Hey everyone. Long time no see! Sorry, I just have so many different things to do online that I just can't get around to them all. I still lurk around a bit but just don't have much time to post. I belong to 2 support groups on facebook that I frequent but I also just started my very own blog.
I've recently made a new acquaintance, Holly over at www.300poundsdown.com and during our correspondence she suggested I should start a blog. At first I did not like the idea but over the weekend I really thought about it a lot and decided maybe it's not such a bad idea.
So I did it. I made a blog and I was wondering if anyone would like to connect with me and get the word across. I'd like to follow anyone but other blogs as well related to WLS that use blogger/blogspot. Feel free to follow me and I'll follow right back no matter what kind of blog you have!
My blog is Weight Loss: My Version and the link is http://www.my-version.org
So basically I had some weird throat infection the entire pre-op diet week, which I only had to actually do for 1 week. So eating nothing but full liquids was fine because I didn't feel that great anyway and slept A LOT. The hardest day, believe it or not, was the clear liquid day the day before surgery. I did okay though once I got some SF jello. It's hard finding ones that are not a deep red. I did find some pink and orange ones, though!
So I didn't actually feel too horribly nervous until that morning. I wasn't due until 12:30 and the hospital is about 45 minutes away. Around 10:30 AM on Wednesday (June 27) they called to ask if I wanted to come in early because they had a cancellation. I said sure but it will only be like maybe 15 minutes earlier because I live 45 minutes away. So we ended up leaving about 11:15 because I had to wait on my mom to shower. I had already done all that and my bag was packed so I was ready! We got to the hospital about 12:15 or something. We had a hard time finding where we were suppose to go but we got it. Yay!
Luckily we had gotten a parking spot that was in the first row from the door so that was nice. I grabbed my bag and my turtle pillow pet and walked in, taking my piercings out and shaking all to hell trying not to fling the pieces around and get them in the baggy I brought for them. I got to the desk and they had me to go an admission desk to sign some papers and get my wrist band and some folder with stuff in it that I still haven't actually looked at. I don't know what is in it, lol. Just some papers.
Anyway so they asked us to wait in the waiting room. We did not even get our butts in a chair and they had called me in, they told my mom to wait outside because they were just going to run some tests real quick that they routinely do. So they brought me in and it looked like the same pre-op area where I was with my sister at a different hospital for a pregnancy complication. Not to sound as morbid as it may but it was strangely comforting to feel like I was in a place I had seen before. I was given a cup and asked to use the bathroom and pee in the cup for a pregnancy test. They do this routinely I guess, it's mandatory. Boy was I ever exploding cuz I filled that whole entire freakin' cup! Sorry for TMI there lol.
So I go back to my waiting area and asked where to put it and the nurse says to put it on a little table at the end of what was to be my bed that another nurse was writing in my chart at. So I set it there and said MERRY CHRISTMAS! And giggled nervously. She laughed at me, too. So then I was given my robe and socks and a bag to put my clothes in and told to change and they pulled the curtain. Oh man was I shaking so bad! I got it all there and put it on the chair next to the bed and sat down, she undid the curtain and I got situated on the bed and they put a warm blanket on me. Then they had a nurse come put an IV in me and it took her forever. I have tiny veins. They put a 20 in me and said it'll be good until I'm under and they'll switch it to a 18 or whatever. They drew 2 vials of blood and then whatever. Stuck some little sticker node things on me and asked me questions like who I am and what surgery I'm having. Then the anesthesiologist asked some questions too like if I have diabetes and etc I said not that I know of. It's true, I didnt know lol. They did get a CBC and whatever else with that blood they took and I never heard much back so I guess I'm ok.
So then they hooked up an IV and then came the Versed. That's the happy medicine they gave me so I can relax. At some point during the questioning they got my mom for me and she was sitting with me. But once they put the IV in they made her hug me and go back to the waiting room. This was around 1:30 by this time. And then the praying hit as tears started rolling down my face when she left the room and I started praying, HARD!! But the Versed hit and I felt okay. They rolled me to the OR and I remember looking at all the gadgets in the room thinking Hey! This is just like on TV and in videos of sleeve related things I had seen before. That was comforting, too. But I was doped up on Versed so that's probably it, too. They aligned the operating bed up to my bed and locked them all in place, then had me help myself from the bed to the operating bed. I was not scared at this point but they were laying my arms out on the little arm tables and had an oxygen mask laying lightly on my face. I was okay with that! That were touching me a lot and it felt comforting. Then they said they would be making me sleepy and I was out.
I remember when I first woke up they said I'm waking up and asked me how I feel. I said owww pain. It hurts. They said they are giving me pain medication RIGHT NOW. And it felt better right then. They had given me Dilaudid when I needed the rougher med but they used Toradol for inflammation and pain in the meantime and Fenergan for nausea or whatever it's called. They gave me something else right before surgery too for like acid or whatever but I forget what it was.
So I was in and out a lot. Dilaudid pretty much makes me pass out. I had gotten a swab sometime in the later evening and I think a droplet had gone down my throat and I got nauseated and started dry heaving. This lasted only a brief period because the nurse took an alcohol prep pad and waved it in front of my nose telling me to breathe deep and I did. The aroma strangely made me calm down from heaving. I didn't have true on nausea at all. Just onset of heaving. I had another 2 or 3 bouts of that that night as they gave me Dilaudid but they started giving the Fenergan with it and I was fine after that. At home I dry heaved only 2 times from pain medication and that's been it. I stopped taking that nasty garbage.
So at home I just staked out on the couch as best I could. Tried sipping my liquids and pacing the house or taking my dog on mini walks. It felt good to walk! I'm now 4 days out and I feel almost just fine except for 3 things. One I feel as if maybe I am getting a cold, I have that pre-cold groggy feeling. And the other 2 are pains. One is in my shoulder from gas pain, and the other is that odd diaphragm area spasming that is horrid but luckily only lasts a couple of seconds.
I had trouble getting my liquids in but I'm doing okay. I feel okay and energetic during the day. I sip a little protein, a little soup, or vitamin water zero or sobe life water or just plain water. I got some pain cramping when I had colder liquids at first but it seems to do ok now. I also really like SF chocolate pudding. Im going to try a fudgsicle later tonight.
As far as food goes. I get weird cravings for things. I know it's in my head and I have to control that. But sometimes I'm just confused at my body because my stomach grumbles all the time, but it gets really loud at random times and it doesn't hurt but it pangs like that familiar feeling pre-op when I would be so hungry that my stomach would growl and pang like that. So I'm not sure if I'm hungry or what. But it's really annoying and eating a little pudding or soup does alleviate it a little. Although the noises don't stop for long at all. I also wanted to add in here that I do get a bit grossed out by some foods now that I woulda just been like "ehh" about before and not really gotten that weird gag feeling when something smells or tastes gross. I can't even eat broth of any kind and some of these "cream of" soups do the same thing. I have no idea why! I do like those soups normally so not sure what the deal is now but I'm dealing with trying out other things. I realized I can get a soup that has things in it but blend and strain it afterwards and it does actually hold the tastes of everything that was in that soup. I had a tomato and rice by Campbell's and blended and strained it out and it tasted like it. I have a bacon and bean soup that's also 98% fat free that I found and i'll do the same thing with that. It sounds good, something different. I don't have to resort to only 1 kind of soup! Just strain strain strain! Another thing I did was today my parents had something for dinner in a skillet that had green beans, onions and chicken breast chunks. It had a lot of juice that tasted really delicious that I strained out and sipped on. It was really good!
Other than that, I feel great. I feel super apprehensive about the type of sips I take and how much soup or pudding or whatever I should eat. I don't know what my limit is and I definitely don't want to PUSH it. I never truly feel hungry to begin with so I'm not sure when I'm FULL if that makes sense. I haven't felt much tightness yet from eating those things but I think I read a few places that people don't always feel that tightness too much until mushy phase. So I'm not too worried about it. I'm just worried about what will happen if I do push it on accident.
The only other uncomfortable thing has been a couple bouts of hiccups. Those HURT! Oh my gosh do those hurt.
The pain was horrid and I had a few moments in my head that I would probably not go through this again had I known how it would feel but it didn't last that long for me so I think that maybe I do not truly think that at all. If I use this tool wisely and utilize it well to lose weight like I need to then I will be fully satisfied. I just hope that I can stay on track. I know I will.
Tomorrow, although I guess technically today (June 26, Tuesday) is my last pre-op day! I am sort of in a calm before the storm state of mind. I'm a bit nervous but not as much as I know I will be in that car ride to the hospital. My mom is coming with me and staying with me while we are there. Thankfully! Everything has been paid off as well, so we are A-OK on that. I had been sick all week but luckily feeling better today and will only be getting better from now on. We were a bit scared at first not knowing if this darn sore throat would be gone by the time surgery came around. It seems to be alright now, hasn't hurt much at all all day. I don't anticipate it to hurt at all tomorrow and gone completely by Wednesday. I called the RN and let her know and asked if we would be alright still for Wednesday and she says it sounds like we are going to be just fine. So glad!
So I have a few things to pick up at the store tomorrow, like some sort of G2 or something packets (not crystal light! I am allergic?) to put into my water in case I have a weird intolerance. Want to be able to get in some extra electrolytes, too. Those are supposedly handy dandy for hydration. I'm also going to pick up a couple of jars of baby food. I have plenty of soup/s left over from this week that should be good for post-op.
I just have to finish packing my bag. So far I put my chapstick in there and a couple of throat drops although I don't anticipate needing those. I also put my Gas-X strips in there and my tooth brush and paste. My pillow is near by my bag so I won't forget it. I bought a nice big square pillow pet that is a turtle, I love turtles. It should be ok to use for the ride home and when moving around against my belly and whatnot.
There's always that feeling like I am missing something or will forget something! Gosh I hope not.
Just trying to relax and remain calm and not forget anything. I hope I make it through clear liquids decently! They do list jell-o as something I can eat so I guess I can eat some of that for texture if I absolutely need to..
Well, not directly. I'm worried about BEING sick. I've been sick since Wednesday and trying to be careful on what kind of medication I take. I have only taken acetominophen which is NOT an NSAID which is advised against pre-op. It's the only medicine I've taken except a small 25 mg allergy pill to help with a tiny bit of congestion. My problem is mostly a sore throat. It could be strep but I wouldn't know. I don't have the money for a PCP right now because all of our funds went to the surgeon that we had extra right now and I don't have insurance at this time. I mean who would have thought this would even happen anyway?
So I'm just worrying, because my throat does not hurt anymore but it is still swollen. I can see it. It's huge in there. I don't have trouble breathing or anything and it's not painful to swallow. I'm just worried it won't be better by surgery time and I don't know what else to do to try to get this swelling down. :/
Well. I got it. I got my surgery date. It's for June 27th. I'm so excited. That leaves 10 days before I have to start my pre-op diet which they require me to do 7 days prior and the day before surgery has to be clear liquids only with no red dyes.
I'm stoked. So I've been getting things ready. I ordered 9 sample packs from Unjury 3 each in the chocolate splendor, chicken soup and unflavored packets for $1.99 each so that was $17.91 plus S&H. Then I got a sampler kit of Syntrax Nectar packets. It comes with 11 packets in a variety of flavors including Apple Ecstasy, Cappucino, Caribbean Cooler, Chocolate truffle, Crystal Sky, Fuzzy Navel, Lemon Tea, Pink Grapefruit, Roadside Lemonade, Strawberry Kiwi, Strawberry Mousse, Twisted Cherry and Vanilla Bean Torte. It came to be the same price as the Unjury including S&H. I'm fairly impressed. I know I can find ways to like the taste of the majority of these flavors in some form or another.
So I have the protein taken care of, for now. I feel better about that. I have a few samples to try here at home to get use to that taste. I don't particularly like it. But I have another shopping list I need to take care of that consists of some soy milk and yogurt, various liquids that are not a thick form, like vitamin water, etc. I need to get some broth to water down or some no sodium bouillon cubes and some SF popsicles. Lots of people seem to have lived by those and maybe still do. They also said I can find no added sugar or low sugar preserve juice from Smucker's. I guess that's pretty neat. I will look at the nutrition facts and see about those. I loves me some juice!
Other than that I'm just trying to take it easy and get in any last bit of shopping I need to do directly before the next 10 days comes too fast. I have to overnight ship the last papers of the financing stuff. So once I can get that expensive crap taken care off I'll feel a lot better. Eric needs to get his side sent in, too. I just hope he can get it in with no problems.
Okay so basically I have my consult on Monday at 9:45 AM and have gotten confirmation that all the stuff for financing is set up and after I get my surgery date on Monday then they will send me the last of the paperwork.
Aside from that I've been trying to make some "lists" because since I am not going through insurance, my surgery will probably be sometime this month! I need to get everything all together that I need but I feel like I am missing things.
So far for my "in general" shopping list, which includes items I'll need pre-op and post-op:
- low sodium broth
- baby food
- SF popsicles/fudgsicles
- chewable vitamins
- sublingual B12
- protein powders/shakes
- Gas X strips
- a huge t-shirt for comfort at night
- jello mixes
- "cream of" soups for puree weeks
- stick blender or magic bullet blender
- storage containers for broth etc
- kitchen scale
What am I missing???
I'm trying so hard to gather as much information as I can and be as prepared as I can be. I have started a number of different "lists" and am starting to write down questions I want to ask at the consultation this upcoming Monday. I don't know why it feels so important, although it really is important, but it feels like aggravatingly important to make sure I think of EVERYTHING I want to ask, and write it down so I do not forget. I'm just worried I will forget to ask something important.
I know I'll be just fine though. I'm just trying to "sort" everything through in my head and feel a bit more clear headed and focused on one thing at a time. I need to go to the consultation before I start worrying about things like the protein shakes and liquid diets and all of that stuff and I think that those things will be more clearer after the consult because he will be telling me what I need to do for those things like pre-op diet and what to do for that and the stuff for after the surgery, etc. So I think all of that stuff will be clearer after the consult so I can just focus on the consult 'right now'.
I truly believe that God was by my side today. And I will be admit that sometimes I find myself wondering sometimes if I ever get heard. This is proof that I do, and maybe that fact can help someone else find faith in the Lord along their journey. I've never been one to have much luck with things, a lot of people feel the need to take from me and the relationship department isn't that great, either. After last year I really didn't think that anything good was possible of happening to my life.
I was wrong. And God was here today to show me that if you try really hard and you try your best to treat people as generous and nice as possible, that that kindness WILL be returned to you. I asked Him for help today, and he gave me what I asked for. Sure, I could do with being financed the full $18,065 plus some for the pre-op testing, but I am 100% grateful for what I was given. $15,000 is perfect for me because the rest can be made up. I am just so incredibly happy and glad that this happened to me after so many years of feeling like I could never deserve something like this.
Thank you. And thanks to those who prayed for me, too.
I knew this would not be easy and I was prepared for it. It still did not stop me from bawling my eyes out. We are trying to come up with ways that we can pay for this regardless of however much they give us, if it is $7,500 or more. We still need to make the difference because we do not think they will cover it 100% at this rate. It's unfortunate that the surgeon in Chattanooga accepts 4 different lending companies but the one here only has the 1. It's frustrating and it makes me angry but by golly I am going to figure this out and have this procedure.
I need to do this for myself and for my health and for my life. I'm not giving up.
Oh my gosh I called today to talk to someone about a few questions and also to set up a consultation with the surgeon. And since I am doing this through medical financing they said I can go ahead and do that since I have the pricing sheet from an email the person I spoke with sent to me.
So I went ahead and they have already called me to verify a few income related things for me and my co-signer and she said she would call back TODAY and let me know the result of my application.
I'm so nervous and on edge, my life is awaiting this phone call and it will be the deciding factor of my future, at least in the immediate. This is my only option right at this moment. I pray to God that this is it for me, I need this for myself. Dear God help me now and please please please let this lender approve me!!!!!
So if you've been following my posts or my blog at all you'd know that originally I was waiting until I moved to Tennessee sometime around September/October and getting the surgery after that, but now it's not going to be then it's going to be NOW. I mean not literally this second, but since there is a surgeon in the area we feel it might be good that I do it here while I am still living with my mom so she can help if I need it and be there for the surgery, etc. There is a bariatric surgeon in the area and they take financing, too!
I am only worried about the financing in the sense that now he won't be able to be the one who signs for it so there is a possibility I will be denied. I don't think I would be since my credit score is "okay" but I don't know if that's good "enough" for a lending company to want to accept me. It all depends. And if I did get denied, I don't know if they would let my fiancee sign from another state. Does anyone else know?
So tomorrow (although I guess technically today, just after I sleep) I am going to be calling the surgeon's office to ask a few questions and see about setting up a consult date. I'm not sure if they are going to want me to attend the seminar first or not, since I have already done my homework but I'm sure they can't have any trust in that since they do not know me. So I'm not sure if I will be required to do that first or not.
I'm just sooooo excited to get this done, I just wish I had a few hundred dollars extra to throw at my fiancee to come down here for the surgery time. I really want him to but I don't know that he would be able to. I miss him so much.
I'm just overwhelmed and nervous because I've always had the kind of life where I try to do my best to be as nice to people and do nice things, but I don't always get that back at me. I sort of have bad luck a lot and people don't always treat me as good and I have been burned in a lot of aspects of my life. I'm just hoping and praying that this will not be another one of those moments where I am let down. This needs to happen for me, and for my health. I am 27 and have little issues that will only get worse as I get older. I want to stop them now from getting worse and live a young adult life like I haven't been able to fully enjoy. By the time I am 30 I want to be able to wear all of those clothes types that I really wish I could wear that have all the cool designs and features that I've desperately wished I could fit in to.
That could happen for me. And that process could be starting SOON!!!
Today my fiancee received the tracking information for his rowing exercise machine and had offered to purchase something for me where I am currently located (not together) if I wanted. I was looking at the rowing machines because I like the way they work but they all have a weird weight limit of like 250 pounds. I started looking at other types of exercise machines and we ended up ordering a recumbent exercise bike that folds up. I like in a smaller town house so it's nice that it is compact.
It does also have a weird 250 lb weight limit on it but he is pretty handy when it comes to materials and things and he thinks upon watching videos and such plus some people in reviews saying they are nearer the 350 limit and say it seems pretty stable. We are confident in this but if it feels too unstable when I get it put together and give it a go then I will take it back and will know for sure that I can't use something that says a capacity of 250.
I mean I've done lots of things in my life with cheap furniture and whatever and I have yet to break anything at 350 lbs so I dunno. Maybe I will be able to use it. From here on out I definitely will only be losing and no more gaining. 100%.
I just started randomly putting on some music since it's my day off of work and sat down here on the forums to read and educate and obsess *lol* So then Lady Gaga comes on with her The Edge of Glory song and I just thought you know? This song is soooo fitting. I have never been so close to WLS in my life even though I have been researching, wishing, hoping and dreaming for a MIRACLE to happen for 3 or 4 years now. I don't get insurance with my job, I did not have insurance through college, so I never had any hope of getting any help with this at all. As everyone, I have tried diet after friggin' diet and yo-yoing and all of that. I'd lose 20 gain 30 lose 40 gain back 35 and coast up back to my original weight real slow, you know just so stupid and annoying. I know that losing weight even with the sleeve will be a life-long commitment but when you don't have a major assistance then it just gets so messed up and you gain it all back or you see another health problem arising or just whatever. It would take years to lose the amount of weight I have the potential to lose with a little help from a surgery such as the sleeve. It's just a whole new realm of hope and reading everyones posts and seeing all of the before and after photos of people JUST LIKE ME really makes me smile and happy to know that I AM NOT ALONE and that this can happen to me, too!
My finacee informed me today that the official plan is that we are going to be finding a little cheap apartment together and start from there so that we can begin our lives living together. I'll write that story in another post later because it's sort of a long story. But I am just so excited. I just wonder how long this would take. I'm trying not to sound selfish and be overly pushy and impatient but I've been overweight since I was 8 years old. Can you blame me for wanting to hurry this process up? I've not known anything else but fat, and I just want to know what it is like to be smaller and able to walk into a store and buy clothes that fit me nice and in patterns and designs that I actually like! I've never been able to do that!
I really like skulls and bats and weird things. I want to be able to wear things with these types of things on them because I will be able to fit into the sizes they come in! I want to be able to wear things that younger adults wear once and for all and for that to happen before I am over-the-hill. I want to have a taste of that aspect of my youth before it is gone and it makes me so happy that that is finally something that will be ACHIEVABLE!
What were some of the first pieces of clothing you bought that you had wanted to be able to fit in to and were just so happy and excited to be able to wear?
Well this is my first blog on this site. I have this itch to write some thoughts out but I find my other online blogs pretty lonely. I have a livejournal that I frequent occasionally but it seems none of my friends on there are active anymore. And I have a tumblr but my friends that I've added don't add me back so I'm feeling a little lonely on the blog part. It's not so much that I want comments, I really appreciate them, but more than anything I just want to feel like at least I have the potential to reach somebody.. anybody.
There is something that is very hard for me to deal with and I don't really know where I can talk about it with open arms. I just feel that if I put it out there that someone, somewhere is going to use it against me like what had happened on another website in the past (obesityhelp).
I have a disorder called borderline personality disorder. Basically it is very hard to explain and pretty complex. BPD is not a chemically induced problem but rather learned behavior from a traumatic childhood of some sort. They say it is usually linked to familial problems but I had more problems from my school mates and people in the neighborhood constantly beating on me and making fun of me, that is what the doctors think was the trigger at least. I've ALWAYS been fat my whole life since I was like 8 but before that my sister was probably the culprit. There are things that I have only had a teeny tiny light shed on that she did to me but I do not even remember that specifically. I just remember the other parts.
I have this in addition to OCD, so instead of having a life full of drug or sex addictions, I have addictions to other things that are repetitive in nature. I do a lot of video games because I take to them and I can get "lost" in them as I become addicted to them without much health risk. I get "addicted" to crafting things with my hands, like arts and crafts. I do a lot of jewelry crafting and other crafts that allow me to "obsess" over learning to make. I've sort of contorted that way as a means of managing my problem on my own with BPD and not being a statistic. Apparently BPD is curable and is usually cured as the person ages, but it doesn't always happen. I also have read that a lot of people with BPD never make it to older ages because they are prone to suicide before then.
I feel I manage decent on my own but I am not perfect. I can keep myself from unhealthy habits such as drugs or alcohol or shopping, but I can't seem to control my thoughts. And I wonder how this will effect me in the long run of the WLS process. I don't think that it will be an issue with food because I have come to face that addiction and I don't get addicted to food like I do other things like my crafting. It's not the same. Food is a whole other subject for me. It's something that my family values a lot and Chef's run in my family down my fathers side. There is always gourmet food and lots of it around. Lots of fried foods and delicious elaborately cooked cunconctions that are just so delicious but not really healthy. I've never learned how to eat right or the right portions so basically trying to diet is so foreign to me. I don't understand how things go together with food (unfortunately that is never a craft I took to) although I can cook but I pretty much have to stick to a recipe because my brain just does not put things together with food very well. It's just hard for me.
From the ages of 13 to around 19 I was what you may know as a cutter. I use to cut myself. I have not done it since around 18 but I say 19 because I had a little slip up that year. I have overcome that obstacle, as well. I had lots of therapy and psychological evaluations and drug trials but in the end it was something I quit doing on my own. But I will always utilize things I learned from my counselors. I had one counselor that had learned of my fascination with a book from school called Sadako and the 1000 Paper Cranes. We had learned as a school project how to make origami paper cranes and I took to making them very well that I got an award in class. That was in 5th grade. I had this counselor when I was about 15. So in the book when Sadako was in the hospital with leukemia, her friend had taught her the origami cranes to keep her occupied and they hung them from the ceiling until she passed. And I just loved that book, it reached out to me for some reason. So my counselor asked me to teach her how to make the cranes, and we would each make a crane of a different color paper and size each session we had. When I stopped seeing this counselor she flattened each crane and placed them in a box that we decorated together. I still have that box.
I am by no means a hoarder, but I take to things that hold sentimental value. When my Mamaw passed away, my great aunt sent home her purse full of some personal belongings that were originally in that purse but some not. I asked my mom when she brought it home to me because I couldn't go to the funeral, what my sister had gotten. My mother told me nothing, she didn't have many personal belongings left because she went through a phase where she was giving away her belongings to people at church (she had dementia). I asked my mom, why did I get all of this then and nothing for her? She said, Thelma (my aunt) thought I ought to have it because she knew I take more value in things like that, the sentiment. It's so true that I do. Not everything do I keep but just little trinkets here or there from times in my life or people or memories of either.
I don't know. Since I'm not going through with the WLS with insurance I am curious if they will still ask me for a psychological evaluation. Should I get one even if they don't because of this problem? Does anyone else have any sort of personality disorder or borderline? I'm so afraid of making a post in a forum because I don't want to be judged. I am not crazy nor incapable of doing things for myself. I am very smart and very much capable of working and things. I take no medications although I'm sure someone would try to put me on some but after having so many problems arise from medications I decided to self-help and I feel it has been good for me. I did in my teens along with cutting have issues with sex and drugs but I have overcome that on my own and I feel that I have a pretty good idea of how to keep myself from going to any bad place like that as I've not slipped up since those times.
Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. Having BPD really makes things a lot harder on the brain aspects of things. I can usually catch myself when I am thinking too irrationally and all but sometimes I do get confused about being in denial, too under exaggerated or if I am being too much.
Is there anyone out there who understands this, at all, whatsoever? Am I alone?
Reference link: http://www.mayoclini...isorder/DS00442