What has anyone said to you that they meant in the best way possible, but it actually hurt in the long run. An example of what is always told to me is "you are sooo pretty to be your size."

Another thing a skinny girl once told me, not realizing my weight and state of depression, was that she would kill herself if she ever weighed 200lbs, then asked me "wouldn't you?" And I was thinking, I'm still alive you scrawny b****. I can laugh now, but it kept me depressed for years, oh Lord I have some stories of the goofy things people say to me, not realizing my position.

The thing that I find so interesting is the double standard. I've had COUNTLESS skinny friends complain about how fat they are, and I tell them I'd love to be their size, and they all are quick to say they don't think I'm fat, they just feel fat for themselves. At first I thought of this as a load of horse pucky, but I'm starting to believe it. I still come away from the conversation feeling planetary if they're complaining about their size whatever, but I also know they feel bad themselves. And since I know how feeling bad about your body feels, I leave it alone.

Wendy is right. It is hard to believe, I know, but those skinnies really are not seeing your weight issues while they are obsessing about their own unwanted 5-15 lbs. I know, you see I used to be one of those girls when I was in my 20s. You certainly don't have to have a high BMI to suffer from self-loathing. The technical term for this is body dysphoria. I suspect that most women suffer from it.

When people who are really close to me -- like immediate family members -- see a picture of me and say something like "I wouldn't have known you if I'd seen you on the street" it makes me angry. I know they mean it as a compliment, and it might be true for someone who didn't even know me that well and hasn't seen me in a while, but it's not true for family. My grandmother said that to me the other day. It's clearly not true -- I saw her like 3 months ago and though I do look different from the last 30 lbs, I'm certainly not unrecognizable. Thin people don't get that, to me, being unrecognizable shines a spotlight on my former fatness. It makes me feel like a freak show instead of making me feel good about the way I look now.

Though I admit it's hard to get it right with me, in terms of commenting on my weight, the ones who get it right are the ones who say something like "you look great, but you were always pretty."

My issues, I know.

my aunts came to visit....my mom

My aunt went crazy-happy when her daughter got a letter published in TV Guide. My first novel had just come out in paperback, and my mother was more thrilled with the niece's letter in TV Guide....oy.

Recent "I am skinny and you are not" tales:

I'm sitting on a panel interview for the day job with a new supervisor (7 people interviewing one poor candidate). I tell her, "I'm going to be gone two weeks in September. I'm having weight loss surgery." I apologized, as it was an odd thing to say to someone I'd just met, but she should know right? She looked at me and said something like, "I've been so busy I forget to eat." Forget to eat? Hello...I'm on 800 freakin' calories a day and you forget to eat?

After my nursing/psych appt on 8/8, DH and I went to get some lunch. We were out of town, without a clue. We stopped at a hole-in-the-wall pizza place, as their window said, "Soup!" I couldn't fit in the bench seats. We walked across the parking lot and had chicken at a little Japanese place.

Darr

Another thing a skinny girl once told me, not realizing my weight and state of depression, was that she would kill herself if she ever weighed 200lbs, then asked me "wouldn't you?" And I was thinking, I'm still alive you scrawny b****. I can laugh now, but it kept me depressed for years, oh Lord I have some stories of the goofy things people say to me, not realizing my position.

SHe probably said that beacuse you didnt look 200 pounds. People never believe I weigh as much as I do because I carry it alot in my breasts

One of my ex best friends and I saw a large woman walking holding hands with a guy. I had just started dating my current boyfriend and my best friend had been single for years (still is)

She goes "its not fair that fat girls get boyfriends, they don't even try to look good and somehow guys still like them....no offense to you."

My earliest memory of thinking I may be fatter then the other kids is when I was in 6th grade and someone had heard of plastic surgery and was asking all the kids what they would get, boobs, nose job blah blah blah and he said to me what would you get and i said nothing I dont want to get cut up (still kind of nervous for my surgery haha) and he said "REALLY?? NOT EVEN LIPOSUCTION?" that was the day I went on my first diet.

The thing that I find so interesting is the double standard. I've had COUNTLESS skinny friends complain about how fat they are, and I tell them I'd love to be their size, and they all are quick to say they don't think I'm fat, they just feel fat for themselves. At first I thought of this as a load of horse pucky, but I'm starting to believe it. I still come away from the conversation feeling planetary if they're complaining about their size whatever, but I also know they feel bad themselves. And since I know how feeling bad about your body feels, I leave it alone.

I agree- people of all sizes/shapes have body image issues and another person calling themselves fat isn't about me- its about how they feel about their own body.

I've heard it all too-what a pretty face, are you pregnant, blah blah blah. My personal favorite- I was at a party in Boston after I got out of college; I was asked where I was from and replied "Texas"- the person's rude comment: "Everything really IS bigger in Texas"

whatever. Bite me.

I think some of the comments come from many people's lack of understanding about how someone gets overweight- these people don't have food addictions, they can control their own weight/have a different metabolism and it seems 'easy' to them. Because it is easy for them, they don't see how anyone else can have a problem.

Or they do it to make themselves feel better by putting another person down.

You can't control what other people say to you- only how you react to them.

my current response to the "OMG you are getting so pretty!" is "I've always been pretty, you just haven't been able to see it"

:girl_hug:

my current response to the "OMG you are getting so pretty!" is "I've always been pretty, you just haven't been able to see it"

Hey, very cool response! :clap2:

One of the weirdest reactions I got to my weight loss was when the wife of the cottagers who are neighbours to my parents-in-law came scurrying over squealing that she wanted to see the "half a woman," that her husband had mentioned that there was a "half a woman," next door. This freaked me out because all this time I thought people were paying attention to my personality and intelligence. Silly, self-deluded me. :girl_hug:

I did tell her exactly how I loss the weight, however, and then she said that she knew of people who had had that kind of surgery and within 2 years they had gained it all back. Whatever.........

This September I am going to have a face lift. It will be interesting to monitor her reactions next summer, eh. :heh:

Juli I am so in awe that you are confident in a bathing suit! That is fantastic! And I like you idea of speaking to little kids..."What I want to do is say something to these kids who just stare like, "I can't help but notice you looking at my fat. It's really soft and squishy. Do you want to touch it?" So they don't stare at the next fat woman who crosses their paths." ...up until the "do you want to touch it?" If someone asked my child if hey wanted to touch their body...well...it may be closed-minded of me but I would be quite alarmed! So if it were me...I'd leave that part out.

Hmmm..my story...senior in highschool. Always been a bit "plump", as my 100-lbs-dripping-wet mother bemoaned constantly. I had, however, always been a cheerleader, ever since jr high. While practicing for try-outs sr yr one of the other girls heard that I would be trying out with the same guy who she was trying out with...and I was trying out first. She threw a fit, saying that he would never be able to do a good job with her lifts and throws "after having to handle a cow like you"...she said later that day "not that I meant anything mean or anything, but you know..."

She was *maybe* 15 lbs less than I. *Maybe*. And I was between 145-150...really huge, you know.

" my current response to the "OMG you are getting so pretty!" is "I've always been pretty, you just haven't been able to see it""

how about "...you've just been too shallow to see it"

Funny,

I really wouldn't want a child to touch me, but I see me poking my belly like the Pilsbury Dough Boy, like while saying, "you wanna touch"...

Now if someone asked my daughter if she wanted to touch them, she'd be all over it! But she's 6 and doesn't get boundaries. :confused:

I've got two. The first is "are you pregnant?" Which of course I'm not.

The other is from this guy that I was in love with forever. He ran into someone that we went to high school with and said, "man that guy must hae gian like 30 lbs. I wonder how could you let yourself go like that. It must really suck to realize that you peaked in high school." I of course have gain WAY more then 30 lbs since high school and really took offense, and began to wonder if he thought the same thing about me. :cry (what a jerk) Needless to say, I didn't tell him I was going to be banded.

My worst comment so far came from my mother-in-law. We were eating lunch together and talking about how I wanted to have kids soon. She told me to make sure that I didn't make my kids fat, too. Needless to say, I didn't rush out and get pregnant after that comment.:faint:

I have gotten the pregnancy question but it has never bothered me. This is because I went through menopause when I was 41 and because I enjoy embarassing people. And so I would always laugh and announce to them that that ship had long since sailed, that I am post-menopausal and just fat is all. The big pay-off for me was watching them blush and grovel and try to appologise. :heh:

My worst...and that still hurts and I cant let go of it. I did not tell anyone that I had surgery except my mom and dad and my husband and kids.....my mom said " you look like you've lost a lot weight...you are looking good......because before your surgery you were looking like a cow....well I really didnt want to tell you because it would hurt your feelings....but actuall you were looking like more than a cow...more like a elephant!" I left real quick after she said that!

Then it was about 5 yrs ago I lost a lot weight...down to a size 11! My boss who is 5 foot and I am 5 feet 7 inches wore the same size. I really dont consider her fat though. I had mentioned that even though I had lost a lot of weight my stomach was flabby and wrinkled and that I was just gonna have a tummy tuck and that I would finally feel and look thin. She said..:" Well if you have a tummy tuck your stomach will be skinny but your arms will still be way to fat." I was in disbelief!!! Well I read this thread yesterday and I was telling (same boss) of the things that people have posted here....and she was just amazed how people can be so rude. Well I said you said something to me a couple of years ago that still hurts my feeling!!! So I told her....she couldnt stop apologizing and couldnt belive that came out of her mouth. I had proof though becauce my other co-workerd hear her and all were just as shocked!!

Sandra

255h/242s/206c/165g

OMG Sandra,

from your mom???? so sorry.