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J. Fabulous' Blog

A blog by Jack Fabulous in General

  • Entries

    30

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    48

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About this blog

Making the impossible, possible

Entries in this blog

Fear & Addiction

Over the last several months, I have gained six pounds. You would not think that would be a big deal but my body can feel it. I wake up exhausted and I struggle through the day. This past week I have been thinking about why I can’t seem to continue my weight loss. I am happy that I have lost over 100 pounds, but I have another 50 to lose. By the early part of this year I stopped losing weight. That was a little frustrating but I kept it in perspective. I told myself that I have been very succes

Reflections on last year

Just a little over a year ago, I wrote about what I thought 2012 would be like for me. I was experiencing a lot of stress at the time thinking how drastically my life would transform by having weight loss surgery, adopting a baby and potentially changing my job; three major life changes.   The weight loss journey has been a unique ride into a bizarre world where I am valued and found to be attractive by people around me. While it was difficult physically, it was not any harder than what I

Normal

All of my life I felt very different from everyone around me and constantly yearned to be “normal” like everyone else. In school, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis because I was “different”. In order to cope with the abuse at school and at home, I turned to food. What I didn’t realize at the time was that instead of running towards normalcy, my actions were driving me further away. As I gorged myself with calories, I gained weight and became less active.   As an adult, I becam

Evolve

There is a woman who reads my blog. I was going to be in her town on business, so, I decided to ask to meet her; to my shock and horror, she accepted. This was not a “date” in the true sense of the word; in my mind however, I treated it as a date in order to gain experience in my social skills.   We planned to meet for dinner. We talked – a lot. I found her to be intelligent, articulate, funny, interesting, and strikingly good-looking. All the characteristics I like in a woman.   But really

Emotions

I had several unusual and emotional dreams last night. One was a very sentimental dream about the fire department. I guess I still really miss that place and I have not done anything to give myself closure.   I also had a nightmare that I had gained 40 pounds. This is a direct result of how I have been feeling emotionally. I seem to get into these cycles where I throw caution to the wind and revert back to my old food addict behavior. I’ve been eating high calorie foods for the last coupl

A Cross Between The Bachelor Party And The Hangover

You can find my complete blog HERE.   As I have written, I identified myself as an overweight guy who didn’t do much of anything. I went to work, I came home, and I was not social. I can’t identify myself in that way anymore because I’m more active and trying to be social. However, I am a baby when it comes to interacting with people. My weight used to hide me and give me an excuse to not have to deal with people.   As another strategy to break out of my shell, I signed up with Meetup group

Social Anxiety After Weight Loss

This week I lost three pounds and my therapist asked me how I felt about it. Anytime I lose a significant amount of weight I tend to get very anxious because I don’t know how to act. My body may have lost the weight but emotionally and mentally, I haven’t adjusted my way of thinking to this new, thinner person.   I know a lot of people say, “Well, just because you lose weight doesn’t mean you’re a different person. You’re still the same person.” I actually beg to differ on that. I’ve transfor

A Cross Between Quasimodo And Joseph Merrick

This is one of those rare posts where I pour my heart out and it was very difficult to write because it is very hard for me to face the truth about myself and my painful past. I apologize in advance for any rambling I might do.   Body image has always been a sore topic with me. From the time I was born I always felt unattractive. No, not just unattractive – I felt like people thought I was repulsive. I believed I was so hideously ugly that people didn’t even want to look in my direction. I’ve

Lifestyle Changes

In this past week’s meeting with my therapist, I said that I felt like I was not losing weight fast enough. I’m still fat. I still have a “beer belly”. She stated that I needed to make lifestyle changes to be successful. In her opinion, I need to do better.   We discussed the life changes I’ve made to be able to lose 86 pounds. I used to eat at fast food restaurants about four times per week. That is down to about twice a month. And just to be clear, I’m not eating a burger meal, usuall

Staying Active

I had a lot of fantasies about all the different things I was going to do after I lost weight. I was going to be a lot more active, I thought. I was going to buy bicycles for my wife and me, and go bike riding all over town. I was going to take a self-defense class and learn how to finally protect myself. I was going to go on photo safaris all over, and spend hours walking around and taking pictures. I was going to go on hikes in the Shenandoah mountains, and learn kayaking – why, I have

A Day At The Park

I’ve been talking to my wife about becoming more active now that I’m losing weight. Yesterday, she told me to get a good night’s sleep because she had an activity planned for Sunday. She wanted to keep it a surprise and wouldn’t tell me what the activity was. We had been looking at the county parks catalog so I thought it might be related to us going to a park.   She told me that there would be some hiking involved so I should wear comfortable shoes. There was also some mention of a picn

Embarrassment

Last month, I went to a professional conference in Dallas and met a lot of the same colleagues I meet every year. Many of them could not believe my dramatic weight loss. People kept telling me how good I looked. In fact, they were overflowing with comments over how good I looked. Over the last two weeks, I went out to lunch with two different friends of mine; people who I’ve known through work that have not seen me in a while. They were also gushing over how good I looked and how much weight I

5 Months Out

It has been five months since my surgery. I have lost eighty pounds. That’s about sixteen pounds per month, or about four pounds per week. I would say on average, I am very pleased with my progress, even though I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I’ve had two major stalls, which had more to do with my depression and food addiction than actual physical changes within my body. During those times, I was terrified that I would never be able to lose another pound again – or, even worse – I would gain so

Having Problems Staying On Track

It has been a while since I last wrote here notwithstanding my most recent post. Somehow, it seems longer than that. I think because overall I have not been blogging very much for the last couple of months. Furthermore, it upsets me to admit that I have not been reading my dear friends. I guess you could accuse me of being a bit self-absorbed and you would be not far from the mark.   If my blog is a place I come to document my life, emotions and actions then where can I go to escape my life

May

I’ve been far away from the blogosphere for the past month due mostly to the stress of work. It has been really stressful and I’ve been working very long hours. Stress turns into moodiness which turns into poor self-care. The … Continue reading →

Lonely

After my six pound loss last week I managed to lose another three pounds this week. My total weight loss so far is 59 pounds. That’s not bad for two months’ worth of work. The surgeon said I would only … Continue reading →

Vanity

I’m happy to report that the 260 or Die campaign is successful but I think I need to rename it because I want to continue to lose weight after I get to 260 pounds. This week I was able to … Continue reading →

260 Or Die!

Today’s essay is on how angry I am with myself because I have been unsuccessful in losing any weight for the past three weeks. I have been stuck at 280 pounds for the last three weeks. I blame myself for … Continue reading →

The Fat Kid

As I lose weight, I remember back to the last time I was at that weight. It brings up emotions and pain that I was experiencing during that time. My fear is, if I lose enough weight, I’ll go back … Continue reading →

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