Recently Lost a Best Friend Because of My Decision to Get Bariatric Surgery

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

When everyone sees your amazing results, most will just forget all this... it will become ancient history before you know it.

[mrsto 2,925]

At the risk of sounding a bit brash...f**k your "friend". She sounds as if she's dealing with her own "fat acceptance" issues. You don't need those kind of people in your life. She's selfish. She created a whole blog post about YOUR surgery and made it about HER feelings. She doesn't care about you. She was never a friend. Cut that dead weight loose now. You'll feel much lighter when you do.

AMEN!!!

[mrsto 2,925]

I can't sugar coat this..... Your "friend" is a real piece of work; completely narcissistic and delusional. I hope she doesn't drop dead from a stroke or heart attack, while she's feverishly working toward "fat acceptance". I've never read a bigger bunch of b-shit in this forum. She is the poster child for narcissism, and you will be so much better off without her.

[Teachamy 1,042]

Your "friend" makes simply ludicrous claims in her blog, which are centered on her own appearance and self-loathing. She seems to believe that WLS is akin to an eating disorder, which leads me to believe that she has done her own research on the diet. Clearly she has no knowledge about the health benefits of this surgery. I had high bp, sleep apnea, high cholesterol and I have perfectly controlled Type I diabetes. (Which as close to cured as it can be.) I am off all medications (except for insulin and simvistatin for 2 autoimmune diseases) and I am off my C-Pap. So you are justified in believing these issues will be aided by your very brave decision.

Your friend needs to work a little harder on her research. Her eating disorder was not monitored by doctors. Bloodwork was not done to ensure her health needs were being met. To be frank, she is worried your weight loss and beauty will eclipse her and that you would leave her eventually. She has done you a great service by showing her self-involved, selfish and petty nature now. You don't need her. But if I were you, I'd post a response on her blog. I wouldn't be able to hold back!

The very best luck to you!

[StrawberryPolly 43]

This is really a sad situation. She sounds jealous, that her friend is going to be thinner than she is and therefore has lost her reason to be comfortable in her own weight. I feel sorry for her and pray that she will see the real reason for your weight loss. My knee jerk reaction was to think...UGH...she is NOT your friend and just write her off. However, that is not right either. Still be her friend even if she is not yours. You will be a better person for standing your ground and being ready to be there when she realizes that your friendship really does mean a lot to her. You are hurt and she is hurt. The one who really knows what a best friend is will the happier. God bless both of you.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@@Sharon C. I'm happy you've gotten so much support and encouragement. I just went and read your former friend's blog. From her writing, it sounds like she is very insecure about herself and she would rather hide her head in the sand and say she's healthy and happy at her weight than have someone around who might topple that giant house of cards. She says she's fighting with compassion and science but her post about you doesn't do any of that.

She believes in fat acceptance but won't accept you if you don't. She spouts all this stuff about being healthy at any weight while science proves exactly the opposite.

I think it's really sad you got dumped on this way but you can surround yourself with people who will support your health.

Best wishes!

[Wayne Hunt 59]

One of my best friends recently found out that I'm in the process of getting bariatric surgery and is vehemently opposed to it. I have to do 6 months of medically supervised weight loss, and I'm hoping to get the surgery in October. She wrote about me on her blog AND emailed me a list of 10 reasons why I should not get the surgery. She calls it "cosmetic" surgery. She no longer wants to be friends with me, and I hate that I'm losing her friendship, but I'm doing this for my health, well-being, and quality of life,

With respect, she doesn't sound like much of a friend to start with. Either that, or she has her own demons to deal with regarding her own weight or self-image. There are a million potential reasons that she's being a jerk, but your decision is your own, for your own reasons. She just has to deal with her own decisions.

Either way, it's not your fault, and don't let it be your problem.

Good luck,

Wayne

[Jenn091308 1]

I am sorry that you lost a friend, but if this is the way she feels then you are better off without her. Obviously she can't see the bigger picture, that WLS surgery isn't about changing the way we look. It is solely about getting healthy, becoming thinner is just an added benefit. Is it so wrong that you want to extend your life?

[cryss 96]

In the end, after all these heartfelt responses, who carries this burden is totally up to you. I think of the Cherokee story of feeding the right wolf, as well as the stories from the far east about who carried the woman over the river...

In the end, it doesnt matter who was injusticed, who was a bad friend, who is the person who has some life lessons to walk through before finding their power... at the end of the day, you can choose to carry the hurt, or to acknowledge the hurt and move on.

Shedding the emotinoal baggage is must like shedding the pounds. We are happier and healther if we do not carry extra baggage.

Bless you on your journey as you continue to walk within your Power and find your life balance.

Hopefully your friend (they were your friend at one time, so I refer to the time things were good) will make the right choices when the universe places learning opportunities in their path. But that is not on you, nor is it your lesson to learn at this time.

What matters is what you see in the physical and proverbial mirrors of your sanctuary.

What matters is that you smile with what you see, with gratitude and grace.

Edited May 27, 2014 by cryss

[PdxMan 4,292]

To me, this sounds like a classic method of one person attempting to exercise control over another. It also reminds me of classic playground tactics of control. "If you don't play jump rope with me, then I am not going to be your friend!" We all have that craving for friendship and question ourselves if we are made to think OUR behavior is the issue, when, in fact, it is the other person's insecurities.

This is her issue, so don't make it yours. I think you will find, over time, this was a good move for not only you, but for her as well as she begins to see the costs of her behavior. If she truly has any love for you or your friendship, this will pass, but it will take far longer than you expect.

[Mississippi Girl 124]

Wow!!! Again, there is nothing I can write that you've not already heard. However, i felt the need to encourage you once more. Clearly, your friend has snakes in her head and does not understand the first thing about unconditional love. She wanted to be your best friend when you allowed her to control you. Once you decided to make a decision you needed to make for yourself and your health, she bailed. Thank God she did. He is protecting you from something…..Try not to look at it as a loss, but a gain. There is something better out there for you and you're being prepared as you read this. It's obvious that if your friend got so bent out of shape and jealous over this…you health and life, then she get's upset over smaller things as well. She did you a favor. It's her loss, not yours. You're an amazingly beautiful young lady. I wish I had done this years ago. I can't get stuck on that though. I did it. I'm happy I did and that's that. I pray you will have a wonderful weight loss journey. When you get to missing that friend, just sign on here. We all love you!

[millergirl314 168]

So sorry SHE made a very bad choice in discarding your friendship. You should email her the definition from the dictionary.

[Lakish Rivera 2]

You do not need people in your life that is going to bring you down due to there own lack of self confidence. She obviously has issues and your health and well being is more important. There are plenty of people willing to be your friend. If she really was a friend she would understand the health risk of being over weight.

[allielee 263]

Holy Sh*t balls!! That girl is off the hook jealous and in denial. I've been morbidly obese and I have been thin, there is NO comparison thin is better. I was happy as a fat person but every fat person wishes they were thin. It's a disease! I am so much happier being thinner.. I feel confidant and I know no one is judging me or laughing at me.. People actually are excited to meet me. Any fat person who thinks they are perfectly fine are lying.. They have just given up. I know. It's exhausting.. I was 300 pounds. I thought I was fine. I knew I wasn't. You need to surround yourself with positive people and babe she sure isn't one. Sorry you had to get such a nasty email I am sure that had to really hurt. Be proud of the choice you made! You will look back on that email and look at your new life and laugh at how ridiculous she is.. Good luck and pm me if you need any help! ❤️

[ncbabygurl76 11]

I am sorry that u have such an ignorant person in your life. I am about 4 months out from having gastric bypass. I have lost over 70 lbs from when I started. I was unable to play with my son but now can and LOVE IT. I was in perfect health other than having a BMI of 50 and knees hurting all the time. I would have to say this is to make u better and if she cant be there fir u she never was a real true friend to start with.