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About this blog

My journey from start to....well, we'll see.

Entries in this blog

 

Rebooting

After almost 9 weeks of a plateau, I'm finally losing again.   I got to a place where I just didn't feel good. I went back in to see my nutritionist last week (turns out I wasn't eating enough) and we set a new game plan but I just felt ill eating that much during the day. I was literally eating every 3 hours, when my body was used to going 6+ hours between meals. My stomach always felt full, my bathroom habits were way off, and I just felt sluggish.   Sunday, I watched the documentary called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and it was AMAZING. If you haven't seen it, please watch it. It's about a man who really was fat (over 300 lbs), sick (had an autoimmune disease that he took meds daily for) and nearly dead because of those two reasons. He decided to go on a 60 day juice fast (which 60 days is LONG - he was medically supervised and it was durastic, but he felt he needed it). The changes his body went through over those two months was jaw-dropping. He not only lost almost 100 lbs, he lowered his bp, cholesterol, and reset his body enough that he was able to go off his meds completely.   Me, being the skeptic that I was, hit the internet and read all about the pros and cons, do's and don'ts, then thought that where I was at - - feeling ill, weight stuck, nutrition lagging - - I may as well give it a try.   I started Monday of this week. I drank juice all day then ate a very light dinner. Also decided it was time to quit coffee again.   Sidenote: by juice, I don't mean the store bought that is mostly sugar and juice extract. I bought the fresh produce and a juicer and made the juice by hand using only pure, orgainc vegetables and fruits. I'm also adding in a protein shake to ensure I reach my daily need.   Tuesday I woke up with a migraine (thanks to the no coffee), and have to eat with my medication, so had a Greek Yogurt for breakfast and then drank juice the rest of the day. Yesterday, Wednesday, was all juice.   In three days, I dropped 7 lbs. Mostly water weight (that I could feel, and really needed to be shed) I'm sure, but the way I FEEL is amazing. I'm sleeping soundly. I have energy all day long. My cravings I was having for coffee, sweets, and salt have completely gone away. I feel like I'm really giving my body what it needs. When my stomach growls now, I know that it's real hunger instead of me just feeling like I want to eat.   I know this sounds durastic but I felt it was what I needed. My plan is to continue the juice plan for a few more days, as long as the scale keeps moving down, then slowly reintroduce foods to my system, working up to the original plan of protein, fruits, and veggies.   I feel like I'm giving my system the reboot I desperately needed. It's similar to doing the pre-op liquid diet, the accompanying feelings are there the first day or so (hunger, anger, headache, etc). Now that I'm on day 4, I can't believe how great I feel.   This program may not be for everyone, and it is, in a way, sidestepping my understanding of well-rounded nutrition, but it was the healthiest way I found to cleanse my system and get a "do-over".   Has anyone else tried a juice fast?

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

She's Baaaaack!

I've been in a funk, and part of that funk involved laying low and not coming on here. That funk also involved a little bit of a tale-spin with my eating, trying the theory of eating whatever I want (within reason) just limiting portions, as other successful banders have done. Turns out, that plan doesn't work for me. But, I still didn't lose or gain.   I have officially hit a plateau, my weight hasn't changed in almost 2 months and it's causing me truck loads of anxiety. I became a Super Star at managing anxiety until a few weeks ago, and it all came back with a vengance. So I started seeing a counselor again, this morning, and feel like I'm working towards getting on track (I'm not a crazy person, I just get so nxious that I feel like I can't sit still and never let myself relax or sleep because there are things I HAVE to do).   We talked a little about my surgery and she asked me how I was handling the weight loss. I told her that I still had a ways to go, I still want to lose another 30 pounds and she really questioned me. She said that I don't strike her as overweight at all, and why would I want to lose more if I was fit. I quickly corrected her, I am far from fit, and I feel like my weight loss journey is just starting. We talked a little about the emotional attachment to weight loss, and how even though I've lost over 50 lbs I still don't see any difference in the mirror. She assured me that although it's very common, it is something I have to work at accepting. I certainly don't feel any smaller, the only thing I've noticed changing are the numbers on the scale and my clothing tags. I still look in the mirror and see a fat somach, flabby thighs, and huge arms. So apparently, this girl has some self-image work to do.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Laying Down The Law

Anxiety is something that I've had my whole life but not recognized until just a few months ago. That constant feeling of always having to be moving, and feeling like I'm going to explode if I have to sit still, is apparently anxiety. That need to always be busy has essentially controlled my life - not only did it contribute to my obesity (if I had to sit still, I would eat to keep my hands/mouth busy), but I gave up many fun things to do things I "had" to do, like clean the house.   I got my anxiety in check with the help of a few therapy session before surgery. The past few months have been great...until this past week.   My weight has been at a stand-still for about a month. I weigh myself every day, and when the scale doesn't move I get frustrated, which leads to nervous energy, then anxiety. Next thing I know, I don't want to go to bed until my last bit of laundry is folded and the house is shining clean. While it's very efficient, it's not practical.   I was talking with my husband this morning about how I think my anxiety is back, full-blown, and he told me that he didn't think that weighing myself was beneficial at all. He made me promise to eat 3 meals a day and not weigh myself for one week. He said he was going to hide the scales until next Thursday. He encouraged me to restart some of the techniques the therapist suggested and see if I feel better in a week. So, I guess I will give it a try. I've never gone a day without weighing myself since my weight loss journey started. That alone stresses me out

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Hitting The "reset" Button

I'm about three and a half months post-op, and my weight hasn't budged for about three weeks or so. I know plateaus are totally normal, but I feel like over the past week or so I haven't been a good bandster. I know I'm stuck on this plateau, so I've let my eating habits slip and exercise essentially stop. I know, I know, I'm awful!!   The thoughts of - - maybe I'm only supposed to lose this much weight; maybe I'm supposed to be a 190 lb girl - came pouring back in. On prior weight loss adventures, my lowest weight was 189. That's where I'm stuck now.   So this morning I had a nice little thinking session, and decided that I will NOT accept being 189 lbs. I KNOW I can reach my goal. I KNOW I can be a better bandster. So I'm kicking my butt back into gear.   I started today going back to basics - two protein shakes during the day then a healthy dinner. I'm going to get back into walking daily, no excuses.   I didn't really "fall off" the wagon, but I was hanging on tightly to the side, fingers slipping. So I'm climbing back on, sitting in the drivers seat, and taking control of this.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

In The Zone, Or At Least Teetering On The Edge

So I think I may be very close to the ellusive Green Zone, if not in it. I'm kind of struggeling honestly. I don't get my "full signal" at all until it's too late. Now, partly that's my fault because I've been back to my old ways of letting myself get way too hungry then eating too fast. I thought maybe I was ignoring the signs of fullness. I've had two "stuck" episodes in the past few days, all from eating too fast and not chewing well enough. I haven't had to PB or anything, they pass after about two minutes of sheer hell. I reprimanded myself last night after dinner, and have vowed to slow down, eat only my measured out portions, really tune into my body, and for the love of everything holy, start exercising again!!   Where did I get derailed? I was working out every single day. Then I decided I needed a rest day because my hip hurt. That turned into two, then three, then two whole weeks!! My treadmill practically rusted!! So, Thursday, my husband and I went and climbed Beacon Rock (850 ft incline, a trail that is all switchbacks but not too horrible). I was shocked that out of my husband, his brother, and me, they were stopping more than me! Last night I had planned on jogging a 3 mile loop, but after the blister on my big toe (since wearing appropriate hiking shoes the day before would have been too easy) opened, so I settled for the elliptical and some calnisthetics.   I'm still bouncing between the same three pounds, 189-192. It's frustrating, especially since I only have a week until the end of the month when I wanted to be 185. I doubt I can do it, but, I'm still going to try. Now that I'm in the zone, hopefully my scale will get as excited as I am and start dropping numbers.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Adventures And Anxiety

Tonight my husband, Jason, and I are venturing out on a weekend road trip going from our place in Washington down to Florence, Oregon, to see my cousin then back up the coast making stops in a couple more places. While I am SO excited to get away, it has me a little anxious.   There aren't many healthy options when traveling, convenience stores and quick restaurants don't typically have high protein/low cal meals readily available! Plus, I weigh myself every day and have since starting my weight loss journey. I know there's tons of opinions on doing this, but for me it helps me stay accountable. Even though it's mostly water-weight fluctuations, it helps me tell which foods make me retain, etc.   I also haven't seen my cousin, Brandon, in about 3 years (when I was around 240 lbs). He doesn't know about my surgery, and I don't think I necessarily have to tell him (not that he would judge at all, it's just something I've kept kind of private). I get to meet his wife for the first time, and his 6 month old son. I'm so excited to see/meet them, Brandon and I were the very best of friends growing up. We've been through so much together...we both feel like we have that "twins" connection even though we're cousins - - but we do look very similar!   I'm also REALLY looking forward to a weekend away with my husband. He only gets 1 weekend off a month so spending some solo time with him is rare. We have a jacuzzi suite reserved at a hotel on the beach Saturday night. We need some serious R&R. We had the conversation again last night of "you're going to lose all this weight then find someone else". I know it's just his insecurities, and he doesn't bring this up often, but I feel like he's just waiting for the ball to drop. I'm not sure what I can do to assure him.   Most of my underlying anxiety is coming from being scared I won't make the best choices, and I go in to see my doc 1st thing Monday morning for a weight check and fill. I wanted SO bad to be down a full 10 lbs, and right now I'm down 13 from my last appointment in July. I don't want to ruin that by bad choices, but am afraid I will get caught up in the moment. I'll have to ask my husband to keep me grounded   Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

The View From Atop This Plateau Is Not Good

Well I've hit a plateau in a big way. It's oh-so-frustrating. I know that plateaus are normal. I know that everyone hits them every now and then. Does that make me feel better? Meh.   I've gone two weeks with absolutely no change. I know, you're probably thinking 14 days insn't bad compared to some who plateau for months, but this is very new to me. Last time I went on a weight loss journey (pre-band), I did fantastic until I hit a plateau 20 lbs away from my goal. I rode it out for a few weeks then slowly sunk into my old habits and gained ALL of the weight back. What's scaring me is that last time I stopped losing at 190 lbs. Very close to where I am now, and I can't help but wonder if my body just isn't meant to walk this Earth at 160 lbs. Maybe this is all of the good I can do?   I know that's the pessimistic side of me thinking, but I'm trying SO hard to break this. I tried increasing my calorie intake. Nada. Tried decreasing my normal by 200. Nothing. Tried upping my exercise and changing up my routine. Zilch. Even stopped exercising for two days. Nope.   At least I'm not gaining..but really, I'm putting in the hard work. What gives?!   I want so bad to be at a flat 193 when I see the doctor in 8 days. I've done so well at hitting my goals up until now.   A coworker asked me two weeks ago how much I'd lost (he didn't know I had Lap Band) and I told him I had finally just hit the 50 lb mark. On Friday, he made another comment about my amazing weight loss and how good it looks. I felt like screaming - I HAVEN'T LOST ANY MORE THAN TWO WEEKS AGO!! But I refrained, and gave him that smile and you're-making-me-feel-awkward face.   Okay, disclaimer: I'm usually NOT this negative (okay well I sometimes am but I don't say it out loud). I really am a glass-half-full person and am finally getting used to my "new" body. I just felt like I was on such a roll, and now I've stopped and am spinning in circles.   My NSV that keeps me going is that I caught myself all curled up in my office chair last week. Like, feet up on the seat, curled up in a ball (I really was working! Just computer stuff gets boring sometimes). I noticed it and I actually felt comfortable, not like I was pinched in half and couldn't breathe. So yeah...that's kept me going through the week.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Dropping The X

I have never really loved shopping. When I was 243 lbs, it was just discouraging. None of the cute shirts came in an XXL.   I thought I would put on my brave face at hit the mall yesterday. I had nothing but time to kill, so I wandered through Old Navy. I haven't really shopped since I started my weight loss journey. I grabbed a few shirts that were XL (pretty confident they may fit, since I've lost a whole cup size!). Headed to the fitting room, cringing the whole way, and slipped the shirt on.   It was TOO BIG!   Tried on the next one (different style - love their "vintage" line) and it was WAY too big! I was actually smiling when I left the dressing room to grab a Large.   I was so excited when I came home, I told my husband that I no longer required the "X". He was naturally a little puzzled since he has no concept of sizes whatsoever (I don't think the man has bought any of his own clothing since we started dating!) but he was excited for my excitement. For the first time, I felt like a "normal" girl who could walk into a store and buy a shirt without panic or regret surging through me.   This journey has been amazing so far. I can't wait to go get my next fill and show my surgeon my progress. I set a goal of losing 10 lbs between fills. I'm 18 days from my next fill and already hit my goal! I hope he will give me the fill (last time he did half because I was losing fine on my own) but a little restriction would be nice. I'm at 4.5 cc right now in a 11 cc band and not feeling much restriction, it's all been will power. I do stay fuller, longer, but I don't get my "full" signal if that makes sense.   Well I wish everyone out there in Band Land all the success in the world.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Heartbeat, Plans, And Success

Pretty random, huh?!   Since yesterday I've had episodes where it feels like my heart is beating in my throat. I've had SVT in the past (super fast heart rhythm) so it was a little concerning, after two heart ablations I can't have another, I'll need a pacemaker, so I was a little worried (pacemaker at 28 - NO THANKS!!). I met with my PCP today and she thought that it could be a few things, either the vagal nerve getting irritated by my band, not eating enough calories, or dehydration. I could buy into the vagal nerve thing because it does affect me after fills. I'm only taking in around 600-800 calories a day and burning about half with cardio daily, but I'm drinking around 80-100 ounces of water a day. My heart was in normal rhythm, blood pressure was great. Her suggestion was to up my calories or try to correlate the feeling to something specific. Hmmm...not sure what to do.   Plans! I'm a total planner, but I never have anything to do. Make sense? When something comes up to do, I plan it all out, but really my life is boring and all I do is sleep, work, jog, repeat. For some reason, maybe because I'm finally living my life, I have SO much to do. Every weekend for the next month and a half I have "stuff". New concept for me, I love my free time, and I kinda feel like being committed to something and having things to do puts me back into my OCD-ish mode of becoming a control FREAK. (In case you're new to my journey...after the psych eval for WLS, it came about in a round-about way that I have PTSD from a childhood trauma, and my way of dealing was to ALWAYS be busy, never sit still, and if I HAD to sit still I would keep my hands busy by eating...and got to 243 lbs). After seeing a couselor for a few sessions, I took on a whole new lease on life. I go with the flow, relax, read more, only clean my house every few days instead of for an hour every day (no kids to mess it up either, just a little over the top about cleanliness). Having things locked down that I have to do kind of sets me into this frenzy, I realized today. Hmmm...something else to think about a solution for.   And lastly and most importantly, I just have to say it feels SO great being successful with my lap band journey. I've never dealt well with failure, and tend to dive into things head first and never come up for air, so seeing the scale slide further and further down feels AMAZING. For the first time in my life, I think I feel proud of myself!   My husband asked me last night if I was sure I wanted to have my goal so low (it's at 160, and I'm 5'8", he's worried I may look too thin). I assured him that I don't want to get too thin (what a concept to think about though!!) and I would see how I felt once I got there. I may want to go lower, may want to gain a few pounds (another mind-blowing concept!). My coworker asked today how much more I would like to lose and when I said 35-40 lbs, she said she thought that may be too skinny. Again, people with this skinny business!! Although I value their opinion and concern, this is something I'm doing for me, and assured them that when I get to a weight that I feel healthy I will try to maintain.   Have any banders at goal gotten any reponses about being too thin? How do you deal with that?

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Keeping Up

So far I've been keeping up with my vow to exercise daily, with the exception of four days last week that I had tonsillitis and a high fever. I gave myself a pass for those days Every day since being cleared for exercise post-op, I've done something active. I find now that my body craves it. I don't feel right if I don't get in a couple mile jog or some quality time with the treadmill. I actually like that feeling!   I'm set for my second fill today - in an hour actually - and I don't really know how to describe where I'm at with my eating. I'm sticking to the portions, and the meal plan of protein, veggies, and fruit (sliding a little dairy in there every now and then) but my hunger is so weird now. Some days I struggle to eat three meals a day. Other days, I'm SO hungry a couple hours after lunch that the whole clinic can hear my stomach growling! It's hard for me to guage if I need a fill because I am not thinking about food and hunger like I used to - I just simply ignore hunger feelings between meals.   I find it a huge struggle to eat away from home. We went to the Strikeforce (MMA) fights Saturday and there was literally nothing healthy available to eat. I had a couple handfuls of my husbands popcorn but was starving by the time I got home (the event went from 3:30 until 9:30 PM). With it being a controlled venue, I couldn't have brought any food in with me.   I'm working through another plateau now. After being sick all last week and barely getting in liquids, I didn't lose an ounce. I've been stuck for about a week. I've heard that eating more calories one day may help bust the plateau but I'm honestly scared of gaining weight now!   I better wrap this up and get my hiney to the doctors office. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Seriously, Not Again....

I think I'm coming down with Strep Throat for the second time in three months. Last time I was SO sick, but the tests showed Strep Throat and the Influenza. I was out of commission for six days, flat on the couch, couldn't swallow or talk (blessing for my husband, misery for me). I can't afford another missed week of work so I'm hoping this passes. I'm going to fill up on Nyquil, tea with honey, and a steam bath when I get home and see if I can't kick it's butt before it kicks mine. The only positive last time was I lost 8 lbs in five days.     Besides starting to feel like death is becoming me, I'm rocking it with this band. I don't feel any restriction yet so I'm relying solely on my diet choices but I met and passed my goal I set for my July 16th fill. That felt good. I'm so close to being under 200 lbs. My BMI is almost to the "overweight" category instead of "obese". I think I'm most excited for that!     I still find weekends to be a huge challenge. Our weekends are usually filled with family and friends, and I'm usually the one to cook a big meal for everyone and used to indulge in my cooking. I made a little "taco bar" on Saturday night and cut a tortilla in half to make me a taco with only the healthy ingredients. My husband gave me the funniest look - I even asked him why - and he didn't answer (we had friends around). The next day he said he was just surprised to see me take such a normal portion when I've been measuring and eating so small the past few months. I don't think he paid attention to the fact that I had half a tortilla, and threw away the last few bites. He said he wasn't judging, and it wasn't a bad thing, he was just surprised. I took it as a compliment that he was used to be chosing healthy options.     We'll see how I feel tomorrow...I'm thinking I may have to take the night off from exercise. With my throat swollen, breathing may be uncomfortable. This will be the first night I haven't worked out in about six weeks.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Good Riddance!

To those first 40 pounds that I've lost - good riddance! I have about 45 more to join you, so make room!!   I was ecstatic to step on the scale and see that I have finally hit 40 lbs lost! I'm almost out of the 200's and I feel fantastic. Well, besides every muscle in my body hurting, I feel fantastic!   I don't really see the changes in myself, but sometimes I notice little things, like getting ready in the morning (wrapped in my towel), my collar bone has made its appearance again. My legs are definietly taking shape. My pair of work pants that I literally did a happy dance two weeks ago that they finally fit (bought them without trying them on, they're the low rise slim fit - not my normal style!) now hang off my hips and I'm tugging at them all day long.   I still don't like hearing compliments. The only one I've graciously accepted is from my PCP, when she said that I was doing remarkable. I had lost 34 lbs since I have last seen her in early April. I work in the same office as her and she said that everyone around the clinic has noticed how amazing I look. I would just rather not hear compliments because I know I have so much work to do, I don't want to get excited yet.   So on this note, I'm going to really behave myself today at my sisters BBQ....I even made five side dishes last night and never took a taste! (That included chocolate peanutbutter cookies!)

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Almost Overweight...hooray!!

I think people on this forum may be the only ones excited to be "overweight". By that, I mean, my BMI has put me in the "obese" category for so long - I'm just over 1 point from being "overweight". I'm so happy right now, I set a goal to be at 205.0 by my next fill on July 16th and today I was 205.2. So close! Plus, I still have 12 days until my fill.   I hit a plateau last week for about 6 days, and I started feeling those old feelings of "I'm never going to hit my goal, I'm just going to gain it all back, why can't I do this" but my husband just kept reassuring me that people hit plateaus and just be patient. About 4 days ago I started losing again. I've been in a good rhythm and have been losing 1/2 lb - 1 lb a day. How? I'm logging every single morsel I put in my mouth. I'm focused on protein first, then veggies and fruit. I'm drinking 80-120 ml of water a day. I'm taking all of my vitamins in the morning and making sure I get enough sleep. Most importantly, I'm exercising every day. I wear my FitBit and strive to hit my 10,000 steps and 15 flights of stairs a day. I either jog 2-4 miles outside, hit the treadmill and elliptical at home, or do the UFC Trainer with Kinect. My dream is to start some sort of kickboxing/MMA class when I get to my goal weight.   I knew that lap band surgery would be a journey, a long one, and I wouldn't expect results too fast, but I've been pleasently suprised by the way my body is responding. I'm 6 weeks out and have lost 38 lbs. It feels SO good to be headed in the right direction. I'm going on vacation to Vegas in September and would love to be down to 180 lbs by then. Just have to keep up the hard work.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Darn You, Pinterest!

I've become addicted to Pinterest lately, but all of the recipes I'm drooling over are ones that I wouldn't dare eat!! Pizza casserole, Bacon-wrapped Chicken, Chicken Taco Chili....and the desserts, oh my goodness, Smores Cookies?! Cookie dough/Peanut Butter Cup/Brownie batter baked together in a cupcake pan?! It's too much! I think to myself - I could just make this for my husband and his work friends to eat on, but the temptation is too real for the desserts. The inner fat girl is screaming for some carb-loading!!   So instead, I save all of the pins about workouts and easy healthy snacks. Booo

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

First Fill

Had my first fill today. I was afraid the surgeon wouldn't do it since I was ahead on weight loss. He said he'd expect me to lose a pound every week to 10 days, and I lost 7 lbs since my two week post-op visit and today (9 lbs per my scale, sans clothes). He put in a full 3 cc's and I can completely feel it. He had me drink a cup of water before I left to make sure he wouldn't need to remove fluid. All was gravy until the drive home when I felt like the water was going to come back up. He said to start out slow though, liquids until tomorrow night, then puree, then back to soft. I'm going to seize this opportunity to get my diet completely in line with what they recommend. I didn't "cheat" per se, but I wasn't eating the healthiest options over the past five days.   My next fill is July 16th and he said if I'm down 4 pounds by then he would be ecstatic. My goal for the next month is to get down to 205. I'm doing a combo jog/run every day for at least 20 minutes and have been taking in around 80-100 ounces of water. Feeling great. So here I go onto my next little goal. 8 lbs in a month...I can SO do this!

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Dissapointment

Well I really let myself down this weekend.   I was doing SO good, following the diet to the letter, and then the weekend hit. Started off with a little road trip to see my family on the coast. I did fine that morning, at some turkey for breakfast. For lunch, we took my nephews to the local pizza place and I ate about 1/3 of a taco salad (minus the chips, onions, tomatoes). Took the rest home and got about 4 bites in, and I felt full. I thought I would take one last bite (it was so tastey) and I was in PAIN. Horrible indigestion feeling. I pressed my luck and lost. So the rest of the evening I was too full and mad at myself to eat anything else.   Sunday, we all went out to breakfast and I had about half of an egg white and turkey omlet. Ate the other half for lunch, and this time I listened to my full signal and stopped immediately. Then came the big family BBQ which is where I feel like I slipped into old habits. I found myself crusing by the snack table - granted I ate only healthy, soft foods, but I ate slowly enough and spaced out enough, I ate more than I should have.   I stepped on the scale this morning, and have gained back 4 pounds. Saturday night I had gone on a 4 mile jog and was considerably sore the next day, plus I had forgotten to take my diuretic BP pill all weekend and am feeling bloated, but still, FOUR POUNDS!   I'm back on track today, I know I cannot do this to myself again. Not only did I feel crummy while eating, but I feel horrible today. I work hard to lose every ounce, and my mindless eating overtook a whole week of being good. I get a fill tomorrow, hopefully that will help, but I definitely learned my lesson.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

It's Not Listening!

I think my stomach is trying to enter "Bandster Hell". My brain isn't going to accept that. My stomach is GROWLING. It's screaming "FEED ME" but my brain is set on following the diet plan. My stomach is just going to have to tough it out. I'm getting really good at this mind control thing. The stomach no longer calls the shots. I know what's best for my body and what it needs, so I'll just keep to my plan.   I feel very lucky to be losing like this post op. I hit 30 lbs lost yesterday, my 30 day "anniversary" of the surgical consult. I had surgery on May 18th, so three weeks out from surgery and I'm over a third of the way to my goal. Each day I've been losing between 6 oz and a pound. It hasn't been easy, my brain and stomach are constantly at battle, and I still don't love running on the elliptical a few miles a day or drinking SO much water, but it's working so I'm going to stick to it.   My goal is to be at 210 by the time I go in for my fill on the 19th. Eleven days, 3 lbs. I would love to be at 205 but I'm trying to keep my goals realistic in case the weight loss slows down.   I do really love being happily surprised by my scale every morning. I always think "okay, I probably gained three pounds yesterday and I'm okay with that" then the number pops up and it's lower than the day before.   So for now, life is pretty good for this girl.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

That Dreaded "g" Word.

Gym. That's right, I think I'm going to join a gym.   I've always said there's two things I personally don't believe in, Orgainzed Exercise and Organized Religion (don't take that the wrong way - I'm not against any religion by no means, I just have never been one to share my spirituality with others).   I've been doing well, every day I'm losing, even if it's just a few ounces (they add up!!), but I find that my workout routine that I had envision pre-op just isn't happening. By the time I get home from work, I convince myself that I was active enough and relax. There's a community center right down the street from my work, I think I'll get a 3 month pass and just keep gym clothes in my car. Time to kick it into gear.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Being Successful

I had my two week post-op appointment with the surgeon this morning and he was delighted. He said I'm doing well beyond his expectations for two weeks post-op, that it's not uncommon at all to have people come in 2 weeks out and weigh the same as pre-op. After surgery, your body goes into a whirlwind and you retain water, pack on the lbs without doing anything. He also cleared me to start pureed food. Hummus, here I come!!   I told him about the pain I get after I drink and am sitting. It's under my left shoulder blade and is like a constant cramp. He said that this far out it's probably not air, it's most likely that the band has irritated the diaphragm, which has nerves that connect to the left shoulder and base of your neck. We'll watch it for a few weeks, see if it gets better, if not we'll make a plan. What that plan entails, I have no idea. The pain isn't intolerable, just annoying.   In other news, I finally got my next tattoo design locked down and am getting it inked into place on Friday. Every life changing event I like to commemerate with a tattoo, and this one is perfect for my next journey.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Hiding The Scale

I'm one week out from surgery and honestly, I feel great. I thought I would have a tougher time not eating - I can't eat mushies until June 1st - but I'm really not feeling that hungry. Every now and then I get that stomach growl but I've been following the diet exactly, so I know that I'm getting adequate nutrition.   I've been a little discouraged the past few days, before surgery I lost 21 lbs and since surgery I've gained back 3. I don't quite understand why - I'm living off liquids for goodness sakes! - but I know my body is just adjusting to everything and the losing will start once I'm healed.   I weigh myself every morning, always have, but I think I need to give myself a break. I look at the scale, see that I've gained a pound or didn't lose any after my great eating the days before, and get a little angry. I follow up with the surgeon on the 30th, I think I'll just put the scale away until then. I know I'm doing everything right, so it will change...just have to be patient I guess!

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Two Days Out, So Far So Good!

I'm two days post-op and I'm actually surprised at how good I feel. It feels like I did about 500 sit-ups, my stomach is pretty sore, but other than that I feel great. I haven't felt one bit of hunger. I spent the first afternoon and full post-op day 1 sipping a protein drink and water, then today started in following the two weeks of liquids menu my surgeon/dietician gave me. Breakfast called for 8 ounces of Greek Yogurt. I got about 4 ounces in and felt full. It was an amazing feeling! Before the band I would NEVER feel full. It was a different feeling - it was more in my chest than my stomach, but I felt the signal and at the first sign I knew to stop. I'm comitted to being a good bandster, so I'm following the rules to a T. Tomorrow I'm set to go back to work and I think I'll be fine. The surgeon said as long as I felt okay, going back 3 days post-op would be okay.   My post-op appointment is May 30th and this morning I weighed in at 222.4. I would love nothing more to be in the 215ish range when I see the surgeon, so it's time to step up the exercise.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Why Was I So Scared?!

Surgery was at noon today and I feel great! Man, it was a breeze. My surgeon was great, the anesthesiologist was amazing, and the whole staff was very nice. My husband got stuck with mandatory overtime and was completely distraught he couldn't be with me today, but my dad brought me and sister-in-law came after. Tonight, I'm only having some shoulder/back pain from the air. I can't even feel the band or the hiatial hernia repair they did.   I can't believe I was so scared yesterday I wanted to cancel! Good thing I put on my Big Girl Panties today when I woke up   So this is it...here I go! First post-op is on May 30th, I can't wait to show my doctor what progress I will make.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Why Was I So Scared?!

Surgery was at noon today and I feel great! Man, it was a breeze. My surgeon was great, the anesthesiologist was amazing, and the whole staff was very nice. My husband got stuck with mandatory overtime and was completely distraught he couldn't be with me today, but my dad brought me and sister-in-law came after. Tonight, I'm only having some shoulder/back pain from the air. I can't even feel the band or the hiatial hernia repair they did.   I can't believe I was so scared yesterday I wanted to cancel! Good thing I put on my Big Girl Panties today when I woke up   So this is it...here I go! First post-op is on May 30th, I can't wait to show my doctor what progress I will make.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Here I Go....

Today is surgery day! I'm excited but also a little nervous. I've had surgery before - a lot - so I know I'll do fine, I have a very high pain tolerance, so I'm not worried about that...just nerves.   I started out this journey on March 1st with the decision to have the surgery. At that time, I weighed 243 pounds. My heaviest, although I teetered around there for about 6 months. I had to keep my weight stable to keep my BMI high enough for insurance to qualify me. After seeing the surgeon May 7th I weighed 239.8. We scheduled surgery and he cleared me to start the pre-op diet (only if I wanted to - he said it wasn't necessary because of my boarderline BMI). I chose to, and today I weighed in at 223.3 lbs. Two months into my journey, 20 lbs down. I feel like I'm off to a good start!   So here goes nothing...I can't say it's the first day to the rest of my life because I feel like this whole process has changed me so much already. I've learned so much about myself in the past 9 weeks, it's amazing. I feel like a whole new person already.

jen_1381

jen_1381

 

Ready!

I don't know that I've ever felt so prepared for anything in my life. Mentally, emotionally, even physically. My surgery is in 4 short days. I started the Pre-Op diet 6 days ago and have lost over 11 lbs so far. Seeing the way my body is responding is making me feel very positive! I know I will hit plateaus, but for now, I'm going to keep plugging along.   The past week I've started easing up on myself. I'm VERY Type A. My house is ALWAYS spotless, as is my car, husbands truck, my work desk, you get the idea. I decided that I needed to just stop. I needed to let myself sit still and relax and NOT eat while I tried. Before, if I was forced to sit still and say, watch a TV show with my husband, I would grab something to snack on so I could keep my hands busy. I've forced myself to change. I picked up my Kindle, downloaded some amazing books, and have spent hours upon hours reading. It's made the Pre-Op Diet go by so much better! I set aside a few hours Sunday morning to whip through the house and do a deep clean (thankfully, my husband is so good at keeping the house going during the week) and wash my car, but that was about it. Otherwise, I was playing with the dogs or just simply relaxing, something I haven't honestly done in a very long time.   Let me tell you, it was AMAZING. Mentally, I feel so much better! I know it sounds super corny, but I finally have this sense of inner calmness. I know that the house won't fall apart if I don't vacuum every day. I know that the world won't stop if I take time for myself. After trying it, and seeing it succeed, I feel SO much more prepared for surgery.

jen_1381

jen_1381

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