Another causality.....

[BayougirlMrsS 3,933]

Found out today that another one of my WLS friends is getting divorced. This makes 4 out of the 6. What is going on... Is it the result of the WLS or something else.

So this friend had the Sleeve done around 2007. She was at 300+ pounds now she's about 160ish. She and her husband have been together since high school. Our sons are best friends. I always looked at them with admiration at the wonderful marriage they had. He seemed to just adore her and she him. The perfect family... are so i thought.

Now i'm thinking.... is this a result of the weight loss or is it just a coincidence?

What do you all think? Why is there such a high rate of divorce in WLS couples?

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

Now i'm thinking.... is this a result of the weight loss or is it just a coincidence?

What do you all think? Why is there such a high rate of divorce in WLS couples?

The studies show that there is a substantially higher divorce rate among WLS patients. I believe that WLS is a symptom, and not the cause. From a layperson perspective I can think of a couple of different reasons.

1. The couple have built up maladaptive relationship issues that revolve around the weight. Same reason some spouses sabotage their mate's weight loss effort.

2. The fat person in the relationship feels that for they are now desirable and the temptations that accompany those feeling prove to be too much for them.

Now there will be a spate of people crying "NOT MY MARRIAGE". IMHO, if you don't want it to be your marriage, realize the danger, and take steps to make sure it doesn't happen to you.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I think if WLS surgery results in the end of a marriage then there were already deep seeded problems before the weight loss. WLS may end up being the final straw but it's never the cause.

A good example- all people right here on these forums who've been happily married for a long time and actually grow closer because of their weight loss. Those who have healthy relationships embrace the changes for the positive it is. Those that have problems in their relationship often use the change as an excuse to get out (subconsciously).

[2muchfun 8,927]

The studies show that there is a substantially higher divorce rate among WLS patients. I believe that WLS is a symptom, and not the cause. From a layperson perspective I can think of a couple of different reasons.

1. The couple have built up maladaptive relationship issues that revolve around the weight. Same reason some spouses sabotage their mate's weight loss effort.

2. The fat person in the relationship feels that for they are now desirable and the temptations that accompany those feeling prove to be too much for them.

Now there will be a spate of people crying "NOT MY MARRIAGE". IMHO, if you don't want it to be your marriage, realize the danger, and take steps to make sure it doesn't happen to you.

3. The spouse of the WLS patient becomes insecure over the WLS patient's new sexuality and can't adapt.(maybe the same as #1?)

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

All of the above. I believe if you have a strong relationship, it will stay strong.

[jackj 6]

This is an interesting topic, I'm sure someone has researched it. People have studies on everything nowadays.

[Kime-lou 648]

I tend to agree that if you divorce after WLS you already had some issues. For me and my hubby we have great communication skills. We talk about everything. Some men have issues dealing with their woman who was obese now being "hot" and getting attention from other men. My husband looks at this way- if men whistle at you, then I am gonna be like hell yeah she is my woman and you can't have her.

The old adage marry a woman uglier than you, then she'll never leave you. Some woman or men after WLS get "drunk" on the attention they get from members of the opposite sex that would have never looked twice at them before.

I think a lot of it boils down to insecurity issues on the part of one or both spouses.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

I believe if you have a strong relationship, it will stay strong.

I believe that if you have a strong relationship and you keep investing in that relationship, it will stay strong. Don't ever take what you have for granted...

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

I think if WLS surgery results in the end of a marriage then there were already deep seeded problems before the weight loss. WLS may end up being the final straw but it's never the cause.

A good example- all people right here on these forums who've been happily married for a long time and actually grow closer because of their weight loss. Those who have healthy relationships embrace the changes for the positive it is. Those that have problems in their relationship often use the change as an excuse to get out (subconsciously).

Face it Missy, we are not here because we are the most well adjusted individuals on the planet, just looking at the daily posts proves that. But if I remember correctly, the divorce rate for WLS patients is 85%, just because 15% don't divorce doesn't negate the dangers. Please remember, that I am not being fatalistic, but simply saying that there are dangers and we need to be aware, and prepare for them. Believe me, what I have with my wife is something I would give my life to not lose, so guarding against the possibility doesn't seem like that high of a price.

[aeromech 202]

I also had a friend that his wife had gotten the band lost a substantial amount of weight and ended up in divorce. She just seemed to think that her new body needed a new life as well.

I am lucky as my wife has been banded for a year and I just had the surgery today. We have been married for 14 years and have a strong relationship. By getting banded I think I just made sure I will live as long as her...lol

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Face it Missy, we are not here because we are the most well adjusted individuals on the planet, just looking at the daily posts proves that. But if I remember correctly, the divorce rate for WLS patients is 85%, just because 15% don't divorce doesn't negate the dangers. Please remember, that I am not being fatalistic, but simply saying that there are dangers and we need to be aware, and prepare for them. Believe me, what I have with my wife is something I would give my life to not lose, so guarding against the possibility doesn't seem like that high of a price.

Oh I don't disagree with you at all. When a marriage isn't healthy it doesn't take much to tank it, especially when there is codependency involved. When one partner gets healthy it disrupts the dysfunctional balance and throws the whole thing into a tailspin. As sad it is, sometimes two equally unhealthy people (mentally or physically) can live in wedded bliss for decades... but if one gets healthy... the entire dynamic changes and the marriage crashes and burns.

And that isn't exclusive to WLS- that's any situation where there is unhealthy behaviors and relationships involved.

[mrsto 2,925]

Terry - really.....85% of WLS patients divorce?

[blondegal_ 1,028]

For the few I know, the women started getting attention and the husbands got jealous and instead of cherishing their wives put the women down. So the women went to the attention so to speak. But all three marriages had issues before.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

Terry - really.....85% of WLS patients divorce?

"The simple fact remains that the divorce rate following bariatric surgery is high. However, if the person was overweight or obese when the relationship or marriage began, the chances of that relationship or marriage ending within two years after the surgery is 80 to 85 percent."

http://www.healthcen...ar-necessarily/

Like I said before, my marriage won't be one of the failures, because I will do everything in my power to prevent it.

[Lose100 178]

My marriage was not all that great before WLS. My husband has tried to sabotage me since the beginning of my weight journey. So far I lost a total of 66 lbs. I went from size 24 to 16-18. He never compliments me. He finds something wrong with every outfit. He tells me how stupid I look on a daily basis. He says "I can't believe you wearing that" or he laughs and shakes his head. I know he has issues but I refused to let them be my issues. The more he criticize makes me more determine to keep losing the weight. If we do get divorce, it will because I can't take the emotional abuse anymore.