Nervous. Tomorrow I tell my mother..YIKES

[mp8btpc 32]

Yes, I am 33 and freaked out to tell my mama I am contemplating and pretty much have decided to have surgery in gasp :mexico:. She is an RN and has always been against any sort of surgery that is not a matter of necessity, but she will in the end be the person who will go with me to support me (noone can take care of me like her right? LOL) anyways I am going to tell her because my hubby will be unable to make the trip with me due to work and it will be easier with the children plus with her medical background I feel much more comfortable with her there with me. WISH ME LUCK and any advice is welcome.

[Tiffykins 672]

Best wishes, my mother was absolutely against my revision. But, she knew me well enough to know that her "disapproval" was not going to keep me from doing it.

Be prepared to give her solid medical info on the sleeve, give her some of the research information you've looked up. If you need links, there posted around here in several places.

I can't speak on the Mexico part as I had my surgery here in Florida. I know my husband is absolutely against me traveling to Mexico for my plastics. I'll just wait until he's deployed again to get my boobs. Not really, in all seriousness, I'll stay local for the boob job as well.

Good luck and just don't let anyone keep you from doing the very best for your future health.

[KZol 0]

I was really nervous to tell my mom, too. She thinks anyone can change anything if they just want it badly enough. I just told her I was "considering" and gave her lots of info about the surgery. She took it pretty well. I think I conveniently forgot to mention the Mexico part, but I have been out of the country for surgery before so the shock of that would probably have been mild. When people freaked out that I was going to a "third world country" for my first surgery, I just explained that I was lucky enough to be able to have a world class surgeon work on me...something I could never have afforded here in the States. Most surgeons here in the states have a fraction of the experience doing sleeves compared to the Mexican surgeons most often mentioned on this board. That's a big deal to me. I might have been able to get someone here in Arizona to match the price because they're competing cross-border, but I never would have found someone with the same experience. I know you'll have a harder time than I did with your mom being an RN, but if you've done your homework and you're confident in your decision that will shine through. Best of luck!

[SParkle 4]

Sadly my Mum passed away last year (Alzheimers) but I know she would have been horrified at the thought of surgery for me....

I'm slowly changing my view on who to tell, so far my hubby and my best friend know, as I had to get another take on it, so had to tell my mate. But we go out for quite a few meals and I have a feeling as time goes on there maybe comments about eating disorders, so feel in the end I may end up telling more people than I thought.

I can only advise that try and list the reasons why you want it done, not only the really obvious ones, but the small things that people without weight issues don't even think about.

Shes your Mum, and she loves you, and will want to protect you,, so you need to make her also think about the protecting you against gaining more weight and the health issues involved with that too, and for your future with your family.

Good luck - I don't envy you that one, as I know I won't be telling my Dad....I just don't think he could cope with it all.

Kathy

[Swiftflow 6]

My mom is an RN and she first freeked out when I talked about WLS. After that initial shock over a couple of weeks we talked about the specifics and medical details of the Sleeve and how it was so much better than lap band or RnY long term. I had good info on my doctor and his reputation and this also helped. Turns out she is the one who agreed to fund my opperation as I was self pay--so I did get from freaking out to funding if that tells you anything. It's really is about the medical details and the personal details of my lifelong struggle to lose weight. She has seen my yo-yo up and down and be successful in many areas of life besides this one. Seeing obesity as a disease is important. Have your medical info ready when you talk to her, and best of luck.

Personal Suggestion: Sell her on the sleeve first, then talk about where you might have it.

Tiffykins post with medical research links: http://verticalsleevetalk.com/pre-operation-vertical-sleeve-surgery-vsg-questions-answers/4886-best-sources-information-research.html#post42692

Edited May 4, 2010 by Swiftflow

[ohtobeme 0]

I'm wishing you all the best in telling your mom. It usually turns out to be not as bad as you think it will be. Just remember, your doing this for you, the support would be great but if that doesn't come the end result will convince them you did the right thing.

I'm one of these people who just blurts things out and let the chips fall where they may. I told my family I was going to do it and although I was doing it for me, their support would be nice ... if not, it is their problem not mine. I tell anyone and everyone who will listen.

Some of my family support me and some don't but hey, I'm happy I made the decision and that's all that counts.

John

[escapesunshine 0]

I also worried about telling my Mom and when I did she was like what does you PCP say and if he thinks it a good idea then so do I. I almost fell out. Good luck telling her.

[Mary Gordon 3]

my mom was a bit skeptical at first, but when i showed her the information from my doctor and read the necessary facts she later gave me her blessing. so i guess that's what you could do, maybe even invite her to chat with some of your friends here, and let her ask questions and stuff. whichever way i wish you all the luck, and please keep us posted. goodluck!!!

[nsalex75 0]

I have no real advise, but I will tell you my story is similar. I am also having surgery in Mex (Aceves). I knew my mom would freak out. She knew I was researching the surgery, but the Mexico thing was a shocker. When I told her she started crying (though she denies it - it sure sounded like she was) and saying that I was going to die. I sent her a bunch of links and she read over them. Over a few days she calmed down and now she is supportive. She still wishes I was having it closer to my home, but understands why I am not. Good luck

[angel96049 1]

Did you talk to her yet? How did it go?

[Brian66 85]

I hope things went well when, and if, you told your mother. I told mine last night and it went much better than I thought it would. It's amazing how we can build these things up in our mind, isn't it? I was so afraid she would be nervous and upset about me going for the surgery, but she is completely supportive, although naturally concerned.

One bit of advice. Try to share as much information as possible with her to show her you've done your research. My surgeon provides patients with a Patient Handbook. My mother was able to read all about the doctors' qualifications and I think it put her mind at ease that I have put a lot of thought and research into my decision.

Good luck!

Brian

[mp8btpc 32]

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. I did tell her my plans on Tuesday ....while i was in her kitchen making jelly lol. I thought the atmosphere was nice and loose and it was time to go for it.

Well, she put up the stone front almost immediately and said she would not be going with me or supporting the idea but she did say she knew I was an adult and able to make my own decisions and she wasn't going to be mad at me but she just couldn't give me her approval. I explained that Medical Tourism is done every day and that it wasn't like I was going to someone's kitchen table in TJ. That I had not chosen a doctor but I would be making sure it was a qualified individual and facility.

I told her I was tired of dieting and losing the same 15-20 pounds over and over and that I can never get under 170 (sorry if that number seems like an acceptable weight to some people it just kills me) I am 5'3.5" and I weigh currently 184. My mother on the other hand is 5'8" and weighs 135 ...she runs full marathons at the age of 55. She said i need to stop dieting and make my habits a life change and I told her it isn't that easy that unless it is forced calorie restriction it is almost impossible for me to last by cutting my calories it is so mental when your hungry! I told her it would be the same for someone trying to stop smoking, if they could give them something that would take most of the desire for nicotine away more people could stop but the medicines just aren't that effective. it is the same for dieting.

I could tell that the pain in my voice and the heartache I expressed about being self conscious of my weight and it ruling my life a lot of time really explained to her why I was considering it. I also broke down crying telling her I was a thin person for 25 years of my life...that I don't see myself in this body and I want out. So in the end I asked her to just pray about it and to consider it. I would like her to go with me but I will go alone. So she agreed to do that. I am going to gather some info from some of your suggestions and print it out. I am also going to explain about the chaperone they provide across the border etc. She is a good woman I know even if she can't justify it she wont hold it against me.

[Maddie 9]

Facing your own mother's disappointment in any manner is tough to take. But you had the courage to be honest with her and that was a very brave thing. I'm sure she knew it wasn't easy too. At least she respects that as an adult you can make your own choices. That's a lot in itself.

I think the more info you can provide will give her some sense of relief. She only wants the best for you as any mom would.

I'm glad she is considering what you said. Keep us posted.

[mp8btpc 32]

UPDATE!!!!::::

My mom informed me today that she would accompany me to Mexico for my surgery! When I text my hubby and told him the good news all he said was...uhh i knew she would end up going lol.

Today when i asked her if she found my birth certificate yet for my passport she said she hadn't looked yet and I teasingly asked her if she was dragging her feet on purpose and that I needed to get it asap (i asked her for it on Tuesday) so I can start the process for passport, that it would take 3-4 weeks. So she said how are you going to get there and I told her drive and she said how are you going to get back...i said uhh drive myself. She then said so if someone goes with you they will need a passport too right and I said .. ya? so she basically said she better look for her birth certificate while she was at it. YAY! She just said it was my deal and she would go there as support both emotional and physical!

So we discussed how the process works with a chaperone coming to pick us up in San Diego and getting us to right place and yada yada.

A weight has been lifted thanks for everyones support! Now to decide on a doctor.

[girldep 0]

What a blessing your mother is! It is so nice to have a supportive family. My Grammy (92) is and has always been my support... She was so supportive, she insisted on paying for the procedure because she didn't want me to have the same fate as my father (her son). My mother on the other hand was like "that's nice, Bear" and never mentioned it again. Thank you, God for my Grammy! Best of luck on your journey, I look forward to your watching your posts!