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  1. As some of you know by now by my post from a couple of weeks or so ago, I GOT A DATE! Lord willing and the Covid settles a bit, I will be joining the loser's bench on December 7th! Monday starts my preop diet-I can either do an all liquids diet or one with one small meal from a very short list of meat and vegetables. I opted to do whichever one my body needs each morning. I have done water fasting before with my longest without food being 3 days so I have some idea how craptastic this is probably going to be for the first few days. Thankfully while I love my family dearly everyone is okay with me sitting at home to hang out with my protein shake and cleaning supplies while my mom goes to my younger brother's house a few hours away. While I enjoy Thanksgiving food it won't be that much missed away from the smells and watching everyone else eat. My work schedule also is normal so Thursday is just a normal day off for me and then back at it Friday and Saturday so I also will count my blessings my day off isn't spent in a car for a good part of the day. Christmas will probably be different, Christmas is much more family and a lot less eating involved. 😊

    So today was my stock up day for the next week or so(I didn't want to go all out buying 2 weeks worth in case tastes change, Covid postpones surgery or my tastebuds change) and of course it was basically everyone else's shopping day...completely didn't think about it being Thanksgiving week...oops. Anywho, ended up with some Fairlife, Premier protein shakes, sugar free jello, tasty bone broth(I can add a small amount of chicken or other meat and some veggies to it to make it more soup like), Mio Sport for electrolyes since I know I have a tendency to have leg cramps, fiber, immodium, bean-o--for any possible stomach irritability on the diet and beyond, and so many water flavor packets! I also have video games I can play, my novel to work on (anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this year?), books I've been meaning to read and cleaning to do to keep me out of the kitchen and focused on other things when I'm not at work. 

    Wednesday is my preop visit with the nutritionist/surgeron and finalizing financial stuff and December 4th is my Covid test-if anyone has any insight to how terrible (or not really) that is, I'm all ears. I will be getting the nose swab(yay me. -_-) but my supervisor started my two weeks time off on the 4th and just had me work 4 days in a row which means I can get it done early and come home and go back to bed. Plan on going into nesting mode that weekend-although I'm kinda already working on it now. I've been saving up my vacation basically all year in anticipation of 2 whole weeks off. I want to make sure if I have any complications I won't screw up our schedule but also I work at a vet clinic as a receptionist and y'all...I am EXHAUSTED. I have a couple of friends that have already made plans to come see me while I'm on leave and I also plan on maybe going out to the beach for the day to walk and take pictures if I'm up to it(I know I see others being able to handle several miles of walking only a few days post op). But for the most part, I'm not making any plans but to rest, walk and sip anything else besides that is all extra bonuses! 🙂 

    I ordered some popsicle making molds from Amazon that I plan to use with my flavored water that should be here in a couple of days along with my pill dispenser (has 4 compartments per day-AM, Lunch, PM, evening) and I can take one large compartment with me to work instead of the whole thing!

    After so much time sometimes it is really hard for me to believe I actually have a surgery date...I went to my first ever bariatric surgery info session when I was 17...I am now 31...I always say that you can never help someone from addiction or just bad choices unless THEY ARE READY and I never listened to my own advice...until last year on my 30th birthday, I had had so many birthdays where I always promised myself in a year I wouldn't be fat, I could almost picture myself not obese but not quite. 30 was my wake up call that I couldn't do it on my own, I needed my help. In the mountains of Wyoming (I went back to visit with friends I had made while living there for a few years) I decided that I would find a PCP and start figuring it all out. I got insanely lucky, I had no PCP in mind when I called to make an appointment, just asked the receptionist who she would recommend and haven't looked back. She has been rooting for me for months and when I got to send her a message and let her know I had a date was a really big highlight for me. I stuck with this and here I am...16 days from surgery.   
    I plan on vetting a therapist here in a few weeks, to find one that matches some specific criteria that also happens to be in network may be a bit of a challenge but I have challenges that weight loss will bring me I've never faced before...like dating...I've been obese since 4th or 5th grade so I've never been in a relationship or worried about unsavory characters giving me attention I do not want although I also plan on starting Krav Maga classes when my surgeron clears me. 

    I think that's all I got for now, gonna enjoy my last 24 hours of "normal" eating tomorrow and Monday starts the real countdown!




  2. Hi Everyone

    It has been 3 years since I last posted. During that time I had 3 more Plastic Surgeries despite the fact that I never got to my goal weight. The Dr felt that with all the excess skin from having lost 280 pounds it was best to get it off and see if maybe I would be able to walk again. So in May of 2018, I had an extended Brachioplasty. Within 1 hour of waking up, I was sent home and within less than an hour of being home, I was rushed back to the hospital as I had blood pouring out of my left upper arm. The Surgeon's assistant was called when I got to the hospital at about 9 pm. He came right away and said I had a baseball size hematoma and c would have to go back into surgery. No room was available until 4 a.m. so I remained in the ER until an Operating Room was available. I remained in the hospital for 3 days and almost have to have a blood transfusion.  I was released but was told I immediately had to go to the PS office. As I was being loaded into the van my arm started bleeding again.  The Dr greeting me at the door and I was immediately taken into a room. I remember him saying I looked like death warmed over.  He called insurance and they approved for a nurse to come every other day to clean and rewrap my left arm. It took me  10 weeks to recover from that surgery.  I must say I am glad I had the surgery but even though he took off 7 inches of skin from each arm he could have taken off more.  I have Micheline Tire Baby Syndrome and the excess skin removal did not take all the rings away. I still have one roll on each arm and some excess skin as my arms are 14 inches instead of 21. To this day I still cannot wear sleeveless shirts and added sleeves to my bathing suits.  Insurance will probably never approve another surgery on my arms. After this surgery and complications, I had two more.

    In early Dec of 2018, I  had my panniculectomy and a second hernia was repaired. I had no complications with this surgery and was thrilled to get 10 pounds of skin off my tummy and not have the huge overhang any more.   Wearing the binder was not fun as it kept riding either up or down my butt. By the end of January, I was able to buy my first compression garment and was back to work 2 weeks later. Despite the 10 pounds being gone I still was not able to walk without a cane or a walker. All this excess skin being removed is not helping my 6 herniated discs, yet there is one more surgery and this I am told this one may be the one that allows me to walk. 

    In late May of 2019, I had a belt lipectomy. The first week was very painful but by week 3 I was doing great. Two days I had terrible pain on the V spot on my back all the way around to my left groin incision. I was in terrible pain, my skin was hot and I had become so swollen I could not sleep on my left side and I had developed a blister. The Dr had been called the weekend I had terrible pain and felt so sick but I was not able to see him until Wednesday.  He Popped the blister and over 5 Emesis Basin of fluid came out. He sent it for testing and 2 days later I was told I had to go to an Infectious Disease Doctor.  The Doctor had no appointments on Friday and by Sunday  2 more blisters developed and I was so scared I went to the ER. It was determined I had MRSA and was in the hospital in an isolated room for 5 days. I had to have a MIdline put in as my veins were collapsing. OMGod that procedure hurt like you cannot believe, I was told I had rolling veins and it took them over 40 minutes to get that midline in. To make matters worse I still had a lot of excess skin in the area they wanted to put the midline. I could not move my arm for at least 2 hours after that procedure. For the next 8 weeks, I had 2 hours of IV Vancomycin 2 times a day. Finally Mid August I was well enough to return to work.  This surgery did not help my ability to walk any better.  I started going to a pain management clinic and he tried all kinds of procedures I can not even remember what they all were. 

    By January 2020 the pain management Doctor thought that radiofrequency ablation might work. So in late February, he stuck me 4 times on each side of my back with the heat probe that cuts the nerve.  I knew within weeks I had not worked and then Covid19 hit us all and I was in South East Florida a very bad hot spot. Even today as I wrote this we are still under phrase one. With my body the way it is I am afraid to go anywhere. My last day of work in the office was March 12th. I have been out of the house 3 times since that day.   Thank God I can do remote Zoom lessons with my blind clients otherwise I would be homeless.

    So where do I go from here? I do not think the pain management Doctor who I went to for over 6 months is someone I would want to return to. In Jan I will be 65 years old and even though I have been on a  Medicare advantage plan since 2008 I could change insurance companies and get all new Doctors. The only problem is I have no idea what kind of a Doctor to go to or whether or not these Florida Doctors would do anything for me. I am still obese despite having lost 250 pounds and have another 80 pounds to lose. I am over 4 years post-op for my sleeve surgery and barely manage to lose 5 to 8 pounds a month if I am 100% on plan. I was hoping to be walking by my 65th birthday but it does not look like it will happen.  I wish I could say losing all this weight was the cure to my being able to walk but it was not.  I am so totally disappointed that it did not happen. But I suppose when you have  6 herniated discs losing weight is not going to help them.  Yes, I am thinner but am still in a great deal of pain and cannot do anything without a walker or a scooter. Some Golden Years I will be having. Am so tired of being like this.  Jan 2021 will be 27 years since I was so badly injured at the Quiet Waters Park Kiss Country Chili and Band Competition. I wish I had never gone it was the ruination of my life. 

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    What to expect with symptoms 

  3. Ah, its been two months to the day since my plastics trifecta, and I have to tell you the past month or so has been a little rough.

    On Wound Healing:

    My healing progress took several steps backwards primarily due to my over-eagerness to get back into my exercise routine.  I pushed myself a little too soon, a little too much and ended up opening up a few incisions. TWICE.

    Add to this that my body for the past few weeks has decided to expell my sutures instead of absorbing them, resulting in more broken skin and open wounds.

    At it's worst, I had 9 concurrent open wounds that were painful, oozing and stinky.

    On Exercise:

    Not including the two ill-advised attempts of full-on running and strength training, along with the equally ill-advised crunches I was doing in bed, I have had almost zero exercise. Now, I do go out for 1+ hour walks every few days, but I don't really count this as "true" exercise as I don't get that exercise "high" afterwards.  I consider walking more of mental health remedy, I guess.

    On the Blahs:

    Due to my slow healing and recurring wounds + the lack of exercise + the fact that I have been basically holed up at home for 2 months + the crappy T.O. winter weather + my self-imposed week-long lack of sleep to watch every marquee Australian Open match, and difficulty sleeping even after it was done + my noticeably increased carb (read: sugar) intake + my obsession with the swelling in my lower abdomen, was feeling pretty sh*tty for a while.

    I was in full-on pity party mode and was being a total B to the fam, and picking totally unnecessary fights with them (Sorry Fam!  They deserve trophies for putting up with me).

    I went through a week or so of drinking my blahs away, which I put a stop to once I realized what I was doing.

    I even shared an ENTIRE pack of cigarettes with BFF one night cuz I was just so annoyed and looking back, probably wanted to give an EFF YOU to the universe.  Of all the things, I am most regretful of this.  Mostly because I admitted it to Mr. & the Kid and while they didn't admonish me, I could see that they were disappointed.  Jeez.

    On Possibly Turning a Corner:

    Last week, I did a much needed reality check (of which I need to thank @sillykitty for for prompting, along with the break in the winter weather that day, and the first good night's sleep I had in a while the night before).

    I upped my protein (thanks @FluffyChix for the reminder), and made sure to get more sleep (thanks me!, LOL).

    As of this morning, I am down to only 4 open wounds. The ooze factor of these have decreased ALOT, and they no longer stink. YAY!  Though I'm going to temper my expectations because I have healed and UN-healed TWICE before and it was a definite hit to the mood.

    Current PS/body results:

    • Swell hell continues in my lower abdomen & upper thighs.  Some days are better than others.  The one thing I have noticed is that if I wear my abdominal binder too high, the swelling in these areas get worse.  I have been trying to make sure that the binder sits low enough, which results in lots of tugging throughout the day.  I may have to invest in a full body one.
    • My arm compression garment is no longer compressing me, despite being tailored by my mom earlier, but I wear it anyway as it helps keep my silicone tape from coming off.  That and I have developed a weird security-fondness for it.
    • I stopped wearing my sports bra (or any bra at all, for that matter) weeks ago because of the wounds on my under-boob and side boob.  The arm compression garment is doing a little lifting in that area instead.

    Some Comparison Numbers:

    Pre-PS Weight:  115 lbs
    2m-Po Weight:  117.1 lbs

    Pre-PS Bust - Waist - Hips measurements:  32.5" - 25.5" - 33"
    2m-Po Bust - Waist - Hips measurements:  33.5" - 25.0" - 34"

    Pre-PS Left UpperArm Circumference: 10.5"
    2m-Po Left UpperArm Circumference: 10.0"

    Pre-PS Right Thigh Circumference: 17.0"
    2m-Po Right Thigh Circumference: 19.0"

    * I didn't think to measure my lower abdomen before, but I did this morning, so I can start keeping track:
    2m-Po Lower Abdomen (measuring widest part): 33.0"

    Next Steps:

    I have my 2 month post op appointment with my surgeon tomorrow.  He had given me homework to stretch/massage my arms at my 6 week appt, as he felt I should a fuller range of motion that I did at the time.  He wanted to see me be able to raise my arms completely straight up with no resistance.  Well....I CAN do it, BUT i can feel the areas between the armpit and upper tricep stretching to its limit.  It doesn't hurt, but I can definitely feel the pull.  I'm not sure if this is where he wanted me to be at, and I guess we'll see what he says tomorrow.

    I promised myself I would not go back to my normal level of exercise until ALL my wounds have closed.  This may be overkill, but I really DO NOT want a repeat of last month.  Hopefully this will be in the next couple weeks.

    I am going back to "work" in a couple weeks as well, so this should help with the boredom.


    My surgeon will be taking pics of me at my appointment tomorrow, will see if I will post those, or take some myself...will decide later.

    Edited to add update from 2 month follow up appt with Doc:

    Soooo....went to my 2 month follow up yesterday and Doc scheduled me for some steroid shots next month...I guess he is not happy with my my scar healing (I was fine with it, but I guess he knows better ;) )

    He also asked me again to not wear my tape as much as I have been. I wear them basically 23 hours a day and he wants me to halve that, if not more (he asked me to do this last time, but I didn't listen...but since he asked AGAIN, I guess I should pay attention). I have been tape-less since about 6pm yesterday, and it feels odd. Almost as if the incisions are getting sore again? Only on my arms though...my boobs and tum feel the same. *shrugs*

    I do notice this morning that a lot of dried skin was flaking off the (healed) incision lines...not sure what the impact of this is *shrugs again*. I slathered some bio oil on them (he did tell me to moisturize).

    Wound update: I was down to 3 open wounds yesterday! BUT...this morning a new one opened on my left underboob due to another suture expelling, so my number stays at 4. Le sigh. Btw, Doc says that part of the reason why I'm expelling so many sutures is because I am "so skinny". Something about no where for the sutures to be absorbed into.

    On another note: Speaking of being "so skinny", when I asked Doc about what we can do about my saggy butt, he said that I am not a good candidate for a BBL in my current state, unless I want to gain at least 10 lbs OF FAT. Um, no thanks. He also does not support nor perform implants, which left his option recommendations to:

    • Traditional butt lift
    • Some machine treatment (I forget the name), which is basically a device that simulates 100's of mini squats per session (think Dr. Ho's)
    • Actual Squats

    I'm gonna go with the Actual Squats ;)




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    It was an exciting 2019.  After 20 years of considering WLS, I finally had my appointment with a surgeon in May when I weighed the heaviest that I ever have weighed at 230 pounds.  At my height of 5'1", this placed me at a BMI of 43.5. During my 6-month pre-op-required nutrition intervention, I got myself down to 205 pounds.  A 25-pound weight loss is not bad!  But, it is not something I haven't done before.  After all, I have been on a diet off-and-on since the age of 13. I am really good at losing weight, but I am even better at gaining it all back plus some every time I have any significant success.  I suspect I have lost close to 560 pounds in the past 33 years.  With all the ups and down of my weight, my metabolism is surely a mess.

    My gastric bypass surgery was December 11th. I am so thankful that it went smoothly and complication-free.  Yes, I had significant gas-related abdominal pain and, yes, I was sore and uncomfortable at my surgical sites for about 2 weeks, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.  Since my surgery three weeks ago, I have lost 16 pounds.  Of course, this is mostly due to my liquid-only diet during the first 2 weeks pre-op.  At 189 pounds, I now weigh close to the weight I was before my first son was conceived - a weight that I haven't weighed in 16 years!! As I get ready to watch the ball drop on 2020, I am so excited for all the weight that I will lose in the upcoming year.  I am even more excited to re-set my metabolism so that I can maintain my weight loss.  However, I am most excited to get healthy for perhaps the first time in my adult life.

  4. Krestel

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    I feel so guilty about the amount of clothes that im getting rid of, that Im making 2020 my No Buy Year!

    Im only 3/4 done with cleaning out all my old clothes, and I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I bought not only doubles of everything, not tripples but five times as much clothes for my highest weight! I was so scared that I would never be able to find pants and shirts that I liked that fit me, so apparently I hoarded as much as I could. So much so that I was hiding it from myself.

    You see in Sweden (and much of Europe) in normal circles, there arent many people who are as heavy as I was and being heavy is really looked down upon MUCH more than in the US where everything is supersize this and that. So even buying clothes online took me forever.  So basically I just bought clothes when I was in the States and brought home mammoth amounts of pants etc...especially one or two types of cargo pants. In fact i had so many that I lost track of how many I had and just squirreled them away and forgot about them. Then when I went back to visit my family in the States, I bought new stuff again. This went on for years!

    So now, Im making a massive pause in my retail therapy and am going to try a No Buy Year! I do have some caveats, but only big purchases that Ive been thinking about for over a year. It should be interesting to see how my fingers itch to buy stuff online.

  5. Bimbabe
    Latest Entry

    Hello to anyone out there who is reading this.  it has been 11 years since my gastric bypass and wow!  I was reading my past entries things have certainly changed for me.

    I had the weight problem, lost about 90lbs, became an alcoholic, got divorced, remarried, moved to Houston, then back to Atlanta, became  born again, through the peace and grace of Jesus Christ!, traveled monthly to RI to check on my parents, lost my brother and father in 2019, relapsed with alcohol several times, as of today I have been sober for 2 years!~~~~WHEW!

    So now I am married to Michael White, someone I have loved for over 30 years, I am living sober, grieving the loss of my brother, Chip 01/09/2019 and my Dad, Ray 09/06/2019. As for the weight, I am now 208lbs and not really happy at this weight, but Thank God it's not 275!  The most important part of my journey is that I became a Christian, I would have been dead by now if I had not done that.  

    I feel okay today, some days are difficult because I do not drink alcohol anymore, so I have to depend on God through everything...opps gotta run....

  6. I am excited to announce our participation in the 5th Annual National Obesity Care Week (NOCW) which takes place September 15th to 21st and I am honored that our office is considered a Champion supporting this powerful national awareness campaign dedicated to making sure access to comprehensive obesity care is available for anyone affected by obesity. Today, more than 93 million adult Americans are living with obesity. Many do not know obesity is a disease and that their healthcare provider can help them with weight-loss and maintenance. Others do not have insurance coverage to help them pay for these healthcare options or they have to FIGHT just to access coverage they paid premiums to have! Now, more than ever, people affected by obesity as well as healthcare professionals and policy makers and all persons who care about this injustice must pledge their support for ACCESS TO CARE WITHOUT BARRIERS. Alongside the founding partners – the Obesity Action Coalition (OAC), the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMBS), the Obesity Medicine Association (OMA), The Obesity Society (TOS), and Strategies to Overcome and Prevent Obesity Alliance (STOP) – Lindstrom Obesity Advocacy believes that everyone should have access to obesity care that is not limited by a person’s size, weight or economic status and we've been fighting for this cause for over 23 years! Please visit ObesityCareWeek.org/Action to pledge your support as well.

  7. Still here, still queer! Anyway...


    I'm disappointed that I didn't make my goal of 200lbs by today. I'm 3.8lbs shy but I know why 😬. Overall I am happy. I weight in a 255 on my surgery on 1/15/19. Today I'm 203. That's 51.2lbs in a little over 2 months!😀 I restarted my whole journey on 6/7/18 weighing in at 280. So altogether I've lost 76.2lbs! 😍

    I lost my preop weight doing IF. I tried doing in for a while after my sx. It isn't compatible while my stomach is so restriving. Besides I eat so few calories (around 600 a day) I don't need IF yet. Now when I start upping my calories after 6 - 9 months I'll definitely be back to IF!

    I lift weight 3 to 4 days a week. I don't do cardio. 😞 I need to hop on the elliptical regularly. Once spring actually sticks around I'll try my feet at jogging! 

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    I started the program with my doctor back in March of 2018 and now I have my surgery date of Jan 7th 2019. I am excited, nervous and scared all at the same time. Frightening because I am the basic bread winner so i am praying all goes well. I have battled with my weight my whole life. Am currently at one of my heaviest points at 320. I go to the gym regularly eat right but my digestive is extremely slow plus having a desk job doesn't always serve me well. I am praying that this will help reduce my weight. Since starting the program I haven't lost but maybe a couple pounds which was expected. I drink what I am supposed to. I eat what I am supposed too, don't drink or smoke. I am hoping that once I start my liquid diet prior to surgery that I will start to show some downward movement. I only eat what I am to eat measure and weigh everything and exercise. So I am hoping wishing praying that this works cause I have tried everything else for years so this is my last hope that I can finally lose weight. I am having the sleeve surgery it's less evasive than gastric bypass. 

  8. Meet Diane*.  She had struggled with her eating and body image as far back as she can remember.  Having been on every diet under the sun, she still couldn't keep the weight off.  In fact, she had dieted herself up to her highest weight ever.  When her doctor suggested bariatric surgery she decided it was her only hope.

    Fast forward to a year after surgery, and Diane has started regaining the weight she lost.  There was an initial "honeymoon" period during which she lost weight relatively easily, but now it's creeping back on.  She finds herself grazing on food throughout the day, and notes that her stomach holds more food than it did a few months before.  

    Diane cancels her upcoming appointment with her surgeon because she doesn't want to face the embarrassment of getting on the scale and fears ridicule from the surgeon over what she's been doing with her eating.  So she avoids in order to save face.  (And who can blame her, right?).  

    Time goes on, and eventually Diane is back at her pre-surgery weight.  She's devastated.  And ashamed.  And mad at herself.  "I failed again.  I'm such a loser," she thinks to herself.  


    But the truth is - SHE DID NOT FAIL.  And she certainly isn't a loser.  Diane was suffering from an eating disorder.


    How is this possible?  How come nobody told her?  Didn't her surgeon see it?  Had she done this to herself?

    Despite efforts to screen people for eating disorders prior to surgery, they often go undiagnosed.  Studies suggest that roughly 30% of people seeking bariatric surgery actually have an eating disorder - with binge eating disorder (BED) being the most common one.  

    Realizing you have an eating disorder after bariatric surgery can be a shock.  Many times, people don't realize it until they have regained some or all of the weight they lost.  The eating disorder finds ways to have you eat "around" your surgery.  

    As a dietitian who specializes in BED, I have treated tons of people who have an eating disorder after bariatric surgery.  And what I can tell you is that recovery is possible.  You are not alone, and there are people out there who can help.

    If you think you might have an eating disorder, click here and start healing your relationship with food today.  You deserve it. 


    *Name and certain details have been changed for privacy.

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    I'm 5 days out and I'm getting a mild cramp when I drink water. Jello, broth, yogurt ect. go down well. I'm drinking slowly and taking small sips, but still get the cramp and a little bit of gas/air comes up. How long does this last? Am I taking in too much? No nausea yet so I've been lucky. Pureed food is looking really good about now but I'm following the plan. I've had absolutely no hunger or maybe I can't tell due to the abdominal pain.

  9. The other day, I had my appointment with the NUT and my psych evaluation.

    I absolutely loved the NUT.  She was SO thorough with explaining everything the Dr. wanted for me to do and then she added in her own additional thoughts on everything as well.  We also discussed the things that I am to start changing immediately to get into some better habits.

    Well the biggies are not drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal or during.  I had actually started that this week anyway.  The other is not drinking my breakfast and to drink my morning shake as my mid afternoon snack instead.  And then the thing that I never in a million years thought I would have a problem with....not drinking with a straw.  Holy crap is this hard!!!!!!  

    I have a 32 oz mug at work and a 24 oz mug at home.  At work, I fill my mug 4 times during the day.  At home I fill it once or twice in the evening.  So i do drink alot of water.  Boy did I struggle to "sip" water and not gulp it down.  Who would have ever thought that at 48 years old, I am learning how to drink again?????  It really does suck though.

    Anyway, the psych eval went good too with her saying she was sending in her thumbs up.

    I guess the only things left will be the pre-op and I don't want to get any of that done until after the beginning of the year.

  10. Changing HOW I eat is so hard.  I mean, I knew it would be hard, but now I'm actually IN it.

    I should have been working on it earlier, this frantic eating.  Whenever I have food in front of me, it's like I haven't eaten in days, I just frantically shovel food into my mouth.  Now that I'm doing purees (and starting soft foods), the same thing is applying - I go into a frenzy when there's food around!  It is taking almost everything in me to slow down.  In fact, I have had two soft food meals so far in which I over-stuffed myself because I wasn't eating slowly enough.  Ugh, that feeling, nauseated and uncomfortable, but also just so so "hungry".  In fact, I am still feeling the effects over 24 hours later.  I know that it's not real hunger, it's just an automatic reaction to having food around, but it feels so real and keeps me shoving food in my mouth even when I don't want to.  I am hoping that I can improve in this area, that I can quiet my food desperation and appetite, but I know it's going to take work and willpower on my side - something I've always had trouble summoning on my behalf.

    I have not been doing well with hydration.  My skin is dry and flaking and my mouth and eyes are dry.  But it's hard to drink water because I feel nauseated and it still kinda hurts my stomach.  Waiting 30 minutes before and after food is NOT working out for me - I just can't seem to get enough fluid in!  I don't know what to do.

    Exercise is also something I'm failing at.  I haven't done any form of exercise since I got back from the hospital.  Like, what am I thinking?  I know this is an important part of my new lifestyle, but I forget (because it wasn't a part of my previous lifestyle) or I just keep telling myself I'm healing and I'm too exhausted from not eating.  Or my skating rink is closed, as if that's my only option for exercise.  So many excuses.

    Other than these things, I do seem to be doing well.  My incisions are healing nicely, I really haven't had any intolerances to anything.  I'm just falling behind on things and being a bad bariatric patient.  I'm working on it, I need to put more into my efforts.

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    So tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. Yes, it is Surgery Day! I am absolutely giddy today, mostly just because I am so excited, but maybe a little nervous, too. I can't even say that it seems like it's taken forever to get to this point because I only started the whole process on August 8th. But still, it seems like it's taken forever! :)

    I have a really strong support system, especially in my Mom & Step-Dad. I will be staying with them for at least the first week when I come home, possibly even two weeks. We will see how well I am doing at that point. I know that my kitty, Portia Lin will be anxiously awaiting for my return home.

    I suppose that is all for now. I need to finish getting ready for my big day tomorrow! Any prayers would be greatly appreciated!

    Blessings to you all!


    Reagan & Me.jpg

  11. QponL8y

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    I'm a 46 year-old mother/wife with four children. The youngest turning 7 this year. I suffered from gestational diabetes during that pregnancy, but none of the others. Maybe being 39 at the time had something to do with it.  I've been struggling with weight gain since 2011. Although, I haven't really done anything about it. Mostly complain and avoid my reflection. Over time with everyday stresses from work and home, I have been taking Zoloft. I had been considered pre-diabetic for several years, but about a year ago was finally put on diabetic medication: Metformin. Only taking one per day.  

    Taking it didn't make me feel any different and being in denial, I guess, I felt like I didn't need it. Along with the weight gain, diabetes diagnosis, I've also been dealing with pre-menopausal stuff (maybe?) and my vision seems to be deteriorating. I've gone from occasionally using reading glasses to actually needing them to read more and more. I was also recently diagnosed with IBS, which has become more of a consistent issue that I have to deal with on an almost daily basis. With the increased stress of declining health, Wellbutrin is now part of my medicinal arsenal.

    I started looking into and considering bariatric surgery in October 2017 and have finally decided the surgery is needed as part of my determination to get healthy again.


  12. Matt Z
    Latest Entry

    Just not feeling "it" this week.  I'm exhausted, not sleeping well, feeling really run down, drained.  I feel fat.  I know I'm not anywhere near as fat as I was, but... I feel fat this week.  Bloated, gross, fat fat fat fat fat.

    My sleep **SUCKS** not sure if it's the weight loss changing my CPAP pressure requirements, or something else all together.  I don't want to have to get another sleep study, because they blow, but I know I need some follow up.  Not looking forward to yet another medical bill.

    Work sucks this week too, a shop of 5, reduced to 2.  really 1 and a half since it's just me and my team lead, and my team lead has to do all the leadership / team lead stuff... so, It's just me, supporting just under 3000 users, on over 2000 computer systems, in 20-30 buildings spread out over all of RI, parts of Mass and CT.  Fun stuff.

    I've been in and out of stalls for almost a month now, more in than out of at this point.  Between Monday and today I'm up 2 lbs... not sure why exactly.  All intake is right where it should  be and I've been in the gym daily.  Not going today, just not feeling it.  Way too tired and drained to even care really.

    Growing tired of this forum again as well.  Which sucks because, well, I do enjoy helping folks out.  Just getting to the point where every question has been answered over and over again, yet almost no one bothers to use the search function first.

    So that's it really... Not a happy Matt at all this week.

  13. Its been soo long since ive done an entry. I think I actually missed my entries and I think that I will continue to blog with the hopes of healing myself and maybe helping someone. so here is a little back story. I had the lapband in  2011 and in 2014 it slipped and I had the gastric sleeve. I developed really bad GERD and in 5/1/2018 I had the gastric bypass. I am still happily married and we actually added a new member to the family I had my daughter 12/26/13 and lord does she keep me on my toes. I have started my own business and which I have opened two stores in one year.

     Now that I have had the gastric bypass I will say that I think this is the best surgery I have had. I will admit I still have to work on the program the dr. has in place for me. I just feel that I have so much to focus on that the plan is like a final exam that I have to continue to work on. I will say  I am committed to losing the weight and finally reaching my goal and come my 7Th wedding anniversary next year I will be on a beach and proud of the body and the person I have become thought out this journey.

    Unit tomorrow


  14. I haven't posted here since the beginning, just starting to come back here to see what is up.  It's been a busy year for me.  I've been pretty focused on work and my life changes.  I feel so blessed, my surgery went well and my results so far are fantastic.  I have lost 120 pounds and I have 16 to go to hit my personal goal....I will still keep up my eating plan and exercise so if it goes lower than that so be it.  I have not had any complications so far, no hair loss...  The weight has been steadily coming off with a few stalls here and there.

    I think the key to my success thus far has been realizing that while this surgery is helping me, its still up to me.  It's taken sticking to the plan, getting the right foods in and exercising pretty much daily.  I know that is something that I will have to do the rest of my life and if it keeps me feeling as fantastic as I feel right now...that will never be an issue for me.  I don't ever want to go back to the way things were before.

    I'm so thankful that I was able to get this surgery, I wish that it was available to all who need it...it has literally saved my life. 




  15. #MagicWithinme
    Latest Entry

    Yesterday I had an appointment for a fill. The last one I had 1/2 cc was 8 weeks ago after a 2 year hiatus. At this time, I have 3.6,  I had been told that 2 ccs were already in band when I started . Twice, twice, I got it up to 3ccs and had to take everything out and start all over. Yesterday  hubby came with me, and Dr. would ask me questions and talk to me but all the whole while looking at my hubby. He felt that my band was restricting and that I just had to change my diet habits to accommodate. Talking about diets, and showing him the diagrams of the stomach. I even said at one point,touched my husband's arm and said  I like how you are looking at him, since he is the cook. he kind of chuckled but still kept looking at husband. I had gone alone before and it was fine, but it was soo weird. I'm hispanic hubby anglo, My cousin thought maybe I looked like the little submissive wife or something. So no more fills for me for awhile and hubby has a new admirer?

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    The Wizard
    Latest Entry

    These are my first notes after bariatric sleeve surgery.

    I had my surgery just about a month ago. I generally feel very good. It takes some time to learn how to eat again. Small meals, more often. Eat slow. Eat little. Don't force yourself. If you eat too fast, or are not careful, or you don't think while you eat, you can get in trouble (you'll get reflux, feel like throwing up, but just walk around for a few minutes and it will go away as you digest.)

    The first few days after the surgery were tough. Hard to eat, hard to drink. Now it's a lot better. It took probably a week to get to a satisfactory level and feel normal. Just bear with it because it gets a lot better.

    If I can give a suggestion to those of you who are going to go through the surgery, is one: be very rested. I made the mistake of sleeping only 3-4 hours the night before the surgery, and after the surgery I felt awful. In addition, the hospital did not have a room for me, and I spent overnight in the recovery room. That did not help. I had to stay at the hospital a second night because of that. Make sure you are rested and you have a room. You need to rest after surgery.

    Since the surgery, I have lost an average of 1 lb per day. Fantastic! I have not exercised a lot yet, but I started doing something the past couple of weeks. I am sure as I shed more weight I will start working out more seriously, or at least move. Just walking every day for half hour would be enough for the first few months.

    Good luck to you all. Believe in it! Don't get discouraged. I can see why everyone told me that it would change my life. I can already see it as I am wearing 2-size smaller jeans today.

  16. 10 years ago I started my Journey......and it continues....:rolleyes:

    I had a lap band done July 2008, I was 255 lbs.  I was a single mother with a 7 year old daughter.  I was so excited that this option was available to me!  Something that wasn't crazy as a gastric bypass (don't get me wrong I have been in the medical field for over 20 years, so I researched this immensely.  I thought this was the best option).  Something that would hold me accountable for the food I put in my mouth and the amount.  At first, that's exactly what happened.  I could hardly eat anything, let alone drink.  I had found my tool that I had been needing my whole life! Just an FYI, I ramble, start to think about something else and then want to put it down!  I apologize in advance if my thoughts roam!  My lap band was more an emotional battle then anything, it's crazy to think that really this whole overeating and what we eat really comes from our brain (at least for me this is what it is!).  I lost weight, it was great, I was getting healthier and getting to a smaller size!  2 years into my band journey I met my now husband and was under 200 pounds.  I went in for my fills and could never get to that sweet spot.  Just never felt the restriction like I thought I would have with it.  About 4 years in I started to have severe issues with reflux, couldn't even lay down at night it would come up through my nose and BURN!  Not good.  I ended up going to another surgeon as I had moved and he immediately emptied my band and made sure there wasn't any damage done.  We tried to go from ground zero refilling back up but never worked.  It failed.  I took it as I had failed yet again!!!  I still have the band in and it still has a fill, but there is no restriction.  Just certain foods don't go down well and I vomit still a lot.  So done of having this in my body.

    I am now back to my pre lap band weight and so frustrated.

    My insurance has finally changed to Federal BCBS and am excited that I have the opportunity to get the lap band out and go forward with a revision to a Gastric Sleeve.  I am super anxious about this, I am now 10 years older and just want to be healthy and be able to live the life that I want and deserve to! :489_motorcycle:

    Right now just waiting on my approval.  The office said 2-3 weeks, today is 3 weeks plus 1 day.  I am ready.  Planned my out of pocket, ready to get work off.  Just ready to move on.  

    Bring on the liquid diet!!!  At least I know what's going to be coming with this.  What protein shakes are ok (never great) and which ones are absolutely undrinkable!  Stocking up on my broth and sugar free popsicles! :395_shaved_ice:

    Any encouragement or anyone who has been through what I have and had a revision to the sleeve I would love to hear your comments!  Am I making the right choice this time???  This WILL be the last gastric surgery I have so it BETTER work! LOL (kinda laughing manically..... :o)  I know what I am getting into emotionally and have faith in my Heavenly Father, so I am prepared!

    Go with God! :1355_pray_tone1:

    2nd Verse, Same as the First :954_notes:


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  17. Surgery was harder than I expected.  My IV was a problem, and due to this, I was not getting my pain meds correctly for the afternoon following surgery.  My evening nurse figured it out at the start of of her shift when she did the once-over.  The pain before that was significant, so much so that I just didn't interact with any of my visitors.  I literally just laid in bed with my eyes closed and listened to everyone talk. 

    Once everyone left, and the new nurse took over, she put in a new IV and that first dose of morphine made my eyes roll back in my head.  I was allowed to have it about every hour, but only required morphine doses about every 3 hours.  Had surgery Wednesday morning, was home by Friday evening.  Today is Sunday, and I feel pretty good today.  I didn't have a BM from Tuesday until today.  That really sucked for sure.  I don't like dealing with constipation, but it is a common side effect.

    I am having a hard time getting all my food in.  I just am not hungry.  I am enjoying the soups, though, really enjoying them and also the yogurt.  I am getting my water in just fine, though.  Time for dinner.  I need to upload my before pics.

  18. Marie88

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    Ok, here it goes. Please excuse my spelling or grammar as this is just coming from the heart.  I have been battling my weight my whole life.  I can even remember being called wilson when i was in elementary school.  I later found out it was because I was round like a ball.  Ugh, kids are mean, well adults can be also.  In High School I yo yo'd back and forth.  My self esteem was non existent and unfortunately I let some take advantage of that.  I was or felt like I was always the fat friend, the fat sister, the fat daughter.  The girl with the pretty face if only she could lose the weight.  Which I would and then gain back even more.  I would do this many times over.  Unfortunately for my Husband I met him on a thin year.  I feel so bad, like a duped him sometimes.  But he is by my side and supportive.  We have two little kids that I want to have a healthy Mom.   So all that being said, Today I scheduled my Gastric Sleeve Surgery!  I'm excited and nervous and wish it was sooner.  I'm eager to start my new life style.  February 27th is the big day!   I have lots of my appointments in the coming weeks.  Wish me luck and good luck to all of you on this journey with me.