This topic has come up in pre-op discussions and I was curious if it does affect relationships. What signs to look for? Thank you.

My marriage has been rocky for years, however, she is extremely supportive of my sleeve. Since and I am only 1.5 months post op, I have noticed that she is a lot more sensitive about our relationship. She is also not saying very nice things to me. I would like to think it was just jealousy but she is a beautiful woman and does not have a weight problem so me losing weight isn't making her feel big or anything. She just makes little comments that cut me to the core. Comments like "I thought you would have more energy" which doesn't sound bad, but after working 12+ hr days of physical labor I was always tired before surgery. Now my energy levels are HIGH and I go work out daily, but today...Sunday...Football I was watching my beloved Vikings and she made comment like I just sit around all day. It was one day...so I got pissed and now she tells me that I have anger issues since my surgery. I can tell you honestly that I haven't been this happy since I was playing hockey in my early 20's!! I haven't felt this good in years! So I don't know where this is coming from.

I don't know really where I am going with this, just confused mainly...we are in trouble here and I don't know if it is going to work out.

My marriage has been rocky for years' date=' however, she is extremely supportive of my sleeve. Since and I am only 1.5 months post op, I have noticed that she is a lot more sensitive about our relationship. She is also not saying very nice things to me. I would like to think it was just jealousy but she is a beautiful woman and does not have a weight problem so me losing weight isn't making her feel big or anything. She just makes little comments that cut me to the core. Comments like "I thought you would have more energy" which doesn't sound bad, but after working 12+ hr days of physical labor I was always tired before surgery. Now my energy levels are HIGH and I go work out daily, but today...Sunday...Football I was watching my beloved Vikings and she made comment like I just sit around all day. It was one day...so I got pissed and now she tells me that I have anger issues since my surgery. I can tell you honestly that I haven't been this happy since I was playing hockey in my early 20's!! I haven't felt this good in years! So I don't know where this is coming from.

I don't know really where I am going with this, just confused mainly...we are in trouble here and I don't know if it is going to work out.[/quote']

Have you tried/suggested marriage counseling? I hope everything works out well forr you!

Yes, we have done marriage counseling, before the sleeve. Our marriage has been really rocky for a few years now and it seems like we have been hitting our biggest bumps lately. Post op. Thank you for your support!

Yes' date=' we have done marriage counseling, before the sleeve. Our marriage has been really rocky for a few years now and it seems like we have been hitting our biggest bumps lately. Post op. Thank you for your support![/quote']

My husband and I had to go through counseling three times before we ironed things out lol. None post sleeve- I'm only 6 weeks out and things are ok now. We have been married 14 years though and he is totally on board with the surgery, as I was 130 lbs lighter when we married. He is, and has always been, very slim. I hope you continue to loose well and feel great and I wish all the best for you!

I have been honest since day 1 with my entire family(mom, brothers & sisters,aunts and uncles). I wanted their input & to ensure i had their support. Once i knew this is what i was doing for sure i shared with friends and co-workers. Everyone has been supportive and i found out more ppl who have had it. My husband is very insecure and tells me daily that he gives us a year until we are divorced. We have major issues that were here well before surgery. That is my only concern is losing him & my family falling apart! Has anyone had a marriage fail post op?

Same here...my husband and I have been pretty rocky for the past year and now that I'm post op he just made the comment the other day that once I lose the weight he knows I'm planning on leaving him. I was just like what that's crazy. All I could think about before the surgery was getting back to a weight I was happy with and looking good for him. He always told me I was beautiful before and didn't need the surgery and felt he even tried to sabotage my financial ability to get the surgery as I was self-paid. Guess time will tell and I will try what I can to make him feel secure in my journey but it would be nice to have his full support.

As for friends, family, & co-workers, I only told a select few who I really couldn't hide it from. Not because of the procedure itself but because I was going to Mexico to do it and didn't want to deal with all the typical 'omg you're going to have surgery in Mexico are you insane?' comments. Didn't want to deal with all the negativty leading up to my procedure. Now that it's done and everything went well, I'm not going to run around like hey guess what I did but figure the questions of 'oh what are you doing to lose weight' then I'll be open and honest. Hoping I don't have any insecure friendships that will be lost over it but if so then I'll be ok and keep moving forward regardless. I have some pretty amazing and supportive friends in my life so don't think I'll have any issues with that. Just pray for me and my hubby.

Yes' date=' we have done marriage counseling, before the sleeve. Our marriage has been really rocky for a few years now and it seems like we have been hitting our biggest bumps lately. Post op. Thank you for your support![/quote']

That's rough, NewMan. I am not a counselor, just someone who's had more than her fair share of hard knocks. So think about this: life is short, and you cannot go thru life miserable. If you've truely tried everything and it's still not working out....well, really think things over. But sometimes staying IS worse than leaving.

felt he even tried to sabotage my financial ability to get the surgery as I was self-funded

I am having the same issue. We took out insurance 12 months ago both having in mind that we would both get banded. After researching, I have changed to sleeve. But now that I have a date booked, he is starting to say things like "oh, we'll have to hope we have the money." I've already told him it's non-negotiable, it WILL happen. FFS we have the cash. It was okay for him to go spend $3500 on a caravan two weeks ago - but my health is, apparently, not so important. I feel that he doesn't value me, but I'm at the point in my life where "I" value me, beyond what anyone else thinks.

NewMan - perhaps your wife is trying to get you to make the first step to separation, save herself the issue (and guilt) of doing so. Of course, I don't KNOW that, just thinking maybe. I hope you both find what needs to happen either way it goes.

It makes me sad to see that some spouses are not being supportive. That is a big problem bc of you can't lean on and look to the person you married for support where can you? When I got married I weighed 115lbs and although I have gained a ton of weight he has always been sweet and never made me feel bad about it. He knows how much it bothers me to have gained as I've never been overweight before so he was totally on board (after some initial concern as to whether it was safe) and he has done EVERYTHING to make this as easy on me as possible. He even refused to eat in front of me while I was on liquid & puréed bc he said he didn't want to make me feel bad. I say all of this to say that the spouses who are being anything less than supportive should be ashamed of themselves! We have taken a huge step to make ourselves healthy and it is so unacceptable for the one person in the world we have CHOSEN to spend our lives with to make us feel bad. I am so sorry for those of you dealing with this. If it were me, I would definitely tell them what they are doing and let them know if they can't be supportive then they shouldn't probably be holding the position in my life that they are. Hope things improve. And, as for friends, I didn't tell anyone else besides my mother. In the past I have not discussed my medical procedures, etc with my friends so I did not this time either. To me it is no different and my weight (big or small) shouldn't make a difference and if it does then good riddance.

Same here...my husband and I have been pretty rocky for the past year and now that I'm post op he just made the comment the other day that once I lose the weight he knows I'm planning on leaving him. I was just like what that's crazy. All I could think about before the surgery was getting back to a weight I was happy with and looking good for him. He always told me I was beautiful before and didn't need the surgery and felt he even tried to sabotage my financial ability to get the surgery as I was self-paid. Guess time will tell and I will try what I can to make him feel secure in my journey but it would be nice to have his full support.

As for friends' date=' family, & co-workers, I only told a select few who I really couldn't hide it from. Not because of the procedure itself but because I was going to Mexico to do it and didn't want to deal with all the typical 'omg you're going to have surgery in Mexico are you insane?' comments. Didn't want to deal with all the negativty leading up to my procedure. Now that it's done and everything went well, I'm not going to run around like hey guess what I did but figure the questions of 'oh what are you doing to lose weight' then I'll be open and honest. Hoping I don't have any insecure friendships that will be lost over it but if so then I'll be ok and keep moving forward regardless. I have some pretty amazing and supportive friends in my life so don't think I'll have any issues with that. Just pray for me and my hubby.[/quote']

I do try to make him feel better. I am not even 3 weeks out and he already is like this, i cant imagine 6 months out. He is VERY sensitive for some reason. I will def pray for your marriage!!

My marriage has been rocky for years' date=' however, she is extremely supportive of my sleeve. Since and I am only 1.5 months post op, I have noticed that she is a lot more sensitive about our relationship. She is also not saying very nice things to me. I would like to think it was just jealousy but she is a beautiful woman and does not have a weight problem so me losing weight isn't making her feel big or anything. She just makes little comments that cut me to the core. Comments like "I thought you would have more energy" which doesn't sound bad, but after working 12+ hr days of physical labor I was always tired before surgery. Now my energy levels are HIGH and I go work out daily, but today...Sunday...Football I was watching my beloved Vikings and she made comment like I just sit around all day. It was one day...so I got pissed and now she tells me that I have anger issues since my surgery. I can tell you honestly that I haven't been this happy since I was playing hockey in my early 20's!! I haven't felt this good in years! So I don't know where this is coming from.

I don't know really where I am going with this, just confused mainly...we are in trouble here and I don't know if it is going to work out.[/quote']

I hope it all works out for you! Hopefully she will recognize how hard you are working & will appreciate the effort no matter how often you choose to sit on the couch. From what i hear your body will take MONTHS to feel energized etc.

Thank you all for your support and advise. It is nice to come onto a forum where you can discuss the 'real' issues and not be judged and or talk with others going through the same things.

Thank you all for your support and advise. It is nice to come onto a forum where you can discuss the 'real' issues and not be judged and or talk with others going through the same things.

Could not agree more!!

My marriage fell apart post sleeve, but not due to my Weightloss. I had enough of his alcoholic ways, and me and my 5 year old moved out on labor day. I'm sorry but when you break your nose and receive a concussion but dont remember how it happened, you've got a problem. We've been married since last October, and his "problem" started surfacing in January of this year. I had enough. Not the role model I want for my son. Maybe I have more confidence because of my weight loss. I'm sure he'll tell all his friends it's because I lost 63lbs, not because he's a drunk. But I don't care.

I am planning my sleeve for 3/11/13 in TJ. Getting some negative vibes from my biggest support systems. Spouse. Parents. BFF. They're treating me like I'm taking a shortcut! Like major surgery in Mexico is a shortcut?!?! I can imagine to feedback post op... It does get to me.

Amanda Rae

My marriage fell apart post sleeve' date=' but not due to my Weightloss. I had enough of his alcoholic ways, and me and my 5 year old moved out on labor day. I'm sorry but when you break your nose and receive a concussion but dont remember how it happened, you've got a problem. We've been married since last October, and his "problem" started surfacing in January of this year. I had enough. Not the role model I want for my son. Maybe I have more confidence because of my weight loss. I'm sure he'll tell all his friends it's because I lost 63lbs, not because he's a drunk. But I don't care.[/quote']

You go girl!!! You and your son are what is must important.