I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of being banded, and the verdict is in. My thought process regarding food is exactly the same. I still think like a fat person. I still obsess about food and give in to the demons. My weight has changed but that will only be temporary unless I find another solution. My thinking hasn't changed one ounce. I hoped that after a year I would have gained a new outlook on food, but it is still just as disturbing as ever. The Band physically prevents me from overeating during the day, but at night I can eat too much, and my head sill isn't strong enough to fight the evening demons. I have a lot of great days, but it's very rare that I make it through the night like a Bandster should. Thoughts of junk food control my mind. I got burned out on trying to keep occupied, and since I have no kids or family and my husband goes to bed at 7:00 p.m., I'm left alone. For me, the Band was a great tool in the beginning, but now I worry constantly that I'm hurting myself. There have been several times that I wasn't able to sleep due to discomfort from eating too much, and I even found a way to eat first thing in the morning, which I didn't do for over 6 months.

I used to use LBT on a daily basis to keep me from eating, but I hardly write any more because several members continue to spread rumors about me, and one moderator has frightened people away from using the PM function. People send me e-mails because they are afraid to post their true feelings here because certain members are control freaks that think they own this board. I don't care what people say about me, but the rumors and gossip have distracted me from what's important around here, so it's time I get back to the tough-love support I need at this point in my Band's life.

Part of who I am doesn't want me to bitch without trying to find a solution and end on a positive note, so I'll be on-line tonight from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m., right here in LBT Chat to talk about the devil, FOOD itself. My purpose is to check in with other Bandsters BEFORE I begin eating dinner. I have an awful habit of eating the second I walk in the door (a habit my husband got me into.) All I want is to be able to come home from work and avoid eating for one hour, which can happen if I come to Chat first.

So there's my plan. One day at a time, one step at a time. Hope to see some of you tonight.

By the way, I edited the first paragraph to make it more clear.

Don't be offended, this is meant to be an encouraging post!!! Let me explain...

Okay, so I'm standing in the kitchen this afternoon with little man (age 2) and we are eating Jello out of the bowl, little spponfuls of it, taking turns, sweet! So I get a little bit of that really thick, at-the-edge-of-the-bowl jello that doesn't melt in your mouth, you know what I mean? So, not AT ALL thinking like a bandster, and ONLY thinking like a mom, I avoid giving little man the yucky thick stuff and do what? I eat it my self, so quickly I stuck that spoon in my mouth!!! Totally not thinking.

The next 2 minutes are all slow-motion. I'm standing at the sink, both hands on the counter, praying to God to take away the pain in my chest, saying to myself, "this is a PB, I can't PB, I'm only 5 days banded, do I drink some Water? no, yes? OMG please make the pain go away, please go down, please God!" and what surprised me the most were the short waves of nausea that overcame me. I knew I had to get the jello past the band, and maybe I could have gotten away with very warm water to help melt it, but I sipped water, stood there, then PB'd so fast in the dang kitchen sink...the pain relief was instant, and I stood there, breathing saying to myself "this thing is gonna control my LIFE!!!! How can DeLarla not be changed after getting banded?!!!"

And so I know what you mean by the band not changing your core food "Issues", but I also know that there is NO WAY you have not made habit changes regarding your eating that have been of benefit to you. Okay, think back to when you were in my shoes...life HAS changed, and in VERY MANY ways it IS better. I know you know this, just thought some perspective might help and give you some encouragement, even if it did happen during a PB.

Today's Lesson: DON'T eat the thick yucky part of the jello, and if you can remember to squish it through your teeth before you swallow, rather than gulping down whole chunks of the stuff, you'll find the thick parts and not swallow them. SIGH. Warm chicken broth for the rest of the day.

I have thought about this post for days now and pondered Humm.

And here is where I am at with food it still has it's hold on me no matter what it is or where it's at I can eat it. But will I eat it is the question? I am doing better at making good food choices but when I fail and yes eating that snickers bar or filling the bowl to the brim with Ice Cream I know that I can always make a better choice tommorrow. I do not have to kick my self or be down in the dumps because I again failed at another diet. I have come to love my band and take care of it no matter the cost. I have gotten a new lease on life and when I sit and think what I was doing last year at this time I really cannot remember. But I see my kids and how happy they are that Mom is not sitting and watching TV and snacking but actually asking them Hey lets go bike riding, Lets go fishing. I am still the same person who loves to crack a joke about myself in the middle of a serious conversation to lighten the load. I love all my coworkers and love to make them laugh and at the same time I love the new friends I have found here on LBT that makes my day go faster in my job it's a place I can sneek away to take a break. So I am the same ole me just me with a band.

And as for you Missy Lisa I love to see your post ( You enlighten us all) :cheeky

Now that there is more daylight don't know if Vegas changes times but go for long walks like the other suggestions eveing workshops. I would love to try something new..

Paula - Spanish thats cool I need to learn proper Spanish I make up my own words funny cause my husband understands what I'm saying.

Warning: slight hijack

Kathy,

Did you vomit or PB? It sounds like you were vomiting and not a PB at all..... Are you in any pain now that you vomited just 5 days after?

I am not banded but i, feel your pain! hope life is treating you better. And don't worry

about what people say! if they are talking about you. then there talking about some one else. at night I try to eat no later then five pm of very lite.Maybe try drinking more water! hope this help's and most of all God bless you! John

warning: hijack redirect:)

Jenna, I was going to re-post my little episode on my "OMG I didn't die thread", (which, btw, I still haven't managed to get that awful title changed) so look for it there...too much really good stuff here to hijack, maybe later we can delete our little posts here...thanks!!! Please go there cuz I have questions!!

So far today is mostly good (except the large McFlurry that fell down my throat.) It's 8:23 and I'm here at LBT and not laying on the couch eating. I took the dogs to the park after work and did some weights. I'm here because I can't eat and type at the same time.

I started this thread because an hour can ruin my life. All I need to do is stop eating for an hour. Is that so hard? YES. If I can make it till 9:30 without eating I'll be fine. Big friggen deal, less than 2 hours yet my head screams at me to eat when my Band is full and my belly isn't hungry. Any word on the Brain Band yet? Anyone else out there struggling to stay out of the kitchen. Kitchen.. Kitchen... that's a funny word, isn't it? We should go back to the old days where we keep our food in a root cellar. I doubt I'd drag my fat ass to the root cellar for a jar of pickled rutabagas right now, that's for sure. I'm trading the freezer in for a root cellar. Donali, is that something you could build?

Thank you for the wonderful response. I'm new at all of this, chat rooms,computer, banding,everything. I printed your response so when I FINALLY get the band I'll have it to refer to. Maybe I'll start a folder .Again Thank you.....