I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

I have that problem too, Kristin. There aren't many men in my area. I have enjoyed reading the forums in there though.

Sorry about seeing your ex. I know I would really get depressed if I saw my ex

with someone else. Just keep concentrating on your weight loss and you'll meet someone and it will be his loss!

Ok. So I know what a BBW is, but what is an SSBBW?

Super Size BBW

I am excited that I am supposed to meet the guy I have been talking to on the phone from plenty of fish. We have talked hours and hours on the phone. I sure wish I knew what he looked like. I hope I am able to come back here and tell everyone we really connected!

Hey denise..When are you going to meet him? hehehe ..Good luck girl! I am hoping to maybe meet someone @ the gym..who knows....just focusing on me (weight, working out, maybe going to school) ya know

~Kristen

Thanks Kristen! We talked on the phone last night until 1am and we are supposed to meet around 5 pm. Last weekend, when we were supposed to meet he had issues with his son, and changed the plans. I told him last nigh that he better be figuring out what he is going to do with his son this time.

I was not happy that it didn't work out last weekend. It's just that he called at the very last minute when I had worked my whole day around this schedule. I figure he knows he has a kid, and he knew he had plans, so get the babysitting arrangements made ahead of time.

It's going to be so disappointing to have spent every night with him on the phone and find out he has rotten teeth or something. That's another deal breaker for me. I had done this once before, where I had spent a lot of time talking on the phone with a guy, then met him and looking at his rotten teeth made me ill. For me, that comes under the catagory of personal hygiene that we discussed a couple pages ago.

I think I am too old for this!

OK... I just wanna bump this cause there are current;y 666 posts!!! ICKY!! I'm not really supersticious (sp?)... but come on... thats a BAD number!

lol suzzzie...I hear ya on that one..not a good #...Especially since were all single..lol

lol Suzzie, that was hysterical!

GOOD LUCK DENISE!!! I have my fingers crossed that it's a good meeting!

Update!!

He just called to make sure I wasn't the one that wanted to back out this time. I have been freaking out trying to figure out what to wear. I am in that "nothing fits" situation. I do have some clothes that I got too fat for that I went digging for.

Thanks Chrispy! You know, if it wasn't for you giving me encouragement, I would have never done this. You saw what I looked like, and made me feel like even though I have had my feelings trampled on before, I really could try again. Now he's got the advantage. He's seen my picture but his picture is of him standing on a pier in a shadow. That's what makes me wonder why he didn't do a head shot.

When I come home, I will post how it went. He wants to go to dinner, and I am already freaking out because since my fill on Wed. I can barely eat. (in the words of Martha Stewart "and that's a good thing"

Plus another thing he told me just now, he already told the kid about me. I would have never done that as a single parent until I was sure how it was going to turn out. So he must be thinking optimistically. he hee:clap2::nervous:ermm

signing off, one freaked out Denise

Awww Denise, I think no matter what happens tonight, it is a HUGE success because you took the chance and got back out there. He may or may not be right for you, but you gave it a try! That's half the battle! You are beautiful, inside and out. The right guy will see this, even if you have to kiss a 100 frogs to find him. There is no need to settle, which I know you won't. I'm proud of you for taking a chance and getting back out there. I can't wait for the update!

Okay, my single friends, I have a new question for everybody! How important are looks?

Over the past couple of years, I have actually met several men online. Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much, thinking that I can actually find someone that is not unattractive. The guy tonight is not attactive at all. I have talked to him on the phone so much that I know he is a very sweet guy.

I hate to keep going out with someone just because I really have nothing better to do. (That sounds so shallow.) I am really not a shallow person. It's really hard to imagine kissing someone that I am not attracted to. I don't really know how to write this without sounding so shallow.

He wants to go out again, and I really didn't know what to tell him.

There is a question on E Harmony that is something like this: Is Chemistry something that you notice immediately, or can chemistry grow the longer you get to know someone? I really want everyone's opinion on this.

thanks everyone, Denise

And Chrispy, we want an update! Are you still seeing the new guy that

you were talking about when you said next time it's your treat?

Well, Denise, now we know why he was in the shadow in his picture! That is why I posted several pictures of myself. I want to give an accurate portrayal of myself so that there are no suprises!

I think you can develop an attraction to somebody you didn't find attractive to begin with, but not really in a dating situation. I think if you see a guy on a regular basis like at work or church or something, you might change, but dating is just a weird thing in general.

I met this guy that a friend wanted to set me up with. I told her to make sure she told him I was fat. I wasn't trying to be down on myself, but I am fat, and I couldn't bare to see a schoceked look on someone's face who was expecting someone thin. (For future set ups, I've decided giving someone my picture ahead of time is a better thing than announcing I am fat!)

Anyway, we talked on the phone for hours at a time, and he wanted to go out right away. I wanted to wait a while--notice a pattern of my being overly cautious! After a couple of weeks, I agreed to go out with him because it was my birthday.

Well, let me just say, there was ANTI-chemistry! It's not that he was an ugly guy. I mean, no one would look at him and think, "What and ugly guy." But, no one would probably notice him at all. I was not attracted to him. In fact, even though he was only 5 or 6 years older than me, he looked way older. I felt like people thought I was with an uncle. He was 34 and an aquaintance from my mom's church saw us out and told my mom I was on a date with a 49 year old guy! (I was 29 at the time. I don't think so!)

Ayway to make this oh so long story short, I could not imagine kissing him. In fact, I thought, "don't even accidently touch me!" He must have felt the anti-chemistry too because he didn't ask me out again. I probably would have gone out with him one more time, but that would have been it. A dating situation is just too hard to wait and see if you'll change your mind.

(But it was nice to have a date for my birthday!)

Alysa

Ok girls - I am going to put my 2 cents in - Have any of you read the book "women who love to much" - I read it a long time ago and it's really alot about bad boys vs good guys. I don't know what your previouse relationships have been about - so i can't say it "You not haveing chemsitry right away is part of that or not" I think that chemistry can build as you get to know someone (it's not all about the sex, its about what you both want from life) I would take a Nice respectful - loving medoicer (sp) guy over a self centered hunk any day.

It's all about what you want for yourself - guys in their 50's are going to have a tummy - loosing their hair - etc - and how many hunks do you know who date fat chick anyways. As long as they have the quailities you want "have their own house, car, aren't druggies or alcohalics" ansd your aren't like totally replused by them - Date them get to know them and who knows what will develope... Imho

Well, the question of what to say to him has been answered, thank goodness.

He ended up calling me like at 11:30 pm. I could tell he was really drunk. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem . He had 3 bourbon on the rocks with dinner. He told me he ''needs to unwind" on the weekends. He was quite offended when I told him I thought he had a drinking problem. He had obviously had a few more when he got home.

Alysa, I know exactly what you are talking about-anti chemistry. I met a guy from yahoo personals a couple of years ago. We are still friends. That is exactly how I feel about him. Every time I am with him, I think just like you said "don't even accidently touch me" I told him right from the beginning that I only wanted to be friends. He seems fine with that. We go to the movies, etc, and I always pay my share.

Indigo Girl, I know what you are talking about too. I did read that book and really liked it a lot. I would rather have a very nice guy that has it together than some conceited "hunk" I know I couldn't get a hunk anyway.

The problem is that everyone that I have met over the past couple of years really has almost totally replused me. I have had several long term relationships, and I wouldn't say any of them were handsome, but there was just something there. I hope I can find that again someday, but I am really having doubts that it will ever happen for me again.

Denise

I would say kick this guy to the curb.. Don't waste anytime with him cuz it really sounds like he does have a drinking problem.

And girlfreind you can get a hunk - don't settle for less than what you deserve.. He might not be mr olympaid - but he will be your hunk if he has all the qualities that you want... My verision of a hunk could be totally different than your.

This is one reason I'm not out there looking - I don't have the energy to have to meet 20 million guys to hopefully find that one. If he fell in my lap that would be great - but most guys our age who are divorce are divorced for a reason.

Gook luck.. but seriously kick this one to the curb - he has already given you the warning signs (calling you 11:30 p.m. drunk)