I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of being banded, and the verdict is in. My thought process regarding food is exactly the same. I still think like a fat person. I still obsess about food and give in to the demons. My weight has changed but that will only be temporary unless I find another solution. My thinking hasn't changed one ounce. I hoped that after a year I would have gained a new outlook on food, but it is still just as disturbing as ever. The Band physically prevents me from overeating during the day, but at night I can eat too much, and my head sill isn't strong enough to fight the evening demons. I have a lot of great days, but it's very rare that I make it through the night like a Bandster should. Thoughts of junk food control my mind. I got burned out on trying to keep occupied, and since I have no kids or family and my husband goes to bed at 7:00 p.m., I'm left alone. For me, the Band was a great tool in the beginning, but now I worry constantly that I'm hurting myself. There have been several times that I wasn't able to sleep due to discomfort from eating too much, and I even found a way to eat first thing in the morning, which I didn't do for over 6 months.

I used to use LBT on a daily basis to keep me from eating, but I hardly write any more because several members continue to spread rumors about me, and one moderator has frightened people away from using the PM function. People send me e-mails because they are afraid to post their true feelings here because certain members are control freaks that think they own this board. I don't care what people say about me, but the rumors and gossip have distracted me from what's important around here, so it's time I get back to the tough-love support I need at this point in my Band's life.

Part of who I am doesn't want me to bitch without trying to find a solution and end on a positive note, so I'll be on-line tonight from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m., right here in LBT Chat to talk about the devil, FOOD itself. My purpose is to check in with other Bandsters BEFORE I begin eating dinner. I have an awful habit of eating the second I walk in the door (a habit my husband got me into.) All I want is to be able to come home from work and avoid eating for one hour, which can happen if I come to Chat first.

So there's my plan. One day at a time, one step at a time. Hope to see some of you tonight.

By the way, I edited the first paragraph to make it more clear.

Hi Lisa,

Cant make it between 5 and 6 your time. But I love ya!!! I know lots of folks think that I dont battel food demons cause I lost a lot of weight, but I do every single day. That has not changed. I have been on a plateau for 6 weeks and I want to scream!!! I have been sneaking a teaspoon of Peanut Butter here and a handful of chips there. I thought I was being wise about using butter spray on my healthy pop popcorn and found out that my 15 second sprays were adding up to over 100 calories! So I kicked the can to the curb....

Donali made a great suggestion. Go out and take a belly dancing class. Finger paint. Take a stripper class. There are lots of things that will get you out of the house and away from the refrigerator.

Hugs,

Babs in TX

334/180/170

-154 and stuck!!!!

I guess what I was trying to say was that "They" say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. First, who the heck are "they?" And have they ever broken a habit in 21 days?

My point is I was hoping some of my old habits would have gotten a little easier. I tried a little experiment on myself last week. I tried counting how many times thoughts of food interupted my thought pattern, and I couldn't even keep up the count. Thoughts flood my brain at least every 2 minutes.

I don't think anything is corny when we are trying to make a new life for myself. Guitarman, I wish you were closer cause I've been dying to pick up my guitar again and finally learn it, but I can't find a good instructor. I took a few classes here and there, but I sure wish I could make some decent noise come out of that thing.

Yes, I can and SHOULD take night classes again. I adore school. I can even afford $25.00 these days but I need the push to get started (like a catalog needs to whack me upside the head.)

Yes, I've come very far. I've learned enormous things. Most important I'm not letting anyone keep me from posting any more. I've dealt with the liars and will try to come to LBT every single night for support and wisdom. So I guess I have changed because I am like 90% better at getting all my Water in. I eat slower almost all the time. I finally chew my food. Eating slow and chewing food are definitely things the Band controls.

It's almost 5:30 p.m., which would be 8:30 p.m. on the east coast, but nobody was in chat. And I'm 100% Polish so this thread accepts all Polish jokes!

I was late for chat cuz my truck broke. It actually broke months ago but duct tape was keeping it together. I learned one more valuable lesson, that duct tape is only good during winter months cause the minute it gets warm it gets all gooey and stretchy. So I finally dropped it off for repair$. But finding all you guys right here is like when Dorothy finally wakes up and sees her loved ones standing over her bed. That's the feeling I have right now, and it ain't a bad feeling at all. Deep warm fuzzies you guys.

The Food Monkey. That sounds like a book I should write!

OK Delarla I was just in there and it says you are there but you never responded. SO poo on you.

HUGS anyway.

Hi Lisa,

I'm glad to see you still here and using LBT. I was bummed when you were missing in action for awhile but you always make me smile. Your really not very alone at all. I have the same bad evening eating habit as you. I basically starve all day and do nothing but munch all evening. My hubby is at work from 5 pm to 1 am so I'm all alone all evening. Sometimes I make good choices but a lot of times I make bad ones too. I'd imagine that is why I've been plateaued for 3 months. I need to break the cycle. I also haven't been to Water aerobics since last november and keep having to stall getting back into it because of my car accident problems (neck and shoulder keep alternating flare ups. I had xrays and an ultra sound last week) When my shoulder hurt the most (I was off of work for over a week) ALL I did was eat comfort foods. When I went back to the docs I was prepared to have gained 5 lbs but expected a 10 lb gain. I was happy to find out I stayed the exact same! After an entire batch of Cookies, chips and eating anything else you could think of, I was pretty happy staying the same. I do tend to do a lot better if I remember to eat Breakfast and pack a bite for lunch. If I come home ravenous it is the beginning of the end. I'm sorry your band journey has been so tough and hope someday it goes more smoothly. I really do think a fun evening class might just be the right answer. Anyway best wishes to you, Teresa

Missed the chat already -- but I feel ya'...

Approaching 2 years out and have endured complications as (I think) you have... happy to have achieved some weight loss... but can get very depressed with the way I "use" food still. When my son was very young, after I'd get him to bed, I'd relax with food. He's now 15 and I still engage in the same behaviors!!! Good band restriction helped...but mandated unfills took care of that.

I think -- after all I've been through -- two surgeries and on-again, off-again pain and/or discomfort -- why am I sabatoging my success??? The million dollar question, if ever there was one.

Hang in there, girl, you are not alone.

Elizabeth

I checked into the chat room, it said you were there but you never answered, Teresa

Delarla

There She was just a walking down the street. Singing Do a ditty ditty dum ditty do

Snappin her fingers & humming to the beat . Singing Do a ditty ditty dum ditty do

SHE LOOKED GOOD she looked good SHE LOOKED FINE she looked fine & THAN I NEARLY LOST MY MIND...ooohho oohhh

I just got in and am way late for chat, but if y'all try this again some other night I'll be there. Boy, is this thread relevant for me today. There's a new Coldstone ice cream just off campus, right on my way home, and it was calling my name. I normally don't beat myself up for occasional treats, but they've been more than occasional this last week, and I can't blame hormones or steroids (not anabolic ones!) this time around. Broiled chicken makes me PB, but ice cream and brownies slide right down. I feel like I need a personal cop to yell, "Stop! Get away from the spoon!"

Lisa,

I'm new and we haven't really chatted and I'm not banded yet (4-17 hopfully) but I know what you are feeling. Nighttime is difficult for me too and I am very concerned about what to do about it. I'm thinking just come home from work and got straight to bed! Whaddya think?

There are a lot of good suggestions here.

So I'd like to put my two cents worth in about the people talking about you....when I was younger (and skinney) I was pretty wild and reckless, so much so that I got a reputation. It wasn't deserved but it hurt me none the less. I talked to an older woman friend about it and she gave me this advice which I have lived by ever since...and it has truly made my life much simpler. She told me that if I find myself in a situation where people are talking about me negatively, first evaluate who "those" people are, if they are loved ones, dear friends or coworkers (who can have an influence over my career) find a way to address it, but if they aren't they "they" don't matter so blow them off and look at it as a personal service, if they are talking about you they are leaving some poor schmuck alone.

We should never let people who don't "matter" affect us or keep us from doing things we want to do.

Like I said just my two cents worth....

My difficult time seems to be during the work day. Night seems to be okay for right now because I can go to sleep and worry about hunger in the morning.

Having the band only changed my outlook on things in that I now know that I am NOT invincible and life is oh so precious. Other than that, I am still the opinionated bitch I have always been.

In a perfect world of eating I would always prepare my food and I know what is good for me and my stomach.

I would not attempt to waste anymore money in the restraunts that peddle my demise.

I would not try and try again to get food down I know i shouldnt even begin.

I would always eat to live not live to eat.

Eating would not be a recreation at anytime.

After all the time, effort, and money I have spent!

Thats in a perfect world. My wants and my will are very strong.

We are not perfect and accepting the progress made is accepting ourselves in reality!

Thank ya very much!

As always, Donali is sooo right! I hadn't even though to recommend a night class to you Lisa-- I think that is a F-A-B idea!

I haven't been banded long enough to have been really "changed" as most people understand the context. I haven't used my inhaler for WEEEKS now! Not a squeek, not a wheeze! I remain dilligent in carring my puffers with me, but I honestly don't remember the last time I used one! This is a dramatic change for me, since before I was banded I was using my inhalers far too often, and using the nebulizer several times a week.

After losing close to 200 pounds, I don't think my husband has changed. I think he's gone back to being the very big guy I married.

I have'nt had my band yet and after reading this I'm not sure its worth it?

Oh...Gram...it's worth it.

One thing I have to add to this whole thread is that once you get a good level of restriction, EVERYTHING changes.

Untiil my last fill, I was struggling to control my eating- especially at night. I felt totally controlled by food even though I had restriction and couldn't eat a lot. chips and cheese, candy, Cookies...all of these things called my name every day after about 4 in the afternoon. Then I got another fill and I- seriously- have to remind myself to eat. My stomach growls and that tells me I haven't eated in a few hours and should start thinking about it. I live on summer sausage slices and chicken thighs marinated in yummy stuff. I don't feel that terrible, uncontrollable all consumming urge to eat anymore. I go to bed a lot of the time hungry because I'm just not that interested in eating. This is very, very different for me because when I havne't had a good fill, I've gone to bed sore from eating too much, too.

So, moral of the story- Lisa, of course you don't feel physically and emotionally all that different...you have a band that is not working at it's optimal level. Until you can get another fill you're not going to get the full benefits of the band, and thinking that you can is only going to bring you heartache. I think in another post you covered that you had re-thought how your band is going to work for you going forward, and that's very important and very wise.

Megan

GRAM... It's WORTH IT! Please please please know that I adore my band. My band saved my life. My band restricts my eating, it really does. My whole problem stems from being a worry wart. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so I worry about everything, and I constantly worry that I will lose my mind over stupid food. I worry that I'm stretching my pouch and damaging my esophagus. I worry that I'll completely lose control and jump off a bridge. But it's all in my head. I started a thread called, "Why are you fat" awhile back. Turns out that each one of us is oversweight for different reasons. I fall into the category of night time binger. It stems back to childhood when I hid and ate. Oh my gosh, I'm rambling and can't get the words out as fast as my head is spinning right now, but I'm SO SO SO glad I posted this thread.

Last night I suggested a Chat, but nobody was there at 5:00 or 5:30. But I came back later and found one of my favorite Bandster friends and two more new bandster buddies. They had suggestions up the ying-yang, but I didn't think anything could help me at this stage of the game. Teresa kept suggestiong healthy Snacks, as if I didn't already know that, but I refused to believe I had any willpower left. After I logged off Chat, I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a candy bar - but then this shiney red apple twinkled from the counter, and I saw Teresa's face in it. So I put the candy down and ate the apple.

Babs - the stupid apple nearly made me PB. Yep, my nightly Snicker's fix slides right down with the chips and ice cream, but an apple won't go down. The good news is that I did NOT eat the candy thanks to this support board.

As far as the rumors and lies that kept me away, let's move past that now and drop it. I'm famous for editing and deleting my own words, but that's something I'm trying to stop doing, so I won't edit my original post, but I'm so glad I came back home. I'll be in Chat tonight. I'm not sure what time, but I WILL be there. LOVE YOU GUYS!

Thanks everyone for making LBT the safety net I need.