I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Wow Denise, you have certainly had some rough luck with the men in your life. I can see how, in a way, in can be easier to get over someone who has passed away rather than moved on. There is no rejection in death.

You'll get there Denise, AND find a wonderful man to spend your days with.

Thank you for the welcome! That made me feel good!

My boyfriend broke up with me two years ago, and I feel like a complete idiot that I can't get over him. I keep wishing one day would pass where I don't think about him and wonder what he's doing. I know if I had someone else to think about, it would be easier. It's really hard to be middle aged and live in a really small town. It's really hard to meet people.

Denise,

There is nothing better to get you over someone than finding someone else. I learned that very quickly about Donny, if you've read the entire thread. However, I'm still alone at this point. But, I do talk to lots of guys online, so that keeps me busy. I've also learned that Donny is the one who lost out, not me. I just learned tonight that the guy from Nebraska is coming to Dallas in about a week, and I'm very nervous about meeting him. We will just have to see how it goes.

~Joan~

Then I was alone for quite a few years, and finally got the nerve to try the internet thing and met the guy that broke my heart. Do you know that it was easier to get over the death of two people I loved? They didn't leave me by choice. Plus they are dead, so I don't sit and wonder if they think about me. It's ridiculous how much time I catch myself wondering what he's doing and if he ever thinks about me. Sometimes I really feel like an idiot, when I try not to think about him and try to think about something else. It's been over 2 years and everything still reminds me of him. I HATE it!

I really want to move on. Thanks for listening.

Denise,

Girl you have really been through some tough times, so I think it's your turn for some happiness. Personally, I got hurt really bad in a couple of relationships back in my 20's and I just started wanting to date again. So, all in all, I don't think you are doing to bad. I know exactly how you feel about wondering if he's thinking about you and everything you see reminding you of him, but please don't do what I did and waste your life hurting over some stupid man that is not worth you wiping your shoes on. Get back out there and try to move on. I can tell you from experience that's it's not worth wasting your life over. I've wasted 25 years of my life for nothing, and that makes me very sad when I think about it. I could have been having fun dating, or even been married if I had just moved on. But, I'm having a good time now, so it's not worth worrying over spilt milk.

~Joan~

Thanks Joan. I just have to get my nerve up to post a profile somewhere. I don't think I am quite ready yet. I want to lose about 20 more lbs first. Plus I am not into long distance relationships, so it's not going to be all that easy for me to find someone. It's hard too because at 54, the guys I look at online that are 60 look like old men to me. I am not sure if I could handle someone too much younger than me. Going through the change of life really screwed up my sex life. I know someone younger wouldn't want to put up with that. It's a dilemma, because it's the older guys that are retired and willing to relocate. I hope when I lose a little bit more, I will feel good enough about myself to be ready to take the plunge and post a profile somewhere.

My friend mike wants to take me out this weekend. But i don't know if i am ready, I am still very depressed I guess it would be good to get out and go to dinner and a movie. What do you all think?

~Kristen

PS i am getting a tattoo on SUNDAY

As horrible as it may seem, I definitely agree that the best way to get over someone is to get someone new and I've employed this with just about every breakup I've ever had. Here's the problem I see with that, though. It's quite difficult for me to get someone else right off the bat. It takes work and a little bending of my "rules", which ultimately ends up in disaster, which, oddly enough, begins the whole cycle again.

I'm actually inbetween, at the moment, and I kind of like it or may be just getting used to it. I just get lonely for affection. Not sex, but affection. It really starts to get to me as it is starting to now, upon further review...

I apologize for the sullen rant, there was a girl that I was dating that was perfect for me and I somehow screwed it up. How, you ask? I have no idea. Such is life, though, I guess.

My friend mike wants to take me out this weekend. But i don't know if i am ready, I am still very depressed I guess it would be good to get out and go to dinner and a movie. What do you all think?

~Kristen

PS i am getting a tattoo on SUNDAY

I would go for it, but that's just my $0.02. :clap2:

My friend mike wants to take me out this weekend. But i don't know if i am ready, I am still very depressed I guess it would be good to get out and go to dinner and a movie. What do you all think?

~Kristen

PS i am getting a tattoo on SUNDAY

You should go! Getting out IS good for you. I know when I am depressed, I need something to take my mind off of it for awhile.

I'm actually inbetween, at the moment, and I kind of like it or may be just getting used to it. I just get lonely for affection. Not sex, but affection. It really starts to get to me as it is starting to now, upon further review...

I apologize for the sullen rant, there was a girl that I was dating that was perfect for me and I somehow screwed it up. How, you ask? I have no idea. Such is life, though, I guess.

Hey it's nice to have a guy in here! We need men's opinion on things!

I totally agree with you. I am lonely for affection, not sex. There's nothing like having someone to cuddle up next to and get big hugs from.

I am sorry to hear about the girl that you felt was perfect for you. And it didn't sound like a rant at all.

Awwww, thanks.

Maybe I'm an exception, but I'm not big on sex...mostly because the only thing that can come of it, at this point in my life, is ill-fated. Not to mention, I don't really enjoy it because I can't get over the risk involved, which makes me mildly neurotic for a couple of months afterwards. TMI...perhaps, but what can you do.

I'll do my best, though, to give a man's opinion.

I am not looking for another relationship right this second, Just friendship. Mike just got out of a 3 yr relationship where the girl almost bankrupted him. THIS IS MY CONCERN--->. We are going to dinner and the movies the problem is is where we are going (the local mall) My ex works there as a security guard. I don't know how i should act if i see him. Do i just walk by him and ignore him or do i say hello and introduce mike?My ex is dating the girl he cheated on me with so i don't know if i should be the better person or ????? I have never been good at this relationship breakup stuff so i could use some advice. Thanks..

liberty,

If it was me and I saw my ex, I would say hi and keep right on walking. No introducing the person I am with because that implies friendship with your ex, which if he was cheating why would you want to remain friends?

A hi acknowledges him and doesn't make you look bitter but he needs no other information about your life.

Go out and have fun and don't waste your evening looking for or worrying about someone who is now in the past. Your past doesn't control your future unless you let it.

Thanks susan.

I agree with Susan. You don't know how much time I spend wondering when I will run into my ex. I haven't seen him once since we broke up two years ago. That's pretty strange too, cause this is a small town.

I always think I will freak out if I see him. I know he still lives in this town, because I couldn't take it anymore about a week ago. I called his mother's house in the late morning and he answered the phone. I had a feeling he was still living with her. When we first broke up when I coudln't help myself, I drove past her house to see if his truck was there. I really try hard not to do that though.It helps me to know he's still living there because then I think he's nothing but a loser living with his mommy. I know it's going to be REALLY uncomfortable for me, if I ever do run into him.

Now, I think you should do exactly what Susan said. Just smile, say hi, and keep walking. Does he know this person is just a friend? If not, let him think you have just moved on.

Thanks denise

He doesn't know the guy i am going out with..Hopefully he never will. I think he might have today off. Which in the long run will work out for me cause then i can relax. I am looking forward to going out with mike and getting out for once. Haven't gotten out in a long time. I will keep you guys updated ..I am going to get my hair styled (gotta look nice) in a few hours.