Scotti you need to get help. AA is NOT a form of weakness. It is proof of your inner courage shining through the fear of change that you have decided to attend a meeting. It takes far more courage to seek help for a problem than to deny the problem. The damage an alcoholic inflicts on their family is devastating. I am the child of a raging alcoholic. My mother refused to get help because it was "weak". After 25 years of self loathing she took her life. She could not live with the guilt of the abuse she dealt us. She devastated her children and robbed her grandchildren of the chance to love her because she refused to look beyond herself. You can do it. You just have to be willing to take that first step.
A good lunch is canned chicken with fat fre mayo, pickles, and mustard wi th a string cheese. There are a lot of different uses for the chicken and it has a lot of protein. Good luck to you!