I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Hey Kristi and Susan, yes its hard overhere.The guys are just different and even the internet meeting suck,I really didnt like anyone I met over the internet:-( Now Im trying to go out with my friends whom I dont see that often cause they usually know some different people.

Yesterday when I was going back to Prague by train, opposite to me was sitting one guy but totally not my type,but he was after me,trying to look to my eyes etc...I also went to a party on Friday and one guy was hitting on me,but evidently he was married, so I didint go there also not my type...

I will try to meet a lot of new people we will see whats going to happen.truly said I really want someone to cuddle with and walk around in the centre of Prague at night(so romantic:-) the spring is here,I look much better and no guy in sight???bad...

Oi OI A new threat for me to post on ! LOL

Well i'll start off Introducing myself (Drum roll please....bam bam clunk) well hell never mind.. any way , I'm JayCee 23, Okla, Divorced for uhm *counts the months..*16 months. been dating The same guy for uhm (whinces 13 months) Known him for 4 years tho! Things are okay i suppose i love him , he says he loves me but we're taking things slow... like seperate apartments... Ever since i've been ballooning out (gaining weight) things have kinda come to a stand still . Hoping after i get my body and mind back in order from all this weight gain things will get back to the norm. Wondering how much things will change when other guys start noticing me more after i lose the weight but eh time will tell right! One thing i'm hopin for is gawd the sex to get bettah! Since i've packed on the puddin, i'm not near as flexible! Anyone else have that damn problem!? anyway I got 2 childeren a 2 year old and 3 year old. Hard to find a good guy that will take ya on with all that. but i'm hoping this is the one. Kudos to you ladies that are out there breakin hearts! I've been reading the post!

My current bf and I met on a video game back in 2003, when i was preggers with my first child , we've been friends ever since. Yea i'ma big geeky girl i play MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game). anyway after the dirvoce we finally met up and been together ever since! anyway that's muh story :girl_hug:

Welcome bluetattoo!!

Kristi - I'm totally with ya girl on the whole width thing. lol. And I LOVE the fact that you have a tattoo boy too. C'mon Wootsie - where's your tattoo boy?? lol

Eva - you're beautiful - the guy who nabs you will be lucky. Good for you for being picky. You deserve the best!

Welcome bluetattoo!!

Kristi - I'm totally with ya girl on the whole width thing. lol. And I LOVE the fact that you have a tattoo boy too. C'mon Wootsie - where's your tattoo boy?? lol

Chrispy,

I haven't found anyone with tattoos yet! My little boy toy isn't angry, just very busy with his job. I also met another boy toy this morning from St Louis. What is it with these guys in their 20's liking old women like me? I just don't get it, but oh well, who care. They are fun to talk to. Oh, and I met a new guy from Phoenix last night to. He's really cute. To bad I'm not actually meeting these people in person, but I don't think I could keep up with them if i was. It sure is fun though!

Welcome bluetattoo. We love to hear everyone's stories. Has anyone seen Missy or Jodie lately?

~Joan~

Wootsie I totally agree that both lenght and width are important...lol

Chrispy thank you for the compliment. I just hope that I wont be too picky and finally meet someone who likes me and I like him.

Im seeing hot American guy on Wednesday, but he is in love with my friend,she is beuatiful and skinny:-(but she doesnt want him.I liked him from the first moment I met him at a bar where we were with my friend.Oh well I cant do anything about it,at least we get together every once a while and I can practise my English:-)But damn he is cute and tall,dark blond hair,bit big not fat but definitely not skinny...

Ok Guys,

I need help here. My favorite little boy toy from Georgia wants to come for a visit. I guess my problem is that he's 26 and I'm 51. My daughter is 33 and he likes the idea that he is younger than my child. lol I know I am very flattered by all of his daily attention and he is very attractive, but I'm wondering if I should go for it or not. Would you guys go for it? I will make my own decision, I just want to know what you guys think.

~Joan~

If he wants to come for a visit and he stays in his own hotel room, I say why not?

Hi everybody... quite an interesting thread you started Chrispy. I've enjoyed catching up with all of you... to say the least you guys are living life!

Just a bit about me.... I'm 35, have been divorced for (gulp!) 7 years, and have a 10 yr old son. My exhusband can't be bothered with regular visitation, so I don't have a lot of free time. My son is involved in Scouts, and I've been a leader for the past few years.... so, we keep busy with those activities.

I'm not brave enough to do the online thing, and really don't lament my lack of dates. I'm not actively looking, therefore I don't feel the pressure to find someone.

I have to say I hate the pat response of "you'll meet that special person one day".... most people who say that have already found their MR or MRS Right who treats them like royalty.

During holidays and such, I find myself thinking of the person who'll one day be my significant other... and I wonder if they're in a similar place in their life? or, are they in a relationship they don't want to be in? how are they spending the holiday? Is that WEIRD? Or, do you guys ever think along those lines?

Joan, I don't want us to start off on the wrong foot... but, you worry me I'm probably just jealous that you're much braver than I am!! I'd have to stick with talking to local people... I couldn't consider leaving my adopted TX.

Have fun,

Karla

Joan, I don't want us to start off on the wrong foot... but, you worry me I'm probably just jealous that you're much braver than I am!! I'd have to stick with talking to local people... I couldn't consider leaving my adopted TX.

Have fun,

Karla

Oh Karla,

You don't need to worry about me. I have no intention of leaving Texas. My entire family lives in Texas and I am a born and raised Texan through and through. I am just talking to these guys and will probably never meet but just a few of them in person. I am, however, having the time of my life. I've been divorced for 30 years and haven't dated in 25 years, so I am just having a good time chatting with these guys online. The guy in Nebraska scares me the most, because he says he wants to marry me and wants to move here. I told him I would have to know him a lot better before that would ever happen. He also has a teenaged son, so that's a definite draw back. But, I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm not going to be stupid. Just having some fun for the 1st time in years.

~Joan~

I'm responding to Karla's wonderings. I was off the market for fourteen years after my husband died and while I was raising my kids. I also used to wonder like her about the person I would end up with - where was he, what was he doing? As some of you know, it turned out to be my first boyfriend who found me on the internet in October after 36 years. And in comparing our life stories, we have found some eerie parallels - we both had pneumonia in the same month in 1978, he split from his wife on February 10, 1992, the same day my husband was diagnosed with cancer, our (6) kids all have names that end in the letter "n" (Brandon, Dustin, Ryan, Shannon, Alison and Kevin), we obsessed over the same albums/CD's in the same years, the list goes on. I think we spent all that time becoming the perfect persons for each other. Don't give up folks, that person is really out there, and when the time is right, you will meet.

Don't boo me off the thread, but I was reading pages here and there of this thread to see what it's about :nervous

I am happily engaged, but I wanted to put my 2 cents about someone worrying about being wanted because you became thin!

For starts, you could always say 'Hey, would you love me even if I gained weight?' (I see all those super skinny women do that in the TV shows!!)

Anyway, I've been overweight my entire life, I even have little kid pictures and I've not only been overweight, but also a friggin giant. I was always the girl bigger than all the boys. Some how I had plenty of self-esteem, I always felt sexy, flaunted what I got.. ho hum.

My fiance, we met 6 years ago when we were vacationing (seperately) in Las Vegas with our families. Back then he had a rockin' body, 6-pack and muscles(he's lost his ripples and is replacing it with pudge lately).. his parents were horsetrainers and he helped them. I didn't feel self-conscious about being a big girl, because I knew what I had to offer LOL. I'll keep the story short though, we met in a bar, talked, hit it off, ends up he lived an hour from me- back home.. so when we were done with our vacations we started dating. Eventually he went to college across the country, I finally moved with him after a year when I was done with mine.. Then a couple years later we moved back to my hometown where we are now. All these years, I'll hear him make comments about fat people, and I just have to give him a blank look. It's like I'm not one of the fat people he comments on. I will then make a comment like "they're smaller than my left thigh!", and he shuts up.

At the psychological evaluation, my fiance went with me to the meetings so he could be informed in the decision I was making.. and the doctor asked me (this was in private), if my fiance is worried about me losing weight? I said.. No, why would he be?? and he said, some men prefer bigger women, and if he got with me because/when I was big, he may not be as attracted to me. I had to kind of laugh, because I know.. and not to sound mean, my fiance is pretty critical of fat people.. I don't know how I slipped under his radar!! I've seen some of his exes, always really short tiny stick girls.. and I'm 6'0 and over 300 at this time.

Anyway, I got to thinking, that night I was talking to fiance about my psychological evaluation and I told him what the doctor asked, and I said 'You don't care for fat girls.. why are you with me?!?!' and he said 'I liked you for you, not your weight'. And I guess he got hit with a 2x4 from cupid or something and has never thought about my weight. I guess because I didn't either until I had back problems.I think I'm opposite of anorexics. I look in the mirror and think I look great by time I'm ready to step out the door, until I see a picture of myself and then I go DAMN where did that 100lbs come from!? That's why I officially haven't let anyone take my picture since October when we went to Six Flags.. We had tons of pics, and I couldn't believe how big I was in them.

I didn't mean to make this so long, but the thing is.. they could only want to be with you because you're big too.. so I wouldn't worry about someone 'only wanting you because..'..because paranoia would definitely hurt a forming relationship if you worry about what they 'only like' about you.. I hope this makes sense!! People should like you for you, and not because you're big or because you're skinny. So if you've lost weight, don't sabotage it because of what their ulterior motives are, which are likely non-existant!

Congrats to those of you losing weight, can't wait to be on the other side.

Cathy,

Thank you for sharing with us. I know I'm not finding the right person for a life-long relationship right now. I am just wanting to have some fun and I don't think as long as I'm just talking to these guys I'm doing anything wrong. I am just finding it very flattering that these guys are interested in me, especially since I haven't dated in so many years. But, when it comes down to finding a permanent partner, I will for sure start weeding them out quickly. Isn't it interesting what you guys have in common? I think that's a wonderful gift God has sent to you.

~Joan~

the thing about being single is that I have a choice! Do I want something serious, do I want something fun? I think as long as I am acting within what I want for myself, then its all good. It is when I start compromising what I want for myself to make the guy fit is when I run into problems.

Easier said than done of course.

Thanks for the post Cathy. It's funny you mention this because when I first starting dating tattoo boy and told him about my band, he asked how much weight I wanted to lose and how small I wanted to get? First time that's ever happened! lol

Hello everybody,

ok yesterday I saw my ex...he wasnt really my boyfriend I would say lover cause he has family...ok I know its bad as it is,but its always 50/50 and I think he also could have been more responsible, cause he has a family and I dont.

Ok so in Dec.06 we broke up and said to stay friends. Since then we saw each other once and just for a coffee.But damn we have such huge chemistry its killing me. We broke up after 9months cause he realised he loved me and was afraid to hurt his family etc.

So yesterday when walking home he had to stop his car cause the tram was coming and I was infront of my appartment building.we were like 20feet from each other, he saw me and I saw him but I pretended not to see him.But he was there sitting in his mercedes in black suit that I know and he looks so damn hot in it:-(

I was thinking about sending him a sms (since we are friends and we contact each other from time to time) but I didnt do it yesterday so do you think that I should write him? He is the type that doesnt write back to much and if he does it takes him few days...or should I wait if he writes me? Or finally get over him and forget him, which is though to do cause he lives like one block from me.

I must admitt that if he wasnt taken I think he would have been the perfect guy for me, older than me 33,tall, witty,self confident but not stuck up,and he can take good care of himself (successful) and he is more dominant than I am (not in sexual way) cause I need a man not a boy and lately I feel its hard to find. I hate when the guy worships me and he will let me do whatever I want even bad things and then he just forgives me anything...

Sorry for writing such a long post:-) But I would really love to hear your opinions, although deep down I know that this "realtionship" is bad for me and wont go anywhere:-(