Confused :(

[Patriceaa 16]

I had my surgery in October 2010 and have been very successful in my weight loss and for the most part am very happy. BUT I am at a weird place with it. The goal my Doctor set for me was 150 lbs, my personal goal was to reach 140 lbs. I have surpassed those goals and am now 125 lbs. The problem is I know I need to stop. I have been told I am starting not to look good, that I am too skinny (something I have never heard in my entire life)...when I was at 130 and hearing it, I didn't mind it so much. I was trying to maintain the 130-133 range, but instead I keep losing. In my mind, I know that I probably need to have my band loosened a bit, because I literally cannot eat what I know I should be able to eat. I am literally full after 2 bites and at times just the thought of food sounds like a chore and is very unappetizing. I havent had a fill in almost 8 months and it is still as tight as it was back then. In my mind I know I need to gain a little weight back but I am terrified at the thought of the scale moving in the opposite direction. I am starting to think I might need professional help ~ psychological. I don't feel like I have an eating disorder because I still like food, but it just doesnt make me feel good. If I could gain 10 lbs and not a lb more, I THINK I would be ok... even though its scary. I honestly don't want to lose more and it scares me when it goes that way too now ~ although not as scary as the other way. Have any of you been here? What did you do? What do you think I should do? People are always trying to force food down me, but I literally cannot do it or I wont feel good. I am confused and starting to get depressed.

[B-52 7,113]

I thought about this in a similar way, and I am figuring I will ask for a slight unfill. I can always get it re-filled if a problem arises.

[lellow 1,713]

I have been in the same place. I got down to 117lbs, and I still felt like I needed to lose. I was a size 2 US and people were starting to say I looked boney. And I was. My hip bones stuck out. If I wore a low top, you could see my ribs clearly between my breasts.

I wasn't even tight really. I COULD have eaten more, but I was refusing to. I was so tied to those scales that gaining seemed like a blasphemy.

It took a while to talk myself round to it. I decided I was going to gain until I got to 130lbs and then I would stop. My dr said that if I didn't stop losing he would take fill out. I knew I had to take control of it.

I cried the first time I couldn't get into my size 2 pants anymore. But I stuck with it, despite feeling sick with dread that I was gaining.

I finally got to 130lbs after about 4 months. I felt huge. But I still fit into size 4 - 6 clothes, so I was not huge. But your mind plays terrible tricks on you sometimes!

I maintained 130lbs for almost a year and it started to become 'normal' for me. I look more voluptuous in my opinion, now that I'm getting used to it, but people still tell me I look like I'm going to snap in a strong breeze.

Now my band is leaking and I'd started to gain. I gained 5lbs and panicked! So I watched what I ate, exercised, and I've lost it again. I know that that mentality of not wanting to gain will serve me well henceforth, band or no band, because as obsessive as I am, I know I will do whatever I have to to maintain my weight. I just had to 'break' that habit of losing. And you can too.

[Patriceaa 16]

Thank you! I know it's a mental thing and its something I have to force myself to do, but it's very scary to me. I can totally relate to you lellow...I am at the point now where you can see my bones in my chest...it's not cute! It went from one extreme to the other... although, I am not unhealthly looking, just very thin for me, I want to stop before I start looking unhealthy..and I think 135 would be the perfect weight for me. Thank you again!

[1shauna1 129]

It would be hard....most of us have been in a weight loss mentality for so long, the thought of actually TRYING to gain weight would be terrifying (and is to me!).

[u4leigh 7]

I think you should definitely talk with a professional about this. Your brain must be horribly confused about how you should feel and what sorts of eating habits to employ. We all feel out of control when we're heavy, and once we get control and find happiness at a low weight, I suspect there is a big fear of losing that control, even if you know you've gotten too thin! Best wishes!

[georgia girl 35]

I would definitely make an appointment and have some Fluid removed. That itself could make a world of difference. If it were me, I would start by having some fluid removed and see if it gets better. Then, if you are still continuing to lose, you may need to seek counseling. Best of luck to you!!

[Patriceaa 16]

_{Went to my dr today and let some out and I instantly felt better! I was able to eat a piece of salmon for lunch and some asparagus with no problem...I forgot what it felt like to be able to actually eat more than a bite or two ~ it felt great. I am satisfied and not sick. I am going to try not to freak out when I start gaining a little weight... I think I will be ok with 10 lbs. We'll see}

[georgia girl 35]

_{Went to my dr today and let some out and I instantly felt better! I was able to eat a piece of salmon for lunch and some asparagus with no problem...I forgot what it felt like to be able to actually eat more than a bite or two ~ it felt great. I am satisfied and not sick. I am going to try not to freak out when I start gaining a little weight... I think I will be ok with 10 lbs. We'll see}

I am glad you are feeling better. Best of luck to you!

[readytogoforit 172]

this is really a worrisome post. you are about 15 lbs underweight.

it is so common for a compulsive person to switch compulsions.

I am a recovering alcoholic/drug user. I switched to food once

I stopped using alcohol. this is soooo common. I think you have

posted because you know this is not only about an unfill.

please go to a shrink and work this out with a person you trust.

you want to be healthy, both mentally and physically.

I would like to pray for you if you don't mind.

[lellow 1,713]

She isn't actually 15lbs underweight. She is still within a normal BMI range. I think it's good that she's questioning the way her mind works and is trying to head it off before it goes too far.

I absolutely loathed it when people told me I was too skinny. I didn't see it at the time and nothing anyone said was going to make a difference. I needed to process it on my own, in my own head. Just like you can't lose weight for anyone but yourself, you can't gain it for anyone but yourself too.

I think getting a small unfill is a positive step in the right direction, Patriceaa. You know what the issue is, now control that as you've controlled your weight all this time too.

[muelle 64]

I checked your profile stats, and we are almost identical. I was banded November of 2010, started at 244 and am 5'5". I have been hovering around130, give or take five pounds here and there. When I got to 135ish, people started telling me I looked anorexic and to start eating. I have a hard time with this, because I lose in my mid section and face, but my derrier and my thighs, to me, are still too big. I agree that it is hard to think of the scale moving up, and I agree that maybe seeing a psychologist would be a good idea. Good luck to you on your journey!

[54Shirley 105]

Glad you feel better.

[lellow 1,713]

muelle, wanna swap? I lose in my butt first, my midsection last. I gain first in my midsection too, so I even a few lbs will make me look all straight up and down, like I have no waist.

[Patriceaa 16]

Thank you for your concern readytogoforit ~ and who cant use a few prayers? ... I was concerned too and really starting to worry. As lellow said, I am not underweight ~ I am below my goal weight, but still within the healthy BMI range. I was worried because I didnt want to lose any additional weight, and I was unable to eat or drink. I did and still do have somewhat of a fear of the scale going the opposite direction, when these past few years I have been working so hard to have the numbers go down. I did go to my dr because I did recognize what I needed to do ~ they reassured my feelings were normal but that it was good that recognized what I needed to do. I had a slight unfill ~ which is what I needed... I feel so good now! And I have decided if I gain 10 or so lbs, I am fine with it ~ its just scary. The difference now is I know what I need to do not to go back to where I came from. I have the knowledge and the tools to be in control. Thank you all so much for your input.