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    I started the program with my doctor back in March of 2018 and now I have my surgery date of Jan 7th 2019. I am excited, nervous and scared all at the same time. Frightening because I am the basic bread winner so i am praying all goes well. I have battled with my weight my whole life. Am currently at one of my heaviest points at 320. I go to the gym regularly eat right but my digestive is extremely slow plus having a desk job doesn't always serve me well. I am praying that this will help reduce my weight. Since starting the program I haven't lost but maybe a couple pounds which was expected. I drink what I am supposed to. I eat what I am supposed too, don't drink or smoke. I am hoping that once I start my liquid diet prior to surgery that I will start to show some downward movement. I only eat what I am to eat measure and weigh everything and exercise. So I am hoping wishing praying that this works cause I have tried everything else for years so this is my last hope that I can finally lose weight. I am having the sleeve surgery it's less evasive than gastric bypass. 

  1. Meet Diane*.  She had struggled with her eating and body image as far back as she can remember.  Having been on every diet under the sun, she still couldn't keep the weight off.  In fact, she had dieted herself up to her highest weight ever.  When her doctor suggested bariatric surgery she decided it was her only hope.

    Fast forward to a year after surgery, and Diane has started regaining the weight she lost.  There was an initial "honeymoon" period during which she lost weight relatively easily, but now it's creeping back on.  She finds herself grazing on food throughout the day, and notes that her stomach holds more food than it did a few months before.  

    Diane cancels her upcoming appointment with her surgeon because she doesn't want to face the embarrassment of getting on the scale and fears ridicule from the surgeon over what she's been doing with her eating.  So she avoids in order to save face.  (And who can blame her, right?).  

    Time goes on, and eventually Diane is back at her pre-surgery weight.  She's devastated.  And ashamed.  And mad at herself.  "I failed again.  I'm such a loser," she thinks to herself.  

     

    But the truth is - SHE DID NOT FAIL.  And she certainly isn't a loser.  Diane was suffering from an eating disorder.

     

    How is this possible?  How come nobody told her?  Didn't her surgeon see it?  Had she done this to herself?

    Despite efforts to screen people for eating disorders prior to surgery, they often go undiagnosed.  Studies suggest that roughly 30% of people seeking bariatric surgery actually have an eating disorder - with binge eating disorder (BED) being the most common one.  

    Realizing you have an eating disorder after bariatric surgery can be a shock.  Many times, people don't realize it until they have regained some or all of the weight they lost.  The eating disorder finds ways to have you eat "around" your surgery.  

    As a dietitian who specializes in BED, I have treated tons of people who have an eating disorder after bariatric surgery.  And what I can tell you is that recovery is possible.  You are not alone, and there are people out there who can help.

    If you think you might have an eating disorder, click here and start healing your relationship with food today.  You deserve it. 

     

    *Name and certain details have been changed for privacy.

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    I'm 5 days out and I'm getting a mild cramp when I drink water. Jello, broth, yogurt ect. go down well. I'm drinking slowly and taking small sips, but still get the cramp and a little bit of gas/air comes up. How long does this last? Am I taking in too much? No nausea yet so I've been lucky. Pureed food is looking really good about now but I'm following the plan. I've had absolutely no hunger or maybe I can't tell due to the abdominal pain.

  2. The other day, I had my appointment with the NUT and my psych evaluation.

    I absolutely loved the NUT.  She was SO thorough with explaining everything the Dr. wanted for me to do and then she added in her own additional thoughts on everything as well.  We also discussed the things that I am to start changing immediately to get into some better habits.

    Well the biggies are not drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal or during.  I had actually started that this week anyway.  The other is not drinking my breakfast and to drink my morning shake as my mid afternoon snack instead.  And then the thing that I never in a million years thought I would have a problem with....not drinking with a straw.  Holy crap is this hard!!!!!!  

    I have a 32 oz mug at work and a 24 oz mug at home.  At work, I fill my mug 4 times during the day.  At home I fill it once or twice in the evening.  So i do drink alot of water.  Boy did I struggle to "sip" water and not gulp it down.  Who would have ever thought that at 48 years old, I am learning how to drink again?????  It really does suck though.

    Anyway, the psych eval went good too with her saying she was sending in her thumbs up.

    I guess the only things left will be the pre-op and I don't want to get any of that done until after the beginning of the year.

  3. mg28olyfghi-300x169.jpg YOU MUST READ THIS if . . .

    Your health coverage comes from Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois, Texas, Montana, New Mexico or Oklahoma in 2019! (And probably should read it even if you're not!)

    Why? Those 5 companies are part of HEALTH CARE SERVICE CORPORATION (HCSC) and they are making a major change which affects anyone insured by them in 2019 who is considering having bariatric surgery. The HCSC Bariatric Surgery Medical Policy no. SURG716.003 is going to become effective February 1, 2019 and, believe it or not, they are eliminating any formal requirement that patients engage in supervised weight loss for a particular time frame (e.g. 3, 6, 12 months, etc.) prior to surgery.

    READ MORE HERE: BIG NEWS! Several insurers are going to REMOVE pre-surgery supervised diet requirements

  4. Changing HOW I eat is so hard.  I mean, I knew it would be hard, but now I'm actually IN it.

    I should have been working on it earlier, this frantic eating.  Whenever I have food in front of me, it's like I haven't eaten in days, I just frantically shovel food into my mouth.  Now that I'm doing purees (and starting soft foods), the same thing is applying - I go into a frenzy when there's food around!  It is taking almost everything in me to slow down.  In fact, I have had two soft food meals so far in which I over-stuffed myself because I wasn't eating slowly enough.  Ugh, that feeling, nauseated and uncomfortable, but also just so so "hungry".  In fact, I am still feeling the effects over 24 hours later.  I know that it's not real hunger, it's just an automatic reaction to having food around, but it feels so real and keeps me shoving food in my mouth even when I don't want to.  I am hoping that I can improve in this area, that I can quiet my food desperation and appetite, but I know it's going to take work and willpower on my side - something I've always had trouble summoning on my behalf.

    I have not been doing well with hydration.  My skin is dry and flaking and my mouth and eyes are dry.  But it's hard to drink water because I feel nauseated and it still kinda hurts my stomach.  Waiting 30 minutes before and after food is NOT working out for me - I just can't seem to get enough fluid in!  I don't know what to do.

    Exercise is also something I'm failing at.  I haven't done any form of exercise since I got back from the hospital.  Like, what am I thinking?  I know this is an important part of my new lifestyle, but I forget (because it wasn't a part of my previous lifestyle) or I just keep telling myself I'm healing and I'm too exhausted from not eating.  Or my skating rink is closed, as if that's my only option for exercise.  So many excuses.

    Other than these things, I do seem to be doing well.  My incisions are healing nicely, I really haven't had any intolerances to anything.  I'm just falling behind on things and being a bad bariatric patient.  I'm working on it, I need to put more into my efforts.

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    So tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Yes, it is Surgery Day! I am absolutely giddy today, mostly just because I am so excited, but maybe a little nervous, too. I can't even say that it seems like it's taken forever to get to this point because I only started the whole process on August 8th. But still, it seems like it's taken forever! :)

    I have a really strong support system, especially in my Mom & Step-Dad. I will be staying with them for at least the first week when I come home, possibly even two weeks. We will see how well I am doing at that point. I know that my kitty, Portia Lin will be anxiously awaiting for my return home.

    I suppose that is all for now. I need to finish getting ready for my big day tomorrow! Any prayers would be greatly appreciated!

    Blessings to you all!

    ~Precious~

    Reagan & Me.jpg

  5. QponL8y

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    I'm a 46 year-old mother/wife with four children. The youngest turning 7 this year. I suffered from gestational diabetes during that pregnancy, but none of the others. Maybe being 39 at the time had something to do with it.  I've been struggling with weight gain since 2011. Although, I haven't really done anything about it. Mostly complain and avoid my reflection. Over time with everyday stresses from work and home, I have been taking Zoloft. I had been considered pre-diabetic for several years, but about a year ago was finally put on diabetic medication: Metformin. Only taking one per day.  

    Taking it didn't make me feel any different and being in denial, I guess, I felt like I didn't need it. Along with the weight gain, diabetes diagnosis, I've also been dealing with pre-menopausal stuff (maybe?) and my vision seems to be deteriorating. I've gone from occasionally using reading glasses to actually needing them to read more and more. I was also recently diagnosed with IBS, which has become more of a consistent issue that I have to deal with on an almost daily basis. With the increased stress of declining health, Wellbutrin is now part of my medicinal arsenal.

    I started looking into and considering bariatric surgery in October 2017 and have finally decided the surgery is needed as part of my determination to get healthy again.

     

  6. Matt Z
    Latest Entry

    Just not feeling "it" this week.  I'm exhausted, not sleeping well, feeling really run down, drained.  I feel fat.  I know I'm not anywhere near as fat as I was, but... I feel fat this week.  Bloated, gross, fat fat fat fat fat.

    My sleep **SUCKS** not sure if it's the weight loss changing my CPAP pressure requirements, or something else all together.  I don't want to have to get another sleep study, because they blow, but I know I need some follow up.  Not looking forward to yet another medical bill.

    Work sucks this week too, a shop of 5, reduced to 2.  really 1 and a half since it's just me and my team lead, and my team lead has to do all the leadership / team lead stuff... so, It's just me, supporting just under 3000 users, on over 2000 computer systems, in 20-30 buildings spread out over all of RI, parts of Mass and CT.  Fun stuff.

    I've been in and out of stalls for almost a month now, more in than out of at this point.  Between Monday and today I'm up 2 lbs... not sure why exactly.  All intake is right where it should  be and I've been in the gym daily.  Not going today, just not feeling it.  Way too tired and drained to even care really.

    Growing tired of this forum again as well.  Which sucks because, well, I do enjoy helping folks out.  Just getting to the point where every question has been answered over and over again, yet almost no one bothers to use the search function first.

    So that's it really... Not a happy Matt at all this week.

  7. Its been soo long since ive done an entry. I think I actually missed my entries and I think that I will continue to blog with the hopes of healing myself and maybe helping someone. so here is a little back story. I had the lapband in  2011 and in 2014 it slipped and I had the gastric sleeve. I developed really bad GERD and in 5/1/2018 I had the gastric bypass. I am still happily married and we actually added a new member to the family I had my daughter 12/26/13 and lord does she keep me on my toes. I have started my own business and which I have opened two stores in one year.

     Now that I have had the gastric bypass I will say that I think this is the best surgery I have had. I will admit I still have to work on the program the dr. has in place for me. I just feel that I have so much to focus on that the plan is like a final exam that I have to continue to work on. I will say  I am committed to losing the weight and finally reaching my goal and come my 7Th wedding anniversary next year I will be on a beach and proud of the body and the person I have become thought out this journey.

    Unit tomorrow

     

  8. I haven't posted here since the beginning, just starting to come back here to see what is up.  It's been a busy year for me.  I've been pretty focused on work and my life changes.  I feel so blessed, my surgery went well and my results so far are fantastic.  I have lost 120 pounds and I have 16 to go to hit my personal goal....I will still keep up my eating plan and exercise so if it goes lower than that so be it.  I have not had any complications so far, no hair loss...  The weight has been steadily coming off with a few stalls here and there.

    I think the key to my success thus far has been realizing that while this surgery is helping me, its still up to me.  It's taken sticking to the plan, getting the right foods in and exercising pretty much daily.  I know that is something that I will have to do the rest of my life and if it keeps me feeling as fantastic as I feel right now...that will never be an issue for me.  I don't ever want to go back to the way things were before.

    I'm so thankful that I was able to get this surgery, I wish that it was available to all who need it...it has literally saved my life. 

     

    Cheers!  

     

  9. #MagicWithinme
    Latest Entry

    Yesterday I had an appointment for a fill. The last one I had 1/2 cc was 8 weeks ago after a 2 year hiatus. At this time, I have 3.6,  I had been told that 2 ccs were already in band when I started . Twice, twice, I got it up to 3ccs and had to take everything out and start all over. Yesterday  hubby came with me, and Dr. would ask me questions and talk to me but all the whole while looking at my hubby. He felt that my band was restricting and that I just had to change my diet habits to accommodate. Talking about diets, and showing him the diagrams of the stomach. I even said at one point,touched my husband's arm and said  I like how you are looking at him, since he is the cook. he kind of chuckled but still kept looking at husband. I had gone alone before and it was fine, but it was soo weird. I'm hispanic hubby anglo, My cousin thought maybe I looked like the little submissive wife or something. So no more fills for me for awhile and hubby has a new admirer?

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    The Wizard
    Latest Entry

    These are my first notes after bariatric sleeve surgery.

    I had my surgery just about a month ago. I generally feel very good. It takes some time to learn how to eat again. Small meals, more often. Eat slow. Eat little. Don't force yourself. If you eat too fast, or are not careful, or you don't think while you eat, you can get in trouble (you'll get reflux, feel like throwing up, but just walk around for a few minutes and it will go away as you digest.)

    The first few days after the surgery were tough. Hard to eat, hard to drink. Now it's a lot better. It took probably a week to get to a satisfactory level and feel normal. Just bear with it because it gets a lot better.

    If I can give a suggestion to those of you who are going to go through the surgery, is one: be very rested. I made the mistake of sleeping only 3-4 hours the night before the surgery, and after the surgery I felt awful. In addition, the hospital did not have a room for me, and I spent overnight in the recovery room. That did not help. I had to stay at the hospital a second night because of that. Make sure you are rested and you have a room. You need to rest after surgery.

    Since the surgery, I have lost an average of 1 lb per day. Fantastic! I have not exercised a lot yet, but I started doing something the past couple of weeks. I am sure as I shed more weight I will start working out more seriously, or at least move. Just walking every day for half hour would be enough for the first few months.

    Good luck to you all. Believe in it! Don't get discouraged. I can see why everyone told me that it would change my life. I can already see it as I am wearing 2-size smaller jeans today.

  10. 10 years ago I started my Journey......and it continues....:rolleyes:

    I had a lap band done July 2008, I was 255 lbs.  I was a single mother with a 7 year old daughter.  I was so excited that this option was available to me!  Something that wasn't crazy as a gastric bypass (don't get me wrong I have been in the medical field for over 20 years, so I researched this immensely.  I thought this was the best option).  Something that would hold me accountable for the food I put in my mouth and the amount.  At first, that's exactly what happened.  I could hardly eat anything, let alone drink.  I had found my tool that I had been needing my whole life! Just an FYI, I ramble, start to think about something else and then want to put it down!  I apologize in advance if my thoughts roam!  My lap band was more an emotional battle then anything, it's crazy to think that really this whole overeating and what we eat really comes from our brain (at least for me this is what it is!).  I lost weight, it was great, I was getting healthier and getting to a smaller size!  2 years into my band journey I met my now husband and was under 200 pounds.  I went in for my fills and could never get to that sweet spot.  Just never felt the restriction like I thought I would have with it.  About 4 years in I started to have severe issues with reflux, couldn't even lay down at night it would come up through my nose and BURN!  Not good.  I ended up going to another surgeon as I had moved and he immediately emptied my band and made sure there wasn't any damage done.  We tried to go from ground zero refilling back up but never worked.  It failed.  I took it as I had failed yet again!!!  I still have the band in and it still has a fill, but there is no restriction.  Just certain foods don't go down well and I vomit still a lot.  So done of having this in my body.

    I am now back to my pre lap band weight and so frustrated.

    My insurance has finally changed to Federal BCBS and am excited that I have the opportunity to get the lap band out and go forward with a revision to a Gastric Sleeve.  I am super anxious about this, I am now 10 years older and just want to be healthy and be able to live the life that I want and deserve to! :489_motorcycle:

    Right now just waiting on my approval.  The office said 2-3 weeks, today is 3 weeks plus 1 day.  I am ready.  Planned my out of pocket, ready to get work off.  Just ready to move on.  

    Bring on the liquid diet!!!  At least I know what's going to be coming with this.  What protein shakes are ok (never great) and which ones are absolutely undrinkable!  Stocking up on my broth and sugar free popsicles! :395_shaved_ice:

    Any encouragement or anyone who has been through what I have and had a revision to the sleeve I would love to hear your comments!  Am I making the right choice this time???  This WILL be the last gastric surgery I have so it BETTER work! LOL (kinda laughing manically..... :o)  I know what I am getting into emotionally and have faith in my Heavenly Father, so I am prepared!

    Go with God! :1355_pray_tone1:

    2nd Verse, Same as the First :954_notes:

    url%5D

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  11. Surgery was harder than I expected.  My IV was a problem, and due to this, I was not getting my pain meds correctly for the afternoon following surgery.  My evening nurse figured it out at the start of of her shift when she did the once-over.  The pain before that was significant, so much so that I just didn't interact with any of my visitors.  I literally just laid in bed with my eyes closed and listened to everyone talk. 

    Once everyone left, and the new nurse took over, she put in a new IV and that first dose of morphine made my eyes roll back in my head.  I was allowed to have it about every hour, but only required morphine doses about every 3 hours.  Had surgery Wednesday morning, was home by Friday evening.  Today is Sunday, and I feel pretty good today.  I didn't have a BM from Tuesday until today.  That really sucked for sure.  I don't like dealing with constipation, but it is a common side effect.

    I am having a hard time getting all my food in.  I just am not hungry.  I am enjoying the soups, though, really enjoying them and also the yogurt.  I am getting my water in just fine, though.  Time for dinner.  I need to upload my before pics.

  12. Marie88

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    Ok, here it goes. Please excuse my spelling or grammar as this is just coming from the heart.  I have been battling my weight my whole life.  I can even remember being called wilson when i was in elementary school.  I later found out it was because I was round like a ball.  Ugh, kids are mean, well adults can be also.  In High School I yo yo'd back and forth.  My self esteem was non existent and unfortunately I let some take advantage of that.  I was or felt like I was always the fat friend, the fat sister, the fat daughter.  The girl with the pretty face if only she could lose the weight.  Which I would and then gain back even more.  I would do this many times over.  Unfortunately for my Husband I met him on a thin year.  I feel so bad, like a duped him sometimes.  But he is by my side and supportive.  We have two little kids that I want to have a healthy Mom.   So all that being said, Today I scheduled my Gastric Sleeve Surgery!  I'm excited and nervous and wish it was sooner.  I'm eager to start my new life style.  February 27th is the big day!   I have lots of my appointments in the coming weeks.  Wish me luck and good luck to all of you on this journey with me. 

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    I am two months from surgery, and it occurs to me that I should start a blog to track my progress through what I hope will be an amazing, life-changing vertical sleeve surgery.  I'm just going to list major milestones for the record.

    • August
      • Seminar with surgeon -- I'm sold!
      • Dietitian #1 (Topic: Introduction)
    • September
      • Dietitian #2 (Topic: Meal Planning)
      • Meeting with surgeon, got binder and "homework" assignments
      • Scheduled all appointments with specialists
      • Blood lab work
      • Radiology exams
    • October
      • Dietitian #3 (Topic: Supplements)
      • Cardio evaluation
      • Sleep study at home
      • Psych consult
      • Endoscopy
    • November
      • Dietitian #4 (Topic: Restaurants)
      • Stress test, echo cardiogram
      • Sleep apnea study at Sleep Center for CPAP 
      • Appt with surgeon, surgery scheduled for 3/14
    • December
      • Dietitian #5 (Topic: Post-op Diet)
      • Osteoarthritis confirmation
    • January
      • Dietitian #6 (Topic: Exercise/Labels)
      • For OA:  4 weeks of physical therapy, 2X per week
      • Started a 21-day arm routine, 2# weights << seriously
      • Stopped drinking wine (sad, LOL)
      • Started dry brushing and exfoliating (hope springs eternal!)
      • Started Biotin
    • February (Planned)
      • Dietitian (one-on-one)
      • Physical therapy, pre-bariatic, 4 weeks, 1X per week
      • Stop drinking coffee
      • Pre-op  with surgeon
  13. If you're like me, you play these little games with yourself - where when you're doing well on losing weight, you tell yourself that you can "afford" something that's not supposed to be on your plan.  Maybe it's a piece of chocolate - something in-control that seems worth it.  For me though, it's not those little tiny things.  It's stuff like deciding to have my morning coffee - which is laden with real sugar and flavored (sugared) creamer.  God I love that stuff.  Yes, I have tried artificial sweetener, but it's not worth it to me - I'd rather just not have the coffee.  So when it's a choice between coffee I'm not into or no coffee at all, I'll choose no coffee.  But when it's a choice between "do I want to do the coffee thing today?" and no coffee, then of course I'll choose yes to the coffee.  It's a really bad way for me start out my day - with all that failure right off the bat.  I did that yesterday.  And then I did a few french fries with dinner (maybe 6?) as I poked at the serving dish out there for everyone else.  Otherwise I did well.  I wanted to do an evening tea before bed, but as I'm sure you can guess, it too is laden with sugar.   I was actually thirsty, so I opted for water instead.  Not nearly as satisfying, but I was able to do it.

    Today I got up and wanted to do coffee again.  MY way.  Except that yesterday was the first time that I actually started to feel some of my weight loss - I kept needing to yank my pants up all day.  What the heck, this is actually WORKING?  So today I said no to the coffee.  Instead, I started with water.  And actually made breakfast instead of it being something that I did later when I was hungry hours after the coffee.  A 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese, a 1/2 cup of mango pieces, and a hard-boiled egg.  That was hours ago, and I'm just now starting to think about having lunch.  It worked!  So I'm off to a great start today.  I also tackled my shower tile, which needed a bunch of scrubbing - specifically because why not burn the calories now - today?  Later I plan to take the dog for a walk if I can tolerate the cold.  20 minutes of yoga is also on the docket.  I'm going to be doing some vacuuming this afternoon, too.  Today feels..... in control.  I'm going to try to have a day like I'm supposed to, and see how that feels.  Because I want to see how getting rid of all of this fat feels, too!

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  14. Jeanie

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    jls99660
    Latest Entry

    I went for a walk this morning and it felt really nice.  I've never been a fast walker and my short legs take short steps.  So hitting 5000 was a big deal for me.  I was out of breath in the beginning and then realized I wasn't racing anyone.  I took my time and enjoyed the fall weather.  I'm a graduate student and it helped clear my head for a paper I'm writing.  Obviously, not entirely - I still have much work to do.  But progress!  The journey!  All that good stuff.  One of the things that I am most excited about is that I have a history of insomnia and have moments of anxiety (like when I am writing papers.:P   Since surgery, I have not taken any medications for either insomnia or anxiety and I am sleeping well.  That is a big milestone for me, totally unexpected.  I am going to try and weigh myself once a week and will begin taking pictures once a month.  This is really exciting - and scary.  It's life-changing for all of us.  I hope we all achieve our permanent goals!

  15. WGo

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    Golfgal51
    Latest Entry

    Today was my first class.  My husband, my biggest support for 45 years went with me.  The presentation covered the types of surgery, the nutritional needs and the behavior health issues.  I felt good about all the info until the surgeon  that said I may never eat ice cream again!  Kaiser Permanente is very good.  It will take 6 to 8 months of pre suegery work before I finally get the sleeve.  I have my first nutrition appointment next Tuesday and have my mental workup tomorrow morning.   I was a little freaked out about the # of calories you will live on.....I still wonder where you get energy from ?  Things to ask The nutritionist.  Later friends

     

     

  16. I wanted to lay out just what I've had to push through to get to the bariatric surgery.  I don't want to scare anyone - because the list looks (and somewhat feels) overwhelming.  However, all the appointments are made in order to make sure that I'm healthy enough to do this surgery.  And I'll say that visiting each doctor - especially as I approach 50 - has wound up being reassuring, above all.  I've always been plagued with aches and pains my entire life - mostly joint problems.  Most of my physical issues aren't serious - just really freaking annoying.  Arthritis, cysts, bursitis, tendonitis, allergies, asthma, sinus issues, GERD, hearing loss, etc.  So, every day it seems like something, and sometimes it can affect my lifestyle.  But overall, it's nothing that makes my health poor in medical terms.  And even those things, I've tried to fix.  My point here is that hearing that my heart is in great shape and my lungs are perfect and my blood pressure and blood tests and my Pap smear and mammogram all look great - well, that's terrific news!  It means all the issues my body has right now are more inconvenience rather than dangerous.  And even the inconvenient issues I pay attention to - in order to keep myself healthy and my quality of life good.

    Anyway,..... here's the list of appointments and procedures I've had in order to get to point of being cleared for bariatric surgery:

    1. Primary Care Physician - for physical.  Also to get the referral to my bariatric surgeon.  This visit included blood work (CBC, CMP, TSH, PT/PTT) and urinalysis, which wound up being needed for the bariatric surgery anyway.  Two birds, one stone.
    2. Bariatric Surgeon - for discussion on surgery
    3. Mammogram
    4. Gynecologist - for well woman visit and Pap smear
    5. Pulmonologist - initial meeting
    6. Pulmonologist - giving them the chip to my CPAP machine, and taking a breathing test.  Resulted in clearance from pulmonologist for surgery
    7. Cardiologist.  EKG, cardiologist clearance for surgery
    8. Nutrition Assessment, 6 months supervised diet with hospital nutritionist*
    9. Upper GI with double contrast
    10. Primary Care Physician Clearance

    * The 6 months of nutritionist counseling was a requirement of my insurance

    I am currently working on items #10 and #11.  I anticipate that taking another few weeks - likely by the end of October.  Then I should be able to go back to the bariatric surgeon for review, and to schedule the surgery.

    The week before surgery, I need to go on a zero carb diet - in order to shrink my liver, which makes laproscopic surgery possible.

    Then it should be about a week or so off work (I'll just take vacation days), and then back to work.  Hopefully I'll have this done before Thanksgiving, although I'm fine with whatever date it's done by.

    And that's where I'm currently at!  I have two kids still living at home, as well as two that are grown and doing their own thing.  My one child in particular has a lot of my joint issues (and is a little, thin thing - which just goes to show that this stuff is hereditary).  She's had tons of doctor's visits and physical therapy visits during the time period I've been doing all my own doctor's appointments.  She also goes to counseling occasionally and also needs to see the orthodontist every 3-4 weeks.  That's a ton of time spent on doctor's visits!  The only way I can even see being able to get this all done is because I work 2-3 days per week at home, and can just schedule the doctor's visits on those days.  I have NO.IDEA how someone who didn't have that luxury would be able to get all these appointments in - especially if they were super heavy and had a difficult time getting around.  It makes me think there must be tons of people out there who would really benefit from this kind of surgery who can't get it - because they lack the time, ability, money and fortitude to keep going on this wheel for a while.  This has been hard for me - and I have all those things available to me.  But I guess where there's a will, there's a way, right?

  17. I keep hearing that Rachel Platten song on the radio, and I know that i need to start working on my inspirational playlist to get me through the next few months, or maybe even years. But each time I hear one of the songs I want to add to my playlist i start to cry, ugh, why am I so emo?

    I am pre-op, 4 months in to my 6 month appointments quota for insurance approval. Nutritionist and Psych eval booked. Cardiology work up done, and A-ok, and no sleep study needed. I am genuinely huge. In my eye, I am an exceptionally large woman. I know that most times I am the largest person in a room. I get anxious now when i eat out, what if there are only booths? 

    Its so cliché to say that I have been fat my whole life, so I wont say that. Specifically I have been fat since the 3rd grade. I changed schools and was genuinely and cruelly bullied for 4 years. I was molested by a neighbor when I was 7-8 years old, and he liked to remind me of it once and awhile when I played with my friends in the neighborhood, my parents didn't believe me. I had a mental breakdown at 12, and was nearly hospitalized. Instead they opted for drugs and a child Psychiatrist. I tried to live on cucumbers to lose weight, it worked for awhile. When I was 13, I actually looked cute in a bathing suit. That was the last time lol, I ever looked cute in a bathing suit. Home life was terrible. I had a Mother, who was morbidly obese, with severe untreated mental illness (it was very taboo in the 80's, and hard to get treatment for regular people), and a father that was an enabler to her abusiveness. Her depression and food addiction left her ill equipped to be a parent, and my father worked all the time to put food on the table, so he couldn't really step in. I grew up quick, taking as best care of my little sister as I could, working as much as I could (had a job at 14), and trying to be positive. I knew there was a better life for me out there, in the great unknown. I lived in a bustling metropolitan area, where opportunities abounded! So I thought....

    I fell in love with Mr. Completely wrong at 18, and messed up college. Got an office job, that eventually evolved in to a position at a bank, where my met my ex husband and baby daddy, who was in the Navy at the time. My insecurity, and low self worth permitted me to overlook major flaws and marry him. We divorced, and I moved back to the East coast, my home. I am now remarried, and in a much healthier relationship. 

    I have always been big, but in the last 4 years I have gained upwards of 70 pounds. My mobility is shot. I have fallen twice spraining my ankles, tearing ligaments and tendons, which makes my ankles tender and sore when I walk.  My hips and plantar fascilitis in feet make walking like walking on coals. So pain = sitting, and sitting = weight gain, and you multiply this by my age, and add a few more comorbidities, you die in a chair, connected to an oxygen machine, like my mother. I don't want to die in a chair, after wasting away for years.

    My insecurities are like a cancer. It eats away at everything. I know having WLS isn't a panacea for all my life's challenges, but perhaps if I am not largest gal in the room, and I felt like I belonged in this world, somewhere, I could be on a pathway to happiness. I just want to fit. Fit in a chair, fit in clothes from a regular store, omg, i want to fit in a kayak so bad, hee hee. I get stared at, looked up and down, and the worst, simply ignored.  I just know that a picture of my @ss is going to show up as a graphic image on one of those local news segments on morbid obesity, or some video clip of me walking down the street (from shoulders down of course), because I don't have a face, I am not a person anymore in society's eye.

    Its not going to be easy, its already not easy, but it's time. I pray for the strength to use this tool the best I can, and heal myself of my hurts and find hope in a new life.....

  18. Tashah
    Latest Entry

    I'm having surgery in the morning, I'm excited and freaked out.  

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    • Hi I had my surgery in April 2018 I had a lot of experiences like you. Before my surgery, I used to gulp down some water. That was my favorite drink. Since the surgery it's been really hard to get water down. My doctor said many have that problem because water is heavy. That's one problem I didn't think I would have. I'm not the one who like a lot of artificial sweet drinks. Definitely not drinks with aspartame. I would do some drinks with suraclose. like the zero calorie powerade. It's pretty good and goes down well. I drink teas and coffee as well and add stevia the natural sweetner to try to get in all my liquids. So liquids have gotten better for me after 7 months. Hope it gets better with you
    • I'm kind of surprised that only about 30% are diagnosed(?) with an ED. I personally think everyone who needs WLS has severe problems with eating/food - if one wants to call that an eating disorder or not doesn't matter in the end.
    • My team is so weird. Full liquids are their own thing, and then purees and soft foods are thrown in together. I'm on that stage, which starts with cottage cheese and yogurt and ends with ground meat and soup/chili. The most "advanced" thing I've eaten was a couple (1 and 3/4 :)) of Ikea meatballs, which sat really heavy, but besides those, I'd say I'm around the middle of the list. Very moist tuna salad is fine, as are scrambled eggs (I mean, those settled weird, but I digested them, so I guess they're OK). I'm thinking of trying thin-cut lunch meat next; that sounds really good to me. All I want in this world is the middle of a cheeseburger--I could let the bread and veggies go; I just want some ground beef, and cheese on it would be excellent--but I know not to push things that far, yet. The reward for going slowly is not getting sick, and that is a very compelling reward. :)
    • Thank you for sharing your experience! I haven't even thought of trying to get my fluids in any form other than plain water or at a temperature other than room temp, but I may have more success there, as you have. I'll give tea a try - thankfully I enjoy my tea unsweetened! You're probably right about the rollerskating - I don't normally fall, but it could definitely happen, especially since I haven't skated for a month. I just love it so much, I'm eager to get going, but it's more important to let my body heal. I could make a point of taking a short walk during my breaks at work. Have you started soft foods yet, or are you still doing full liquids/purees?
    • Just comparing notes, in case it helps... I still can't drink plain water. I'm getting 90% of my hydration with hot tea (mostly decaf--I don't count the caffeinated tea toward my total) and protein shakes. And it is close to 64 ounces per day, but it's not ever very much more than that. Besides hot tea, I can stand to drink protein shakes cold or at room temp. Room temp Powerade Zero is only a little bit harder than a protein shake, but room temp water hurts. Cold beverages also do OK, mostly--it's chilly enough out, now, that I just find myself gravitating toward the hot--and I definitely eat more sugar free popsicles than anyone should (even though it's cold, yes ... they seem to help when I start to feel nauseated from dehydration, though, and also they taste good 😁). I think not going rollerskating (or ice skating?), this soon, might be better than going, unless you're a lot less likely to fall than I am. (Who isn't, though? 😁) We're still pretty early on in the healing process. I do little walks most days, and since I'm still on blood thinners, I figure I also still need to be up and moving a little bit every hour I'm awake. But none of it is especially epic exercise, and I'm not going to beat myself up about that until after I've been cleared to go in the pool and lift weights and get out of breath. (Those first two happen at the 1 month post-op appointment, and the latter, I don't know? I have in my notes, from somewhere, that we're supposed to exercise only at a "moderate" pace until sometime after the 6 week mark, but that's not from my surgeon.) I don't know what to say about the food. I feel so bad if I eat too quickly that it's a pretty good policing mechanism. Like you, though, I wish I'd practiced more. The constant gurgling has gone away, and now I feel hungry 3-4 times per day, like you'd expect. It probably helps that very little of what I'm eating now is so appetizing that I feel rushed to eat it, lol. I think this will all get better with time. I hope you find a way to get your liquids in soon, though! ❤️
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