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About this blog

Mirror Image, Emerging a Thinner Glance

Entries in this blog

 

8 Weeks Post-Op

I finally returned to work today. My two week surgery vacation turned into 8 weeks of medical leave, it's been a long road back to pretty normal. I am down 50 lbs from my pre-surgery start weight! I'm excited about the weight loss and hoping to lose another 100 lbs before I am through. So thankful for all the support I have found through this website!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

7 Weeks Post-Op

It's been 7 weeks since WLS and life is finally moving on in a more normal fashion. I am returning to work next week and actually looking forward to it! I have been walking, but my weight loss has been stalled since last week. I feel great though and that's what counts. I have started a food journal to help me track what I am actually eating. This week I went to our families big summer barbecue and also celebrated my husband's birthday at a steakhouse. The barbecue was challenging and although I did eat about an ounce more than normal, I felt good about not eating the favorite sweets and such that I normally would have. Out to dinner was easier because there was not a buffet of every food I grew up with on display. The 2 oz plastic cups I take with me everywhere are my savior! They help me stay in control of the portions. My goal for week 8 is to incorporate weight training and get more protein in my daily diet. Here's to continued weight loss!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

6 Weeks Post-Op

Full release at my 6 week post-op visit today! I am approved to go back to work with no restrictions. I weighed in at 228, day of surgery weight 251, pre-op initial weight 269, total loss 41 lbs, 23 since surgery. Better than that, I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to fit in for two years! I'm really excited about my weight loss so far.

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Week 5

Good news for week 5 is that I am still losing weight/inches slowly and that is keeping me going. Bad news is I am so tired of being nauseated all the time. I have little energy and my body can't decide between constipation and diarrhea depending on the day. I am eating, but usually it is a disappointment in taste and an exercise in wondering: will this stay down? cause me gas? cause dumping? will I ever feel normal again? Kind of melodramatic this week, I guess. I just have to keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end.

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

4Th Week Post-Op

4th week post-op visit went well, my weight was 235 lbs, heaviest at 269 lbs. So far I have lost 16 lbs since surgery and a total of 34 lbs from my first pre-op visit. I'm finally feeling less nauseated, have begun eating soft foods, am walking each day and am infection free. Emotions are up and down, but more up than down compared to the firs 3 weeks so that's progress I'll take. The best thing that happened was finding out my jeans were loose and wearing a shirt that didn't fit last month!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Learning The Hard Way

I can't ever seem to do things the easy way, yesterday I went to dinner with my husband and ordered cream chicken soup. While we were talking, I was spooning in soup until I realized that the last swallow did not feel right. I overate for the first time since my sleeve. I probably ate 3.5 oz before I realized what I had done and up till then the most I've ate is 2 oz at one time. I was in so much discomfort, full to almost pain for a few hours. I bought some plastic 2 oz cups today and from now on I'm going to take those with me and pre-measure my food. Today was another learning lesson, my husband & son got fresh strawberry milkshakes on our way to a Father's Day dinner and I decided to have some, probably had 1.5 oz. Within a half hour of getting to the party, I felt flushed, sweaty, had twisting gas pain, and finally diarrhea. Classic dumping syndrome. So this weekend has been about learning lessons the hard way.

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Starting Line...

I took my first walk today! A big step for me. I felt like I was at the starting line and am determined to win the race. Maybe baby steps at first, but positive steps forward nonetheless!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

3Rd Week Post-Op

Third week post-op today, did not lose any weight since last week, but everyone says I look smaller. Can't believe I did not lose weight with the amount I am eating. Still very tired everyday and finding it hard to get back into normal daily activities. I had blood work today and the results were all normal. I'm just healing slowly and have to learn patience. I'll be off work another couple of weeks and hopefully that time will make all the difference. Getting all my fluids in has been a challenge, but one I am making a conscious effort to get down. This has been a long three weeks, hopefully the next is better.

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

2 Week Post-Op

I had my 2 week post-op appointment today, it was bitter sweet. Good news is I have lost 10 lbs since my sleeve, I do not have an incision infection, and I am healing. Bad news is that I may have an intestinal infection (being tested) that is the root cause of my consistent diarrhea and that although healing, I'm healing very slow and am not absorbing enough fluids and nutrients (because of the diarrhea). I was supposed to return to work tomorrow, but my doctor will not release me for another week and even stated it could be another week after that. I feel very emotional about it all tonight. Honestly I don't feel like I have the energy to work yet, but on the other hand I am out of PTO and am worried about finances this month. My doctor reminded me that a couple extra weeks off to get well and strong is really a small thing in the scheme of life ahead of me. My mantra.... It will all be worth it in the end, the dream of a smaller happier me, makes it all worth it!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

1 Week Post-Op

A week since surgery, a very long week. At 1130 today my husband says, "this time last week, the surgeon was telling me that the surgery went well and you were going to be fine." Well, I'm still waiting for fine, but everyday now is a little bit better and that is enough for now. It's harder to complain when I know that I chose to do this to myself, although I guess that hasn't stopped me much. I remember when surgery seemed weeks off and now normal seems weeks off. I'm so glad I have one more week off work, I went to the store today and after an hour was totally wiped out. The good news is, I have lost over 20 lbs so far and that gives me hope. I'm going to believe next weeks update will be brighter and lighter too!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

4 Days Out

I was sleeved on Tuesday the 22nd. The first night seems a blur with a lot of drugs, best night so far. I've only had one period in 2 years and of course I would start a mega one the night of surgery. What a mess, a male nurse and male aid too. They deserve credit though, the did a great job keeping professional. The second day and night were much the same, a lot of drugs, sipping formula, and sleeping. Came home Thursday afternoon, now on liquid pain meds that just make me nauseous and the hell began. Couldn't control the pain, nausea, and drink enough fluids. Started having diarrhea that evening, weight coming home 258, weight Friday 8 am 253. Dehydrated, nauseated, dizzy, and in pain I was told to go to the ER by my surgeon's office. Spent the day getting fluids and meds then came home around 4pm. No much has changed since Friday, but I am determined to drink protein fluids and slowly heal.   Today has me questioning everything. It's too late, but that doesn't stop the thoughts. My family is very concerned for me, but I can see in that they also want to say, "you chose this!" I hope that in some weeks to come I will be happy I chose this again, today it feels like an insane choice. I can never go back and I'd give anything today to not hurt when I swallow something. Let's hope tomorrow is better.

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

First Night Home

Rough first night home. Diarrhea for two hours, nausea from pain meds, acid reflux if laying down. Migraine headache & abdominal pain. Couldn't keep liquid med down, finnaly crushed excedrin & sleep aid in pudding. Will sit up in chair for a while. Hope tomorrow is better!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Sleeved In 4 Hours!

This is a poem I wrote years ago to express my weight struggle. Today I will emerge a thinner glance!   Mirror Image She screams deep inside reflective gaze horrified ballooned in disgrace trapped within the silver cage child growth a strangers face squeezing snare she raged thrashing fists distort the past bloody pounds of choices cast habitual selection image made repeated plans and efforts dance cravings heavy goal evade does she emerge a thinner glance   *ECV 2004

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Thinner List

My list of things I am looking forward to when I am thinner: Fitting into a booth comfortably
Fitting into movie seats comfortably
Flights without an extended seat belt
Sitting on my friends wooden kitchen chairs and praying I don't break them
Shopping at a normal size store
Dancing with more confidence again
Improved love life
Less heart burn
Feet and knees that don't hurt
Stomach out of the way of the steering wheel
Keeping up when on a long walk or hike
Having the energy to be more active, exercise
Controlling food, not allowing it to control me
Get those old jeans and formal dress on
Feeling confident in my skin
Less top heavy so I can wear high heals again without feeling off balance
Someones notice, not because I am fat, but because I look good
No diabetes, GERD, Heart disease, High Cholesterol, Edema
Working at a fast pace without hypoglycemia
Being drenched in my uniform with sweat as I struggle to keep up

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Have It Bad

You know you have it bad when you read a post that talks about being so hungry that a person decided to chew some food and spit it out, just to feel like they were eating, and instead of being grossed out, you think damned, that sounds good! That's what 21 days on fat free milk only does to your mind Suregery tomorrow, thank God!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Nerves

The nerves have set in today, I have this anxious energy that won't stop. It's like I've been nesting today, cleaning, bills, shopping, planning and so on. I just want tomorrow to go fast so I can get this part over! My brain won't stop thinking about everything, "am I doing the right thing, for the right reasons, is it selfish when I have a family to consider, would I ever be able to do it another way, don't I deserve this, what if something goes wrong, what will I look like in a year".... and on and on it goes. All the mental debates I've had over the months streaming back through two nights before. Even with the doubts, I know this is the right choice! Just last minute jitters I guess. My husband and I are going for an hour massage tomorrow, then we will get a clear fluid of some kind and walk for a while. Later I will pack for the hospital and then go to be early (if I can sleep) so I will be well rested for surgery on Tuesday. I'm so lucky to have a man like my husband in my life! He took a week off work to be with me every step of the way. I'm really thankful he is mine! 2 nights to go!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Last Minute Labs

As I read my paperwork on Friday, I see that I should have been sent for additional labs after my pre-op apt this week. It's Friday and the Dr. office is already closed! I leave a message in hopes someone will get back to me and am fortunate that someone does. She says, yes you were supposed to have labs drawn, but don't worry the lab is open on Sat from 8-4pm. Relieved, I leave work early today and get there at 2pm, their signs says they closed at 1pm! Closed Sunday. So now I am really nervous, because I have surgery on Tues and am praying that if I get there when they open on Monday, it will still be in time. Pray with me that it will be enough time, because I only have two weeks off work and can't afford to have surgery postponed another week. My surgeon only does surgery on Tuesdays.   3 nights to go, I hope!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Family Concerns

Now that I am in the week before surgery, my family who is very supportive, has shared there fears and concerns with my about the procedure I am electing to have. They have made it a point to make sure I know how much they love me no matter what I weigh. This week I am having to reassure them, that I am making a very educated choice, not just because of a jean size, but for my future health. I have a great surgeon who will be doing her best for a great outcome. I know there is always a fear regarding any medical procedures, I'm just going to have to rely on God to see me through.   Only 5 nights to go, I'm so anxious, I hope these nights go by fast because I can't think of anything else. Just have to get through 2 more days of work, pray I can keep my head in the game!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Final Surgical Consult

I had my final surgical consult today and it went great. Surgery is a go for 5/22/12 at 7:30am! During my endoscopic exam they found that I have a hiatal hernia, which explains my acid reflux agony these past few years. My surgeon is going to repair that as well. I have a higher chance of blood clots due to my hematology disorder so I will also be on preventative shots for a week after too. I'm really fortunate to have a doctor who cares so much about my health during this process. I'm getting more excited than nervous these days! 6 more days

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Pre-Op Surgery Class

Spent 2 hours at a Pre-Op surgery class today. A lot of information given regarding what to expect during surgery, hospital stay, and the post-op diet. It will be 2 weeks of liquids, 2 weeks of puree, and 2 weeks of soft food then I will progress to a normal high protein, veggie/fruit diet for life. Carbs and sugar foods will be a rare treat if I can even tolerate them at all. This two weeks on liquid only has made it very apparent that much of the time my husband and I spend together is spent out to eat or getting food to prepare and eating. There is a sadness to leave the old routine behind that is hard to explain. I know it will be worth it, but there is a sense of loss that not only I am dealing with, but also my husband. He's been very supportive, but has said he wishes I would wake up on surgery date and just change my mind not to go through with it. I need to do this for me, for so many reasons, and I hope one day my family will be happy that I did. 7 days to go!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

 

Sleeve Journey Begins

What a journey so far, started 01/09/12 with a sleep study and has progressed to today where I am on my 13th day of liquid only diet.To date I have had a sleep study, 1st medical consult, nutrition visit, physical therapy class, blood work, more blood work, psych personality profile (568 questionnaire), psychiatric consult with profile results, weekly personal therapy for food behavior modification and food as an addiction, 1st surgery consult, hematology consult, and an endoscopy 05/10. Tomorrow I have a pre-op class, then Tues. 05/15 my 2nd and hopefully final surgical consult. Surgery is scheduled for Tues. 05/22/12... only 8 days to go! I am supposed to lose 20lbs by the 22nd and so far I am down 10lbs. My only nutrition being fat free milk with protein powder and water. Today was the most challenging, being Mother's Day and the meals that usually involved. Substituted dinner out with Starbucks skinny decaf sugar-free iced late, so still felt like a treat, but not the same. Hope that gets easier. I'm have so many mixed emotions that seem to be on a roller coaster at any given time. I'm so excited, then have doubts, can't wait, then scared, picturing half of me, then worried I will go through this and fail...ect. Thankfully this forum has given me a place to read that other's are or have experienced this same thing, so I don't feel so alone. My family have all expressed their concerns and made sure to tell me I am and will be loved even if I don't' do this and lose weight. My husband has been my biggest champion even though he is nervous about it all. It's nice to know that even if I stayed the same he thinks I'm beautiful and loves me, for me. I'm so thankful to have such wonderful support. I'm also thankful to my forever friend Heather who has shared my weight struggle and beat hers with the sleeve a year and a half ago. What a great example and mentor during this process. When I have doubt's I think of her and know I am making the right choice. Welcome to my sleeve journey!

lizzyshade

lizzyshade

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