I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

It's not totally totally for women! For those who wanted an update, that's a little overdue, by the way:

I started seeing this girl not too long ago, maybe a month or so, and I really like her, which reminds me that may still be a little bit of self confidence that got tucked away somewhere between 260-290lbs. hahaha.

Thanks Never Again, I didn't want to step on any toes.

JC

Hi JC. I'm glad you posted and WELCOME! We are always looking for some male perspective here. Feel free to share your story if you're comfortable. Oh, and congrats on being so close to goal!!

Neveragain I'm so glad you met someone you like! It's funny how that self-confidence just kind of pops up, isn't it? Although for me it still pops away every once in a while, but I am feeling soooo much better than I was 50 pounds ago, so I know what your're talking about. Keep us posted!

ibchelle, a bad relationship will definitely make you lose yourself. I've been there, and it took me a while but I have definitely found myself again. The most important thing I've learned over the past couple of years is to truly accept myself the way I am. It does not mean I can't focus on improving things, but I need to be comfortable with myself at whatever point I'm at in life. And the band experience has just enhanced this for me. We all deserve nothing but the best, and we shouldn't allow anything less. When you find yourself again, hold onto her - she's a great girl!

Hey all, I am always comin back here to tell you sorry its been so long! lol Anyway, still losing weight, but think its the running thats been doing most of it. I LOVE the fact that I can run now, and do so much stuff. And the good thing is I don't care what people are thinking of the fat girl. LOOK at the fat girl trying to have fun. LOL

Denise,

I have only gotten 2 fills so I cant tell youabout that. I will give u an example of how much and what I am eating on a daily basis. But keep in mind I have been running several miles a week, and biking, too. Sometimes work out with a personal trainer, rarely, and I do weights at the gym.

I have one protein shake for breakfast every day, whether work or home. I have usu. a 100 calorie snack, like those chips, or chex mix things, or a yogurt. I never drink soda anymore, but have lots of tea, crystal light, or water. I have either a salad with low fat dressing or a diet dinner for lunch. Sometimes I splurge, but not often. At night, for a snack, usually a few chunks of cheese, or a handful of cashews. For dinner, I have whatever I make for dinner, but not very much. I am good to go with that amount. I CAN usu. eat more than that, but I have to make myself stop when I am no longer hungry.

Ihope this helps you, but our age difference may play a part too. YOu can go to your doc and ask him for a test, I don't know what its called, but it measures your breathing for 20 mins? or something. I think it calculates the amount of co2 you breathe out, and by that it can calculate your bodys resting calorie burn per day. Mine was actually sorot high, I could have 1700 calories a day, supposedly and still lose. Maybe you can try that? then measure how much you are taking in?

Kristi

Well thank you for the warm welcome.

My story: I have been overweight for many many years. I have steadily dieted my way UP! When I shot up over 310 I almost could not stand it even though I was still very active. I approached my wife about the lapband and was told if I would only stay on a diet I would lose the weight (She has a weight problem TOOOO!!!???!!) she continued by stating that I wouldn't be happy with the band any way because it's not going to be what I think it is! HUH? Not much later we split 8 years of marriage over done! 10 months after our split I gave myself a lapband for my 40th Birthday. Told almost no one, flew to Tijuana by myself and the next day I was banded!!!!

Due to the amount of physical activity I put myself through and an agressive fill maintenance there has been incredible weight loss. Note: My first 100 mile bike ride I completed took me 11 hours and I weighed 340 lbs. I try to walk 4 miles each week day. I kayak and/or bike ride you name it.

As for dating I tried to rekindle an old high school relationship it didn't last two weeks.

I am having a lot of mental type hurdles now. There are a quite a few people coming out of the woodworks since I have lost the weight. These same darn people used to avoid me when I gained weight. I am sure many of you can relate to the scars I have from those wounds I don't know if it is just exagerated with me because I used to be very popular and then I was just basically abandoned because I gained weight!! I am the same person! I guess I would have understood someone not being sexually attracted to me but I was treated as if I had a contagious disease.

Any good advice on how to deal or get past this?

Thanks for allowing me to vent, I feel better now.

JC

Welcome JC and ibchelle! I had this big long post typed to both of you and hit the wrong key and lost it. I am really glad you found us and will stay around and keep us posted on what's going on in your lives. I am always so happy to see someone younger than me getting banded and taking the weight off. I wish it had been available to me years ago.

JC, if you get the chance, I would tell whoever hurt your feelings exactly how you feel and why. I agree, people treat those of us over weight like

2nd class citizens and it sucks.

Never again, I am really glad to hear you found someone that you like!

Kristi, I had that test taken. It showed I have a very slow metabolism. I already knew that. I made an appt. to get a fill and I hope that helps. I have been enjoying jogging too. I get so bored on the treadmill, jogging really makes the time go by faster. I haven't had the nerve yet to try it outside.

I got another email from the guy from Match. It's kind of exciting, since I have had nothing going on in my life for so long. I hope he turns out to be as nice as he seems in his emails. Time will tell!

Well its done. I had my surgery on the 24th. All is well so far but my port area is bothering me...Is that normal?? All the other incisions I dont even feel which is great but moving with that port is a bitch. Hopefully its normal and it will pass...Hope everyone is doing good. I am looking forward to my newife...

JC, so sorry to hear about your marriage breaking apart. I can imagine that hasn't been easy for you. Personally, I think the lap band is half physical and half mental. And then losing the weight brings on more mental hurdles as you said. There's no easy answer, but it's good to know we're not alone.

Denise I'm so happy you've met someone who is peaking your interest so far! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Kristi - kudos to you for the exercise. That is next on my list to add. I know that I won't lose this next 60 if I don't start moving this butt. And I'd really like to lose it because I'm at the point where I'm feeling good, then I'll look in the mirror and see a big fat moose staring back at me. Then I wonder what the heck did I look like before??? lol. How's your tattoo boy by the way??

JC, so sorry to hear about your marriage breaking apart. I can imagine that hasn't been easy for you. Personally, I think the lap band is half physical and half mental. And then losing the weight brings on more mental hurdles as you said. There's no easy answer, but it's good to know we're not alone.

Denise I'm so happy you've met someone who is peaking your interest so far! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Kristi - kudos to you for the exercise. That is next on my list to add. I know that I won't lose this next 60 if I don't start moving this butt. And I'd really like to lose it because I'm at the point where I'm feeling good, then I'll look in the mirror and see a big fat moose staring back at me. Then I wonder what the heck did I look like before??? lol. How's your tattoo boy by the way??

Chrispy, you look great! don't say that about yourself!

My email buddy was short lived. He told me he smokes a lot of pot. I can't deal with that in my life. That's fine for him, but been there, done that. I had a bf once that put that ahead of me! didn't want to do anything but sit on the couch and get stoned. I'm not going there again.

Thanks for the kindness Chrispy. I'm sure you will get up enough motivation to excercise. One thing I noticed is the lighter I get the more active I become. Good Luck and keep up the good work!

JC

Hi friends! BIG welcome to our new friends who found this thread!

Denise, I'm excited about your prospect! Send that picture, he'll either see you for the fabuless person you are - or, it'll be his loss. Keep us updated on the happenings!

JC - what Chrispy said! We're here to encourage each other, male and female alike. I think it's GREAT that you gave yourself such an awesome birthday present! About the people coming out of the woodwork, I guess you have to give them the benefit of doubt at first... if you're interested why not try to get to know them better? If they turn out to be shallow and not worth your time then move on. Maybe they have their own insecurities and didn't know how to approach someone with your popularity. If you're convinced it was the weight that kept them from seeing the real you then find some new prospects. There are bound to be a bunch of great ladies interested in such an active person as yourself. Since I am one, I can tell you there's a bunch of ladies looking for someone who understands the headgames being overweight leaves us with. (not sure if that came out the way I meant it!)

Neveragain, glad to hear you're having fun. Sounds like it's a nice beginning. Keep smiling.

Chrispy - don't be jealous I promise to give a full report of the cruise, it'll be like you were there with me! That is until you get tired of hearing about all the FUN and tell me to hush up!

It's a vacation long overdue. A present for myself, I'll be 36 in August.

Joan, where are you hiding? Any new pals on your front?

I hope everyone has a nice Memorial Day. Stay safe.

Karla

Hi Karla, thanks for the welcome.

The people I was referring to are people that I was close to, some I was actually intimate with. This is a small town you can kinda tell when people are avoiding you. I really feel better getting that rant off my chest.

I think I know what you were trying to say about the head games!!

JC

I have to know something? What are deal breakers for you as far as dating goes? The guy I was emailing with was really nice, but I can't tolerate a pot head in my life. Some people would say there is nothing wrong with it, it's better than someone that drinks. I wouldn't want to date someone with a drinking problem, either for that matter. What would you call a deal breaker?

Hey there band fans....As I have made it to 60 days post op today. I have stayed away from the dating scene. It's strictly a personal choice of mine for now. I know that I have gotten a few flirts and looks as I have lost the 28 pounds--but I want to strictly stick to my goals and maintain my closeness to my 2 sons. I like the attention--but it seemed the past few relationships--it's been a real stress raiser. The worst was a Woman who complained of me going to the gym too much. Have you ever??? I went through some up and down weight issues in the past. Finally I said as on November 06- time to make a big change in me. So when I got to 3-28-07--I knew it was a start of something new. The newness of my goals, my concentration is great. I can now go for 7 to 10 days--without dropping the ball. I have the days now--I am tired--but I perk up shortly after 2 days rest.

Dating--I am going to wait and feel when the time is right. I know that I am guaging my weight against the dating. I want to be right at 3/4 way before I think of that. That would be an 80 pound weight loss....I know--I am only 52 pounds away--but that is how I am feeling. I don't want nothing to stop me or distract me from where I want to be. Plus with age 50--25 days away--I have plenty of work to do. My goals are in tact and they are going make me ready for the blessed days ahead...LL

LL I can understand putting off dating until you feel ready. I think there's something to be said for just putting the focus on yourself for now. Good for you! :drum:

Denise - I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with a pot head. I don't mind a little partying now and again, but anything that is an every day habit is a no go for me. So I'm with you on the booze/drug habit being a deal breaker. Other deal breakers for me - no job, poor hygene, guys who try to feel me up the first time we kiss (I HATE this!), and just not having their shit together. Guys, I'm curious to hear what your deal breakers are. Care to share???