Family can be difficult

[charlie707 10]

So my parents, my wife and my roommate all don't understand why I am going through with the surgery. I would think I would get encouragement for quitting smoking, stopping drinking and working towards getting to a healthier weight. Instead I get told how disappointed and upset they are that I am not doing it on my own. I can understand people feeling like it is drastic, even think I could lose the weight on my own. But the truth is so far in life I have only gained. I am not ashamed to admit I need help. I am tried of apnea and all this weight and wish I had support from the people closest to me.

Sorry for going off but I don't think many people would understand.

[aNewTanya 109]

Perhaps it's more fear on their part and not knowing all the details of the surgery? My mom was condescending each time I spoke about the surgery but I found that it was because she had misinformation about the procedure n outcome. She has since changed her views.

You do what you think is best for yourself. No one has to live in your body but you.

[elfnow 277]

There's this perception that surgery is "easy". And it's not!!!! Not one bit!! And it's not guaranteed either!! You still have to work your butt off, it's like everyone says, a "tool" to "HELP" not a fix.

It sucks that your wife isn't on board but maybe she's scared and even jealous! What if you weigh less than her? She might be defining a lot of her own body image by "I'm not as big as-----".

I did the same thing with my partner, and when I was pregnant with our baby, one day around 8 months I realized I was physically bigger than him. And it didn't matter that I was pregnant, I was just kinda horrified. And miserable about it.

Or maybe she wishes she could do surgery too but she's scared / put off by stigma / etc.

Perhaps couples counseling would help you and your wife communicate better? As for your parents, heck with their opinion. They'll realize it's good when you're losing weight!!

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

So my parents, my wife and my roommate all don't understand why I am going through with the surgery. I would think I would get encouragement for quitting smoking, stopping drinking and working towards getting to a healthier weight. Instead I get told how disappointed and upset they are that I am not doing it on my own. I can understand people feeling like it is drastic, even think I could lose the weight on my own. But the truth is so far in life I have only gained. I am not ashamed to admit I need help. I am tried of apnea and all this weight and wish I had support from the people closest to me.

Sorry for going off but I don't think many people would understand.

Charlie, you are choosing a new, healthier lifestyle. My husband looked at WLS 10 years (he has been overweight his entire LIFE) and only when I qualified for the surgery did he finally decide he would do it. Too bad we had to wait til we were 67 and many comorbidities later. He made the decision it was his business and has not told his 30 y/o son, friends, or neighbors. I am glad now that he decided that, because I don't want to listen to anyone's opinion about our life and choices. Good luck. Your family is just scared for you. Hope the cpap machine leaves our house one day!

[Ree 215]

I worried what my family would say, so I didn't tell them. Plus a few years ago when I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my fallopian tube, I had to have surgery and my mother was literally yelling at my husband over the phone telling him to tell the doctors not to take my fallopian tube. My fallopian tube was no good anymore, it ruptured but she didn't want to hear that. All she heard was they were removing something from my body that she didn't believe should be removed. So if I told her I was having a good portion of my stomach removed she would have passed out. So I felt it was better to keep this part of my life private. I'm sorry your family isn't being more supportive. I think its important that your spouse at least be supportive, screw everyone else!

[jallsop 39]

Has your wife explained to you where her lack of support comes from? Is she scared, jealous, think your being selfish? That must be difficult for you....

[Jaime_Boston 44]

I agree with the above. Perhaps she's just scared. Has she done any information sessions with you to better understand? I hear a lot of spouses fear a new image will gain the attention of new spectators... But with a strong healthy marriage - that shouldn't be an issue.

[re14768 72]

I'm going through the same thing also, my parents and sister was all for it in the beginning. Now that I'm almost close to getting surgery, just got approved on Wednesday. Now they are telling me I'm not big enough (240lbs). And it's dangerous, I will get to skinny and unhealthy. .I will look older..they making feel if I go through with it..I'm disappointing them..my mom even found a personal trainer for me. She's willing to pay half. .can't believe they encourage me to look into wls..but once they saw how skinny and unhealthy family friend looks from having wls..now their afraid I will look unhealthy skinny and age about 10yrs..at first the family friend was looking good..then she got obsessed with wanting to lose more weight. .I know it's all out of love, but I hurts not having their support. .I'm stressing soooooo much..advice needed. .tnx.

[abordenster 43]

My family was supportive but other people were skeptical. I was 240 pounds too. It isn't the weight people imagine for wls. I knew it was dangerous for me. I was confident it was going to work as a tool for me. One of my closest friends dad is slowly dying from complications from wls. He can no longer absorb nutrients. He may have not taken the best care of himself. So we talked a lot about the commitment of a healthier lifestyle. There will always be someone who knows or heard of someone who had wls and is having problems. I heard we'll this person is breaking bones because of poor Calcium absorption and has swallowing issues why would you do that to yourself. I couldn't say that she didn't quit smoking and most likely didn't eat healthy and she had lapband. It's not worth the argument. I would just say I'm doing a lot of research and am confident I can make it a healthy choice for me.

My friends dad had his first wls when he was 14. Then he had a second surgery when he was older. He also didn't make it past third grade because he was was an obese child and school was terrible for him. He never learned how to read. His story is so sad. The education part of this process is important. And congratulations on getting approval for surgery! Arm yourself with knowledge and Vitamins to gain support from family and friends. I bought a book on the sleeve and gave it to my moms to read. The last appointment with my surgeon was a family visit so I brought my daughter, husband and mother in law. Good luck:)

[Luckyinluv 30]

After having a lap band slip and having it removed I was afraid to tell anyone my plans for bypass surgery. People just don't understand the looks and comments but more importantly the helpless feelings we go thru. My husband and mom are very supportive. My mom had this surgery Andover over 100 pounds and has kept it off. But others do nothing to put out the negative and I just chalk it up to their fear and not understanding. I just want to a scream out loud that HEY MY BODY IS SUFFERING AND I NEED HELP.

[Erin18 133]

Sadly, my family is the same way. They don't want me to get WLS again. They keep on telling me"you don't need it" "try losing it on your own" "you can lose it on your own you just have to set your mind to it and want it" or when I say "nothing is working for me, I keep gaining weight, I'm scared of gaining more" then I'm told "you're not trying hard enough" "you're not trying hard enough" "you're not trying hard enough" "you're not trying hard enough" I wouldn't have gotten WLS in the first place if I knew I can do it on my own...

[Luckyinluv 30]

Erin18 I just wanted to share alittle with you. I had the lap band instead of the bypass from fear of all I heard a out the bad things that could happen. I had it for a year and puked most of that year cause it slipped. Had it taken out and began running!! I ran 9 5k races and did 2 Indy marathons of course only walking most of it I was still a little heavy. Hurt my knee and year and half ago now I am back up to the weight I was before the lap band. My sweet Lord knows if I could have kept it off I would!! If I could have run it off I would!!! If I could have starved it off I would!! Some of us just can't do it with just ourselves!! My word I have worked myself miserable trying to lose the weight! I am heading I to my last weight check next week and so very excited for this surgery!! We deserve health and confidence it just harder for us than others! WE ARE WORTH IT!!!