What did you tell people?!?!?

[LeahJade 26]

Hi everyone, I had my surgery on Thursday and everything is going well so far, it gets better day by day. Now I'm sure this question has been asked before BUT what did you tell people especially your work. I chose not to tell anyone at work about my decision mainly because it's personal and none of their business but also because of the rude fat comments I hear the directors make all of the time (one made at me a couple of years ago). My friend text me and said the directors have brought up my "mystery surgery" in front of 70 people. I'm not happy !!! I have no issue telling people to mind their own business but I have our national conference coming up in a couple if weeks and feel a little weird about going out for dinner with everyone. What did you tell your work colleagues?

[ChihuahuaMom 23]

I think you could tell people, if they are rude enough to ask about your surgery - that it is a personal matter. If they ask about how you are losing weight, "portion control" is an answer that is truthful but still protects your privacy. Really, you don't owe them an explanation. But if someone notices you are eating soft food or only a small amount you could say you are still recovering from your surgery.

Glad you are doing well! Good luck with the work colleagues.

[gmanbat 5,889]

Whether you tell or don't tell will not change the fact that you work with pre-adolescent emotional level jerks. They are not worth stressing about. The folks I tell have to prove themselves mature enough to handle the truth first. One thing for sure, I am absolutely not ashamed and when I talk of my surgery I will not allow anyone to try to frame it as an act of cowardice or as the easy way out.

[Chele H 427]

I have 2 part time jobs in small offices....no one asked me what kind of surgery I had. I guess they assumed it was none of thier business and probably illegal if the bosses asked. The only person who asked me was my neighbor. I wasn't even going to tell her I was having surgery but I was stuck on surgery day with needing a ride for my son to his baseball camp. I told her hiatal hernia.

Sounds like your bosses are asses!

Edited October 21, 2013 by Michele H.

[Tiny One 223]

Your bosses shouldn't say anything to anyone about any kind of medical issues. There is a law that protects against that. If anyone at work ask you, just tell them it's PHI (protected health information) and leave it at that. If they want more, tell the to google PHI or HIPAA and that will explain the laws & how it's illegal to probe or discuss anyone's health issues. Actually, your bosses are in total violation and the are idiots.

Good luck.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

I told the truth.

I refuse to give people any power over me by feeling I have to lie and hide.

If you really don't want anyone to know then choose silence. I do not advocate lies or misleading people. If one of your asinine directors gets nosey then freeze them with a frosty glare and say its a private matter.

Guess what. People will gossip with or without fuel. When you lie, you are apart of it to some extent.

Just my 2 cents.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

There may be other laws that apply to protect someone's medical privacy in the workplace, but HIPAA applies to medical providers, not employers, as far as I know. Disclosure: I am not an attorney who specializes in health law issues!

[1gorgeousgodzilla 192]

My doctor put abdominal surgery on all my paperwork, so it could be hernia, fibroids, heck even gall bladder for all anyone knew. Thus far, I've been able I get away with saying I Had a surgery that should help me with my back pain (and surprisingly it has). However there is ALWAYS ONE that just said what exactly did you have. At that point I acted outraged and said "I can't believe you just asked me that, but if you MUST KNOW I had abdominal surgery of a delicate nature to help with back pain and I not discussing this further". That has shut it down.

I work in a pit of vipers and don't have time for their negativity. I'm not ashamed that I had the surgery, but my work environment is not the most Conducive for sharing, shall we say.

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

During my psych evaluation, the doc recommended not to tell anyone. He had also had WLS, so I found it interesting to hear his perspective. In the end, I agreed with him and decided it wasn't anyone's business to hear the details of my surgery unless I wanted to share for my own reasons. So for anyone who asks about my weight loss (as it is becoming more obvious), I say I've been on a strict high-protein diet since June and it's finally paying off (completely true), and if anyone wonders if I had surgery (I anticipate someone will ask at some point), I will say I was solving some "female issues" (technically true! LOL). It's up to you how much you tell, but for me I didn't want to feel under the microscope with how/what I was eating or how fast I losing weight. Good luck to you, this is a delicate topic and people can be amazingly rude!

[gmanbat 5,889]

I told the truth.

I refuse to give people any power over me by feeling I have to lie and hide.

If you really don't want anyone to know then choose silence. I do not advocate lies or misleading people. If one of your asinine directors gets nosey then freeze them with a frosty glare and say its a private matter.

Guess what. People will gossip with or without fuel. When you lie, you are apart of it to some extent.

Just my 2 cents.

Well said!!!!!

Edited October 21, 2013 by gmanbat

[outwithbenjiboi 227]

I don't get all of the secrecy AT ALL! I told everybody and their brother; neighbors, colleagues, especially my supervisors! I started talking about it from the very beginning of the process, and educated everyone over the months-long process. The result is that my entire community is informed, rooting for me, checking on me, and celebrating me!!

I think a burning need to keep it a secret is a throwback to feelings of shame about who you are. I'm done with that nonsense!

[Fixerupper 335]

Okay. I really don't understand why people who tell make this about shame or pride for the rest of us and I really think you should stop making assumptions about other people's feelings. I told no one about my surgery other than my husband and my children. Initially I told my Mom, Dad, and Sister. I come from a family of lawyers so they all went immediately into protective mode. My sister wanted the name of the anesthesiologist so that she could access her law enforcement database and run a background check on him. My mother wanted to fly in to meet with the doctor and both my parents wanted to look into whether he had been sued before. I didn't need all that anxiety and stress so I told them I changed my mind. I told them three months post-op that I had the surgery. I don't share a lot of personal things with my co-workers because that is what they are, not my friends, and we are all professionals. Why in the world would I engage in discussions that might be controversial at work??? I don't do it about politics or religion; why would I do it about something as personal as my health? Do my co-workers need to know that I may be a little tired or bitchy today because I am on my period? No. That is an inappropriate conversation for work. I am not ashamed of having a period for goodness sakes! It's just none of their business. Should I tell them I have green slime coming out of my nose because I have a sinus infection? Gross, no. But, I am not ashamed to have a sinus infection. Should I tell them when I have the runs because of a stomach bug? No. It's not professional. It has nothing to do with shame. There is another big reason that I don't tell most people about WLS. I had an amazing and fantastic recovery. I literally had surgery on a Thursday and I was in the office on Monday. I do not want everyone thinking that their experience will be like mine and running out to do this. The decision to have WLS is a highly personal one. Most of us come to it after a lot of reflection and research. Once people become interested in surgery as a way to control their weight they will do the research and come to their own decision. A couple of co-workers who were either struggling with their own weight and resulting medical problems or have family members who struggle have come to me privately in my office to ask about my weight loss. I have been open with those couple of people and they have not shared it with others to my knowledge. If they have so be it. I knew that once I told another person there was no controlling the information. Maybe those of you proclaiming that the rest of us are ashamed are projecting and the shame is really something you have been dealing with all of your life and this is just the latest expression of it. But, I will step back and not attempt to psychoanalyze you or assign feelings to you. I have never been ashamed and my weight has never held me back from doing anything I wanted to do. I promised myself when I had kids that weight was my issue not theirs. If they wanted to swim then darn it I was putting on a swim suit and going swimming. Perhaps those of you accusing others of shame do not realize that it is offensive. I'm telling you it is.

[AmandaRaeLeo 2,145]

Okay. I really don't understand why people who tell make this about shame or pride for the rest of us and I really think you should stop making assumptions about other people's feelings. I told no one about my surgery other than my husband and my children. Initially I told my Mom' date=' Dad, and Sister. I come from a family of lawyers so they all went immediately into protective mode. My sister wanted the name of the anesthesiologist so that she could access her law enforcement database and run a background check on him. My mother wanted to fly in to meet with the doctor and both my parents wanted to look into whether he had been sued before. I didn't need all that anxiety and stress so I told them I changed my mind. I told them three months post-op that I had the surgery. I don't share a lot of personal things with my co-workers because that is what they are, not my friends, and we are all professionals. Why in the world would I engage in discussions that might be controversial at work??? I don't do it about politics or religion; why would I do it about something as personal as my health? Do my co-workers need to know that I may be a little tired or bitchy today because I am on my period? No. That is an inappropriate conversation for work. I am not ashamed of having a period for goodness sakes! It's just none of their business. Should I tell them I have green slime coming out of my nose because I have a sinus infection? Gross, no. But, I am not ashamed to have a sinus infection. Should I tell them when I have the runs because of a stomach bug? No. It's not professional. It has nothing to do with shame. There is another big reason that I don't tell most people about WLS. I had an amazing and fantastic recovery. I literally had surgery on a Thursday and I was in the office on Monday. I do not want everyone thinking that their experience will be like mine and running out to do this. The decision to have WLS is a highly personal one. Most of us come to it after a lot of reflection and research. Once people become interested in surgery as a way to control their weight they will do the research and come to their own decision. A couple of co-workers who were either struggling with their own weight and resulting medical problems or have family members who struggle have come to me privately in my office to ask about my weight loss. I have been open with those couple of people and they have not shared it with others to my knowledge. If they have so be it. I knew that once I told another person there was no controlling the information. Maybe those of you proclaiming that the rest of us are ashamed are projecting and the shame is really something you have been dealing with all of your life and this is just the latest exp<b></b>ression of it. But, I will step back and not attempt to psychoanalyze you or assign feelings to you. I have never been ashamed and my weight has never held me back from doing anything I wanted to do. I promised myself when I had kids that weight was my issue not theirs. If they wanted to swim then darn it I was putting on a swim suit and going swimming. Perhaps those of you accusing others of shame do not realize that it is offensive. I'm telling you it is.[/quote']

I think you're missing my point.

I agree we should be able to keep our personal business private. No one is "entitled" to know my personal business.

I take issue with lying. When you're lying you become apart of the problem. The lying can "imply" shame. A simple: "It's personal". "It's private." "I appreciate your concern but it's nothing I care to discuss." That is more than enough. You've handled it. You've stopped it.

If people persist then that's their issue, not yours.

If they gossip or spread rumors, they probably would have regardless of your response. When you lie, you give fuel for fodder.

If you lie, you are giving up your power over your circumstances and giving it to someone else.

[Fixerupper 335]

I think you're missing my point.

I agree we should be able to keep our personal business private. No one is "entitled" to know my personal business.

I take issue with lying. When you're lying you become apart of the problem. The lying can "imply" shame. A simple: "It's personal". "It's private." "I appreciate your concern but it's nothing I care to discuss." That is more than enough. You've handled it. You've stopped it.

If people persist then that's their issue, not yours.

If they gossip or spread rumors, they probably would have regardless of your response. When you lie, you give fuel for fodder.

If you lie, you are giving up your power over your circumstances and giving it to someone else.

No. I'm not missing your point. I get what you're saying; I just don't agree with it. I generally try to assume the best about people and see the best in people. So, I don't think that anyone here is trying to be offensive. I just think that people don't realize it is offensive. I also do not assume that people who ask me about my weight loss are motivated by something negative - cattiness, jealousy, etc. I assume that they are simply asking because they are curious. Therefore, I see no reason to respond to them in a "none of your business" manner that may be seen as curt, unnecessary, or unkind - even if it is true. The three (truth, necessity, and kindness) are often conflict and in that moment I choose to be kind. I offer a simple explanation that puts an end to the conversation without hurting anyone's feelings. I have not given power to anyone. Answering a person in the manner that you suggest would be giving up my power because it would allow them to illicit a response from me that is neither something that I am comfortable with or true to my values as a person. You are entitled to respond in a way that is in line with your personality and values but others should be free to do the same without all of the criticism of who they are as a person.

[1gorgeousgodzilla 192]

I'm an attorney and the only people that have asked what was I out for are my fellow attorneysq for the most part. The environment Im in daily is one of "friendly competition"-minus the friendly part. The few people I was friends with beforehand knew as soon as I had a surgery date. I have no desire to share any information whatsoever with these other Johnny-come-lately's. and it's not due to shame- I'd be the same way if they asked my shoe size or what I did last weekend.

Oddly enough everyone else I see just says I look great. It's no secret that I work out several days a week, so I'm guessing that's what most attribute it to.