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Taking Those First Steps
 

That Dreaded "g" Word.

Gym. That's right, I think I'm going to join a gym.   I've always said there's two things I personally don't believe in, Orgainzed Exercise and Organized Religion (don't take that the wrong way - I'm not against any religion by no means, I just have never been one to share my spirituality with others).   I've been doing well, every day I'm losing, even if it's just a few ounces (they add up!!), but I find that my workout routine that I had envision pre-op just isn't happening. By the time I get home from work, I convince myself that I was active enough and relax. There's a community center right down the street from my work, I think I'll get a 3 month pass and just keep gym clothes in my car. Time to kick it into gear.
jen_1381

jen_1381

2
mylynn1377's Blog
 

Hmmm Friends Or Not?

So I have been having a few issues with my best friend lately. We don't see each other much as she lives about 3 hrs north of me. It was hard enough getting together before I moved down south with my fiancee. Single mom, tight budget, crappy vehicle. So I would wait until she had to come to my town to have lunch etc. Then I started finding out she would come to town and no one would tell me until she was gone. Then another friend of ours just started going up to her house all the time and hanging out, going to parties, the bestie would have theme parties at her house and everyone was "oh we thought you wouldn't come, drive, have a babysitter" ok........sure it's nice to be invited though. Fast forward a few months and now I'm engaged. She tells me that my track record with men sucks (which is true) and she thought I was moving to fast with someone I barely knew.....wait a minute, I'm sorry I've actually known my fiancee since high school..yeah we were good friends in high school, lived close to each other in the middle of nowhere, and I've been friends with his mom about as long as I've been friends with him...hmmmmm.   I asked her to be my matron of honor in February, she didn't ask me anything about the wedding, not theme, decorations, location..nothing until May. She said that she is having personal family problems with her oldest son and she just doesn't have the time or energy to do anything else or think of anything else. Ok that's fine so I asked her if she wanted to opt out of the wedding and take care of what she needs to do, whatever she needs, or however I can help. So she got mad at me. Well hell....   So since then she has apologized for acting like that and hurting my feelings. That's fine. But she has still only talked to me once about the wedding in-depth and I'm getting married in October. In addition she is supposed to be my planner, and her husband is marrying us.   So to top it off I finally told her that I'm getting lap band and ....she got mad. Because she doesn't have insurance, so she can't get one. Ok I'm not saying she doesn't need a band or that it wouldn't help her. But she's about 5'4 and 220...I'm 5'2 and 325....but then I also gave her info on self pay and all the deals that they have for surgery in Mexico. She got madder at me about it...I give up.   My Dad told me that like any other situation in life such as drinking, doing drugs, smoking...stuff like that, you surround yourself with people who are like you. And when you decide to change that situation people resent it immensely. I already moved, got into a really healthy relationship that is leading to commitment, and now I want to loose weight and be healthy. He believes that I may have to reevaluate some of these relationships, especially if they aren't supportive. Since he went through AA and has been sober for 12 years, I kind of think he may be right.   In the meantime I am just letting it be and doing my thing so that I can put myself first for a change. I don't do much of that.
mylynn1377

mylynn1377

5
mauraclegg's Blog
 

Losing Or Is It Winning

Okay, I am going to say it. The weight loss was relatively easy for me. I hate to say it because I've read about and know personally people that have struggles after their band. I lost 85 lbs within the first year with 3 fills.   Now that you hate me for saying it was easy let me explain WHY I think it was easier for me. WHen I was allowed mushy food I tried out all the yummy carbs that I was missing (rice, pastina, mashed taters). I couldn't tolerate the rice so I eliminated it from my life (not my family's but mine). I never minded making the husband and kids something and having something different myself.   I think that my losing was easy because I changed my mind set. I gave myself about a cup of food and convinced myself I was full. It has worked for me.   That being said, I still need to have a little sweet when I am done eating (a Dove Promise or 2) and I think the fact that through all my fills I have been able to eat popcorn has been my saving grace. I love popcorn!! It's a perfect snack for me.   I still have some food struggles - I still want to eat french fries and they really don't work with my band (maybe 2 or 3), but then I get a bit stuck.   If I eat too fast, or I talk when I am eating I tend to stick and vomit.   But I stand by my saying that my weight loss was easy. I barely exercised - bad I know - but it's the truth.   I love what my band has allowed me to do for me, but I think the mental part of seeing yourself different has been the hardest part for me - I still see a fat chick in the mirror (I'm between a size 8 and 10). I don't want to be a size 2, but when I look in the magazines at people who are my height and weigh 115/120 lbs I am convinced I am still as big as a house.   I think part of my blog is so I can get more of these negative feelings out there into the universe and maybe, just maybe I can see me the way others see me
mauraclegg

mauraclegg

2
lizzyshade's Blog
 

2 Week Post-Op

I had my 2 week post-op appointment today, it was bitter sweet. Good news is I have lost 10 lbs since my sleeve, I do not have an incision infection, and I am healing. Bad news is that I may have an intestinal infection (being tested) that is the root cause of my consistent diarrhea and that although healing, I'm healing very slow and am not absorbing enough fluids and nutrients (because of the diarrhea). I was supposed to return to work tomorrow, but my doctor will not release me for another week and even stated it could be another week after that. I feel very emotional about it all tonight. Honestly I don't feel like I have the energy to work yet, but on the other hand I am out of PTO and am worried about finances this month. My doctor reminded me that a couple extra weeks off to get well and strong is really a small thing in the scheme of life ahead of me. My mantra.... It will all be worth it in the end, the dream of a smaller happier me, makes it all worth it!
lizzyshade

lizzyshade

4
Changing Lanes
 

My Story--Super Short Version

My name is Angie and and I am mommy to a year old little girl. I have had weight issues on and off for many years. I have successfully lost weight and felt fabulous. Of course I fell off the wagon and I am here now! I am a veteran of the U.S. Army (as ashamed as I am to say that because of my weight).   As of today, I have been through the insurance approval process and I am 3 days in on my pre-op diet.   I went to the seminar on 4/19/2012, consultation on 4/24/2012 and scheduled for surgery on 6/13/2012   Subscribe to my blog for a play by play of my WLS journey!
angelakay2

angelakay2

0
J. Fabulous' Blog
 

Transformation

Since having lost seventy pounds, I noticed that my pants and shirts were getting quite loose. I was avoiding buying new cloths so I took the pants into the dry cleaners to have them altered. They took in about 2-3 … Continue reading →
Jack Fabulous

Jack Fabulous

1
Discordya's Fairytale
 

Recumbent!

Today my fiancee received the tracking information for his rowing exercise machine and had offered to purchase something for me where I am currently located (not together) if I wanted. I was looking at the rowing machines because I like the way they work but they all have a weird weight limit of like 250 pounds. I started looking at other types of exercise machines and we ended up ordering a recumbent exercise bike that folds up. I like in a smaller town house so it's nice that it is compact.   It does also have a weird 250 lb weight limit on it but he is pretty handy when it comes to materials and things and he thinks upon watching videos and such plus some people in reviews saying they are nearer the 350 limit and say it seems pretty stable. We are confident in this but if it feels too unstable when I get it put together and give it a go then I will take it back and will know for sure that I can't use something that says a capacity of 250.   I mean I've done lots of things in my life with cheap furniture and whatever and I have yet to break anything at 350 lbs so I dunno. Maybe I will be able to use it. From here on out I definitely will only be losing and no more gaining. 100%.   Reference: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Exerpeutic-Space-Saver-Semi-Recumbent-Bike-with-Pulse/15657479
Failure

Failure

0
Peeling Off the Layers
 

Entering Into The Unknown

Welcome to Peeling Off the Layers!   This is my blog about my weight loss journey with the help of the LapBand. I have been on this website for several days prior to posting anything and have gained so much knowledge and inspiration from my fellow bandsters. I hope this blog can be as motivational and encouraging as those I have read.   A little bit about me, I have struggled with my weight for the last 18-20 years - yes, since I was eight or ten years old. I discovered early on, much like my counterparts, that I am an emotional eater. If I'm happy, I eat. Sad, donuts are there to comfort me. Angry?! There's a food for that too. Couple this with the fact that I've also dealt with depression for 8 years and its no wonder that I'm a good candidate for LapBand!   Understanding and recognizing that I use food as a crutch was the first step on my journey. You know what they say, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. It's more difficult to realize this when the emotions are not always bad... Now that I've come to terms with this aspect of my addiction I can find other, more healthy ways to deal with my emotions.   I began my LapBand journey with a certain other facility that is widely know here in AZ for offering the LapBand. After their seminar and financial consultation, I was told my insurance would cover it but I would need to fork over an additional $4k. This was 2 years ago, which at that time - and honestly now, $4k is not a feasible option. I heard a radio ad for True Results with payment options which naturally peaked my interest. I hesitate to admit that I was in the drive thru for Chik-fil-A at the time of hearing this... Ha Ha.   I contacted the True Results team in Scottsdale, AZ and set up my initial consultation. Cari Green, the patient advocate was phenomenal. She walked me thru the procedure and, having already contacted my insurance company, was able to go over approximately what it would cost out of pocket before surgery. The monetary difference was astounding! I would only have to pay my In Network deductible and could set up payment options with the surgeon, etc.!   Needless to say, with the financial burden out of the way, I underwent the necessary testing for heart and lungs THAT DAY! This all started on January 25, 2012.   I made the decision at the time to tell my parents, my greatest supporters, that I was going to try for the LapBand. After some initial hestitation, they were on board and became my biggest cheerleaders.   My insurance required that I have four monthly visits with the True Results team, have a proven history of obesity greater than 40 BMI for 2 years, complete the Psych Eval and Blood work. After I jumped through all the necessary hoops and the paperwork was submitted, I got approved!   Even before True Results had the opportunity to call me, my Bariatric Nurse Courtney from the insurance company called to congratulate me I have opted to participate in their support program through the insurance company as well in order to have just that much more accountability.   I know this was super long and I apologize, it was such a long time coming from January until June. In order to understand my blog, I felt the need to start from the beginning. I promise the coming entries will not be as long!
BikiniBodby30

BikiniBodby30

2
juny's Blog
 

First Off...

I'm tired today. I just finished with yet another dr.'s visit and I'm about sick of all of it already. My first foray into this whole weigh loss surgery deal has been somewhat unexpected. For years, I did not consider surgery. I've been around 300lbs give or take 25lbs for the last 5 years. I've been pretty stubborn about the fact that the surgery doesn't change the habits you need to live w/ in order to make permanent change. However, I'm also SERIOUSLY tired of carrying around a whole other person, it's not even a baby, it's like a full sized adult that never bother going to college and doesn't pay rent but eats me out of house! It was back in March that I first had the thought, it was after a good 18 months of trying diet after diet. I just turned 30 in April. I came to the realization that I know the trajectory I'm on and if I want to end this unhappy merry-go-round, I'm going to have to do something more permanent. Which brings me back to doctors....I still have 2 different appointments at least for testing. I also have an appointment w/ the nut. and a psych and a gp all in the next 2 weeks. The doctor's office I left today has recommended I go back to an endocrinologist because after not being on synthroid for 2 months (yes I know i'm a bad girl....i went from no insurance to nice insurance in 2 months....can we just let me get past the guilt trip please?). Apparently my tsh is 97.3, he's not happy, he says he only sees that in people who haven't taken meds for years.....I find this difficult to believe.   This winding little path I've just taken us on leads to my crankiness about going to yet another doctor. Yes I know it's necessary. Yes I know this is just a part of the deal. But for whatever reason I'm not scared of the surgery or the liquid diets, the hair loss, the lactose intolerance or anything else (not yet anyway). What is totally consuming me at the moment, is the worry about trying to keep my pto up. I get exactly 80 hours pto. So two weeks. And all these dr. visits are going to eventually take some of that. And I'll still need it for surgery. Since I technically just started this job (actually been there as a temp since Oct) I won't qualify for FMLA until next year. I'm already putting resumes out....yeah that's another story. Ok......ok now I'm starting to come down from my vent...whoooo ok. I'd also like to take this space to mention that I'm at home w/ my parents right now since the job doesn't really pay enough to be on my own. While there are some excellent reasons to be living at home, ie no drunk ass roommates, free rent, free car, etc....once I've made it clear my intention to do this thing my family has been less than enthusiastic in their support. This is difficult to live w/ on a daily basis because I need to talk about these things and when I do at home I don't get the reaction I'd like and it's just more friction.   I am serious about this and I don't think I'm going to change my mind, even w/ all the scary **** in these forums. I've found it a little easier to take on the changes my nut.'s asked me to, I think it's because I know this time I'm not just staring at a big empty void of failure. I don't think it's magical but I do think it would help with the obsession my mind has w/ being full. This lifestyle I'm starting, I hope and believe will continue and the surgery will make it more likely to be permanent. So I started changing things. After the first seminar I went to in April I haven't had any diet coke. This is huge, diet coke was all I drank...ever...I knew if I couldn't do that then the surgery would never be a go anyway. Today, it's straight water...every day and I'm surprisingly ok w/ that. I've also started going to the gym and gotten back into counting calories. I know I'm on the right track or at least i can see it from my house. Needless to say there's a whole lot on my mind. I've been obsessive about the forums of late, it's been wonderful looking at everyone's progress and that everyone's been extraordinarily helpful when anyone has a question.   And now since my brain's just about exploded in every direction it's possible to go in, I think it's time to get my broom and dust pan.
juny

juny

2
becky444's Blog
 

Whirlwind Week...ugh!

So the past 10 days have been quite crazy. My partner of 12 1/2 years dropped the bomb on me last Sunday that he is thinking of leaving. What?!!? Are you crazy? I'm just about to start my 3rd and final year of grad school, an internship on top of my full-time job, and I'm having surgery in 3 weeks. Coulld you pick a worse time? Needless to say, I was a bit of a wreck that day. Since then, we have done a lot of talking, and are going to try to work it out. That, however, is not the best news.   In the past, I have been very dependant on my relationships, including this one. The thought of being left alone was terrifying to me, and I would give anything to keep the relationship going. Last week, I felt a little desperation in the day, but then I started seriously thinking about what I would do. It's funny, I wasn't trying to let practicality override love, but, really, I had school and internship starting soon, and this surgery. I never once considered quitting school or canceling the surgery, which I would have done a few years ago. I quietly figured out how I would do on my own. I came to the conclusion that I would be ok. I'm so proud of that, and it has really made me realize that I will be ok with this surgery too. I have become a strong person who can take care of herself! What a good feeling. Now I just need to triumph over food and I will be unstoppable =)   P.S. Started my pre-surgery shake diet today. So hungry. I know it will get better. 13 days...  
becky444

becky444

4
Ashleyxx's Blog
 

First Blog..

Hey everyone this is my first blog, I totally forgot I even made a acount on here!   Anyways since I was last on here I was awaiting my first consultation with my surgeon, it was a long process but I finally was able to have surgery done November 17th!   My starting weight was 360, start of liquid diet 350, day of surgery 338 and currently 251lbs! I am very thankful to been able to have surgery and complication free   Here are some before and current pictures, Im along way from goal but pretty happy with my progress so far.     Before: 360 During:275 (Im down 25 more pounds since this was taken)     Oh yeah and if you go on the other forums: Obesity Help, Thinner Times my name is the same on all 3 so feel free to add me
ashleyxx

ashleyxx

2
Discordya's Fairytale
 

I'm On The Edge.. Of Glory!

I just started randomly putting on some music since it's my day off of work and sat down here on the forums to read and educate and obsess *lol* So then Lady Gaga comes on with her The Edge of Glory song and I just thought you know? This song is soooo fitting. I have never been so close to WLS in my life even though I have been researching, wishing, hoping and dreaming for a MIRACLE to happen for 3 or 4 years now. I don't get insurance with my job, I did not have insurance through college, so I never had any hope of getting any help with this at all. As everyone, I have tried diet after friggin' diet and yo-yoing and all of that. I'd lose 20 gain 30 lose 40 gain back 35 and coast up back to my original weight real slow, you know just so stupid and annoying. I know that losing weight even with the sleeve will be a life-long commitment but when you don't have a major assistance then it just gets so messed up and you gain it all back or you see another health problem arising or just whatever. It would take years to lose the amount of weight I have the potential to lose with a little help from a surgery such as the sleeve. It's just a whole new realm of hope and reading everyones posts and seeing all of the before and after photos of people JUST LIKE ME really makes me smile and happy to know that I AM NOT ALONE and that this can happen to me, too!   My finacee informed me today that the official plan is that we are going to be finding a little cheap apartment together and start from there so that we can begin our lives living together. I'll write that story in another post later because it's sort of a long story. But I am just so excited. I just wonder how long this would take. I'm trying not to sound selfish and be overly pushy and impatient but I've been overweight since I was 8 years old. Can you blame me for wanting to hurry this process up? I've not known anything else but fat, and I just want to know what it is like to be smaller and able to walk into a store and buy clothes that fit me nice and in patterns and designs that I actually like! I've never been able to do that!   I really like skulls and bats and weird things. I want to be able to wear things with these types of things on them because I will be able to fit into the sizes they come in! I want to be able to wear things that younger adults wear once and for all and for that to happen before I am over-the-hill. I want to have a taste of that aspect of my youth before it is gone and it makes me so happy that that is finally something that will be ACHIEVABLE!   What were some of the first pieces of clothing you bought that you had wanted to be able to fit in to and were just so happy and excited to be able to wear?
Failure

Failure

1
mylynn1377's Blog
 

Starting A Blog Makes Me Feel Weird

Ok to everyone who actually reads this Hi!   That being said, blogging makes me feel weird because I am ultimately typing to hear myself type. Yeah I know strange huh? My mom suggested this as a way to talk to other people who understand what I am going through and the things that I struggle with on a daily basis. I say its a place for me to rant about stuff that may or may not be read, depending on whether or not my audience finds me entertaining. My mother finds me entertaining but let's face it, she's my Mom, kinda part of the job description even though I'm 35 years old.   So for this first foray into blogging let's make this an open forum to talk about.......tuna? Exercise that you hate or love? Things that we gave up or will give up eating that makes you want to cry? I got a good answer for that one! Ummm supportive or unsupportive friends/family? You hate doctors, needles scare you, you are traumatized by clowns (also one of mine). I can say if they {who ever they are} put a clown in my fridge I would be very, very, thin..or just not scared of clowns anymore.     So feel free to read this, not read this, believe I'm insane (good luck cause they (again with the they) already know that I'm crazy) or just want to also post random replies to peoples blogs because you are bored and want something constructive or destructive to do....
mylynn1377

mylynn1377

2
Shelleymb's Blog
 

An Add On From The Last

I just looked over my post from last night, I was pretty much delirious from exhuastion and it seems I have a lot of random thoughts in it. I had just gotten done with a softball game. I didn't have as much fun last night as the first game I played because it didn't start until 9:00 pm... that’s my bed time.   Softball, along with other team sports is kind of a difficult concept for me. I'm a great "team player" in the morale department, but when it comes to other people depending on me that's when it becomes nerve racking. In jounior high and high school the only sport I "played" was swimming. I swam year round, and I was in the best shape of my life. I miss not having the ability to swim on a club team now as an adult. The great thing about a club swim team is that everything is individual, there really isn't anyone depending on you to help their race. Besides cheering someone on you couldn't help them physically. I feel like that is how anyone's Lap-Band journey is. Besides cheering on my boyfriend, I'm not going to be able to 'force' him to lose weight.   I think that is why Ty suggested that we do it together, to support eachother and to have something to share together for the rest of our lives, and I like that idea. I just wish we didn't have to wait 6 months to get everything going.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

0
RoyaVoyage Blog
 

Select Skiing Trip

There is no perfect way to exile the winter blues and obtain the adrenaline racing than selecting a winter skiing tour. The rush of moving down the slopes when you take in the striking snowy scenery is everything to bring out an eager smile in the glummest person!   But, the skiing professionals recommend that you conduct a little pre-planning r to make the best of your tour. And, by spending a little of time preparing, you will not just assist yourself to stay secure, but also make sure that your skiing vacation will get off to a fast start.   First, it is significant to select the correct location. There are many ski resorts on the planet, which appropriate to various people’s experience needs and levels. Thus, it is necessary to you clear up your skiing expectations.   It is vital you know what to take along with you. Warm and waterproof clothing is necessary like a pair of ski socks, some gloves, and a hat. Cotton clothing must be avoided because this gets wet fast and it is not pleasant spending the entire day soaked. In accordance to the experts, it is sound to get into form before hitting the slopes.   Travel to Ukraine: Donetsk, Kiev and Western Ukraine includes oblasts: Zakarpats'ka, L'vivs'ka, Ivano-Frankivs'ka, Volyns'ka, Ternopil's'ka, Rivnens'ka etc.
royalvoyag

royalvoyag

0
J. Fabulous' Blog
 

May

I’ve been far away from the blogosphere for the past month due mostly to the stress of work. It has been really stressful and I’ve been working very long hours. Stress turns into moodiness which turns into poor self-care. The … Continue reading →
Jack Fabulous

Jack Fabulous

3
zil's Blog
 

I Am Going To Show It Again, And Again, And Again!

I LOVE MY LAPBAND. I have been banded almost 10 months and am down 90+ pounds. Less than 50 to my goal. I could not have done this without this marvelous tool and such a supportive family.   I LOVE MY BAND. To anyone who is comtemplating getting the procedure done, I say ' GO FOR IT '. Keep a positive attitude, play by the rules and reach for the brass ring. The longest journey starts with one small step.   I LOVE MY BAND. I am a self-pay and I would definitely put out the money again if I had it go do all over again,. I have a wonderful doctor and her office staff are so supportive.   I LOVE MY BAND. In all honesty, I can't say that the road had not had some curves, sharp turns, and bumps along the way, but I continue to weather the stormy days and learn from each setback.   I LOVE MY BAND. I hope you love yours too, whether you are currently banded, and still fighting the demons, have found your happy spot, or contemplating getting banded and beginning the journey.   Keep in mind, we are all in this together, and with determination, conviction, willpower and each other, we will succeed.   HAPPY BANDING TO YOU ALL.     zil
zil

zil

1
CrazyCatLady's Blog
 

Oh Yes, It's A Dirty Word....

I admit, I was feeling pretty good about my self and my weight loss...until I logged on to Facebook (grrrrr....I should know better!) and saw that an old coworker of mine, who is the same height I am, and started at the same weight (plus 7lbs)...had gastric sleeve surgery 4 weeks ago. And has lost **52lbs SINCE SURGERY!!!**   I almost choked on my glass of ice water. WTF!?! I had my surgery 7 weeks ago (as of tomorrow), and I've lost....38lbs since surgery. Almost twice her time, and less weight. I've lost 40lbs in two months before by low-carb dieting...so this is not an exciting moment for me.   Why is it we spend our precious time comparing ourselves to others? I was reading one of those "after your surgery" books....and came across the statement that the honeymoon period for weightloss surgery was the first 3 months....3 months?!? I'm more than halfway through that! ....there's that comparing again. Grrrrrrr.....   Sometimes, I wish I lived on an island, with no one to compare to. Even my dear, darling husband made the comment, "After my RNY, I never stalled - I just lost weight the whole way down". I wanted to crush his manbits with a sledgehammer...and I was perfectly rational at the time that I told him as much.   Yes, I had complications. Yes, I know that it affects me....but that base human part of me somehow feels inferior, simply because I can't become less-fat just as fast as someone else.   WTF.
CrazyCatLady

CrazyCatLady

3
Discordya's Fairytale
 

Every New Step

Well this is my first blog on this site. I have this itch to write some thoughts out but I find my other online blogs pretty lonely. I have a livejournal that I frequent occasionally but it seems none of my friends on there are active anymore. And I have a tumblr but my friends that I've added don't add me back so I'm feeling a little lonely on the blog part. It's not so much that I want comments, I really appreciate them, but more than anything I just want to feel like at least I have the potential to reach somebody.. anybody.   There is something that is very hard for me to deal with and I don't really know where I can talk about it with open arms. I just feel that if I put it out there that someone, somewhere is going to use it against me like what had happened on another website in the past (obesityhelp).   I have a disorder called borderline personality disorder. Basically it is very hard to explain and pretty complex. BPD is not a chemically induced problem but rather learned behavior from a traumatic childhood of some sort. They say it is usually linked to familial problems but I had more problems from my school mates and people in the neighborhood constantly beating on me and making fun of me, that is what the doctors think was the trigger at least. I've ALWAYS been fat my whole life since I was like 8 but before that my sister was probably the culprit. There are things that I have only had a teeny tiny light shed on that she did to me but I do not even remember that specifically. I just remember the other parts.   I have this in addition to OCD, so instead of having a life full of drug or sex addictions, I have addictions to other things that are repetitive in nature. I do a lot of video games because I take to them and I can get "lost" in them as I become addicted to them without much health risk. I get "addicted" to crafting things with my hands, like arts and crafts. I do a lot of jewelry crafting and other crafts that allow me to "obsess" over learning to make. I've sort of contorted that way as a means of managing my problem on my own with BPD and not being a statistic. Apparently BPD is curable and is usually cured as the person ages, but it doesn't always happen. I also have read that a lot of people with BPD never make it to older ages because they are prone to suicide before then.   I feel I manage decent on my own but I am not perfect. I can keep myself from unhealthy habits such as drugs or alcohol or shopping, but I can't seem to control my thoughts. And I wonder how this will effect me in the long run of the WLS process. I don't think that it will be an issue with food because I have come to face that addiction and I don't get addicted to food like I do other things like my crafting. It's not the same. Food is a whole other subject for me. It's something that my family values a lot and Chef's run in my family down my fathers side. There is always gourmet food and lots of it around. Lots of fried foods and delicious elaborately cooked cunconctions that are just so delicious but not really healthy. I've never learned how to eat right or the right portions so basically trying to diet is so foreign to me. I don't understand how things go together with food (unfortunately that is never a craft I took to) although I can cook but I pretty much have to stick to a recipe because my brain just does not put things together with food very well. It's just hard for me.   From the ages of 13 to around 19 I was what you may know as a cutter. I use to cut myself. I have not done it since around 18 but I say 19 because I had a little slip up that year. I have overcome that obstacle, as well. I had lots of therapy and psychological evaluations and drug trials but in the end it was something I quit doing on my own. But I will always utilize things I learned from my counselors. I had one counselor that had learned of my fascination with a book from school called Sadako and the 1000 Paper Cranes. We had learned as a school project how to make origami paper cranes and I took to making them very well that I got an award in class. That was in 5th grade. I had this counselor when I was about 15. So in the book when Sadako was in the hospital with leukemia, her friend had taught her the origami cranes to keep her occupied and they hung them from the ceiling until she passed. And I just loved that book, it reached out to me for some reason. So my counselor asked me to teach her how to make the cranes, and we would each make a crane of a different color paper and size each session we had. When I stopped seeing this counselor she flattened each crane and placed them in a box that we decorated together. I still have that box.   I am by no means a hoarder, but I take to things that hold sentimental value. When my Mamaw passed away, my great aunt sent home her purse full of some personal belongings that were originally in that purse but some not. I asked my mom when she brought it home to me because I couldn't go to the funeral, what my sister had gotten. My mother told me nothing, she didn't have many personal belongings left because she went through a phase where she was giving away her belongings to people at church (she had dementia). I asked my mom, why did I get all of this then and nothing for her? She said, Thelma (my aunt) thought I ought to have it because she knew I take more value in things like that, the sentiment. It's so true that I do. Not everything do I keep but just little trinkets here or there from times in my life or people or memories of either.   I don't know. Since I'm not going through with the WLS with insurance I am curious if they will still ask me for a psychological evaluation. Should I get one even if they don't because of this problem? Does anyone else have any sort of personality disorder or borderline? I'm so afraid of making a post in a forum because I don't want to be judged. I am not crazy nor incapable of doing things for myself. I am very smart and very much capable of working and things. I take no medications although I'm sure someone would try to put me on some but after having so many problems arise from medications I decided to self-help and I feel it has been good for me. I did in my teens along with cutting have issues with sex and drugs but I have overcome that on my own and I feel that I have a pretty good idea of how to keep myself from going to any bad place like that as I've not slipped up since those times.   Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. Having BPD really makes things a lot harder on the brain aspects of things. I can usually catch myself when I am thinking too irrationally and all but sometimes I do get confused about being in denial, too under exaggerated or if I am being too much.   Is there anyone out there who understands this, at all, whatsoever? Am I alone?   Reference link: http://www.mayoclini...isorder/DS00442
Failure

Failure

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minnie20's Blog
 

Sleeve's A Secret

I was just wondering if anyone out there who has had the sleeve have made the desicion not to tell people that they had it done. I work and choose not to tell anyone at work. This decision was made because I know a few people that have had weight loss surgery and were not successful at it. I just felt that if I didn't succeed I would be one of them and I have failed so many times at trying to lose weight that I didn't want to a failure again.
minnie20

minnie20

8

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