I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

So that's it with me really. How's everyone else doing? How are things with you Wootsie??

Thanks for asking Chrispy. I finally met the guy who live fairly close to me Friday evening. He took me to dinner and we had a really good time. He told me he was going to come visit me yesterday, but he messaged me and told me he wasn't going to be able to make it. I'm not going to read to much into it, because we did have a good time when we went out and he was very much a gentleman. He kissed me goodbye, but he didn't try to attack me, so that made me happy. We will just have to wait and see how things go. I do think I like him to much for the length of time I've known him, so I'm going to have to be careful with him.

As for the other guy, I talk to him online sometimes, but he is busy traveling with his job all the time, so I don't know if we will meet or not.

~Joan~

I know what you mean about missing love. I have been without it for a long time too. There is nothing like having someone be in love with you. I try to

fill my life up with close friends. It's hard though. I wish part of me didn't always feel like if I only had someone in my life, I would be happy. It's sad, really.

Joan, I hope that they guy you had the date with works out. It sounds like you really like him. That's hard to find. I have gone out with guys that really like me, and I know I could never have any feelings for. There has to be some sort of connection. I don't want to take advantage of some guy buying me dinner that I absolutely know I could never have feelings for.

Well Eficka I really moreso go on the first couple of dates with no expectations. If I decide I like them, not so simple. lol. Online dating is not my favorite way to day, but it's really the only way I know of to meet people, because I certainly don't meet them in my day to day life.

Wootsie so glad to hear from you! I think you're smart taking things nice and slow. The right guy will understand why and not push you.

I was shocked last night to see my ex put a profile on Match. It kind of threw me for a loop. I put a profile on chemistry.com. Once again, there weren't any

guys in my area. Chemsitry doesn't let you search though. They figure out your matches according to the questions you answer. I need to move away from this hick town if I ever expect to find anyonre.

Did anyone else have trouble finding this thread. My email sent me a message but when I clicked on the link, it didn't work. I had to find it using

the search feature.

I have an ad on Yahoo and match but honestly i am just not in the mood to date right now ..I pretty much give up right now. I am thinking about just taking time for myself the next few months. I just started regularlly exercising and weight training..I also bought a few books about self esteemself confidence because obviously being heavy my entire life hasn't help in either of these departments..I have a few guys ive been chatting with but im just not in the mood. I guess i should learn to love me before i can love someone else. I do love myself..There is just certain aspects (weight, Skin issues)..That i don't..Ugh..

~Kristen

Hello to my fellow single friends!!

Chrispy - so much for me asking to make this thread a sticky - eh? I didn't even get a response from Mod. I finially remembered it's in the Support forum and I've been catching up on the posts.

Denise - I don't know what's going on with the links lately. I think it's all the changes they've been making to the site. And, darn it, I always used the links attached to the email notices to take me directly to the thread I posted on.

Girl, what's keeping you in that "hick town" you talked about? Is your family near? Great job? The name makes it sound serene, is it surrounded by Water? Or, maybe I'm totally off.. are you in same city as your Doc?

What's the next largest city/town? Is it too weird to consider moving?

Joan - glad to see you're still out there wining & dining the gents. Keep pecking away at those emails until you find a keeper!

Keep the faith, my friends,

Karla

Hi Karla,

I moved here from Chicago when I was 21. I wish I had moved somewhere else in Oregon. I have a lot of close friends here, and my kids are here. It would be really hard for me to pick up and move by myself to somewhere that I didn't know a soul. I would like to, but I guess I am a chicken. I've gotten pretty used to it here. I think if one of my kids moved somewhere else, it would be easier for me to leave too. I just hope I am not destined to stay here without ever meeting anyone. I wish I could be happy and content on my own and didn't always have that feeling that I would be happier if I met someone. I sound pretty insecure

Denise,

I have insecurity issues too..I just bought a couple books, One about self esteem and the other on self confidence..Have you tried counseling? I am going to try to read the books and if that doesn't help then im gonna try counseling (i think)..

~Kristen

I have done a lot of counseling over the years. It's great when it's going on, but I can't seem to make anything stick. It's the same thing when I read all those books. It sounds so good, but putting all that good advice to use seems harder than I think it should be. I am sure if I was able to get some of this weight off, my self esteem would improve. I am disappointed because I was told I would lose 2 lbs a week and I was so excited at the thought of getting this weight off. So far, I have only lost 10 lbs in the last

3 months and I am doing everything everyone tells me to do. I am pretty disappointed in the band, actually.

Well sorry I havent been around much, it sounds like we have slowed down quite a bit here! Do we all have a life now? I am sure trying to get one started. I have a lot more fun now than i did before, thats for sure.

Denise I am so sorry to hear that you aren't losing...I don't know what to telll you. Did they give you a 10 or 4 cc band? I wish someone could help you. Have you been to the doc for lots of fills?

I went to our new fill doc here in OK for a fill, and he is a little new, so it didn't work. I think my port has flipped too much for them to do blind sticks on me. I know its a bit sideways, but darnit! I guess since i am still losing slowly, I should just give it a rest, I still get stuck sometimes, mostly when I don't chew it up good enough. ARgh! thats painful! I feel sometimes like a bulimic.

Whre have the guys gone? I guess we talk to much about touchy feely things, lol.

Anyway, I don't know if I am still seeing my tattoo boy or what. He doesn't call very much anymore, we still talk online, but I just don't know. He is sortof in between jobs, he starts a new one june 1, so maybe when the money is better we can go out more often, but I think we are just falling away from each other. Although I tried to break up with him last Thursday, and he said he didn't want to, but then we didn't talk all weekend, until just now. I really don't know what to think. He asks me if I am losing interest in him, cause I am not calling, but isn't he supposed to call me? LOL

Well, I hope this finds everyone well......Crispy, have you met anyone new lately?

Wootsie, what about you? I need more information..........here.

Kristi

Kristy, I could use some advice about fills. I have only had 2 fills. I have 2cc in a 4 cc band. i am afraid to get another fill because it's like you said. It hurts so much when food gets stuck. I really don't know if I need another fill or not. I don't know if that would even help. I already eat tiny portions.

As for Tattoo boy, I would tell him how you feel. If you're still interested in him, tell him you'd like it better if he called more often, even if you aren't able to see each other as much as you would like. Can you suggest dates that don't cost much, like a picnic or something?

I am newly single and had told my ex about the surgery and he said he loved me the way I was...But its not about how they love us...Its about how we love us...Im getting banded this Thur and I am very excited and happy to be single through this part of my life...When I start dating again I will decide if he is worthy of knowing about the band...And if I tell him and he doesnt like it then he can move along caus Im not getting any younger....

Hey Kristi!! I'm so glad you posted - I was wondering how life was treating you. I'm sorry things have gotten weird with your tattoo boy - maybe it's the name. lol. Seriously though, if you're still interested in him, I would talk to him and let him know that you like him, but you feel like he's not interested. Tell him why you feel this way, and what you're looking for from a relationship and maybe he'll do the same thing. Maybe he needs you to call or plan dates so he feels wanted. You never know, but if you really like him it's worth having a heart to heart. If you talk and things don't change - dump him. You're too good to put up with crap or someone who's not going to be into you 100%.

Welcome spedhelk, and good luck with your surgery! I agree that it's not about how others love us, it's about how we love ourselves.

Kristi you asked, so here is my latest:

I went out with a 28 year old (I'm 33) and let me tell you, he is hot. lol I'm sitting on this date with him thinking there's no way he's going to be interested in me - he's younger, hipper, and did I mention hot? lol. We shared a very nice kiss at the end of the date and he asked me to go out again. I wasn't sure if I really liked him, but he was cute enough for me to say yes to a second date. Shallow, I know! lol. We haven't been on our second date yet, but he has drunk dialed me a few times this week while he was away on vaca. It completely cracks me up! I'm not sure if there is anything substantial really there, but I'm going to go out with him again I think just for fun. I said to my girlfriends that this makes me nervous though, because I have no idea what I would be like if I get to the point where I'm able to "get" the hot guys. lol Oh to have such a problem!

I've been on a few other first dates, and I have a few other offers on the table. It gets tiring after a while going out all the time. lol. But I keep trucking along.

Chrispy, I should have your problems!! I would like to see what it feels like

to find it tiring going out all the time. I am glad to hear you're having fun.

ahh....to be young again.........

I am a single bandster. I was banded 5-9-07. We singles do have different issues from the married bandsters. Thanks for suggesting this forum.