I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Hi everybody! Chrispy, would it be worth asking a Mod to make this thread a sticky? I always forget what forum it's in and it takes me forever to find it.

Denise, have you thought any more about putting a profile up on plentyoffish.com ?? I'll make a deal with you.... I'm willing to, if you are! As a matter of fact, it would be great if we had more people on this thread join us (who don't yet have a profile). We'd have some fun things to talk about.

I know you've had some prior history with wishy~washy results. Don't let those discourage you! And, don't worry about pictures... just take a couple of new and/or recent pictures. Anyone worth their salt won't worry about a few extra pounds. I truly believe pics are necessary, if you want someone to make the initial contact.

Who's with me???!!!!!!!!!!

Karla

I am trying to get my nerve up to put a profile on plenty of fish. Chrispy said she would give me some pointers on my profile. I need to go to that site and see if there are even any guys in my area. It's in the middle of nowhere.

I would say my results were worse that wishy washy. As soon as I sent a picture to some of the guys who were writing to me, they stopped. It was a horrible feeling.

Karla, you have 3.5 in your band? Do you know what size band you have? I am really disgusted with my weight loss so far, even though I am doing everything I am told to. It scares me to get more fills because I always get food stuck. Do you have any advice?

I am trying to get my nerve up to put a profile on plenty of fish. Chrispy said she would give me some pointers on my profile. I need to go to that site and see if there are even any guys in my area. It's in the middle of nowhere.

I would say my results were worse that wishy washy. As soon as I sent a picture to some of the guys who were writing to me, they stopped. It was a horrible feeling.

Denise,

You can look at my profile on plenty of fish to if you would like to. PM me and i will give you my name on there. I have had some good results as far as meeting people, but no keepers yet. The guy I'm supposed to meet this weekend I found on Largefriends.com. However, I'm a little more assertive than Chrispy, because if I see someone I think I might like, I send them a message first. I think it's ok to do that, because some of the men are very shy to and are reluctant to contact you. So, I guess it just depends on how brave you are. If they don't answer me back, I haven't lost anything.

The stupid guy that beat me up messaged me today on Yahoo Messenger about5 or 6 times. I told him I had decided not to press charges, but the police had told me not to talk to him, so the 1st message was the only 1 I responded to. If he continues to message me, I'm calling the detective and tell her what's going on. He's a nut case and I'm sooooooooooooooo glad he doesn't know where I live!

~Joan~

Ok, so I'm done with dating sites. So, so done. It's too much cat and mouse, and an unsure one at that. It's an exercise in futility, if you ask me.

I mean, ok, I may not be the most desirable man in the world, but I'll tell you, I think I should be doing better than this.

Truthfully, at this point, I'm tired of having to approach women. Why can't a few women come up to me, for a change, on the OFF CHANCE that I may ACTUALLY be worth talking to...granted, I may have a small ego, which I consider to be necessary for a doctor to have. I consider myself fairly confident, pretty intelligent, driven, well with words, somewhat witty, mildly sarcastic, and dare I say, maybe a bit attractive, possibly even charming on occasion...

Any takers? hahahaha.

Well neveragain, I did have a 22 year old wink at me on Match - was that you??? His favorite things included Metallica and Iron Maiden. haha. Seriously your age group is a bit tough, but hang in there. Honestly, I really think online dating does not provide instant gratification. It takes a lot of time, effort, and not-so-good first dates to really find someone you click with. But for me, at my age, it's worth it because there are very few other ways for me to meet single men. AND at least I'm getting out on weekends and not sitting at home all the time. lol

Speaking of which I have another date this Saturday, and a potential meet up on Sunday evening. Wish me luck!!

Hey Karla, great idea on asking this to be a sticky! We use this forum a lot to talk about online dating, but it's purpose really is to discuss any issue that we face as single people who are banded. It just seems that most of what we face is a lack of dates. lol

Hi friends!

Denise, my band size is 10 cm which only allows a max fill of 4.0.. since I was self pay, my fills for the 1st year were free and last October (the day before my 1 year bandiversary) I went for an appt because I wanted to get the final .5 added to the 3.5 I already had. But, when they did the barium swalow my pouch was distended so they said no-go on a fill and to go on liquids for 3 days, mushies, then back to solids.

I haven't been back for another fill, and I guess you could say 3.5 was my "sweet spot" after all.. most of the time I'm full after a few bites. I have not been the model bandster, and I don't plan my meals or Snacks very well. I'm 18 mo out and it's been a slow BUT steady ride.

I can only recommend that you take the time to analyze what you do each day.... set a daily calorie limit, write down every thing you eat. I know it's old school, but if you get into the habit you'll begin to realize how much you consume and after a while you'll see the trend. Unconciously you'll want to improve and start cutting out the unecessary calories.

Sometimes for me, to break a plateau, I'll cycle the amount of calories I consume.. I might do 1400 calories a day for a week, then one day of 800 calories, then try to maintain an average of 1200 calories.

The problem is if we continue to eat the same foods and consume the same amount of calories everyday your body to adapts to the routine. This always helps jump start my metabolism and get me back on the losing track.

I've been kind of lazy recently, but I notice that when I spend the proper amount of time grocery shopping I tend to make better choices.. It might take me 2-3 hours to buy a small basket of groceries, but I read all the labels and actually ponder items to determine whether they're worth the calories, etc. I read all of the nutrition facts, and I don't buy it if the item is full of sugar, carbs. etc. Since I'm a single parent I have to be real conscious of the items I buy for my son... and before I put them in my cart I actually stop to ask myself who will actually eat it - me or him?!!!

If I don't take the time, I just wind up buying the quick/easy junk food that we don't need.

I am rather excited about a new fitness center they're building in my neighborhood, I went a few days ago and signed up for a membership and for some sessions with the trainers... I have another 30 lbs I'd like to lose, and really would like to target loss in specific areas and build some muscle tone that I've lost in others. The bummer is they won't open until mid-June, but I've made up my mind to use the small workout room/equipment at my job until then.

I know you said you always get food stuck.. what kind? If it's meat, make sure you don't eat anything too dry. Use low sugar sauces in cooking or added to the finished product, whatever it takes to make it moist and easy to get down. I know it's said over and over, but make sure your bites are small... slow down the time between bites. I KNOW it's hard, but try to take 2 minutes between bites - get up from the table if you have to. What's left after 15 minutes needs to be tossed or saved for a later meal/snack. otherwise, you spend too much time eating and have too much food to pass through the band.

SORRY for the short story, I hope something helps.

Karla

Neveragain...

Just be patient I am 23 going on 24 and i can't find a Decent guy for the life of me. My ex is an immature A$$ who likes to flawnt his new Girlfriend in my face..I did met someone who i REALLY really liked and two days later he got back with his ex-gf. I can't win. I am hoping i can meet someone @ the gym that i just joined but i still have body image issues and trying to work on that..

~Kristen

Thank you Karla. I have decided to get another fill. I have 3 free with my surgery and this will be my last free one. It is my fault when food gets stuck. It's when I take too big of a bite. The last time I lost, it was right after my last fill. I have to hope that getting another fill will help me keep losing. I have read a lot of people say that they didn't start losing well until after 3 fills.

I have to hope that will be the case for me too.

I want to be full on only a little bit of food too. While my portions are smaller than before, they aren't small enough. I force myself to stop because I know I am supposed to eat a tiny portion. I hope with another fill, I won't be feeling like I could eat more.

Thanks for your post. It wasn't long, it was perfect and just what I needed.

You said you're full on a few bites, and that's what I am looking for. That's why I decided to get another fill.I was only that way the first 2 days after my fill. My appointment is 5-21, and until then, I will practice taking tiny bites and waiting longer between bites. thanks again!

I need some help lol..I need some advice please. This weekend (may 5th) i have to see my ex...We are taking a handgun safety course (yes i am getting a gun).. I dont want to go but i spent 150. on this course and i want a gun anyways so i have to take it. I don't know how to react towards him i know seeing him will make me really upset but i don't know if i should talk to him or should avoid him the entire class (9am-3pm)..I have been having nothing but anxiety over this and its only monday...

~Kristen

Kristen, I know if it were me, I would be in the same boat. My boyfriend and I broke up over 2 years ago, and I dread running into him. This is a really small town and I am surpristed that I never have. I know if I did see him, if he didn't see me, I would turn and go the other direction. Maybe you should practice what you will say to him if you are forced to talk to him. I know I always do better with situations like that, if I know ahead of time what I am going to say.

If you don't have to be near him during the class, and you feel like being around him is going to upset you, don't put yourself through that. Try to place yourself so you're not close to him. Do you think he will come up to you and talk to you? I don't know how they run classes like that.

If it were me, I would avoid him and ignore him. But that's just me. I know that talking to him would upset me for days or weeks. But like I said, that's just me. I don't know your situation, why you broke up or anything. My boyfriend had just given me a birthday card telling me how he couldnt live without me, and a month later broke up with me, so it was a complete shock to me. It's still very painful.

Thanks denise I would try to ignore him but we are going to the class in the same vehicle (joy). I think i will be able to make it. I think i can handle small talk (like hi how are you, how is the family) but if he starts to talk about anything else im going to tell him to shut up ..I plan on going to the gym right after this class and hopefully that will help me realive some stress and anger...I will let u know

Is the class far away, so that you have to ride together? I really should go back and read cause I don't know what happened. Is this an ex boyfriend or ex husband? I would take my own car no matter how far away it was.

I just found this thread and think it's a great idea. I am 28 and about to join the rest of you Bandsters. I'm so excited. I, too, am single and certainly having a hard time dating. It's so hard to find folks w/good morals/values, and goals. I certainly don't focus on it. I live a pretty successful life and enjoy my family and friends, but it sure would be nice to have a significant other, you know??? Anyhow...Hope this thread continues.

The one thing I'm hoping doesn't change about me is how I deal with dating and meeting new men. I have a friend who had the surgery and has become very promiscuous.... that's never been me, but I read that in some cases bariatric patients will trade in an eating habit for another.

I am sure this thread will keep going. We really enjoy visiting with each other.

Welcome!