I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of being banded, and the verdict is in. My thought process regarding food is exactly the same. I still think like a fat person. I still obsess about food and give in to the demons. My weight has changed but that will only be temporary unless I find another solution. My thinking hasn't changed one ounce. I hoped that after a year I would have gained a new outlook on food, but it is still just as disturbing as ever. The Band physically prevents me from overeating during the day, but at night I can eat too much, and my head sill isn't strong enough to fight the evening demons. I have a lot of great days, but it's very rare that I make it through the night like a Bandster should. Thoughts of junk food control my mind. I got burned out on trying to keep occupied, and since I have no kids or family and my husband goes to bed at 7:00 p.m., I'm left alone. For me, the Band was a great tool in the beginning, but now I worry constantly that I'm hurting myself. There have been several times that I wasn't able to sleep due to discomfort from eating too much, and I even found a way to eat first thing in the morning, which I didn't do for over 6 months.

I used to use LBT on a daily basis to keep me from eating, but I hardly write any more because several members continue to spread rumors about me, and one moderator has frightened people away from using the PM function. People send me e-mails because they are afraid to post their true feelings here because certain members are control freaks that think they own this board. I don't care what people say about me, but the rumors and gossip have distracted me from what's important around here, so it's time I get back to the tough-love support I need at this point in my Band's life.

Part of who I am doesn't want me to bitch without trying to find a solution and end on a positive note, so I'll be on-line tonight from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m., right here in LBT Chat to talk about the devil, FOOD itself. My purpose is to check in with other Bandsters BEFORE I begin eating dinner. I have an awful habit of eating the second I walk in the door (a habit my husband got me into.) All I want is to be able to come home from work and avoid eating for one hour, which can happen if I come to Chat first.

So there's my plan. One day at a time, one step at a time. Hope to see some of you tonight.

By the way, I edited the first paragraph to make it more clear.

I wish my computer at home was working! I would love to be here, but unfortunatley cannot!! You are in my prayers and so are the "others" that are spoken of in your post.

Chatting instead of eating sounds like a great idea! Try doing it late at night, too, when you're alone. That might also help somewhat.

I'll also admit that being banded hasn't changed me at all. Lots of people talk about having renewed confidence, even undergoing total personality changes, but none of that has happened to me. Personally I think that's a good thing--I liked myself before (except for my weight) and I still do. It's certainly changed my eating habits but only those in the "too much/too fast" category. The band can't make me make the good choices about what to eat, and so I fail at that all the time.

The band helps with the physical side of overeating. It can't do anything about the mental challenges.

Alex, I was holding my breathe reading your response. How can I say this without sounding cruel? But thank God I'm not alone. For some reason I figured you (particulary you) had come to terms with a new way of thinking. Like they say in OA, food is cunning, baffling, powerful.

Kyleigh, I wish you could be on-line tonight because you seem so easy going about this whole thing, as if you found peace with food.

I've tried finding other chat rooms at night since LBT is usually empty, but the other boards are flooded with Spammers, so it's nearly impossible to get a good chat going.

I have been banded since January 24 2005 and have lost 31 lbs without a fill. I have my first fill this week. I have not really changed that much except I eat pretty much what I want and only eat small amounts. Isn't that the point of this surgery?? I am not dieting and because of the band I cannot really eat bread, Pasta, etc... I have learned to chew and drink lots of Water. I do not make bad choices and am having my Protein shake on the am to keep up with my protein (cannot tolerate meat so well)

I was happy before but I hated being overweight - that is what I want to change and that is what is happening.

I am kind of like alex in this, it has changes my portions and how fast I eat, but not the choices I make.

I agree. Although I've only been banded for 5 months now, I still feel that I am the same genuine and down to earth person that I was before getting this band put around my stomach.

I may have a child to tend to as well, but trust me......I still have to watch what I shove into my mouth and still need to "monitor" how much I'm putting in as well.

I wish all of us on this board nothing but much success in our journies. Good luck to us all in getting that darn ol food monkey off of our backs!!!

Hey Lisa: HUGS!!! I will make an effort to be online at that time. It will be around 7 or 8 my time. If you hang around till 9 I will certainly be there.

You know I love ya girl.

It is a shame that you have this great support arena but you don't come because of some issues on this board.

You know you can always call me on the cell while I am gone.

I get banded April 19th and I also hope and Pray that my outlook on food is different a year down the road. There are three things I am going to do after the surgery everyday. Things that if I had been doing them all along I may not be in this situation. 1) Sounds corny but everyday when I wake up I am going to find something positive about myself in the mirror. 2) stop being Idle.....That is exactly why I want to lose the weight. I can be mobile and get back into woodworking and evolve my music career further. 3) find a different route into the house so that I do not have to cross paths with the kitchen first. I think I'll start coming in through the garage or the backdoor. I know it sounds stupid but it is so easy to come though the front door and detour right into the kitchen and into the fridge or pantry. At least maybe if I plan a different route I can gather myself on what I want to do once I get into the kitchen. you know, have a game plan together.

The Band physically prevents me from overeating during the day, but at night I can eat too much, and my head sill isn't strong enough to fight the evening demons. I have a lot of great days, but it's very rare that I make it through the night like a Bandster should. Thoughts of junk food control my mind. I got burned out on trying to keep occupied, and since I have no kids or family and my husband goes to bed at 7:00 p.m., I'm left alone.

Hey Lisa.... just because I have 3 little kiddo (4 counting their father) doesnt mean that Im 'distracted' from eating. Since Im an emotional eater - and stay stressed out ALL of the time - guess what I do??? (maybe I need to call Nanny 911) :tired

Regardless, we ALL have our demons to deal with.

I wish I could say that the band has done all these wonderful things to help change me OR my way of eating.... when actually its only made me super conscience of everything I put into my mouth... Thats it!

As far as not posting as much on LBT as you used to...

hmmmm, well, you are one of the most valuable members on this board, considering all of your banding and life experiences.. How sad that you are feeling that "certain members are control freaks"

Basically, by not posting as much, isnt this considered a type of being controlled?

I wish I could be in the chat room tonight, but i have Spanish class from 6-730, then kids to tend to. I will check in around 9 to see if anyone is around... hang in there girl, were all in this together!

Hi All,

I'm one of those who does not post often, not because I'm some kind of "control freak," but mainly because I have a super busy job as a Resort Manager. Also, not everyone is real chatty, although I do check in as much as I can throughout the day. Please don't think just because some of us are not chatting often that we don't care about LBT or its members.

Staci

Orlando FL

banded in Mexico 12/14/04

"Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die today"

I lost my modem, so I have to reinstall the modem, again. /e rolls eyes. I'll be there is spirit! MISS you!

Lisa,

What time will it be on the East Coast when you will be on? I'm very bad with figuring this stuff out (maybe cause I'm Polish LOL). (I hope I don't get threatening PM's cause I said that.) I'll try to check in at different time but I will probably be available around 9:30 EST.

Chris S.

Rats! I have class tonight, so I won't get home until about 9:30 CDT. I'll check in anyway and see if anyone's still chatting then.

I think being banded has changed you... You may not think it has, because you are fighting the same demons, but you have learned SO MUCH about yourself through your band, and through your membership on this board.

Yes, you are still struggling. No, it isn't easy. But look at how much you have accomplished since banding in spite of all the problems you have had, being UNFILLED, and then just life in general.

One day, my little chickadee, you WILL get a fill, and you will become even more successful. Until then, you are seeking the help you need, and exploring strategies to remain and continue to be successful.

And that may not be a change, but everything you are trying IS changing you.

Can you take a night class in something fun, like painting, or dog grooming, or something like that? A community class that only costs $25 or something? You need live bodies to get you out of the house and tire your a$$ out. You will need SEVERAL live bodies, though, 'cause you have more energy than any 10 people I know put together.

xxoo

The only thing the band or my kids or having been pregnaNT OR GETTING CLOSER TO 40 THAN AWAY FROM IT or what ever has done. Is I really find myself looking for reasons to get off the couch and exercise. I never thought I would say that- but I am bitchier and nastier and more easily angered by my kids the days I midd exercising (or heaven forbid I miss about three- and dh will suggest maybe it is time for the treadmill or to go to the Y for a swim)

Other than that I have learned that I can beat this too- but I wish I felt I had given myself the will power to stick to a 1200 calorie diet for as long the band has! But I couldn't do it and at least now I can eat the good stuff and the bad stuff (never thought a happy meal would make 2 or three meals for me in my life)

Jane