I would love to hear anyone else's situation if you had family/spouse totally against having WLS. I am a 40 yearold married mother, but I am close to my parents. My hubby is ok w/my lapbanding (not crazy about it, but knows I am miserable being overweight) but when I told my parents they went crazy. "NO, dont have that surgery" "you just need to go on a diet" "this is a huge mistake" blah blah blah. They become visibly upset whenever I try to discuss it. Anyone have any advice.:wink2:

I would stop "discussing" the surgery.

What is best for your body is NOT a discussion item, it is YOUR decision.

I only told a couple of people about my banding, one was not at all supportive. Luckily I get all the support I need from this forum, and the support is from people who have been through it.

The band is the best thing I ever did for myself!!

thanks, that is exactly what I needed to hear

Hello -

I'm sorry to hear that your family is not being supportive - this is going to make it more difficult for you no doubt. I was really nervous about talking with my family - similar situation to yours - married, very close to parents and siblings - but when I clearly explained to them my decision and the reasons behind it everybody was wonderfully supportive.

I know if you're considering the LapBand, you have probably dieted nearly all your life - you may want to point that out to your folks and let them know that you have tried all the other avenues and you now need this extra help. You may want to also let them known how vastly different LapBand is from full gastric bypass - less risky surgery, complete absorption, minimal modification to the digestive system, etc.

You may also be hitting a sore spot with your folks emotionally. I know I've always been a big girl - came from big parents - big grandparents - etc. - maybe this is touching on their hot-button issues and they are reacting more out of conviction to do something about their own weight. I did experience some push back on my choice not from my parents but from a couple of friends who have weight/food issues themselves - and it was more about their own insecurities than their concern for me.

Just something to think about.....

You might find that those who weren't supportive of WLS pre-op become more supportive post-op. After the fact, they just look like jerks if they keep insisting you made a mistake. Also, not everyone realizes that the lap band isn't the same as bypass. Bypass is scary and the mortality rate is 1 out of 50 which is pretty damn high, not to mention complications, etc. If you explain that the mortality and complication rate of lap band is less than gall bladder surgery, then I think some of the naysayers will come around. Your parents may just be afraid that they might lose you through surgery.

Hi sweetie, I feel for you. I would rely on your husband for your support and then when your family sees the results then you can tell them and hopefully they will be supportive. I told only 3 people that I thought would be supportive. One of them was good at the outset and then she became competitive and angry and now she won't even speak one word about it. I have come to completely avoid her. I agree you need to do this for you and I'm sure its not like you haven't tried countless times in the past to lose weight. Your family may be your family but they may be too worried about the risks to see the enormous benefits. I say do it for yourself and keep it to yourself.

well i know what you mean my husband was all for my wls but my mom sho si s very important part of my life but was totally against my band i eventuall told her i thought i might not do it and a couple days before i told her i was doing it just in case so she would not be mad a t everyone esle in case jsut incase. in the meantime she happened to see and ophra show that eased her mind so maybe you can get up online and show your mom it is a simple procedure wit minimal risk and tell her you will have the best doctor with you cause jesus will be with you . 2days post good luck

Your family is most probably scared of the surgery. Most parents don't want to have their children (even adults) hospitalized, they love you and are afraid.

As for your husband, he will become more supportive as time goes on and he sees that your happy and when you lose the weight he will be proud of you.

Good luck, I am lucky all my family and friends are happy for me, and one of my oldest friends is starting her Lap Band journey now. We will be supportive of each other.

Just remember your doing it for you and your health and well being.

Good luck

Pati

Some people just do not understand the struggles that people have with food and dieting. My boyfriend was against it but only because he is afraid of the comlications. He is very supportive. My cousin also had the surgery, and did not tell my aunt for 2 months. My aunt used to be heavy but lost the weight using weight watchers. She thinks that weight watchers is a miracle and anyone could do it. So, I am sure you can see why my cousin decided not to tell her mom. She now knows and has seen my cousin and my results and approves.

Some people just think surgery is too extreme. I have to say, when i had first learned about the bypass, I did not approve. After I sat through the lap band seminar, I was sold. The surgery is so minor and the complications are also. Not all people understand how desperate someone in our situation is. I tried every diet known to man with little results. I just did not have that "STOP EATING!" thing in my head. I continuously over indulged myself but rarely with junk food. So the lap band is a tool that has successfully worked for me. i'm sure once your family sees the changes in you and your body, they will be more supportive.

You might find that those who weren't supportive of WLS pre-op become more supportive post-op. After the fact, they just look like jerks if they keep insisting you made a mistake. Also, not everyone realizes that the lap band isn't the same as bypass. Bypass is scary and the mortality rate is 1 out of 50 which is pretty damn high, not to mention complications, etc. If you explain that the mortality and complication rate of lap band is less than gall bladder surgery, then I think some of the naysayers will come around. Your parents may just be afraid that they might lose you through surgery.

I agree with Dionna. My mom was against it. she had thoughts of the dangers of bipass and knows someone who died from bipass. Even though I tried to explain that lap band is different she still freaked out. I just stopped discussing it with her and went ahead with it. She is much more supportive now and she found out someone she knows had it done a year ago, said she lost 100 pounds and is so happy with the band. This helped my mom to get more excited about it.

My wife has been having similar issues with her Dad and sisters. They are against her having the surgery. Only you know what is right for you!!! Maybe once they see some positive results then they will start to support the process. Best of Luck...

My husband was like yours, didn't like it but went with what I wanted. The great thing is you do not have to tell people. After the liquid stage you appear to be eating normally, just less. Your parents will think you are dieting.

If you have to tell them, which you really don't, you could try education. Take them to the docs with you and have it explained. There is also a good youtube video they could watch.

I only told my immediately family and not one non family person has commented except to say I look thiner. I go out to eat wtih friends or to each others homes for meals. (In the mushie stage I just said I had strange cravings that day and wanted egg salad and mashed potatoes. I avoided eating at others homes for that time).

Good luck.

I agree with everyone on the board! Family gets worried and sometimes it comes across as non ~supportive. Bottom line you have to do what you feel comfy with and what is best for you. I agree where up front they may not be so helpful,after the fact they may be awesome! Good-Luck to you on your journey!

It's all about you right now. It is your health that is at risk. Do what is best for you,

First thing I would do is stop talking about the surgery with others. You must decide what is best for you. Tell them that you know they care but you have to decide what is BEST FOR YOU. Don't argue with them or discuss it just change the subject. Do your research and go to seminars. Then you can make an informed decision.

Good luck!

I initially told my parents. My mother was "okay" with it. Dad didn't say much. Then they started reading some crap and totally went ballistic. Both of them freaked out, and my mom was so upset I feared for her health. (She's 70). I finally ended up telling them they were right and I changed my mind so they wouldn't worry. I went ahead with my surgery. My 23 year old son was a little frightened because he saw a bypass surgery on TV and freaked. The show discussed the complications. Once I explained I was having a lap band and the difference, he was okay with it. My husband was fully supportive from the get go. 6 weeks later after surgery, I went home to my parents' for Christmas. I was healthy, happy, and eating solid food by then, and had lost 21 pounds. Once they saw that I was okay, they were okay with it. BUT. I had galbladder surgery two weeks ago with some complications. My Dad demonized my band and said it was all my bands fault!!!! He wanted me to have it taken out while I was still in the hospital. I had already had TWO surgeries that week!!! Was he crazy???? He just doesn't understand......... My band had NOTHING to do with my galbladder problem. I doubt I'll be able to convince him of that. They haven't seen me since Christmas, and I have now lost 65 pounds, so they should be quite surprised when I go home next week for a visit. We'll see how it goes........