So I have the best parents ever! They r so very supportive of me and help me out with whatever they can do. I am a single mom of a very defiant 13 year old young man. With that being said, my mom is the one who took me up to get my surgery done while my son stayed with my dad. I had a few complications but 4days later I was able to come home. My mom is disabled and can not do the stairs tobgetbto my house so she insisted on us staying with her. That way she can make sure my son gwts to school and eats healthy and she can make sure I am ok. Ok so I am a lucky girl... with that all said....

My mom and my son fight like they r both 2! I want to go home but then I can't drive yet I am in so much pain still and I cant cook for him.

What can I do? I told my son this morning that I was sorry for her behavior and that I needed her help. I have tried to lay boundaries but somehow they ate invisible with her. Any advice?

You described your son as defiant, so I am wondering why you were apologizing to him for his grandmother? In my opinion that will just encourage her to defy her more, as if he has your approval now to do so.

I guess I don't get it. As a 13 year old boy, he should be expected do what you and she says to do, period. Especially in this situation where you have just had surgery. Just my thoughts.

My son is not "DEFIANT" more just a normal 13 yr old boy who is confused about alot of things. He is very sensitive and I did apologize today because I felt she was to harsh i also told her this. I wasnt trying to excuse anyones behavior. I was simply trying to sooth the situation. My mom is wonderful, she is great helper. I wouldn't know what to do without her. Just sometimes I need to vent because 2 ppl that I love consistently fighting makes me crazy.

Thank u for listening

I realize I am the who said defiant is the first place. I was mistaken by that word. Sorry

I have a 17 year old son, so I've gone through that stage already. I think there was never an instance where I contradicted my mother or grandmother in favor of my son. I understand that you say that your mom is responding to him in a childish manner yet, she is technically the adult & it's her home, correct? There is a certain level of respect that goes with those 2 aspects. Try to be a mediator if you can instead of taking sides. Hope this helps.

It is her home. I do respect that, never thought of it but thinking about it, I do respect that. I never thought of it as taking sides. Thank you.

What bothers me most is when she opens her home to us and then expects to be the mother of us both. I dont think that is right. My son has a mother. She contradicts almost everything I say and it is always a fight.

It makes my heart hurt.

This is why they say you can never go back. Her house, her rules.

You're not talking about a lot of time before you are back driving so I think that no matter whether you feel that your mom is too harsh or not, it is her house.

MAybe it might be more restful to go home and ask someone to do your shopping for you. If mom can't do the stairs I'm sure DS would rather empty grandma trunk of groceries than live with her.

Being the mom of two teens, one with Autism, I feel I can safely say unless there is a disability a 13 year old should be able to assist in making meals for a few weeks. It has never hurt a child to have a task or two. While I am in the hospital next week it will be my youngest's job to make my puddings with protien powder and Jello and keep the kitchen straight.

Respect respect respect, no matter what his age is. Children need to learn how to respect elders, that is his grandmother and I'm sure whatever she is saying is for the best for that young man. You need to STOP walking on egg shells with him and learn to discipline him. In the beginning you said defiant, because that is what he is...he doesn't want to listen to authority and he has a lot of out burst with people. You are a single mother probably feeling guilty because his dad isn't around so you allow him to run all over you but when someone really put there foot down on him then there is a problem. Children like that will never respect authority when you have a mom that is always apologizing. You will need that weight loss because very soon you are going to need the energy to run behind him. His teenage years are just starting, get some control over him now before it is too late.

Since you used the word defiant there must be a problem at home. You need to be honest with yourself about the behavior problems your child has and seek counseling and maybe meds. Find a big brother program in your area or maybe the boycotts. He really needs it even if he is just sensitive, it needs to be broke. He will soon be a man and can't lash out just because he doesn't agree with what is said to him.

Hope you have a speedy recovery.

Amen

Even if my mom was wrong I would never allow my son to argue with his grandparents. As said above, it's about respect, not who is right or wrong. I would take him aside and tell him you understand how frustrating it is but in her home he must respect her and follow her rules. Whether he likes it or not. Get well soon so you can get back home! I learned long ago when we're around my parents the rules of life change, even though I'm 40. (But I can still roll my eyes, just inside my head, if I really rolled them my momma would beat me!!!!!)

It's only temporary.

Meds? REALLY??!! You're way outta line for that one, lady!

Edited February 9, 201412 yr by HotButterFly

Meds? REALLY??!! You're way outta line for that one, lady!

I agree, I'd probably slap the ish out of someone who said that to me. Especially someone who hasn't even met said person and is a complete stranger to me!

I agree, I'd probably slap the ish out of someone who said that to me. Especially someone who hasn't even met said person and is a complete stranger to me!

Yeah. It really isn't anything for someone on an "acquaintance" level to say. I was a bit shocked, but apparently lots of ppl on here say things that offend others

Problem is, you don't know how someone is going to take what you say. Just because somebody doesn't think something is offensive doesn't mean that it isn't. Before we post we need to stop and really think before hitting that SEND button.

I'd be highly offended if someone said that to me.

Be offended, be upset, and you can slap yourself for being ignorant. It may have been harsh but it is the truth. There is nothing wrong with counseling or medication. Just like there was nothing wrong with US having bariatric surgery. Keep dealing with that rude child or fix the problem. Or we could've stayed FAT but we dealt with the problem. Since we didn't deal with it earlier in life. When a person use the word defiant, there is a major problem in the home. I have never used that word before for my son (never). When a child is defiant that child need meds or counseling and maybe both. When I left the hospital my teenage son was a lot of help, that first week you don't need much. All I needed was my pain meds and someone to finish Christmas shopping for me. My mom did assist with that and my fiance. She knew she wasn't going to get any help with him around the house the reason she reached out to her disabled mom...smh

There is a problem here because if there wasn't, this lady wouldn't have wrote her issue on this forum. She didn't have to say a lot but she said enough.

So many people hate the truth and walk on egg shells around their children. Go right ahead and make up all those excuses for your children and act like there isn't a problem. Don't go wondering what's wrong when they get grown and they have problems dealing with conflict.

I wish everyone well during their recovery or maintenance stages of this journey.