female only So apparently I'm a hypocrite for getting weight loss surgery

[thehappycat 91]

Tonight on Facebook when of my "friends" posted a long, ranting status about a blog I wrote today without mention my name or tagging me on it and when I called her out on it she said that today's blog was just one of the many things that she has found "amusing" about my writing. Then she proceeded to say that I'm a hypocrite for standing against fat shaming when I've had weight loss surgery, among other things.

I'm at a total loss here. I thought I was pretty good friends with this girl and this has beyond hurt my feelings to have her accuse me of thinking and doing a bunch of horrible things that I never thought or did (she also said that I called her the C word and I didn't).

It really bothers me that she just quietly thought I was a hypocrite for my weight loss surgery instead of just asking me about it. I've been very clear about why I got weight loss surgery and it was so I didn't die at 40. I was over 300 lbs with a family history of obesity, heart problems and diabetes. NOT having weight loss surgery would have been stupid.

The part that kills me is that when I get to my goal weight, I'll still be classified as overweight by the BMI! I'm never going to be skinny! I'll always be overweight so not being fat shamed is always going to be relevant for me!

I'm so upset. I had no idea she thought this about me at all. We hadn't seen each other in a while, but we had always gotten along and I thought she was my friend. I haven't had anyone react negatively to my weight loss and this really hurts.

[RebecaSparkles 247]

Sounds like shes either super envious or some other version of wrong in the head.

I know it sucks losing friends. Luckily, I lost all mine years ago when I got so obese I wasn't fun anymore. My current friends aren't superficial that way & we talked it out. Shes outraged I today weigh the same as her but were working through it.

Sorry u have to put up with that. Hang in there whose really on your team will be evident soon. If shes not on your team then so long farewell.

allons-y

[Skinny in Here 83]

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock The meat it feeds on.” ― William Shakespeare, Othello

[Missj9 42]

Obviously she has a problem with you getting healthy.

She must carry a burden so great that ringing down her friend is so much easier than facing her own issues. It's sad really, but you deserve to have friends who respect your opinions and if they disagree-they tell YZoU and not blab it on FB.

[Macy6 356]

Wow.... I mean WOW! Number 1.... a friend would never.... ever....ever.... say something so hurtful, I hope you deleted and blocked that person from your FB, lose her phone number and run if you ever see her in public. GOOD for you for calling her out, when I "came out" on Facebook about my surgery I stated "I don't want the negative talk, if you don't agree keep it to yourself, I am an adult and I made this decision after much soul searching" thankfully if someone doesn't agree with me.... They haven't shared. I am so incredibly sorry that you are going through this, it really is uncalled for, no one has a right to cause you pain. You have done this for you... and no one else, if there is jealousy, a difference of opinion, concern, or an outright personality disorder she didn't have the right to become that person. Chin up.... You got this!

[thehappycat 91]

I'm not sure if she's jealous. She's slim and has always been slim. She knew me before I gained the weight and saw how miserable I was when my eating was completely out of control.

[No game 14,436]

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad.. You know that this is her problem and not yours. I had several friends turn on me a bit because I had surgery. One was significantly over weight. And thought that I would judge her! But I told her I did this for me and my health. I was going to die I knew it! If I hadn't had surgery. It makes me sad that it us against them now type attitudes. Because I am still them I know what it's like to be the morbidly obese girl and in some ways I'll always be that girl still. But it's really hard to explain that to someone who doesn't want to listen. She sounds like she doesn't know how to handle her feelings without lashing out.. Perhaps she will come around or perhaps not. But this is not about you or anything that you have done wrong.

Edited October 12, 2013 by laura-ven

[thehappycat 91]

Thanks for all of your replies. The sad thing is that she's done this to other people, but I've always thought that she would never do it to me because we were so close or something. IDK. I unfriended her and kicked her from the social group that I organize. Not that she attended any meetings anyway. I am totally done with her.

I need support in my life, not people questioning me because I did what I had to do in order to save my life.

[SeaLegs 38]

Your original posting is so heartfelt and eloquent...would you be willing to send her a copy?

[sonya139 95]

Talk with her about it. Don't let it fester

[Macy6 356]

I had several friends turn on me a bit because I had surgery.

I can tell with a few friends there is something going on because of my surgery. My sister in law doesn't like to talk about it, leading up to my surgery she would make comments like "you are doing this to yourself, don't think I am going to listen to you complain after" she did say last week that it has been hard on her because everyone around her is losing weight but she isn't and I know she gets the weight loss stuff from a cousin she is close too, so I am not sure if she gets overwhelmed, but I don't really say much to her anymore. I do tell her when I hit a significant goal, but I leave her out of the little things. My best friend admitted to me before surgery that she was jealous, mind you she is down around 70# since May through low carb dieting and exercise, she is doing amazing. We have a strange tension in our friendship. When it is just us we are "normal" its like the surgery and the diet don't matter. We go to the gym, we joke around we go to the store, but when others are around..... things are weird. Her voice changes, her actions change, I can't even explain it. I know my surgery motivates her to continue doing well, because it would kill her if I "beat" her at the weight loss (I am not competitive in any way shape or form, but oh my gosh she is) We have both admitted that our friendship is changing, we used to be so food motivated and now we aren't. We have a history of letting each other sabotage what we are doing and we can't do that anymore. Our friendship isn't going anywhere, but it is like we are creating a new friendship manual to understand each other. It is hard when a significant part of a relationship is taken away.

[gamergirl 4,609]

Sorry to be so logical but how is it hypocritical to be against fat shaming? Any decent person would be against fat shaming. What would be hypocritical is if you were NOT against it. If you used to be fat and now make fun of other fat people, then THAT would be hypocritical. Your friend is not only hurtful, and jealous, she is also illogical.

Sorry I know that wasn't the point of your post, but maybe you can see how not only is what she's saying to you is mean, it also makes no sense. Which means she's manufactured some stupid reason to pick on you.

People who don't love all of who you are should not experience the pleasure of your company. Let her go, which I know is easy to say but will likely come with pain, and open yourself up to new experiences and people who think you rock.

So sorry she did that to you ((hugs))

[thehappycat 91]

Sorry to be so logical but how is it hypocritical to be against fat shaming? Any decent person would be against fat shaming. What would be hypocritical is if you were NOT against it. If you used to be fat and now make fun of other fat people, then THAT would be hypocritical. Your friend is not only hurtful, and jealous, she is also illogical.

Sorry I know that wasn't the point of your post, but maybe you can see how not only is what she's saying to you is mean, it also makes no sense. Which means she's manufactured some stupid reason to pick on you.

People who don't love all of who you are should not experience the pleasure of your company. Let her go, which I know is easy to say but will likely come with pain, and open yourself up to new experiences and people who think you rock.

So sorry she did that to you ((hugs))

You're totally right, it doesn't make a lot of sense. I *think* that she thinks it's hypocritical because it's like saying "Everyone should be fine being fat, except me. I want to be cute and thin." or something like that. I don't even know.

[No game 14,436]

You're totally right' date=' it doesn't make a lot of sense. I *think* that she thinks it's hypocritical because it's like saying "Everyone should be fine being fat, except me. I want to be cute and thin." or something like that. I don't even know.[/quote']

Yes that was my one friend! She was like "if you hate your fat so much that you are willing to do this to your body, what must you think of me??"

I tried to tell her l loved her just the way she was. But I couldn't live with myself this way any longer because it was painful I mean literally painful everything hurt.. I was on high blood pressure meds.

Well the only other thing she said was well you'll have loose skin..... Yes, yes I will

[atlchick 42]

Sometimes you gotta do things for yourself and think of yourself 1st! Just b/c people don't want to remain fat doesn't mean they all of a sudden hate other fat people? Its like when overweight celebrities want to lose weight people talk about how they are hypacrits and should love themselves.... but they should be able to feel healthy and good about themselves if they want to! What I have also learned is even skinny people think they are fat so maybe she does have some jealousy there....you might not be considered the "fat one" anymore in your group. Maybe that worries her?