What has anyone said to you that they meant in the best way possible, but it actually hurt in the long run. An example of what is always told to me is "you are sooo pretty to be your size."

Another thing a skinny girl once told me, not realizing my weight and state of depression, was that she would kill herself if she ever weighed 200lbs, then asked me "wouldn't you?" And I was thinking, I'm still alive you scrawny b****. I can laugh now, but it kept me depressed for years, oh Lord I have some stories of the goofy things people say to me, not realizing my position.

what i find funny is that in both cases the guys that made the comments were american and we were in countries where the local guys were all over us because they like women with curves and meat on their bones!!!

:faint:

This brought back a memory from long ago in my past..... I was on a cruise and while climbing DunsRiverFalls.. one of the guides said to me.. "take my hand pretty lady.. we like YOUR KIND HERE!"

I was about 9 years younger and my hair was long and curly....... and I was 250lbs! I KNEW that he meant.... big women... how do you explain ... pleasure at at a compliment and shame at fatness all in one sweep????

That's awful! What was your relationship w/them after that, if you don't mind me asking?

I don't mind at all. Actually, I'm crazy about his father - and I forgave his insensitivity immediately. I never even replied to the comment.

Another time was on his Mom's side. Again I was alone in the living-room with MIL and MIL's Brother. MIL's brother commented saying "(Hubbsy's Name) has always had really skinny girlfriends, I wonder why he is with you?" I did tell hubbsy about that one and he just said his Uncle is a real *sshOle, that's why he never really pays him any mind. I don't think we've seen him since and that was many years ago. I wasn't even hardly as big as my biggest either. I was on my way up.

Anyway, I'm usually the type to just curl up and shut up. I try to act like it never happened.

I guess the moral of the story is, my hubbsy is never allowed to leave me alone with his family anymore!

I have to agree, I think super skinny people have their own obsession with their weight and don't realize how big you are.

I of course, have heard the pretty face, that I carry my weight well, and thin friends my whole life who complained of how fat they were-how fat they looked in a size 5 when we were in dressing rooms of stores that I couldn't even get my ass into their largest size (12). I always hated that, I'd stand there akwardly while they twirl around trying to find an inch of skin to pinch.

But I work with a girl, I consider her a friend.. we go out to drinks and like to gossip and chit chat. We've taken our husbands out on a play date (haha I love saying that.)

Anyway, she is a size 1. ONE!!!!! And *she* complains about her weight. She works out at the gym every day. She's not short either. So I roll my eyes and think to myself 'if you're fat and bloated, I'm.. what?'. There's no hope for me if size 1 is fat.

We went to a bar one night, and she got trashed. And I was sloshin. Then she was picking at my watch and said it was cute, wanted to try it on.. it was swimming on her wrist, I said you're too damn skinny! And she almost burst into tears. She said she hates how she doesn't think she looks good, and when everyone else gets to complain about how fat they are (everyone at work does and in reality *I* am THE ONLY fat one), since she is smallest everyone just tells her to shut up, but she doesn't like how she looks and it makes her upset when people talk about how skinny she is.

So I don't think they're always trying to be back-handed, no ulterior motive, they just look at themselves in the mirror everyday..and they don't like it, for whatever reason. (Crazy is my explination hehe).

I've always been big in all ways.. height and weight.

In middle school a girl BIGGER THAN ME.. but 2 grades higher called me a name.. It's sad, I'm too emberassed to say it. And it's a common word, so everytime someone says it I feel my cheeks flush. Outside of middle school, I had high self-esteem and would stand up for myself.. but not then. Then, I hated myself because of this girl. She would do it in the halls, in front of my friends, in front of BOYS!!..I came home crying to my mom all the time. One day at the mall with mom, that girl was there.. across a store, she shouts the name. I start crying. My mom turns to me and goes "Why are you crying? She's bigger than you!".. then my momma went over to the girl and cussed her out, and told her what a cow she was and how did she get off calling someone skinnier than her (word). The girl was also BUSTED in the face.. and if I do say so myself, I DO HAVE A PRETTY FACE So my mom made sure to let the girl know how ugly she was.

That girl started crying.. she was with friends, I relished how mortified she was.

My mom, mine hero. She's always been a knock out with a perfect hourglass size 12/14 figure. (I think I posted this story another time on the board.. but this is all that really sticks out bad to me, since I still can't stand that word).

The skinny girl I mentioned before, jokes with me that in a year I'll be a 'skinny bitch' too

My brother in law was talking about a family member in front of my whole skinny husband's side of the family. He said, "you know Lisa, the big fat bitch." Later everyone apologized to me because he said fat when I was in the room- talk about embarassing, I hadn't even noticed! Now I know what his family is thinking when I'm around- what a fattie...

My mom, mine hero. She's always been a knock out with a perfect hourglass size 12/14 figure. (I think I posted this story another time on the board.. but this is all that really sticks out bad to me, since I still can't stand that word).

The skinny girl I mentioned before, jokes with me that in a year I'll be a 'skinny bitch' too

Your mom is my hero too. I mean it's a little harsh to make a middle schooler kid cry by calling her ugly and all (I snicker as I type) but as the mom of a big kid I see me in your momma's shoes. My daughter (6) is and always has been 95th for weight and height. She is big boned and isn't fat but thick as they come. She's a sweetie too so when kids call her stupid her feelings get hurt. Bad, over weight me has always been greatful that there is always one or two kids heavier than her in her classrooms so they can get the brunt of the fat comments. [horrific, no?]

I want to tell her she can pound the shit out the mean kids, because she really is strong, but alas...

Go momma.

I had a semi-bf (that could never call me a gf, never said ILU ect) that saw my senior pictures from HS (5'5" 175 lbs, never tiny!!!) and told me that if he would have gotten a hold of me then we'd be married and have kids by now...that should have been enough but noooooo.....so then he was snooping around and saw me really checking out the lap-band ect and told me that when I lose all the weight to give him a call....needless to say he's no longer in my life, I blocked his number <grin> but I can't wait for the day - if he ever tries to stop by - to tell him that I am too skinny for him (he needed to lose around 80 lbs)...grrrr

I don't know where the audacity comes from, for people who pick on other people. I don't know what their parents taught them. I could never for any reason just start picking on someone! Such a horrible thing to do. I do remember snickering about somebody for petty reasons with friends, but we would never have said something to them to make them feel like crap. It was more building our own self esteem to each other.

So, yes in reflection my mom making this middle schooler cry seems slightly cruel, but she deserved every single second of it. Where she got off making fun of me and making me feel like crap when she was fatter and ugly.

But anyway.. my mom certainly was tired of me coming home from school and crying and saying I hated school and never wanted to go back.

I can see what you mean with your daughter, I cross my fingers, toes and eyes that my kids get my husband's genes.. they all were not only average weight but built muscular. It came so easy to them.. his brothers make me sick!

I would hate for my kids to go through what I did in middle school.

It amazes me how fat comments/jokes etc are still so accepted in today's increasingly PC "what what you say" society....

My sister, who is also my best friend, is my height (5'5") and weighs about 130 lbs. We go everywhere together and people at stores or wherever will be like, are you guys friends? When we tell them we're sisters, they always look at me like they don't believe me - one guy even chuckled and shook his head like "no way" at us. What is up with that??

Also, one time we went to get pedicures and the guy doing my sister's pedicure asked her if I was her friend, she said "she's my sister" and then he asked her if we had the same mom and dad?!?! She was weirded out by the question and told him "yes". THEN he proceeded to say that was "really crazy because we looked so different and had such different body shapes." This guy was a TOTAL stranger and why should he care? How am I any of his business???

It's like our fat is their business, and it's their duty to point it out to us....like we're totally unaware. And sometimes I get the feeling that I'm pissing people of b/c of my weight. I am conscious of my body every second of every day, I assure you, I know what it looks like. ;(

*sigh* sorry for the vent.

Cannot wait for the band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oops meant to say "watch what you say" society....

**lack of food causing brain failure -- day 6 of pre-op diet**

My friend just sent this today, and I had to post it. She's talking about a coworker of hers who had a client in the lobby.

"...She comes up to me and tells me how great my skin is looking, then said she loved my hair. That the cut looks good. Then follows all that with "If you lose a little weight it would be a good package"

What the F*$%!!!! In front of a total stranger. I just said "Thank you I'm working on that."

I used to work as a cashier at a home decor store, and a lady walks up to the register and we're chatting while I'm ringing up all her stuff. I start to lift up her huge comforter set onto the counter, and the lady says "oh no! you shouldn't be lifting heavy things like that, you're pregnant!" I just looked at her, lifted the comforter myself and said "I'm not pregnant, I'm just large." She looked mortified. After she left, I took a break and bawled my eyes out in the breakroom. Why do people still insist on asking that question?? We all know it's a huge no-no!!

I've got a best friend who's a size 4. She's actually very supportive of me, but sometimes...ugh. The other day she says to me that whenever I lose all my weight, she's gonna have to watch out when we go out cause we'll actually be in competition for guys. WTF?? So no guy could like me right now even if I'm plus-sized??? I guess that's why I have a boyfriend and she doesn't....bah. Sorry just had to get that out!

My friend just sent this today, and I had to post it. She's talking about a coworker of hers who had a client in the lobby.

"...She comes up to me and tells me how great my skin is looking, then said she loved my hair. That the cut looks good. Then follows all that with "If you lose a little weight it would be a good package"

What the F*$%!!!! In front of a total stranger. I just said "Thank you I'm working on that."

This is great - my friend emailed me again to tell me that she mentioned the exchange to her boss, and her boss sent the following email to that coworker:

I would like to let you know that Anna notified me of your comments to her on her appearance.

You noted a few things about her appearance like her face looks really good and that you liked what she did with it. - That is acceptable.

You then noted that her hair looks good after a recent haircut and shows off her face better. - That is acceptable.

The last comment to her was "you just need to lose a little weight and then you will look nicer". - That is not acceptable.

Anna was sitting at the reception desk and your comments were in front of a guest waiting to meet with you.

This is a sensitive issue for alot of people and should not be brought up or mentioned in the workplace.

Awesome! Good boss, good boss.

One thing that bothers me is when skinny people say, "I look "fat" and they wear a size six.

What also makes me mad is when I am told, "you are not fat just "thick and do not worry you have a pretty face"

The fact is I have a BMI of 41, and health problems because of my obesity. I they would just try to empathize and not minimize!

I'll start with the one that came to mind while I was reading what you all have shared here. My mortification comes not just from what this ex-BF said, but how I reacted to it at the time...I'm completely without-a-doubt absolutely sure that dating this guy helped kick me into years of eating disorders...

When I was in 9th grade I was an exchange student and gained a bunch of weight. I'm 5'8", but had always been on the thinner (but busty) side (man, if only I could have appreciated that at the time!!), but by the time I came home from my year away I weighed 174 (my mother was mortified, as she was getting married a couple days after my return and had to have my bridemaid dress let out). I dieted and exercised down to 132. I looked FANTASTIC.

I had a BF who was super-skinny. One day he was "complimenting" me on my hard body, and said, "I want you to lose just 3 more pounds - I want to be able to tell people my GF weighs less than 130." UN-FREAKIN'-BELIEVABLE. He just wanted something to brag about. What-ever.

But what's worse? My reaction. I AGREEED to it, and worked my b*tt off to try and accomplish it. When I just couldn't (132 was as low as I was gonna go , I was completely devastated and cried and cried for weeks - months maybe. I then proceeded to yo-yo between 132-150 for a few years, then 185-230. Gawd. It SO sucks what we let people do to us mentally. I finally broke up with him, but not for another year.

Just one of those MANY times I wish I could time travel and tell my younger self how to respond to someone!!!!

~kat