Nerves

The nerves have set in today, I have this anxious energy that won't stop. It's like I've been nesting today, cleaning, bills, shopping, planning and so on. I just want tomorrow to go fast so I can get this part over! My brain won't stop thinking about everything, "am I doing the right thing, for the right reasons, is it selfish when I have a family to consider, would I ever be able to do it another way, don't I deserve this, what if something goes wrong, what will I look like in a year".... and on and on it goes. All the mental debates I've had over the months streaming back through two nights before.

Even with the doubts, I know this is the right choice! Just last minute jitters I guess.

My husband and I are going for an hour massage tomorrow, then we will get a clear fluid of some kind and walk for a while. Later I will pack for the hospital and then go to be early (if I can sleep) so I will be well rested for surgery on Tuesday. I'm so lucky to have a man like my husband in my life! He took a week off work to be with me every step of the way. I'm really thankful he is mine!

2 nights to go!