I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

I wrote this in another thread before I found this one. By social life, I mean dating! I feel more comfortable saying that on a singles thread.

It sounds like there are a lot of you who were dating regularly pre-surgery. I wish I had the same luck. Where are all the guys who can appreciate a large woman??

(Here's the orginal messsage, and thanks for this thread!!)

For those of you single Lap-Banders, how has your social life changed since being banded? I have to admit that part of why I want to have the surgery is to improve that aspect of my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect the surgery to magically make everything better in my life. I'm pretty grounded and have realistic expectations. I like the person I am, but I do have issues with my appearance. I want to improve my health, so if that were not a factor, I would not consider the surgery just to look better.

I would also love to hear stories from those of you who met your significant others when you were overweight. I know there are lots of overweight women out there who are with guys who are not hung up on weight; I just have not had the good fortune to meet one.

<p>Thanks. I 've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my future and I have joined a few internet dating sites. I see what comes from tis.</p> <p>misscarol</p>

Thanks. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've join a few internet dating sites. I'll see what comes from these.

misscarol:)

Hahahahahaha....Yes Liars would be a Deal Breaker for sure....

Calm down--calm down....Just work with it and do some thinking--slow thinking of what you will do. Don't waste emotions and energy on an non-issues....

eyespy, I know exactly how you feel. I look at the profiles on match.com

or yahoo personals and even the guys that aren't anything to look at

or bald or also overweight themselves, say they are looking for slim,

trim and athletic.

If you read back through this thread, there is a website for big and

beautiful women. I don't remember the name of it.

I don't like having my picture on my profile because this is such a small

town. It makes me feel like I am hard up or something. I go to the store and see someone, and think "oh I have seen that person on match, or the gas station, etc.

Several timesI was emailing with a guy and as soon as they asked for a picture, they stopped writing. That's great for a lady's ego.:omg:

I'm not shy about being on Match. It's how people meet nowadays. I even have my parents convinced that it's completely normal, but it took them some time to come around. lol.

eyespy glad you found us. :confused: I can tell you that the last time I was asked out in person was over 10 years ago. I was in a relationship for five years (I asked him out if you'll believe, the one and only time I've ever done that) and all the dating I've done after that was through online. I post many pics and write in my profile that I carry extra weight. They're ok with it, or they're not. Their loss if they're not.

Well I have my second date tonight with, ummm....I guess we'll call him IT boy. lol. This was the first date I went on last week, even though I TOTALLY did not want to go. We had a fun time, and I left the night finding him handsome even though it didn't start out that way. Funny how that happens, and no it wasn't beer goggles - I just had one glass of wine. lol. Tonight will be a test I suppose, to see if I saw/felt what I really thought I did the first time we went out. I'm looking forward to tonight - except for the eating part. Why do they always want to go out to eat? Ugh! Of course he's taking me to this really nice, fancy restaurant. I probably can't get away with just ordering soup, huh? lol. I think it's too early to spill the beans on my surgery. What do you guys think? I almost want to wait and see if we like each other before I fill him in. Or maybe deep down I feel like it's something that will make me less desirable as a mate. hmmm....do I detect some shame here? ugh. Really though, how do you guys feel about this? When do you/would you tell?

Thanks Chrispy. I have been to the sites for big, beautiful women, and it seems that it's mostly guys with fetishes! I don't think that all guys who like big women are like that, but it just seems like most of the ones on those kinds of sites are.

What frustrates me the most is that I would actually like a guy to get to know me a little first before deciding he's not interested. I have met guys before that I wasn't particularly attracted to at first. After getting to know them, I became attracted to them. (I started to make a generalization for ALL men, but out of respect to our guys here I'll just say . . . ) My experience with guys I meet is that if they are not attracted, they don't even take the time to get to know you as a friend.

Can I just say what a great site this is! I only have one MO friend, and she is married and lives out of town. I have great friends who listen, but they can't really understand what it's like to be fat.

(Let me get of my pity party!)

I haven't been banded. I am going to a seminar in June, so i can't meet with the surgeon until after that. I think I have to do a 6 month dr. supervised diet before I get coverage from my insurance. I just met with my primary and she said that my insurance will probably not take previous attempts. So I have at least 6 months to go. I was hoping to have surgery this summer because I travel so much for work, but I don't travel summers. Another good time for me would be December, but who wants to have surgery before Christmas?

Anyway, when I travel for work, I fly and carry 35-40 pounds in wheeled suitcases. Based on your experiences with your healing processes, how long do you think it would be before I could resume that schedule?

Alysa

JCGrove29,

Why did you have to get un unfill? You only have 11 lbs to go Yeah for you!!!!! thats so great...If you have alredy said Im sorry I missed it. This site is so confusing the way they put the posts and I can never keep up.

Alysa,

It would be at least six weeks if not a bit more before you could tote al that luggage. My Dr told me not to lift anything over 3 lbs for 6 weeks...Good luck though....

Lee4love1,

Pot smoking is DEFINANTLY a deal breaker...Dealt with that before the slacker only he was a slacker also...My Mom said my picker is broke...I keep picking the same man in a different body...Totally true...Which is why Im OFF the dating wagon until I lose some weight and figure out whats best for ME. I hope that doesnt take long...

speshelk, thanks for asking

I got down to 228 lbs about a month ago and I caught a dang stomach bug that was going around at work. After all the wretching I swelled shut and got to a point where I could not get any fluid down. I got an unfill then it seemed instantly I put on about 15 pounds! so two weeks after the unfill I got a refill.

Two weeks later I was back down on my weight and the next thing I know I swelled shut again. I tried to ride it out, spent 6 days without food fighting all day long to get fluids in my system. Then couldn't take it any more so I went to a different fill center location to get another unfill and could not have been more impressed.

I was seriously about to head to Tijuana but am thankful to have found a clinic in St. Petersburg the NP there wants me to wait 4 weeks to heal then we will do a barium study.

I have absolutely no restriction so I am walking 4 miles a night going to kayak Tampa Bay Friday night (full Moon) will try to do a few long bike rides (50+miles) and have swapped WW for Atkins. I am up 4 pounds right now and fighting tooth and nail.

JC

Denise,

I have insecurity issues too..I just bought a couple books, One about self esteem and the other on self confidence..Have you tried counseling? I am going to try to read the books and if that doesn't help then im gonna try counseling (i think)..

~Kristen

I also have huge insecurity issues. I was seeing a therapist when I was in Amarillo, but I don't have the money to see one right now. She was helping me a lot though. I have just been really depressed lately, so I am feeling really bad about myself.

~Joan~

You guys have inspired me to do the internet dating thing! Does anyone know anything about BBW DateFinder. I have no idea what to say on my intro. page . . . very unusual for me. I scanned in a picture I like, but it doesn't look as good scanned. Oh well, I'm just putting my toe in the pond!

speshelk, thanks for asking

I got down to 228 lbs about a month ago and I caught a dang stomach bug that was going around at work. After all the wretching I swelled shut and got to a point where I could not get any fluid down. I got an unfill then it seemed instantly I put on about 15 pounds! so two weeks after the unfill I got a refill.

Two weeks later I was back down on my weight and the next thing I know I swelled shut again. I tried to ride it out, spent 6 days without food fighting all day long to get fluids in my system. Then couldn't take it any more so I went to a different fill center location to get another unfill and could not have been more impressed.

I was seriously about to head to Tijuana but am thankful to have found a clinic in St. Petersburg the NP there wants me to wait 4 weeks to heal then we will do a barium study.

I have absolutely no restriction so I am walking 4 miles a night going to kayak Tampa Bay Friday night (full Moon) will try to do a few long bike rides (50+miles) and have swapped WW for Atkins. I am up 4 pounds right now and fighting tooth and nail.

JC

Well it sounds like you have a plan...I dont know what Ill do if ever end up with no restriction. Probablly eat all the food Im wishing I ate before my surgery hahahaha...Good luck...Im rooting for you...Remember not to beat yourself up...Whatever you put on you will take off...

Eyespy, Joan can tell you more about that site. I am too chicken to have my profile show up. I have one, but I keep it hidden so I can search. I have one on Match and one on yahoo personals.

Chrispy, You look great. If I looked like you, I wouldn't worry at all about asking someone on Match to try to get to know me. It just really ruined my self esteem to be shut down so many times. I hope your date is wonderful!

JC, that's too bad about having to be unfilled. You exercise so much, I am sure it must help. Eating a lot of protein really helps too with keeping the cravings away.

Joan, I am glad you checked in. I have been wondering where you are. I know what you mean about feeling bad about yourself. I thought getting the band was going to be a big help. Then I got it and I am having so much trouble losing, that just makes it worse. I hope you're feeling better soon. I thought you met someone in your area that you liked?

To the guys, is it just as hard for you as it is for us? What I mean is, does it scare you to ask someone out?

Since I am new to posting a profile, I just wanted to get some feeback on what I plan to post on my profile--be gentle. :paranoid (I feel like I'm hogging the threads today!)

Thanks,

Alysa

I’m a Florida native. And can you believe it? The hurricanes haven’t run me off yet!! I like to travel, which is good, because I travel for work all over Florida. In the last year I have been to the Bahamas—my first cruise—and Vermont in the fall—gorgeous leaves! Hopefully going to Hawaii next summer.

I’m a Christian woman who would like to meet a Christian man. I don’t have a long list of “must haves,” but I want to meet someone with the same core values as me.

I think I’m a great catch! I like action adventure movies, hate shopping, and don’t want to change you. I’m not clingy or needy. I like my alone time, but I’m also very social with my friends. I don’t care for the bad boy type. Guess what? There are actually women out there that like nice guys.

I’m an intelligent and funny woman who wants to meet someone who will add value to my life.

I’m not in a hurry to have a relationship. I’d like to make friends and see if anything develops.

You guys have inspired me to do the internet dating thing! Does anyone know anything about BBW DateFinder. I have no idea what to say on my intro. page . . . very unusual for me. I scanned in a picture I like, but it doesn't look as good scanned. Oh well, I'm just putting my toe in the pond!

Hello eyespy,

I belong to BBWdatefinder.com. I have met only 1 guy in person from that site and he told me I was to fat, so I wouldn't recomend you join that site. I have had better luck on Mate1 and Plentyoffish.com than any of the sites I've paid for. Well, I belong to bbpeoplemeet.com and have found some very nice guys on there, but I haven't met any of them. All of the men on there that are interested in me live to far away to meet them. I'm not banded yet and I have found several men very interested in me, but most guys on the online sites want phone or cyber sex, at least that's what I've found.

To update everyone on my dating life, it has gone no where. The guy I went to dinner with and I haven't seen each other again. He was supposed to come see me again on Memorial Day, but didn't, as usual. I'm still talking to lots of people online, but not meeting them in person, so....

I've been very depressed lately I guess is why I haven't been posting. I want to get my band and it depresses me that I can't get it for a year. I am going back to school though, so maybe that will help me get out of this funk. I sure hope so. I think I need some human contact with someone besides my daughter! We have a new litter of 10 Boxer puppies with a fabulous pedigree if anyone is interested. They were born on the 28th and are so cute!

I wanted to tell you that I love your new pic. I'm jealous that I can't get my band damnit!

~Joan~