I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

There are a lot of things to do with dates that don't involve eating. You live in a big city where you have way more available to you. Do you like live theater? What about comedy clubs. I love going to comedy shows. Then, there are always movies. (no popcorn, lol) although pop corn seems to go down like I have no band.

Denise there is definitely a need for chemistry! But it's one of those things you can't force. It's either going to be there or it's not. It's hard not to be dissapointed when it's not there, but that's life I suppose. Good luck with your meeting!! I really hope it goes well for you.

New man is pretty good. We've agreed to go out again, and it will be my treat and my planning (I insisted since he has paid both times before, and for two very, very nice dinners). I'm trying to come up with something fun that doesn't surround eating. I'll take any ideas. lol. We've emailed a couple of times but haven't spoken. I don't know what it is about guys my age - they don't like to call. Grrr... But he's away for business this week, so our next date will be sometime during the week after next. I'll keep you posted.

Check the newspaper and see what's going on. There are usually things listed to do that sound like fun, with no eating involved. I wish I lived in a bigger area and had more available to me.

After reading your notes, I feel like a grandma! I am! lol I am 59 years old a year ago weigned 325 pounds. I am now at 210 pounds. i am 5"7' I am also single since 1884, what's that some of you not born yet?! lol anyway, it dated off and on until I got over 300 pounds I was depressed, and unhappy with myself which of course projected as "hands off". Haven't dated recently but sure have had more interestinf conversations I guess I am n more approchable since I am happier with me!

Well, I'm newly single (as of 10AM 5/29), divorce final. I'm NOT looking forward to the 'dating scene'. I'm coming out of a 6 year marriage and we were together for about 1 1/2 yrs befor we tied the knot. I have a 4 year old son to worry about, he's my number one concern now and to make sure he deals with the split OK. I recently found out the guy I dumped for my ex-husband almost 9 years ago is still single, he knows of the divorce and the fact that I made the wrong choice because I came out and told him the truth. We spoke on the phone last nite for about an hour and a half, but not sure what will become of it. Not sure if I should pursue it or not. Any advice would be appreciated (please don't be too cruel).

:welcome: Welcome Sharon and Dotofoz. I think you will find that everyone here is very supportive and full of great ideas and information. You don’t have to worry about anyone being * too cruel!*

Denise: Congratulations on meeting a possible someone. I hope you have a wonderful time.

Chrispy: I wish I could help you out with suggestions, but since I haven’t had a date in about 12 bras sizes, I don’t really have much to add! :welldoneclap:

Lmao Eyespy - you are too funny! lol

Welcome Sharon!

You too Dotofoz! As far as what to do with this new (old)guy, I would say just take it slow and do what you are comfortable with. I would also suggest making sure you take some time to find yourself again. You may have already done this, because I'm sure you've been separated for a while. But whatever you do, don't settle. You're worth far too much! :welldoneclap:

I totally understand that you have to change your habits and the band is just a tool. I guess what I'm wondering is how come you're able to do that post band when you couldn't do it pre-band? If I was able to change my habits, I wouldn't need the lapband.

A few years ago, I did change my habits. I lost 30 pounds very slowly and healthy. I accepted that this was my new lifestyle, but after a year-and-a-half, I resorted back to my old ways and haven't been able to get back on track since.

So how is that the lap helped you make that change you couldn't before?

Sorry to be so negative. I just want to be fully informed before making my decision. Maybe I will feel more confident after meeting with the surgeon. I go to a seminar on Thursday, and after that, I can make an appointment with the surgeon and get the ball rolling.

Eyespy - You are not being negative. You are voicing the same concerns that i did - I still can't seem to wrap my head around that whole theory "if you can do it post banding why don't you do pre-band" It's the whole idea that you are taking the easy way out to control your food intake - This is how we have been programed to think that it's all about control. People (thin) don't seem to understand that Food is our Drug and we have not control.. Just like a drug addict can't just do a little drugs - we can't do little food. Everyone says this isn't the magical answer to our being overweight - We will still have to work at it. Heck this is just like diet pills - as long as you take them you don't eat - but the minute you quit you are eating again - plus us yo-you dieters have screwed up our motaboizm (sp). - I think the tool that everyone is talking about is that you will not have so much hunger, you will be forced to eat smaller portions all the time not just for a few months, you have to eat slower - but again there are people her who have been banded for a couple of yrs and have only lost 16 lbs - and there are those who have been banded 3.5 months and have lost 45 lbs. I truely think that the people who loose the weight are eating low calorie and exercising - really truely following a program - whereas the people who aren't losing truely aren't eating correctly - even in the 50+ thread - the ones folloiwng the program are loosing weight - maybe not as fast as someone your age - but they are loosing.. The reports I have read is that 2 yrs out lapbanders have lost as much weight as bypass and the odds of keeping it off are about the same. I have a gf who's in her 20s - had the bypass 2 yrs ago - just had a baby and is down to 190 (started 300) and she has a friend who had the same surgery lost 85lbs and has gained it all back.

I still worry if i am making the right decision (i think it's all about not being able to eat like we have been - it's losing a friend (food). We are giving up Food in the quanities that we are use to.

I think most banders have had these doubts - look for the thread - would you do it agian and the who has lost 100 lbs.

I have gotten the calls to do all the pre-op testing that my doc wants (heart - lungs - sleep etc) and I am still scared am i doing the right thing.. Yes I need the tool to help me - how does the Sernitiy prayer go. "I admit to being helpless as to control"

Good luck on your journery - just read all the post here. This is why i came to the singles theard as i think we need others to validate our feelings - It took a friend to say to me if you want to do this (i have been talking about it for 2 yrs) then go ahead and do it. We don't have partners to encourge us like those who are in relationships - so I feel that that's why a thread like this is good.

Janet

Janet, I am in the over 50's thread and I am one of the ones that have complained about the slow weight loss. I do everything I am told, and exercise.

I had a resting metobolic test taken and it showed that I have a really slow metabolism. I am getting another fill on Wed. and I hope that helps me start to lose like other people. I get full fast, but I am also very hungry in a couple of hours. I haven't gained any of the weight back, but I haven't lost anything this month either. I know if I hadn't been banded though, I would be heavier by now than I was the day of surgery.

I didn't get to meet the guy I have been talking to on the phone. I was disappointed. We had made plans to meet, but he has a son, and his exwife didn't want to pick him up on the agreed upon time. He didn't want to get into it with her that he had plans to meet someone, so he asked if we could meet next weekend. He works out of town all week long.

It seems over the last few years I have met a lot of men with child support and exwives problems. I start to think that if they are single in their 50's there's probably a reason for it. Maybe I am wrong.

I don't want to spend every night talking on the phone with him though either. I have done that before and found it to be a big waste of time and energy. My experience has been that just because you click with someone on the phone, doesn't mean there is any chemistry once you meet.

dotofoz, my only advice is to take things slowly. There isn't any advice I think that is better than that. People change, and it's really better to know someone extremely well before making any decisions on how far you want to persue something. I was with my exboyfriend for 3 years and I really thought I knew him well and he turned out to be a completely different person than I thought he was, if that makes any sense. Welcome to

our singles thread. This is my favorite thread on LBT!

Welcome Sharon too! There is nothing better than getting thinner and feeling better about ourselves!

This is my favorite thread, too!

Denise, where did you get your resting metabolic rate measured, and how did they do it? I have always been curious about that. I think I probably have a normal metabolism, but I've always wondered. A nutritionist asked if my weight has gone up and down and up and down. I told her, "No. Just up!" I have never really been a yo-yo dieter. I have a done a few things, but always in a healthy way. I really for the most part just sat back and ate and didn't want to think about dieting.

I go Thursday for my seminar. Thanks goodness. I missed the last two because I was out of town for work, and I was very frustrated. Even though I had been to a seminar at another hospital and had been doing research, I couldn't make an appointment with the doctor. I don't see what's so magic about the seminars that you can't get past the *gate keeper* without attending. The one I attended at the other hospital was mostly a waste of time. If I didn't know anything about WLS, it would have been helpful, I guess.

My GP took bloodwork last week to measure my thyroid and other hormones, so at least that part has been taken care of. I would assume that after the seminar it may take quite a while to get a consultation scheduled. If I would have thought of this ahead of time, I would have asked my mother to attend and say she was me! At the other seminar, they just checked off your name.

I know everybody probably felt/feels this way, but I am ready to get this started now. I think I will probably have to wait until next summer, though. If I plan to do it in the fall, I will have to tell my supervisor, and I don't really want her to know. She is into organic food, never eats read meat, exercises religiously, and complains about being overweight when she looks good. She is doing WW and I think she has lost too much weight. Maybe according to the charts she is overweight, but her face has started to sag.

At least I will not be someone who gets hung up on #'s. I don't really care about getting down to a certain weight. That's not to say I don't have a magic number floating around in my head, but my primary goal is to look good, be able to shop in the regular clothes section, a feel good about myself. Oh yeah--and be healthy and energetic. You see which I value more! When I lost 30 pounds, I was still obsese, but I felt so good about myself and could see the beautiful things about my body. I am trying to do that at my current weight, but it's hard.

Wow, got off on a major tangent.

Anyway--LOVE THIS THREAD!

Eyespy - I am still vain enought to want to look good too - this isn't all about health - Heck the 50's are the new 30's and we aren't our mother's 50's - I bet Denise will agree - our moms were old at 40 and we aren't

Denise - I wasn't refering to you - I read recently a younger girl i think in her 20's who had not lost anything... and she was banded a couple of yrs ago...

With the resting metobolic test, I couldn't exercise for 2 days. I had to come in fasting, first thing in the morning at 8am. they stuck this thing like a close pin on my nose and a tube in my mouth to breathe in and out of for 20 min.

It was hard to try to breathe normally but that's what you are supposed to do. The whole thing is hooked up to a machine like a computer and it tells how many calories you are burning just sitting there and how many you need to eat to lose weight.

I was a yo yo dieter all my life,and that's really supposed to mess up your metabolism.

I am the same as far as no magic number in my head. I want to stop buying clothes in the plus size department, and not think about sweets all the time. Being on the 4 week liquid diet really helped the sweet cravings go away. I am sure I could have done 4 weeks on liquids without being banded, but I doubt that I would have done that. It took me writing out a check for $10,000.00 to make me do that!

I never had to go to any seminars. I had been attending support group for a year, with my 26 year old daughter who had gastric bypass. Then someone talked about lap band, and I wondered why I had never considered that. The next day, I called the surgeon for an appt.

Well, my name is Melinda and I am new to this whole scene. I will be 32 in two weeks, in fact one day before I get banded. Am single and have been with the exception of one terrible relationship, for most of my adult life. I have always blamed my weight as the reason men don't pay attention to me. When they do look my way, my thought is always "they can't possiblely looking at me". It is amazing the way that weight can grab a hold of your life if you let it. I am excited about the surgery, but at the same time scared. The last time I was down in size was when I met the asshole. So they are warning me at the program that something we need to prepare for is that with weight loss comes new types of attention we may not be accoustomed to. Well whatever the case may be, thanks to this forum, I am able to have this surgery knowing there there are people like me to chat with. Honestly, finding this site has been the best part of this process so far!

Welcome Melinda! Lap Band talk is the greatest. You will learn so much here.

There is so much information here, that our doctors just don't bother to tell us. There is nothing like getting information from someone who knows exactly what we are talking about . I hope you will look all around this board. There is so much interesting stuff to read!

Hey everyone..Just dropping in to say hello. Hope all is well..Still single lol..but ive been on a few dates..Its been fun and i am enjoying being single again although i do miss having someone to cuddle with..Oh well, in time..Anywho gotta get back to work..have a nice day