Oh my god.

I had gone almost 3 months post-banding without what you people so lovingly call a "PB," and let me tell you, those two little words do not do the deed any justice. I kept reading about people throwing up and I wondered what the hell was wrong with you all. I would almost rather die than vomit, as I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and once I get started, I can't stop. I thought you had to be crazy to eat so much or so wrong that it came back up.

Oh, little did I know. Now, I've had the golfball. I get the golfball, in varying intensities, several times a week. I figured it was just first bite syndrome, and it would always pass by walking around or trying to wash it down.

Until last night. I was on the San Antonio River Walk with some friends, and we were having some appetizers and margaritas. All of a sudden, I got the worst golfball ever. No warning. I went to the bathroom to try to walk it off. I paced the bathroom for about 10 minutes, and my mouth was filling up with slime. And then I threw up. It was mostly slime, and only a tiny amount of food. The most impressive part to me was that the slime came out in a 9 inch diameter BUBBLE! Like when you're using that string and wand thing and blowing bubbles! Crazy. If I didn't feel like such total shit I would have examined it more closely.

I thought I was better, and someone was trying to come into the bathroom, so I returned to my seat. I still had pressure in my chest, but nothing too bad. A few minutes later, the excrutiating golfball returned. We got up to leave, and I thought the walk back to the hotel would clear it.

But no. The more I walked, the more painful it became, and my mouth continued to fill with slime. Finally, I couldn't stand it, and I ran into the nearest restaurant to use the bathroom. Or, what I thought was a restaurant. It was actually some sort of bar that was checking IDs. I tried to hurry past the guying yelling "Ma'am!" until he manhandled me. I was at once flattered that I looked younger than 21 and terrified that I might vomit on this lovely young man. I turned to him and urgently whispered "I'm going to vomit. Please let me use your bathroom." If I have learned anything about men, it is that they are most afraid of a crazy bitch...especially a crazy bitch about to throw up.

I found the bathroom and immediately began vomiting. Another HUGE bubble. (Could I make money off this talent?) It is this vomiting session that I now consider the OFFICIAL WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. It was so painful, both in my chest and my pouch, and not at all PRODUCTIVE, like vomiting before the band was. Little chunks of food were coming up and getting stuck on the back of my tongue, making me gag and heave more.

Eventually, everything that was going to come up did, and I was left sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. And trying to rinse foot long slimes out of my mouth for the next five minutes.

Ok, so if you're still reading, a few observations:

1. Are you fucking kidding me? This has happened to you people more than once? My mom was banded a month before me, and I know that she has had this kind of episode on MANY occassions. I do not comprehend. Last night's situation has scared the pants off of me, and I have been eating VERY carefully today. I can honestly say that I would rather die than go through that again.

2. Are you telling me that I PAID for this? I should start another thread about the GIANT SCAM that is the lapband, but I'll be brief here. This was NOT in the power point presentation. The golfball was NOT ever mentioned to me. The imaginary feeling of fullness that doesn't register with your head was NOT ever acknowledged pre-banding.

3. Productive Burp? How about Excrutiatingly Painful Gagging Sliming Heaving Feels Like You're About to Die Vomitation? (EPGSHFLYADV) Seriously, the acronym is EXCEPTIONALLY deceiving. I had no idea what I was in for.

And, no, I'm not too tight. I've had this fill for a month, and have eaten much worse than I did last night. In fact, I ate half a pizza last week with no problems. Please don't judge me and tell me to eat Protein.

So, basically, I'm pissed, and I'm getting more pissed as I write this. I'm terrified of ever going through that again, and I'm angry that I was misled. I am convinced that this procedure is entirely experimental and will be contraindicated in about 10 years. And physiologically, it makes no sense. How can my pouch hold half a pizza one day and just a few bites another? I need a scientific explanation beyond "the band is finicky."

I know this isn't the right forum for I Hate My Band discussions, but maybe there are a few others like me lurking. Anybody?

:omg: I am a prebander here. I'm sitting here at work reading some of the board and laughing myself crazy. People are staring at me and want me to share the funny email they think I'm reading... Strawarts, thank you for sharing your most horrifying experience. I already know I don't chew my food well. Reading your post has scared the h--- out of me. I didn't understand what a PB was and have not heard of the "golfball". I read someone's idea about the 2 minute rule. I think I'll try it. Now I'm scared to death. Please someone tell me that they still think its all worth while!!!

Was out with my Great Aunt the other day (she's 81, and could still kick my @$$ going through the grocery store). I had taken her the Dr.'s and she treated me to lunch (Chinese). I ordered General Tsoa's {mild} as I figured I'd have about 2 to 3 pieces (share the rest with the wife later) and a spoonful of fried rice ..... Have come to the conclusion that rice and I are no longer friends, even in small quantaties!!!!!

Suffice it to say it was not a good plan, and was still feeling lousy the rest of the afternoon and in to the evening that I had to spend with my aunt in the emergency room (not for me - for her, her Dr. was concerned she might've been "pre stroke" due to double vision and all).

Good thing is the chinese ended up in the trash that night, cause we had gone to the hospital and it never made it to a fridge!! lmao

Diana, I sometimes think I am the queen of PBs, slimes, etc. I am super sensitive to heat, fills, etc.

But to answer your question - was it worth it? Definately. Would I do it again - in a heartbeat.

My life no longer revolves around 'what am I going to make for supper' 'what am I going to eat for ...'. food is still important to me. I still love food just differently. My vacations center around having awesome food but I don't eat to the point where I am ill.

My health is much better. Even though I am not at goal, I have to say I am looking pretty good for an old bag.

This is just my perspective but I hope it helps you. Do your research and make the decision that's right for you.

StrawartS, I was warned of this but it was during information overflow time and I didn't understand it. Until you experience the band working and acting like a funnel, backing up, one tends not to 'get it'.

Your inital post is excellent. I haven't lost much weight because I have not started 'using the band as a tool' (I hate it when other bandsters give me that term). But unfortunately I thought the band would be a magic procedure that would drop my weight with little or no effort on my behalf.

Four months on, reality has set in for me. I have to get my head into gear and work some sort of program that includes diet (hate that word too) exercise and the lap band. It is all in the mind and motivation is the word. When the band is put in they also need to do some brain surgery or a program re-set of our mind. After all if it wasn't for that thing on our shoulders controlling what goes into our guts, we wouldn't be in this sad state to begin with.

I am a bit vexed with the whole thing at the moment too. Need some support to get the momentum and mind set into weight loss mode.

First let me tell you that I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. It is a hoot. Secondly, I'll confess to my ignorance since I am a newbie still trying to figure out all the acronyms used by you all. What is "PBing"? I thought it was vomiting, but that doesn't quite fit, nor does burping. Please help.....don't laugh at my question , please! You all have a great weekend! :clap2:

It's a good idea to carry a plastic bag, flight barf bag type thing in your purse, if you can't find your way to a private bathroom stall.. There is NO way I would be PBing for everyone in a restaurant to see. More importantly, slow down, chew, chew, chew and avoid things like breads, pastas, potatoes, steak, fibrous veggies that might not get chewed up..

iwitniss, Ms. Vicki,

PB is Productive Burp - kind of nice way to say vomit - but it's really not vomit because there is no stomach acid or bile. When the food you swallow won't go past your band it has to come back up, i.e. Productive Burp. I haven't PB'd yet, I'm still on liquids but as for the "golfball" I HAVE experienced that. I swallowed a gel capsule before letting it soften up and man oh man was that bad. Walked around the house with what felt like a flaming chicken bone caught in my chest. Fortunately the capsule softened up after about 10 hours (OK it was 10 minutes but it FELT like hours) and went on past the band. I have not SLIMED yet but I'm sure I'll have to deal with it eventually.

For more info go to the FAQ's and INFO thread here on LBT. Hope this helped.

I had my worst experience last Sunday at a restaurant.I was having a salad and cutting it up and chewing real good and I must have let a peice of lettuce go down. Luckily I had my napkin in my hand and PB'd in that. My husband was all freaked out but I just handled it the best I could. I have learned eat slow!!!!

I was feeling a little low tonight until I read this thread. You guys are hilarious!!! I can identify with all of this. THANKS!!!!!!!!!

Way to go freakin' out the new people, gawwwd. :heh: I'm so kidding. But really I can relate and in fact i'll share a story. I've had many of these episodes in the two years that i've had the band. Yes the band is fickle but no that is NOT good enough! The only thing that i've read that makes a little sense is that the body goes though a mucus cycle. Like at night I can eat a little. Come morning, no way. During my sleep I built up more mucus, later in the day it has thinned out. Stay with me here....for instance, if I lay down and take a nap during the day, you can bet I won't be able to eat for several hours later. Sleep is connected to the tightness of the band. Then of course there are times when it's my fault. For example...

I'm driving my sister-in-freak errrr law to the airport the other day. Her teenage loon errr daughter is in the back carrying on about everrrrything...whine whine whine for no apparent reason. Did I mention I was pretty sick too? another cause for excess mucus i'm sure. Anyway, we are about an hour away from DFW airport and I decided to stop at Walgreens to get some liquid medicine for myself. When a bag of peanut M&M's called to me. Desperate for chocolate (or a gun) I decided to have some. I bought whiney butt some too and my sister-in-law. So I take a bit of an M&M...not the whole thing just a bite of one. I chew, chew, chew, and it goes down. So a couple of minutes later I have the other half. *LOL* it goes down too. Now, i'm feeling brave and I began to eat one after the other. Before I know it I'm pouring the bag in my mouth. Then tragedy stuck...errr rather struck. My sister-in-law is flapping non stop and the kid in the back is trying to tell me a joke. My husband who is in Iraq right now decides to call on my cell phone ANNND we are in rush hour traffic. I begin getting that awful feeling. My mouth starts filling...I can't swallow. I hold it as long as I can. My sisterinlaw keeps asking why i look the way I do. My husband keeps calling over and over because he keeps losing his cell signal and i'm trying to keep from hitting the car in front of me. Finally, I find a gas station and immediately pull over run to the bathroom only to find I need a key. I can't talk to ask for one so i have to do the pee pee dance for the guy behind the counter and hold out my hand. He got the message and gave me the key. I ran to the bathroom, bent over the sink, and shot peanut M&M's out my nose. Nine inch chocolate goodness pouring out my nostrils. I felt purty. Long story short...ahhahhah...you aren't alone!

returning home off holiday, I was approaching a really big, buisy roundabout on a hot day last year, on the seat next to me was some shopping and sticking out of the top was an ice cold carton of orange juice. so as Im driving along I fiddle with the top and manage to get it off and, without thinking I took a massive few gulps of the juice, just like pre band gulps. Swallow swallow swallow I goes

gets to the roundabout and as im looking left and right waiting to go on to it WHOOSH

no warning no nothing --- up comes the orange juice, projectile, by now im going around the roundabout so cant do a thing about it

WHOOSH and orange juice hits the wheel, the windscreen, the dash, down my navy blue shirt and trousers and onto the floor of the car. You would not believe how far a couple of gulps of orange juice could go.!!

I had another 300 miles to drive so pulled into a motorway service area delved into my suitcase and changed between the two doors of the car!! I couldnt go into the rest rooms because I couldnt be seen in public the state I was in.

It took me over half an hour to clean up that swig of orange juice in the car and I pray often that there wasnt any cctv cameras trained on me in the car park and one day I will appear on tv getting undressed with my mother standing holding a towel in front of me looking furtivly round whilst I changed my trousers.

OMG! I have had the bubble too -- it's like made of silicone or something -- I was surprised by it as I had me eyes sqeezed tightly shut (which as we all know, alleviates PBing) when I opened my eyes, I thought I was having a 70s flash back -- everything was swirly and pretty -- then I realized I had a horrifying bubble protruding from my lips that was HUGE! It stayed there as I fumbled with the TP to wipe it away -- since I had no idea what it was made of and could have been toxic and I wasn't gonna touch it.......

As for cause -- I have had a problem with FROZEN margaritas -- think the cold clamps the band down. I have had to resort to....horrors.....straight up margaritas........maybe this coldness played a roll aside from your food choices....were they frozen?

I have to go check out the site for your PB nomination now -- too funny!

I have noticed that if I eat too fast, and I do sometimes that I get the "bubble". Also, I have not mastered the art of not drinking when I eat. Im a southern girl and you always wash down your food when you eat because you're normally flapping your gums about who did what down the street and you dont want people seeing food in your mouth. Right? But I have noticed that if I take a small drink after eating just about anything that I get the feeling of a cornish hen in my chest. It was quite comical the other day in Ruby Tuesday's when I had ribs and I drank some water and the bite got hung. Im leaned way back in my chair with my butt slid to the edge and Im rubbing my sternum in a fashion much like trying to get a horse or dog to swallow a pill. It finally went down, or exploded or something, because I could breath again. Painful and funny at the same time.

How do I stop drinking when I eat. Im always thirsty. Help!!!!

I thougt your thread ws awesome....I can totally agree on what u said 100% yesterday I ate a steak fajita salad from on the border with no prob & the night b4 i ws in the bathroom with the pbs & vomiting....mind u i am 1yr out & i do chew well....it makes no sense why sometimes u can & sometimes u cant eat...make sure u don't drink a half hour b4 and 1 hr after it does mk a difference....i know not 2 all bandsters they have this problem but i definately do and am going for the barium swallow on this wed to see if my band hs slipped....I have already hd my portal replaced....best of luck and get use to those pbs.....

Not drinking is almost the hardes thing for me post band...in fact, that's partly why i'm writing now - the only thing that helps is to do something - so, i usuallly immediately do dishes or empty dishwasher or clean or work, etc. that keeps me very occupied. I count the minutes (15 to go) for my 'fix' of liquid. If really desperate, i will take the tiny-est of sip or sips but i try not to becuz it's worse really. Also, start with one meal, build up to two with the no drinking - and even wait 1/2 hour - i'm a big believer in small steps. Great PB stories - it helps to have a bit of a laugh over these horrible events.