I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

I have to know something? What are deal breakers for you as far as dating goes? The guy I was emailing with was really nice, but I can't tolerate a pot head in my life. Some people would say there is nothing wrong with it, it's better than someone that drinks. I wouldn't want to date someone with a drinking problem, either for that matter. What would you call a deal breaker?

I have sevral deal breakers. ANY drugs is OUT OF THE QUESTION. No heavy drinkers (occasional social drinks are fine.) He MUST have a job and his own car. I have to be the only one he is dating.

Maybe I am asking for too much??

Hi fellow singles!!

Denise - the deal breaker for me would be anything I am uncomfortable with, those quirks/idiosyncrasies that are against my norm of acceptable behavior.

I think you're uneasy with it and you already hear that little voice in your head telling you to beware. Be sure to listen to it and stay true to yourself. While it may not be an addiction, how are you to know that it's not more than 'recreational' use.. what if after a while it becomes a full blown habit? - you won't be able to get away fast enough, save yourself the trouble NOW. You deserve to be the one he can't get enough of - not some mind/mood altering substance.

Lee - great job! Sounds like you are focused and aren't letting anything get in your way. I applaud your commitment to yourself and your sons. I know you've all been thru a stressful time, and as a parent sometimes the best thing we can do to show our children how much we care is by spending time with them. We all know the minute a new person comes into our lives, the focus becomes him/her and our kids get the seconds.

As I type this it reminds me I've been way too guilty lately of "going thru the motions" - it's been a while since I've sat on the carpet to build a Lego masterpiece or watch a dvd movie with my 10 yr old. there always seems to be laundry, etc that comes 1st. So, tonight I think I'll let him choose something he wants to do. thanks for the reminder!

Chrispy - I agree with your list. I'd even add: those who don't have a vehicle! No car = no job!

I'd also be interested in what the men in our group have to say.... don't be shy!

Karla

Lee, Welcome to our little corner of Lap Band Talk. You are smart to focus on yourself and your kids.

I am glad to hear everyone agrees with me on this pot issue. It was nice for a few days to read these wonderful emails, even for a few days, but there is no way I would let another pot head into my life. I went through enough with one of those years ago. It's pretty amazing to me actually, since I am in my 50's that there are a lot of guys in my age group that don't have any of the things you mention. I met one that still lives with his mother and can't support himself because he refuses to get his child support problems straightened out.

Hi Another Me. Thanks for your interest. I live in Dalton, Ga (Carpet Capital of the world). I'm doing fine, healing well. I start solids next week.

There's plenty of single guys in my part of the country. I've been seeing a guy on and off for 6 yrs and I really think a lot of him, but he's not the commintement kind I don't think.

He went with me for my banding and has been very supportive. He tells me he loves me and I think he does.

I've been divorced for almost 11 yrs and I'm ready for marriage and a permanant relationship. We'll see after the new me comes forth.

I have sevral deal breakers. ANY drugs is OUT OF THE QUESTION. No heavy drinkers (occasional social drinks are fine.) He MUST have a job and his own car. I have to be the only one he is dating.

Maybe I am asking for too much??

I can only think you would be asking too much if you lived in a prison. If not, I would suggest adding a few more things to the list (don't sell yourself short).

OK after a string of HUGE man mishaps...I have decided to recover from my surgery and lose the weight and THEN venture out into the world of dating...Though after those mishaps my list is going to be terribly unforgiving (I dont have it yet). It is however going to start with the things on Suzzzies list...Believe it or not my last two losers have had a combination of all those things...UGH...Thanks for listening...

Hi Another Me. Thanks for your interest. I live in Dalton, Ga (Carpet Capital of the world). I'm doing fine, healing well. I start solids next week.

There's plenty of single guys in my part of the country. I've been seeing a guy on and off for 6 yrs and I really think a lot of him, but he's not the commintement kind I don't think.

He went with me for my banding and has been very supportive. He tells me he loves me and I think he does.

I've been divorced for almost 11 yrs and I'm ready for marriage and a permanant relationship. We'll see after the new me comes forth.

Girl after 6 years you would think maby hes not the commitment type...You deserve better...Move along and find it....

Hi all,

Sorry to jump in mid-thread here, but I wanted to introduce myself. It seems like I have a lot in common with a lot of you on the thread!

I had my band 'installed' in January of this year, and so far have lost just over 30 pounds. I'm to the point where I know I need to focus on myself and losing my weight, but at the same time I'm kind of lonely and in need of something. Hopefully friendships on this board can help keep me focused.

For those of you who were talking about your 'list', I have to agree with all of you on the no drugs, have a car, have a job. And I'll add - have motivation. I'm so sick of guys who are happy doing nothing. If your passion is a job like teaching, great. I don't need a millionaire, but someone who has something they love and is working towards it.

Lori

Notice that our list of deal breakers has run off our guys??? lol. Come back, come back! lol

My last boyfriend lived off his savings and did nothing all day long...I have been home 5 days for surgery and am going nuts...Thank goodness Im going back to work tomorrow...I lasted 6 months before I had to tell him Buh Bye...I cant sit still so Im adding motivation...Im with you Loridee...I dont need a millionaire but you have to have motivation...

A deal breaker with me would be--Someone who is not healthy thinking. Someone like my ex-wife who complained of me trying to exercise daily. Thinking I am stealing attention away from her. The Woman who drinks and has loads of male friends. I am a single Parent--so I guess I will gyrate towards another single Parent. No smokers or heavy drinkers. The shocker recently--a young lady-sort of attractive. But has noticable complany of pot heads. I had to tell her straight up. You have too much company in your place--plus the people you hang around. She had the nerve to say--she stopped smoking the weed...said--it was because of her new Job. How long will that last??

In my case--I am a disable Veteran who has turned the tables. I can't tell everyone--but many of the disablities has been weight related. I was told time and time again--if you drop 45 to 90 pounds...You will not have that back ache or that sore and burning knee. I have since took the Doctors advise with my second Birthday--March 28th-2007. The surgery date.

To think of my life--I am not a working Man, but I do as well as many others who work. I am such a blessed Man. But with me being retired--I do get that from a few ladies. "Where do you get your money? "Oh-a Man who is retired--you can't do that good". Many feel that with me being available a lot--I am lazy and not motivated. If you had of seen me maybe 6 months ago--Yes--I went through that phase. "Thank God for the Lap Band"...My movtivation has returned and I am a new Man. There are days--I have talk to myself now-cool it down...Don't do 6 miles--do a slow 4 to 5 miles. But--my goals are getting higher and tougher. I challenge these hills in my town. There is 3 that I have to ride--just to get out of my area. The car is a good way to get out of the hood. But on my bike--it's been hell. Today--May 29th--I challenged my Body--my legs and my heart--2 times within 2 hours. I went up all of the hills--then back home. I stopped--threw the football around with the neighborhood kids for maybe 40 miles. The fool in me said..."try the hills again"...Ten minutes later--I was up those same 45 degree hills once more. Am I tired now--no way. But when the eyes get heavy=I will not wake anymore until maybe 7:30 am...

Hi Loridee, 30 pounds cool start!

Deal Breakers, definite Abusive behaviour be it Drugs, alcohol, mental, physical, drama queens and LIARS

I have found that often times where a littany of excuses lead BS follows.

Boy am I cranky, strarting to feel effects of that darn unfill!!! I could eat my !@#R$@^%^& *(&*&^%^$# $#$@# coffee table right now!!

Three weeks to refill :-(

JC

Hmmm... Dealbreakers?

The key phrase here is "everything in moderation".

I don't mind a girl who smokes weed, just don't want an addict. Hard drugs call into question the sanity/maturity/health of the user, of course. Again, the key idea here is "no addicts".

I hesitate to lay down too many firm rules or qualifications that a potential partner must meet or avoid simply because people handle things so differently. What is a disastrous event or quality in one person is merely a picadillo or quirk in another.

Obviously, as a single twenty-something male with no children and no prior marriages, I am VERY leery of other people's little kids. I'm not a father and don't want to jump into that role with some other guy's offspring- I'll make my own in due time, thanks.

But, wouldn't you know it, I had a wonderful time on a date with a divorced mother of one child just a few days ago. If I had been unwilling to date this woman because of a hard-and-fast "rule", I would have missed out on somebody really special.

I get to know people and if we don't match up I move along. It's a big world, no hard feelings and I try my best not to make enemies or to miss out on great opportunities.

I love you guys. You are all so motivating... We all know what we want and will not tolerate. It's so great. I may be 54 and alone but that doens't mean I will ever settle for someone when I see problems with a person down the road.

I would love to be like Chrispy though, and just go on a fun date, just for the heck of it. It would be hard for me though not to get attached or have expectations.