I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Ditch him. He's taken. He isn't going to leave her or make you a priority. The only priority he has is himself. And in my opinion since he can't keep his commitments or be faithful, he is not a man or a boy.... he is an ass.

Also, I say do unto others as you would have done to you. How would you feel if your husband, the father of your children, was sleeping with some girl a block away from you?

It doesn't make either one of you look like that good of a catch in my opinion.

hey Susan,

I know where you come from, you are right that I should ditch him.But for the second point how would I feel, I can tell you that I would feel bad if I knew, she didnt know and she never found out.

On the other hand if it wasnt me it would have been some other girl... I know its not an excuse but Im just trying to explain...

Also we both were aware that he isnt going to leave her, and I wouldnt even ask for that.

Then the only person getting anything out of it is him.... which means you can find so much better somewhere else. For me, dating is a numbers game. Meaning, I will go out with most people at least once to see if there is a connection, even if they don't seem that great on paper (the internet sites is where I find my dates). That also keeps me busy and out of trouble with those "bad boy" guys that are so tempting but sooooo bad for me.

Hopefully you will be able to resist him and start looking for someone else. Looking for someone else doesn't mean you have to settle for someone less than what you want or deserve.

Hi Susan,thank you for your encouragement...Hey and I havent written to him!:-) Really, I agree with all you said and I know its deep down in my mind somewhere:-)

yes many times I thought that he was the only one who was getting something out of this, although I got my part as well ...lol

thanx again!!

Love Eva

I don't know why I never saw this thread. I hate to admit this, but it's one of the mail reasons I wanted to get banded. My self esteem was in the toilet, and I thought if I lost weight, my self esteem would improve enough that I could sign up on that E harmony or something. I live in the middle of nowhere, and I am probably older than most of you. But that doesn't mean I want to be alone the rest of my life!

hey Susan,

I know where you come from, you are right that I should ditch him.But for the second point how would I feel, I can tell you that I would feel bad if I knew, she didnt know and she never found out.

On the other hand if it wasnt me it would have been some other girl... I know its not an excuse but Im just trying to explain...

Also we both were aware that he isnt going to leave her, and I wouldnt even ask for that.

Eficka,

I have to agree with Susan on this one. The guy is getting what he wants from both women in this situation. His wife deserves better, and you darn sure deserve better. Leave him alone and move on with your life. He's always gonna be there as long as you let him.

~Joan~

There are plenty of fishies in the sea and this is one that you should definately throw back! I hope u take peoples advice to heart and come with a good answer. No one can live your life for you, all we can do is give our advice. It's up to you to do what u want and to decide if this is what you want for yourself.

Hi everyone, thought i would join the tread since i am recently single again (we broke up last week and he is already dating someone else)..Just trying to hop back on the singles wagon. My self esteem is in the toilet right now. Need help boosting it. Thansk

~Kristen

thank you all for your great support, I agree you are right and I promise to do my best to avoid this guy and move on with my life cause I deserve someone better:-)

Again THANK YOU

Welcome Denise and Kristin! We're all at different stages of the single & dating process, so I'm glad you joined us.

Kristin - I have found that any serious relationship I've had has absolutely wrecked my self-esteem when it ended. It's terrible and hard to get over, but it will happen. I'm sure it hurts you very much that he's dating someone already - I know it would hurt me. The best thing you can do for yourself I think is to go out and have some fun, and to focus all your attention on yourself. You deserve it! And ALWAYS remember that it's his loss!

Welcome Denise and Kristin! We're all at different stages of the single & dating process, so I'm glad you joined us.

Kristin - I have found that any serious relationship I've had has absolutely wrecked my self-esteem when it ended. It's terrible and hard to get over, but it will happen. I'm sure it hurts you very much that he's dating someone already - I know it would hurt me. The best thing you can do for yourself I think is to go out and have some fun, and to focus all your attention on yourself. You deserve it! And ALWAYS remember that it's his loss!

Thank you for the welcome! That made me feel good!

My boyfriend broke up with me two years ago, and I feel like a complete idiot that I can't get over him. I keep wishing one day would pass where I don't think about him and wonder what he's doing. I know if I had someone else to think about, it would be easier. It's really hard to be middle aged and live in a really small town. It's really hard to meet people.

Yes, denise welcome! I hate that women are usu. the ones who lose face in lost relationships, or so it seems. I truly hope you can get over that guy, I know how hard it has been. I feel I only just got over my exhusband, and we have been divorced for 5 years now? It just takes time, I hate to tell you that, but another man won't take it away, its just up to your heartstrings. I wanted the band to help me move along the highway to dating and marriage also, and its helping, it sure is. I would never have gone out so much and had so much fun while being as overweight as I was. I have had some dissappointment too, but its a road, with curves and bumps, but I keep going, because I know I have a good destination, just not exactly sure where.LOL

Eflicka, I haven't posted in a while, but I am glad you aren't calling him anymore, you deserve better than to be treated like that. I know you will move on and move up, and can hopefully forget that this episode in your life ever happened...

Kristen, welcome. Sorry it can't be under better circumstances, but single life it is. As for the jerk, you'll be better off without him.

Things are lookin good for my tattoo boy and me, but since Crispy had full use of tattoo boy before I did, I will name mine something else, like TNT boy or something(one of his tats has dynamite with tnt). We are getting along great, I really really really like him a LOT. We don't argue about anything yet, I am sure we will, but we enjoy each others company so much it hardly seems like we could fight. lol i know i sound like an idiot...his son gave him permission to marry me, isn't that cute? anyway, I don't think we are to THAT point yet, but maybe one day......."sigh".......

Kristi

Ok these stupid penis this suck LOL..Anywho, I know i am much better without him *he was 20* i am 23 and he was VERY immature. I mean he doesn't do anything for himself, he is a momma's boy 1000%..His mother did everything for him and whenever he needed something he would beep his mother on the nextel, HELLO MCFLY? LOL..I am trying to focus on my weight loss..Still have about 46.5 lbs to go..Then i want to get a TT..I can't wait to see his reaction when i walk into his place of work AFTER i have the TT..ooooooooooooo the sweet smell of REVENGE hahahaha..Anyways, I am getting my first TATTOO this weekend. (I thought i heard someone say do something for yourself)..So i am. I can't wait to talk to you all on normal basis..I am still pretty young and haven't had the best dating experience. So any advice ya have please shove my way..TTYL

~Kristen

Kristi you can share the tattoo boy name! lol. I'm so glad to hear things are going well for you guys! Things are pretty good with me and my tattoo boy, lol, although I'm finding that I go back and forth as to whether or not I am ready/willing to fall for someone again. I didn't realize I had these issues until I met someone I really liked. Ugh! I'll figure it out I'm sure, but for now I'm just taking things slow...

Kristin honey, you are so right that you are better off without him! Focus on yourself and what YOU want in a partner, and when you're ready to date again, be CHOOSY. You deserve the best!

Denise, it is hard to get over relationships. I broke up with my BF of five years just under 2 years ago. It took me over a year to be really ready to move on. And if you read my above post to Kristi, I'm not even sure that I WANT to get in a relationship again. So you're not alone girlfriend!

Wootsie girl, how are things with you and all your men? lol

Thanks everyone. It's good to know that I am not the only one that has this problem of trying to get over someone. The thing that's hard is I am 54 stinkin years old and I have never gone through this.

My first husband was my H.S. sweeheart and I left him. We were just too young and I realize now that he was just my excuse to get out of the house. In those days, people just didn't live together like they do now. I was 19 when I got married and divorced at 21.

My second husband had an accident at work and got killed on the job. He was the father of my two kids. They were 3 and 6 when he died. That was 20 years ago.

My next boyfriend got stomach cancer and died.

Then I was alone for quite a few years, and finally got the nerve to try the internet thing and met the guy that broke my heart. Do you know that it was easier to get over the death of two people I loved? They didn't leave me by choice. Plus they are dead, so I don't sit and wonder if they think about me. It's ridiculous how much time I catch myself wondering what he's doing and if he ever thinks about me. Sometimes I really feel like an idiot, when I try not to think about him and try to think about something else. It's been over 2 years and everything still reminds me of him. I HATE it!

I really want to move on. Thanks for listening.