What is your definition of skinny? Is that your ultimate weight loss goal? How do you determine if and when you have reached this allusive size and shape?

I am working really hard just to feel normal! I can't even begin to wrap my head around the idea that one day I might actually be skinny again. Even when I was a size 2, 110 pound college freshman, I didn't feel skinny. How the hell am I going to feel that way at 42, after two children and a lot of wear and tear on these old bones?

So I'm nowhere near there yet but I don't want to be skinny. I want to be healthy and attractive and I don't find skinny attractive. I'm sure this will change over time, but for now, my goals are:

1. Achieve 25% body fat which is healthy for women, and still shows curves

2. Reach between size 8-10 because then I can shop anywhere, including designer wear.

3. Be able to sustain my final weight by eating 1200-1400 calories and not have to fight to maintain my weight daily.

To achieve the first, my goal weight would have to be 162, which is much much higher than the goal I set for myself (between 140-150) and is not "normal" BMI but I don't care. To achieve the second, I need to lose 2-3 inches everywhere.

I'm afraid that I will get there and then start wanting to be even smaller, so i keep repeating these to myself. But I won't know until I'm there I guess.

I'm not trying to simplify because I've debated this issue in my head constantly.

I don't want to be "skinny". At least not what comes to my minds eye when I think of skinny.

I want curves, not angles. I want to be healthy and fit. Feminine, not androgynous.

Given my pear shape I want to take the mASSive out of ass and add the "oooo" to booty. I want to drop the "hippo" but keep some hips. Reduce thunderous thunder in my thighs to a dull roar.

But that's just me.

Here are some pictures that have helped me determine what I want to look like. And one for the men too.

So my definition of skinny is what some would find "normal" or fit. To me, the girls from 30% down are skinny. The 30% girls is voluptuous but I bet she looks skinny in jeans and a t-shirt. Some may consider her borderline, but with the camera adding poundage, I would be happy to be her plus a little.

My BMI is 30% now and let me say, I don't look anything like that. HA! I am the same hourglass shape, but girl, if I looked like that, I would walk around naked ALL.DAY.LONG.

I, too, would be happy at 25% in this set of pictures. I would move to a nudist colony and live on the beach at 15-17!

So my definition of skinny is what some would find "normal" or fit. To me, the girls from 30% down are skinny. The 30% girls is voluptuous but I bet she looks skinny in jeans and a t-shirt. Some may consider her borderline, but with the camera adding poundage, I would be happy to be her plus a little. My BMI is 30% now and let me say, I don't look anything like that. HA! I am the same hourglass shape, but girl, if I looked like that, I would walk around naked ALL.DAY.LONG. I, too, would be happy at 25% in this set of pictures. I would move to a nudist colony and live on the beach at 15-17!

Hah! I'd be clamoring for entrance to the nudist colony at 20%!

So I'm at 34% and if you add belly jiggle and stretch marks instead of smooth, photoshopped skin. I'd say I do look like the 35% chick. And while I still have lots of weight to lose, I look okay in jeans and a t-shirt, not great.

If you are at 30%, maybe you look better than you realize? I mean, we've had kids and breastfed and shite, we're not going to have flat stomachs like that, but look at the rest of her and add wrinkles and stretch marks and maybe that is you? Ask your husband. Mine is much better at judging than I am.

And btw, I too cannot resist asking people how much they weight and what size they are. I'm so rude these days! Thankfully my friends are kind about it. I don't know how else to learn though.

And I have started the game every man dreads "is my ass bigger than hers." "How much longer until I look like her?" Really it's not competition, it's to learn what I truly look like. Because what I look like changes every week and my brain can't keep up with it.

Ahhh….the million dollar question! That very question is smack dab on my mind! I have been out shopping for a few clothes and am finding myself pretty well planted in a medium top and comfortable 10 pant and have actually got an 8 zipped.

Is that normal? Is that skinny? I sure as heck thought so as size 18 and couldn't understand when another woman would complain that her size 6 is tight. My original goal was a size 10 because that would be "normal" and an 8 would be beyond my wildest dreams. That would be skinny. Hmmm….Okay but now that is here I am still 23 pounds away from my goal. So what gives?

My weight loss is slowing down to a trickle and I'm not that upset by it. I seem to hover up and down about 3 pounds for weeks then the scale finally gives it to me and I start the same hovering with another 3 pound cycle. In the 3 months that I had been stalled the not a pound was lost, that is when a butt load of inches fell off! (pun intended) So what gives?

Perspective. Think that is the key. It's so damn hard though. I keep going back to what my original goal was. To lose the weight for good and be healthy and "normal." I thought for sure I knew what that meant at the beginning but that word is so blurry now.

My brain is beginning to see the size I have become. I know this because I can't walk past a mirror without checking my self out and breaking into a smile and say wow! I am as small, if not smaller than my husband has ever seen me and my kids have never seen me this small. I get comments from people saying how small I am getting. It get it now. But is it normal?

I want a "normal" BMI but I'm not yet so I keep going. But when I get to a "normal" BMI I will probably be a 4 or 6. That is tiny. I don't think that will look good on me. So what to do? Maybe I need to get rid of normal and try to wrap my mind around what works best for my body but that has never worked well for me. So what to do?

I still don't know the answer but I have just decided to take my inch back! I have always been 5'3" at the surgeons office when they measured my height and said I was 5'2 and 3/4" wouldn't give me my 5'3". Of course now, it makes a difference so I am going to change my ticker and I will that much closer to "normal" and "skinny!

Whatever the hell that is!

I don't like thinking this much before my second cup of coffee!

Ha! Victory!

I just changed my ticker to take back my inch. All the sudden I went from 27.98 BMI to 27.1

Yesireee! I will take that!

I guess size DOES matter!

Here are some pictures that have helped me determine what I want to look like. And one for the men too.

Lol! Looking at those young bodies!

Even if I make it to a twenty five, you are going to have to add the extra skin from the 45 on it

Skinny... It's something that quite honestly I wouldn't mind being but when I think of skinny I think of someone that never had a weight problem. Like in those pictures of the smaller girls. Where Will I end up? It will be "skinny" for me, myself, my body, but I'm sure that in society's eyes it will not be the true definition of skinny...

Lol! Looking at those young bodies! Even if I make it to a twenty five, you are going to have to add the extra skin from the 45 on it Skinny... It's something that quite honestly I wouldn't mind being but when I think of skinny I think of someone that never had a weight problem. Like in those pictures of the smaller girls. Where Will I end up? It will be "skinny" for me, myself, my body, but I'm sure that in society's eyes it will not be the true definition of skinny...

Yes I get that I won't look 25 years old. Hence my additions about add jiggly belly, post party stretch marks, of no photoshopping, etc.

Yes I get that I won't look 25 years old. Hence my additions about add jiggly belly, post party stretch marks, of no photoshopping, etc.

Yes, and I was talking about my body too...

Yes, and I was talking about my body too...

I just realized auto correct made that post party stretch marks instead of postpartum.

That must have been some party.

Like most individuals I have body image issues. I try so hard to avoid labels and status quo.

I want to be healthy and fit. I want to feel confident and attractive.

That's what I remind myself and tell my tween daughter.

I hope to help her have the confidence I lacked.

Great thread! For some reason it's making me emotional!!!

I wish I could shite...

I mean, we've had kids and breastfed and shite,

I asked my NP at my 6 month check up what my goal was. I almost hugged her when she said the surgeon doesn't set one and really doesn't even like to discuss it until at least a year because of the way our bodies evolve with age, weight loss, childbirth, etc. They don't go by BMI, weight or even clothing size because until you get there (wherever that elusive there might be), you really don't know where THERE is.

I knew I picked the right practice because that is exactly how I have felt all along. My original goal was 160. Now that I am within a stone's throw, I changed it to 150. Then I asked myself WTH and am saying 149 so that I am actually in the 140s , somewhere I've not been since college.

I'd have to be in the 130s to be a healthy BMI but BMI can suck it. That number means nothing to me once I am no longer obese. Only 3 pounds to go until I am overweight and I am thrilled.

So...my goal is to find "there" wherever there may be. Will it be skinny? I hope I think so! Will it be healthy? FOR SURE!

Lol! Looking at those young bodies! Even if I make it to a twenty five, you are going to have to add the extra skin from the 45 on it Skinny... It's something that quite honestly I wouldn't mind being but when I think of skinny I think of someone that never had a weight problem. Like in those pictures of the smaller girls. Where Will I end up? It will be "skinny" for me, myself, my body, but I'm sure that in society's eyes it will not be the true definition of skinny...

LV, I stress over this literally every single day. I have this idea in my mind of what I know I want to look like, but I have no idea if that is even possible given how big I once was. Will I ever be able to wear a bikini and not want to end it all? Will I ever be comfortable enough to walk around in my underwear around some new boyfriend? You get the idea. As crazy as this sounds, the fear that I won't reach this ideal is literally debilitating at times.