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My Revision is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
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I didn't have time to post this yesterday, so here I am the very next day. Yesterday, I passed one of my most coveted goals I'd set for myself. Today I FINALLY weigh less than I ever did with my Lap Band. I guess I wanted to weigh this morning and see if it wasn't a fluke. Well guess what, it wasn't a fluke!!! My lowest weight ever with my band was 227. Today I weigh 226!!!
I blew right past my goal!!!
And ohhhh how I struggled with my Lap Band! I was starting to think maybe it *was* me. Why was it so hard, I would always think... Why wasn't I losing weight? WHY WAS I GAINING WEIGHT??? Why did I find myself back up to my starting weight?? It was such a miserable time. Don't even think for a second that the Lap Band really had anything to do with the weight I did lose with it. I struggled through terrible hunger, working out like crazy (which I still do but only because I really really do love it) and all sorts of awful things like chucking up my food, sliming, yucking - awful pain from the very first bite no matter how small, terrible port pain that became a daily thing with me... and the list goes on. I think after awhile I started to give up and started eating a lot of slider foods. Yes this is very bad. However, I guess it came down to eating what hurt with every bite, and what didn't. I won't go into details because I don't want to give away any cheat secrets to anyone banded. I then became addicted to sugar - which I never ever was pre-band. It was pretty much a crash and burn from that moment on.
My problem was and always has been eating way too much of anything and everything - healthy and not healthy. I knew what I needed to eat to lose for I'd been doing this "diet" thing my whole life. I figured the band would be a good option, because the RNY would be better suited for those with sugar addiction, which I did not have. It was simple, eat less of healthy food, never be hungry and life would be awesome because I'd get skinny... right? Ha!!
The only pounds I give credit to losing with the band is the weight I lost during my post op diet when all I could have were liquids. That was one of the worst 2 weeks of my life. I was starving my @$$ off, and all I could do was lay around and cry and wait until I could eat solid food again - praying it wouldn't be this bad!!! Little did I know that would be life from then on. Why didn't I revise sooner? Things just didn't work out that way and I didn't even find out about the sleeve until a lot of my friends at LBT started revising and Alex created this very website. I would come here from time to time, read around and just wish... oh wish that someday I'd get up the nerve to do something that I felt in my heart was far greater than what I had done. Feeling miserable and like a total failure because my band was offering me absolutely nothing that was promised to me. I just couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any benefits of it, but was sure suffering big time with all the side effects that the lap band gave.
It just didn't work out between us, and like any bad relationship, I had to let go and move on to something better.
Since I've been sleeved, it has been almost disgustingly easy. The first month was tough, don't get me wrong - especially the first few days. While I was vomitting my guts up in the hospital I did ask myself what had I done?? Why did I need to cut my stomach off just to get right with food?? I wasn't happy in those first few moments - but if at that moment I could reach into the future and see me where I am today and how I feel... I NEVER would have second guessed my decision.
Today I am happier than I ever have been in my entire life. I have control over the one thing that has always had control of me since I can remember remembering. That is food. It does still win out sometimes, but believe me - not even a percentage of the way it used to run my life before!!!
So from here it's all new terrain. All my goals from here will be feelings I haven't felt before or since I was so young I just don't even remember nor did I care where I was. I had some really bad habits when I was a young teenager to stay thin, and I thank the sleeve that I never have to feel like that is my only option anymore. I can do this in a healthy way, in a sane and safe manner and be what I've always wanted to be. Thin, healthy and ready to take on all the things that I've always dreamed of.
If you are currently banded and you have been reading this website wondering if there is something better out there. There is. I did it, and I would NEVER go back. The best thing ever.
Cheers!!!