Sleeved and........

[Neoteric Verve 65]

Yeah she's supposed to get sleeved too. But she is totally blowing the pre-op. In a given day she consumes nearly 2500 calories, Now the first week and a half post surgery, eating in front of me wasn't a problem. Now it's pissin' me off!!! She lacks any sympathy and we already had strained communications for other reasons. At this point, after her sleeve and rehab time I am O-U-T!!!

Screw this.

Wait until you experience the liquids only or even the first RESTRICTION. I don't wish her any pain at all. But ever since I got sleeved she's been a total you-know-what. Condescending, self-absorbed and judgmental. I know, a winning combination right?! And it's like this is amplified. It's been going on on a smaller scale before. I think she's resentful that she wasn't sleeved first. But when I was going to the PCP every other week she scoffed and asked why. I said I'm 440lb and I need to have these visits to check my health. Now I ain't trying to be mean but she could've gone too. I mean damn. If you were 160lb you wouldn't be getting a sleeve. But since you're twice that maybe go to the PCP more than once every two years. Just a thought.

The little things done are the difference between a 3-month program and 6-month one. Woman, get off your jealous, HIGH HORSE and get on the program!! Your shooting yourself in the foot. The surgeon can easily say he's not doing it until you follow the program...

It seems like she's sabotaging everything and everyone around her. I really don't know how to help someone that doesn't seem like they wanna help themselves.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I'm sorry your home life is so stressful and non-supportive. My recommendation - focus on what you have to do for YOU to be successfull. Tell her you are there for her if she wants your help (which she obviously doesn't at this point). Don't let her sway you from your course.

Good luck.

[juzmejnee 9]

i am sorry for you. but don't let her get in the way of your success. Focus on YOU and do what you need to do. Hopefully she will come around and support you 100% Good luck!!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

I'm so saddened to hear you are going through this... unfortunately these sorts of things are very common side effects post surgery. Everyone will really learn what their Marriages/Partnerships are made of.

Your happiness and respect are equally as important as your significant others. I really hope you two can work things out. Sometimes you just need a little time to figure out the new you, and as it sounds, the future new her too.

GL.

[thinoneday 445]

As the others say, I am sorry to hear that your having these problems. . i was told by one of my patients, that you never really know the other person. You can live with them for years and never know them. . again, I'm sorry, but we are never given more then we can bear and the path is a rough one. . . why things happen is not known, all we know is that they happen and we must walk it. Know you have your "cyberfamily" here and Good luck !

[A New Day 5]

I'm so sorry. Hopefully she will come around after surgery. Have you told her straight up that her behavior is causing you to have serious doubts about your marriage?

[Neoteric Verve 65]

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it. I thought that we were stronger than that. I had suspicion that she was self-absorbed. I was the supporter. I helped her graduate college and did the sleeve research. When I got home (warning....>TMI moment approaching) from the hospital on Saturday night all she asked me was when I can return to work and can I still have intercourse now. I was very pissed but so weak I couldn't mount any response. In my head I was disgusted with her. Now there wasn't or shouldn't have been a drop in income as I worked twice as many hours prior to surgery to compensate for being out the two weeks I was. The surgeon said wait a few weeks for intimacy and she was there.

I just had major surgery and she's being awfully selfish. Now when her time comes I am supposed to be a freaking support system. Why? I'm not getting anything from her that I need. If there were issues before my surgery I sure wish she'd have said something. This stress isn't very helpful...

[thinoneday 445]

Oh my, that was definately not nice of her. . .maybe for real you two need a break from each other. Maybe after she gets her surgery she'll get more in tune with you. Sometimes a little break is all you need and not a full fledged divorce. But if after a while that doesn't work, then maybe moving forward is the best thing. You both surely don't need ulcers with no stomaches! Where would they cut? Good luck and hopefully you find your peace soon. . . it's time to look out for number 1.

[Eureka-C 20]

Have you considered marriage counseling. Sabotage like that usually indicates some deep underlying fears. Maybe seeing you succeed is scaring the *ell out of her. I wish you both the best.

[Norman 1]

Ever since I had the sleeve 14 weeks ago my wife says I have an attitude and act all high and mighty. She was supposed to be sleeved too but backed out at the last minute. Basically when she wants to goto the buffet and eat a ton of food, belive me I used to love that, and I say no that does not make since for me. Or when I tell her all I want is a McDouble from McDonalds without the bun she says get some fries and a soda. Oh well I guess I will continue to lose weight and she will not. Oh and by the way do not ask her why she did not have the surgery. That is another big thing.

[Neoteric Verve 65]

At this point I don't really care if she Sleeves or not. I am tired of the attitude. I don't care what she does or with whom, let me off this ride. I'd ask for a refund but there was a "No Refund" sign at the beginning. Damn...

[Tippy2us 11]

This is the thing for N2B8R and Norman and for lots of people out here. Your wives are threatened by your changing bodies and huge success. They chose you because they had low self esteem and probably thought they were a little better than you. NOw you are getting thin, getting healthy, feeling great, looking fantastic, and they are afraid they will lose you. It happens all the time. If you truly love your wife or girlfriend then just reassure her of that, and encourage her to get sleeved by telling her she's the most important thing in your life and you want her to experience this wonderful new life with you. If you don't love her or if you realized the relationship isn't healthy and probably never was, then move on. I hope it works out the way YOU want it to because this is about YOU and don't feel bad about that. Take care...huggs.

[Neoteric Verve 65]

Going by what you said, Tippy (thank you for chiming in, btw) I would be very hesitant to reassure. Why? What reason would I want to stay with someone that "chose" me based primarily on their insecurities? If "I" truly loved her? Puhleeeeze. What about her truly loving me? But that somehow is irrelevant. She chose me under questionable pretense and I am supposed to forgive that? How?

She asked if I was going to be there when she gets a sleeve or should she get someone else. I'll be there if not just because she was at the hospital with me. But after her "healing" phase, I'm finished. If she only chose me because of the insecurities she has one can only surmise that will improve with weight loss. Over time she'll gain what was lacking and decide she can do better and leave. Her problem isn't that we could get divorced. No, she is such the control freak that she must be the initiator or else she's distraught.

[Stacey Nicole 40]

I don't mean to stand up for your wife but maybe she is angry and jealous that it's you and not her starting a new life. At some point we were all sitting on the couch with a container of ice cream and hating the world. The only difference is that now you left that world!

I support the fact that you chose to be sleeved - as I am in the process of doing so as well. However, sometimes us women say or do things that seem crazy.....and why? Because we are. All women are nuts!!!

I would give her some time to adjust - and you need time to adjust as well. I hope you can work it out and move past the anger. If not, move on and congrats on your new sleeve!!!