Bummed At People's Reactions

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I told my sister first' date=' thinking she would be support for me when I told my parents but no. She said its a load of rubbish, a waste of money and I just needed to stop being so lazy and get out an exercise. None of my family have been supportive about it- even laughing at me saying how was I going to go a whole 2 weeks on the liquid diet before surgery if I can't even stick to a normal diet. Even my mother said things like 'I know you, you wont be able to finish it' that they just know I won't be able to do it (liquid diet) without cheating. Thankfully I have told 3 amazing friends who have been over the moon and just as excited as I am. How crazy that these friends have already organised who will be taking what shifts to visit me at the hospital but my family will not be coming up to see me.[/quote']

Wow....sometimes people think being family means they don't have to treat you with the same respect they treat the rest of the world. It pains me to read these stories. I'm glad you have good friends to support you.

[Wheetsin 714]

"...those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

[alliecat1095 128]

"...those who mind don't matter' date=' and those who matter don't mind."[/quote']

Love it. Thank you...great quote...

[Kalimomof3 613]

I have to admit I only tell the people closest to me that I feel are going to be supportive. I have a very good idea of who won't be. I also have people that I plan on telling like my aunt but I am only going to tell them right before surgery.I plan on it being a one way conversation because I want them to know I am having surgery but I know thy will try to talk me out if it if I allow it.I have people that I know I probably won't ever tell like my MIL bc they will judge me and forever be making comments like " well she only lost weight because she took the easy way out" I know that those people will never change and a lot of them will be bitter over their own situations and I don't want or need their negative juju!

[Hopeful loser 22]

My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday. He asked me what I wanted him to tell people about my (hopeful) forthcoming surgery. That's questionable isn't it? On the one hand, I want to simply say, I had weight loss surgery. And if that's supposed to be the "easy" way out, they've lost their ever-lovin' mind. On the other, I have only discussed it with my mom and my husband, and don't plan on discussing it with anyone else, for all the reasons you've listed. I don't really care to hear everyone else's opinions or be influenced by them. I've done the diets for years, I've done the research, I'm tired of failing. It's that simple, and that hard. There is nothing wrong with keeping your decision to yourself and dealing with it however you see fit. There is the part of me that feels I could be of more help to others by being honest, and that is ultimately the part that will win, after I get through the surgery.

[shrinkydinkme 221]

I told many close friends but not most... Saved telling my mom until 2 days before surgery because I did not want her input or for her to tell my sister but if something were to have happened during surgery I would have felt bad that I had not let her know. My in-laws do not know because I do not want sister-in-law & family putting in their two cents. So far no regrets, everyone I did tell has been very supportive. All those I have seen the past 20 days since surgery have no idea... they just think I am on some crazy no carb diet again or something. At some point I may feel like telling but really seeming like I won't tell -I am too comfortable with things the way they are. One friend (the one that is morbidly obese) did let me know their is new diet pills out there. I never followed up with her or left her know I have had the surgery. I know she was just trying to be helpful and is too scared to do surgery herself, so she was scared for me I am sure. Having a few great supporters is all you need! Glad I have some and you do too.

[Cookeeeeez 269]

You know, if she is a good friend then after the surgery you should take her up on her offer... It's always good to try new things and meat is murder, lol (coming from an on&off vegetarian)!!!

Let her know that you will be changing your habits for the better, but you still need this extra help of the sleeve because reasons a ) b ) & c )

Healthy friends are a great thing! And I promise if you show her YouTube videos, doctors reports, this site etc she will be more informed.

She wouldn't be a good friend if she approved of high risk abdominal surgery on a whim, educate her and she'll educate others! She may become a champion of WLS! You never know-

Don't get fatigued by these attitudes, use them to reinforce your own decision!

On the other hand, if someone remains stubborn give up the goose and find another friend

[revangela78 8]

some ppl can be supportiive some dont understand its a disease. u have to know which one is which. I started out as a secret but im proud of this code and this was not the easy way out m this is hard and those who are against me can get behind me

[So Cal Kurt 32]

I have been following this post and wanted to add something else. Perhaps it's my age (50) and the fact that I am a man, I really didn't see any negativity towards my WLS. Most people my age are fighting age/weight related conditions and I think we tend to look at this for a different reason. I don't agree that obesity in itself is a desiese, it is a condition brought on by underlying issues and contributing factors. Looking back in retrospect, if I could have wad this surgery at 30, I would have been able to avoid Diabetes, High blood pressure, high cholesterol and all of the other obesity related issues that I developed by the time I was 40. I think every one of us has addictive personalities and our over the top behavior is what leads us to morbid obesity. Even if I haven't extended my life by a single minute, I have increased my quality of life ten fold. THe life of a morbidly obese person can't be understood by someone that hasn't ben there. I was fortunate, I am hoping I was able to save myself from me. I am a year into maintenainance, been sitting at between 185 and 190 lbs for the last 13 months. I have learned to live my life again and removed the unhealthy relationship with food that I had cultivated for 48 years. If people don't understand your struggle, surround yourself with supportive people that will. No person is an island and you need plenty of support. Seek face to face support of others in your area that know what you are going through and can share their experiences with you. We learn form each other as we are giving to each other.

[praldous 19]

I'm sorry to hear that you got neg reactions. I love my sleeve. I do not regret getting it done. U do what you know is right for u. I positive the reactions will change when they see you getting healthier and slimmer. Good luck in ur journey.

[Webchickadee 716]

I had mixed reactions when I told two people very close to me (my Dad and my sister).

My Dad was VERY VERY supportive. He has been prodding me to lose weight (both with positive and negative reinforcement) since I was a teenager. I've been obese since I was 10 yrs old, and I am now 42 yrs old! He said he was proud of me for taking control of a situation that obviously had control over me my whole life. He said that he understood why surgery was necessary and that clearly, diet and exercise weren't working long-term, even though I have had several successful "episodes" of substantial weight loss. I just couldn't keep it off, and I needed help with that.

My sister on the other hand, was EXTREMELY worried that I was making a permanent life-altering change that I might regret in the end. She thought I should give the "diet and exercise" route another try. She's about 20 lbs overweight and has never been obese (even after having 3 kids!). She knows how hard it is to lose those 20 lbs and keep it off, but for some reason, she thinks I should be able to lose my excess 180 lbs and keep that off! Crazy huh?

Now that I'm 3 months post-op and I'm down 62 lbs, she's very supportive and relieved that I made it through so far without complications. I think her reaction was more about concern for my physical and emotional health than about judgement. But at the time, I needed her support, and not getting it really hurt!

I don't know if there's a good way to proceed pre-op with the ones you love, who may not support you decision at the time (hopefully they'll come around!). If you HAVE to tell them (to explain a change in diet, or if they see you every day, etc.), then go ahead, lay out the facts and try to keep emotion out of it. And if they don't support you at the time, try not to resent them for it. Their reasons for their reactions are complex (just like your reasons for your decision!). In the end, they love you and want you in their lives (overweight or not!), and that is probably what is motivating their responses.

Let any negative comments roll of your back as best you can, and remember why you've made this decision and why you want to change your life for the better. You'll have plenty to deal with around the time of surgery.....there won't be any physical or emotional strength left in you to be managing their angst and negativity!

Good luck, and keep us in the loop. We want to hear how things go and answer questions you might have down the road!

[revangela78 8]

I love all the positive feedback but I do have to say one thing over eating is a disease just like alcaholism, drug addiction, etc. When I fianlly understood that it helped me immensely to deal with it. My surgeon and my shrink even presented over eating n obesity as a disease n epidemic that is killing us. That is the the thing that people who see surgery as a "easy out" don't understand. food had control over me. This surgery, this past year preparing was me taking control back. But I'm not cured, daily desires, just got to remember from where I came

[diedie 64]

My boss who is also a friend said the same things to me but it was because the surgery scared the hell out of her. Im three months out and she is super supportive now that she sees im alright.

[CoolBreeze 154]

I have been following this post and wanted to add something else. Perhaps it's my age (50) and the fact that I am a man, I really didn't see any negativity towards my WLS. Most people my age are fighting age/weight related conditions and I think we tend to look at this for a different reason. I don't agree that obesity in itself is a desiese, it is a condition brought on by underlying issues and contributing factors. Looking back in retrospect, if I could have wad this surgery at 30, I would have been able to avoid Diabetes, High blood pressure, high cholesterol and all of the other obesity related issues that I developed by the time I was 40. I think every one of us has addictive personalities and our over the top behavior is what leads us to morbid obesity. Even if I haven't extended my life by a single minute, I have increased my quality of life ten fold. THe life of a morbidly obese person can't be understood by someone that hasn't ben there. I was fortunate, I am hoping I was able to save myself from me. I am a year into maintenainance, been sitting at between 185 and 190 lbs for the last 13 months. I have learned to live my life again and removed the unhealthy relationship with food that I had cultivated for 48 years. If people don't understand your struggle, surround yourself with supportive people that will. No person is an island and you need plenty of support. Seek face to face support of others in your area that know what you are going through and can share their experiences with you. We learn form each other as we are giving to each other.

This is why I am so glad I found this site. I tried to talk, text, email family members who chose not to respond or give encourgement/support. Each time I did the communicating thing I get no communication back so I STOP! When I got Sleeved, I had 3 people in my corner and I felt great...no negativity, no judgemental crap, just support, encourgement and blessings. Do for you, no one else because you have to be the first one to look in the mirror and see you. Do you. I have a great support system here at VST and from those close enough to me to know whats what. Those who want to know should've been when first invited. I had a love affair with food that I ended on June 26, 2012 and I do not regret it. On that day, I told food -- YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!!!

Starting weight: 289

Surgery weight: 267

Goal weight: 161

Weight as of today (8.23.12) 228

I would say I am winning this battle, not food. GO FORWARD.

[ISleevedIt 379]

I can totally relate to you all. Only my husband knows that I am having the surgery. I am so grateful that he is so supportive. He congratulated me when I told him I was approved for the WL program with Kaiser. My two kids know that I am considering it. That is all the people I plan on telling because I know I will get criticism or am afraid of criticism from my side of the family and probably from my friends. I'm not sure if I have any friends that would support my decision. I just want to feel good about myself and be able to fit into the same size clothes for two years straight......hopefully this will happen after I get the sleeve probably in Jan/Feb 2013 time frame....I hope time flies by...I'm an impatient person...I told my husband that I kind of wish Kaiser would reject me so I could go to Mexico and get sleeved much quicker, but I know this is a PERMANENT lifestyle change so 6 months is nothing compared to the rest of my life AND saving lots of money helps too...lol