Teaching an ole' dog new tricks..........

[BRANDNEWME813 23]

“Daddy, why do you have such a big belly?” innocently asked by my precocious five year old Son Connor, that was the spark that lit the fuse to my deciding to change my life. Sometimes we need not be shouted at to be shaken from a slumber. Sometimes a whisper is louder than a shout. A few months back, I was walking through life in a perpetual haze. I believed I was a happy individual, I am surrounded by a loving Wife, amazing children, and a diverse and loving group of friends & family. I was however overlooking the fact that I was physically careening down a slope at breakneck speed. I have always been a large, “big-boned”, individual. For most of my adult life I was able to deflect my rapidly increasing waist line by using self-deprecating humor and sarcasm as a protective shield. I was the definition of the happy go lucky fat man. I was the go to BBQ guy, the first to crack a beer with you, the first to grab that extra slice of pizza; I began to believe it was what was expected of me. At least I told myself that as a pathetic excuse to allow myself to continue to indulge in excess. Over the years, many people have expressed disbelief when I revealed my weight when asked. I often hear things like, you carry it so well, there is no way you weigh that much…as if I would choose to add extra pounds for some reason. I incorporated this as a defense mechanism, and lied repeatedly to myself that my weight wasn’t that bad.

On the inside, I was fighting every day to try and do the “right thing”, and try to somewhat live a healthy lifestyle. I knew what to eat, how to eat, when to eat…but choosing to follow what I knew would work was not something I could do for an extended period of time. I am not ashamed to say that I was weak in spirit, I had no will power, and realistically I still don’t. But, I knew I was treading into uncharted territory, weight wise. I was easily winded, my knees creaked, my back hurt, and that doesn’t cover my fear of what might possibly be going on that I couldn’t physically feel. I tried to play in a flag football tournament and failed miserably, I dreaded carrying my own Daughter to bed; even kneeling by the tub to bath the kids was a nightmare.

So, when my Son asked me that simple question, and I had no intelligent answer, only excuses, I decided enough was enough. I am not above asking for help, I am honest with myself, and I knew that the changes I wanted to make, I could not make alone. I decided to explore Bariatric surgery as a tool to help me save my life. After considering the several options available, I decided that Lap Band surgery would be the best fit for me. Once I made that decision, and embraced it, my mind turned to the endless possibilities that would stand before me. The truth is I am not changing to look good on the beach, or to wear a certain pant size. Yes, truth be told, these will be wonderful benefits of changing my lifestyle, but there are three reasons for my wake up call. My Wife & my kids, there it is, the definitive reason. The reason that I breathe, the reason that I wake up every morning, the reason why I will do whatever is needed to give them the best of me that I possibly can.

Now, I expected to meet some resistance to my decision, and I have not been disappointed in that regard. Some people see weight loss surgery as cheating, or as an easy way out, that you don’t have the will power needed to do it on your own. To that I say, then using the gym is cheating, buying $100.00 running shoes is cheating, eating low fat food is cheating, they are all tools to help you get to where you want to go. For someone with food issues, mental, as well as physical, weight loss surgery is nothing but a tool to help you get off to a good start on a new life. It is not a magic trick; you do not have surgery and wake up 70lbs less than the day before. You have to eat right, exercise, make good decisions, just like anyone else trying to live right. Telling someone that weight loss surgery is cheating, is the same as telling an alcoholic that AA is cheating, they are simply tools designed to help you meet a need. I am not trying to fool anyone, especially myself; I do not have the will power to walk this alone. I am not ashamed to say that I need every tool in the box to help me be who I want to be. To be honest with you, I have never been overly concerned with the opinions of others, if I know in my heart that something is right for me, then all else be damned. I know in my heart, that I will be adding years to my life, and I don’t care how I get it done, or how anyone feels about my choice.

At the end of the day, I want to look my Wife and kids in the eye, and have them know that Daddy is doing everything in his power to be there for them. I dream of doing the simple things that many overlook, or take for granted, running a 5K, playing sports with my kids, carrying my sleeping Daughter up a flight of stairs without wincing in pain. I have many inspiring people in my circle, friends, family, especially my Wife, who has shown me that change is possible and given me the blueprint to work off of. I look forward to the day, in the not too distant future, when I can update you all about the new me.

For now, I leave you with the latest steps I have taken on the path to living right. Yesterday I began a 2/3 week diet before I have surgery. My Surgeon has submitted the paperwork to my insurance provider and we wait patiently for them to sign off. After that, we will hopefully green light surgery for some point over the next few weeks. I know many of you are privy to my journey; I just wanted to share with as many people as possible, and hopefully inspire others to take the proverbial bull by the horns.

[SillyAuntDi 1,610]

Welcome to the family! Our stories are so similar...especially about walking through life in a haze. I feel like I was sleepwalking through my life prior to the band. I would wake up for a moment, realize what I was doing to myself but avoid the situation by going back to sleep. I finally woke up about this time last year, had surgery in September and have totally changed my life.

My advice to you is this: Listen first and foremost to your doctor. Ask lots of questions before and after surgery. Follow his plan.

We are here for encouragement and a swift kick in the pants when needed

You are going to do amazing things, friend!

[Terri160 11]

Love it. I just had my surgery last Wednesday. I just got done giving my surgeon's information to an employee of mine for her husband. That's the response I've been getting from folks. And she's thinking about it herself. People for the most part would love to get this surgery. it's becoming a way of life now. It has truly become "uncool" to be fat when you can do something about it. We are on our way and I'm glad we can inspire other to make this decision. Good luck to you! God bless.

[rosettag 122]

I've read your post as if it were the first chapter of a novel

The novel of your life, many more chapters to write.

I wish you luck, happiness, recovery

[Bandista 7,466]

Congratulations on choosing yourself and your healthy future so you'll be there for your beautiful family. Very inspiring post -- you write so well and every sentence resonates. Good luck with the process. Keep taking deep breaths when there are a lot of appointments, etc., and you are going to rock the pre-op. For me that was the first time I lost a chunk of weight that I knew was never coming back. Best wishes as this new chapter unfolds! My life is so much easier now. It's wonderful being at peace with food.