Oh my god.

I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice. I kept reading about people throwing up and I wondered what the hell was wrong with you all. I would almost rather die than vomit, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and once I get started, I can't stop. I thought you had to be crazy to eat so much or so wrong that it came back up.

Oh, little did I know. Now, I've had the golfball. I get the golfball, in varying intensities, several times a week. I figured it was just first bite syndrome, and it would always pass by walking around or trying to wash it down.

Until last night. I was on the San Antonio River Walk with some friends, and we were having some appetizers and margaritas. All of a sudden, I got the worst golfball ever. No warning. I went to the bathroom to try to walk it off. I paced the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and my mouth was filling up with slime. And then I threw up. It was mostly slime, and only a tiny amount of food. The most impressive part to me was that the slime came out in a 9 inch diameter BUBBLE! Like when you're using that string and wand thing and blowing bubbles! Crazy. If I didn't feel like such total shit I would have examined it more closely.

I thought I was better, and someone was trying to come into the bathroom, so I returned to my seat. I still had pressure in my chest, but nothing too bad. A few minutes later, the excrutiating golfball returned. We got up to leave, and I thought the walk back to the hotel would clear it.

But no. The more I walked, the more painful it became, and my mouth continued to fill with slime. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I ran into the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom. Or, what I thought was a restaurant. It was actually some sort of bar that was checking IDs. I tried to hurry past the guying yelling "Ma'am!" until he manhandled me. I was at once flattered that I looked younger than 21 and terrified that I might vomit on this lovely young man. I turned to him and urgently whispered "I'm going to vomit. Please let me use your bathroom." If I have learned anything about men, it is that they are most afraid of a crazy bitch...especially a crazy bitch about to throw up.

I found the bathroom and immediately began vomiting. Another HUGE bubble. (Could I make money off this talent?) It is this vomiting session that I now consider the OFFICIAL WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was so painful, both in my chest and my pouch, and not at all PRODUCTIVE, like vomiting before the band was. Little chunks of food were coming up and getting stuck on the back of my tongue, making me gag and heave more.

Eventually, everything that was going to come up did, and I was left sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. And trying to rinse foot long slimes out of my mouth for the next five minutes.

Ok, so if you're still reading, a few observations:

1. Are you fucking kidding me? This has happened to you people more than once? My mom was banded a month before me, and I know that she has had this kind of episode on MANY occassions. I do not comprehend. Last night's situation has scared the pants off of me, and I have been eating VERY carefully today. I can honestly say that I would rather die than go through that again.

2. Are you telling me that I PAID for this? I should start another thread about the GIANT SCAM that is the lapband, but I'll be brief here. This was NOT in the power point presentation. The golfball was NOT ever mentioned to me. The imaginary feeling of fullness that doesn't register with your head was NOT ever acknowledged pre-banding.

3. Productive Burp? How about Excrutiatingly Painful Gagging Sliming Heaving Feels Like You're About to Die Vomitation? (EPGSHFLYADV) Seriously, the acronym is EXCEPTIONALLY deceiving. I had no idea what I was in for.

And, no, I'm not too tight. I've had this fill for a month, and have eaten much worse than I did last night. In fact, I ate half a pizza last week with no problems. Please don't judge me and tell me to eat Protein.

So, basically, I'm pissed, and I'm getting more pissed as I write this. I'm terrified of ever going through that again, and I'm angry that I was misled. I am convinced that this procedure is entirely experimental and will be contraindicated in about 10 years. And physiologically, it makes no sense. How can my pouch hold half a pizza one day and just a few bites another? I need a scientific explanation beyond "the band is finicky."

I know this isn't the right forum for I Hate My Band discussions, but maybe there are a few others like me lurking. Anybody?

Eating and drinking at the same time can definitely do it. You should wait to drink at least 30 min after you eat.

And could it be all "the grease" in that fried food.

3-15-04

-110lbs goal

the longest i've been yet with no pb incident has been almost two weeks and i was so happy. short lived happiness as it happened a few times recently. I really have to nibble and not bite as my bites are always way too big. I divide the food in my mouth and try to swallow in segments but one big swallow and it's major pain. I feel like the only bandster who doesnt know if i need a fill or not - i keep thinking no pb is a sign but probably not - otherwise my band is so fickle who knows? Period week I can eat a horse, some days less, my weight loss is SLOW and hasn't really moved down - stuck around 166-169 and frustration is setting in. It's 6 months post band and trying to focus on successes - at least i'm not buying every new diet product and pill out there.

Okay TMZ take it easy, Its been a year for me and still the easiest time for me to eat is after 7pm. Sometimes its a bit of a bother cause then I have to stay up later thean Id like so that I dont have reflux. I eat when Im hungry but if it dosent all stay down often its because perhaps the food is too rich or Im just determined to eat what I want and not paying attention to what my body wants these days. Try simpler foods, like soups and yogurts, at least for a while and pay attention to if you REALLY are leaving enough time between eating and drinking, I find I need at least an hour, and that can feel like a very long time Good Luck

Yeah Angie that greasy food can definately do it !

roflmao....Too funny

That Was The Funniest Shit I Have Ever Read!!!!..i'm Crying And I'm At Work And Trying Not To Laugh Too Loud And Have To Explain To People What I'm Reading. That Was Halarius. I've Been There And Done That And Dont Want To Do It Again.. But You Do Feel So Much Better After You Get The Golfball Out. I Have Had To Pull Over My Car To Slime On The Side Of Road Before And That's No Fun At All. People Passing By Thinking You're Some Kind Of Drunk Or Something. Your Description Is The Funniest Thing I Have Read On This Website!! I'm Gonna Have To Print It To Read It Later And Laugh Some More When I Get Home..

I'm curious (completely off-topic here) why do some people's posts have every word capitalized? Not caps locked, But When A Sentence Is Like This?

Also... where do I sign up for one of those newfangled non-finicky bands?

I'm curious (completely off-topic here) why do some people's posts have every word capitalized? Not caps locked, But When A Sentence Is Like This?

Yes, curious people are dying to know. There must be some hidden message or it's a terrorist code of some sort.

As for the ON topic topic.... I still think the band is worth 1,000 PB's. Fortunately it doesn't happen to me very much anymore...got over the peak of that learning curve a while back.

Oh my god.

I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice.

Oh My Gosh!!! I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard . . . thanks StrawartS !!!

For those of you who haven't read it, go to page 1 and read the first post.

Lynn

Wow, I was starting to freak out before you fessed up to what you actually ate before your traumatic event. LOL I become so frightened when I have to vomit that I will go to any length to avoid it. Hope you never have to go through that again!

Kelli

Yeah, nice to know what caused this PB thing. I was just banded yesterday and I must say, reading these things is making may wonder what I have got myself into.I did only read all the nice before and after stories! How does one prevent this slippage thing? what is the best way to eat to prevent problems? help......

Sorry Kelly, I bumped you. I am just learning how to use this forum.

Ok, so it DOES sound crazy! Thank you, Dody! I have to hope that my incident is not what a typical PB is, otherwise...it's just torture! Why are we putting up with this side effect?

StrawartS, these are painful and humbling. I've been lucky that the ones I've had have been at home. Can't image being out and having so severe of an episode. Mine are generally caused by some type of carb... rice was my last killer and that was only 2-3 bites. My most memorable one was eating 5-6 nacho flavored Doritos... I'll never eat one again!!!

But as someone said in a previous thread, for your next meal you may want to go either liquids or soft foods.

I'm the same way. Throwing up isn't even acceptable when I have the flu. I hate it. Thank god it doesn't happen very often. I'm still jumping through the insurance hoops before I can have my surgery. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you vented about the evening here. It was really funny. I'm sure there were alot of people that pictured themselves in your same situation. Maybe it would be a benefit to consider "would I want to throw this back up" with everything we ate?:sick

Very good thing I didn't read this thread BEFORE I was banded.

Now that surgery is done and I've read this very enlightening, frightening, yet highly entertaining thread I'm resolved.

• Carry a big ZipLoc everywhere I go (I like my purses too much!)
  
• Find out where to buy papaya tablets
  
• SOUP FOR LIFE!

with the silicone bubble and all, was very weird....I got the papaya enzyme at the Vitamin Store....it helps usually, luckily I was at home last night also, my demise was an eggroll and chinese food...which I was really looking forward to....but after 3 strikes, I was out...thanks for the laugh Strawarts:puke: