Mixed Feelings

[CoffeeGrinDR 148]

Hi LGBT sleevers,

This is general relationship stuff but given that I identify as an "L" in the LGBT crowd I thought I would post it here.

Also, I'm really emotional this week and concerned that is clouding my judgment. I don't know what my problem is...hopefully this will pass after a full night of rest. At any rate...

I went through a zinger of a breakup this past year and am focusing on self-care. One major aspect of that is my WLS and getting to a weight that I am happy with. I'm not saying I will put off dating until I reach that weight but I know I tend to get distracted from self-care when get into relationships and I want to ensure that I am totally focused on myself for a good while to make sure this major effort gets my full attention.

Long story short, I just moved back to the country after a year abroad and a friend and I have been growing closer and closer. She wanted me to spend time with just her when I got back and I have put off doing so. I'm now moving across the country and she is leaving to go abroad for 4 months. Am I silly to put off our rendezvous thinking that my weight will be a determining factor on the success of our relationship?

I can lie and pretend that my hesitation isn't about my size but a good deal of it is (coupled with the getting over the last breakup). I know it is ridiculous to say I will lose 100 pounds before I start dating again but right now that is how I feel. Fortunately, with her headed abroad it gives me time to do my self work. But I worry I'm missing out on seeing her before hand because of my stupidity.

I sent her flowers that she will get this week so she knows that she is special to me (and hopefully doesn't think I'm not interested because of my dragging feet).

I really like her. And it's not like she doesn't know my shape - we've been friends for 9 years or so - I just want to get to a different place before I begin something.

THOUGHTS??

[kyleebean 209]

You know, if you have feelings for her, be honest and let her know! Girl, you only get one life and WLS isn't the answer to everything~ BUT, if you want to go slow, explain this to her and let her know your hesitation. You may need to show your vulnerability but it will likely make you feel better and she will likely appreciate knowing where you are coming from.

I've been in your situation, I had lap band surgery in 2005 and had a major weight loss (100lbs) and then slowly gained it back. Then in 2011, broke up with my SO of 10 years. I thought it was going to take forever to heal my heart after that. I have been in a relationship for the past 2 years and just recently had my band revised to gastric sleeve.

[southernsoul 773]

It sounds to me like you're talking about a woman who has known you for 9 years, clearly likes you just fine already, and is indicating interest in potentially more. If your weight has not been a determining factor in the success of your friendship, why would you think that it might be a factor in the success of a now-turned-romantic relationship? Because you'd be getting nekky? She's probably already figured out that you're not a skinny minny.

If you want to get to a different place before starting something new, then tell her that...while you are enjoying her company before you are separated for several months. Everything you said about needing to focus on self-care makes perfect sense, and I'm willing to bet that if this woman has been your friend for years already she's probably smart enough and mature enough to understand that & appreciate the honesty.

[CoffeeGrinDR 148]

Just an update...

SouthernSoul was spot on here. We ended up talking about EVERYTHING. I didn't get to see her before she left the country but we will when she gets back.

She called me on Christmas to tell me she has feelings for me and that she totally supports my goals and plans for self-care.

Turns out she loves me just as I am.

This surgery has always been for me and me alone but it was an incredible experience to have prior to losing weight and means a lot.

[southernsoul 773]

Just an update...

SouthernSoul was spot on here. We ended up talking about EVERYTHING. I didn't get to see her before she left the country but we will when she gets back.

She called me on Christmas to tell me she has feelings for me and that she totally supports my goals and plans for self-care.

Turns out she loves me just as I am.

This surgery has always been for me and me alone but it was an incredible experience to have prior to losing weight and means a lot.

Man, I love it when I'm right!! Glad it's all working out so well.