my excess skin seemed to me, after losing over 150# I know it wasn't as bad as some people who lost the same or even less. I have some excess neck skin, but people around me (and I am single and dating) tell me I have a very pretty and youthful face, so maybe it isn't that bad.

I really really really think this is the wrong subject to focus on so early in the game. I did have body plastics and I love my results, but what I mostly love is being healthy, active, trim and just a normal looking woman. It was the weight loss that did that, not the plastics.

I can't conceive of the idea of someone being approved for this surgery if they were not well informed, committed, and ready to make a lifestyle change. No alcohol means NO ALCOHOL. You can't have this surgery and expect to go back to your old lifestyle. Why would you go through all this (I'm still waiting for my date) and risk it all on a hamburger or a cocktail?? I'm so concerned about making sure I get all my Protein and Water in, keep up with exercise, and loose skin that I can't even think about what can I eat when. It's a little nerve racking to read some of the questions, but for the most part it is good to see that others have the same questions and concerns that I have. I have found this forum to be informative and heartwarming. But I 'gotta' tell you guys...I'm hearing conflicting stories about loose skin. Some say you will definitely have lots of it - others say it depends on your start weight and your goal weight. I'm 255 lbs @ 5/4" and my goal weight is 170. Will I have a lot of loose skin?? I'm also afraid of lots of face wrinkling and turkey double chin and neck. I'm not to concerned about how I will heal because I intend to follow doctor's orders, dietician's orders, and rheumatologist's orders. Ay ay ay - the vanity!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

This is not directed at anyone in particular, but it seems to me there is a some "all or nothing" thinking going on here. That is a trait of obese people (including me!) and I don't know why.

The key is finding a healthy lifestyle that supports your health, fitness and "looks" goals that you can sustain. It does not require perfection, but requires continuous focus and efforts.

I was much stricter during weight loss phase, and I live what I consider a "normal skinny woman" life now. I do have a cocktail, I do go out to eat, I just do not habitually over indulge. I do not exercise compuslively, but I am very active every day. I am successfully maintaining below goal and just keep on working that sleeve as best I can while still living a good life. I don't have alot of other options...

[Sandstress51 19]

_{So glad to hear how well you've done. I am happy for you. I hope those of us who are still waiting for a date for surgery are as dedicated and successful as you are. Maybe the whole excess skin thing is a bit much, however a very real concern as it can be bad for you as well as painful. Thank you for your insight.}

[Roostertail2 98]

_{I agree that a lot of questions seem obvious, however, for each of us this is a journey that is scary, exciting and life changing. I am sure that at one point or another each and every person has thought that "they were the only one" going through something. Each person probably thought that they would be the one this wouldn't work for - I know I have! Perhaps some of the questions asked are just the first step in trying to reach out for support. Some people may not have ANY support other than the people in here. I am a newbie - only 3 weeks post op - and I have read and researched this surgery and what to expect more than I did when I bought my home! lol - BUT I am still unsure about some things - unsure if what I am feeling is "normal" or if how I am doing things is the "right" way. Not because I don't have a great team at my surgery center - or a support system at home and work, but because I am human. I am a person trying to better my life by doing something a lot of people think is drastic. I am trying to be the best person I can be - so sometimes I may ask a question twice, or perhaps a question that others may think should be common sense - If I do please forgive me - but maybe it is just a day that I am feeling unsure about things, or perhaps just need reassurance from the only people in the world who truly know what I am going through! The only people who understand that even though I did all of this, I still may desire a cheeseburger! Doesn't mean I am going to eat it (because I know that defeats the purpose) but just because damn it - it looks soooo good! lol}

_{I have noticed that some of the experts in some of these groups almost become "mean" in some of their responses to those of us who are newbies. YOU are our mentors! YOU are the people who we depend on for guidance and support and leadership! We can talk to our doctors, Nuts and the internet all day long - but NOTHING provides us with as much information and direction as YOU DO! You were once in our shoes with the same worries and wonders - so perhaps you should take a step back and remember all those emotions you went through and be a bit more understanding.}

_{With that being said, again I do agree that some of the things asked are perhaps something a person should already know - but I don't know what that person is going through or what information that person has been given, so I don't mind letting them know if I have info that would help them. So ask away!!!}

[une nouvelle vie 327]

Well said, @@Roostertail2

[hopeful one 86]

First let me say Roostertail I agree with you, and now.... I have intentionally stayed off of Bariatricpal.com a lot in the last couple of weeks because of some of these Hateful mouth people. There is no such thing as a STUPID QUESTION when you don't understand everything, and some of the hateful responders really are making this decision hard for some people. For those of you who are Perfect in this Journey ... Why are you on Here? I thought this sight was for people who needed to understand more and for people who were here to try and help the ones who needed more education on this subject. Your hateful mouth responses aren't needed by anyone that needs help. I will be going to my surgeons appt. tomorrow and I will tell them just how it has gotten on this sight as far as the hateful remarks that people are giving to people who need support and help. It isn't up to anyone of us to judge anybody but if someone is asking a question NO MATTER WHAT IT IS OR HOW CRAZY IT SOUNDS TO YOU KNOW IT ALLS, stop and think that some of these people never get the education as some of us do on this journey, sure they can read a book but some of them may not have money to buy the flippin book so to the ones of you that know EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS JOURNEY AND HAVE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE OR ASK A QUESTION TO GET MORE INFO STOP and think before you respond hateful or mean to someone, that person may just be someone who is so depressed that they just need someone to talk to and someone to care and now for any of you who need to ask a question or just want to talk friend me and I will do anything I can to talk with you and answer your questions and if I don't know it we will find the answer , You may send me a message , but please don't let the hateful responders bother you . That is not what this group is all about.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

"Hateful Mouth" sounds awful Hopeful One. How about focusing on the zillions of posts of people helping people, and count your blessings that we all have this wonderful forum to learn from, share, and help others. I do not know what I would have done without the helpful ones )veterans) here, because my surgeon's office had no answers for me once sleeved. Many veterans do step back at times, and you have yet to see why. When you read over and over about someone sleeved 1 week wanting to know when they can have nachos, beer, whiskey and pizza, well darn, it just gets to you after awhile. You, I promise, will see this, the longer you are here. And I know that you will step back, as I do, and let others respond. I dearly love helping others here, to give the positives and negatives of my husband's and my sleeves, and to share, and to learn from others, even at 9 months out. So please be happy, please focus on being positive and keeping this a wonderful forum for all of us. Blessings to all, Linda

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? probably not.

most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like.

online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal. take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? probably not.

most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like.

online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal. take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude.

I think that is a great analogy! Good post!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@hopeful one ...

If posts by specific people are offending you or upsetting you, you can ignore them permanently by using the Ignore function.

At the top of this page in the blue border just click on your underlined name.

Then click on "Settings."

Then scroll down until you see "Ignore Preferences" - click on that.

Then find and use the "Add a New User to My List."

This may make BP a more pleasant experience for you.

Edited August 26, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[Kindle 8,667]

"I will be going to my surgeons appt. tomorrow and I will tell them just how it has gotten on this sight as far as the hateful remarks that people are giving to people who need support and help."

So you are going to run home and "tattle" on us? WTF does your surgeon care about what gets posted on here anyways? And while we're on the subject, If all of the surgeons did their jobs and provided appropriate education and support like they should, their patients wouldn't have to come seeking advice from total strangers on an Internet forum.