Insensitive Comments!!!!!

[KarenH 0]

I was recently banded, and told my immediate boss because of doctor's visits, changes in eating habits, all the possible issues that might arise. She was never in favor of it. Couldn't understand why I didn't just "watch what I eat and hire a personal trainer." I am sure this sounds familiar. Well, I work in a doctor's office and today she couldn't wait to point out a patient who had gastrointestinal bleeding and that he/she recently had lapband surgery. Now, I didn't even get to read the whole report....was it because of banding or was banding just an issue they needed to be aware of?

"I just wanted to keep you informed." I said, "gee, thanks." This coming from a 5'10" 160 pound blonde (sorry for the blonde reference - she's really pretty smart - just socially inept.)

What is it with people? It's like some want us to fail!

Just venting at people's insensitivity and stupidity.

[saran 0]

This is EXACTLY why I'm not telling ANYONE except my husband... I just don't feel the need to have to 'defend' my decision to others (who aren't me, who will never be me, and who will never know what it feels like to be me!).

Regardless though, I'm so sorry you have to hear this from your boss =(

[Parvathi 2]

I told everybody in my life about the band .. just couldn't see keeping it a secret. Heck, I can't even keep a Christmas pressie a secret haha.

Luckily, I've only had one person who likes to make backhanded comments about it .. always of course, "for my benefit".

I've just gotten to the point that I don't mention it or my eating habits around that one person.

Without knowing the details of this persons bleeding and their procedure, it would be really difficult to say. I hope they did contact their band surgeon as well.

Its a pretty safe procedure, but as with any surgery, things can go wrong and its good to keep that in mind. Just don't let it control you or your decisions.

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

I was recently banded, and told my immediate boss because of doctor's visits, changes in eating habits, all the possible issues that might arise. She was never in favor of it. Couldn't understand why I didn't just "watch what I eat and hire a personal trainer." I am sure this sounds familiar. Well, I work in a doctor's office and today she couldn't wait to point out a patient who had gastrointestinal bleeding and that he/she recently had lapband surgery. Now, I didn't even get to read the whole report....was it because of banding or was banding just an issue they needed to be aware of?

"I just wanted to keep you informed." I said, "gee, thanks." This coming from a 5'10" 160 pound blonde (sorry for the blonde reference - she's really pretty smart - just socially inept.)

What is it with people? It's like some want us to fail!

Just venting at people's insensitivity and stupidity.

Perhaps you need to have a talk with HER boss about her social ineptitude. There is NO room for this in the workplace... especially in a medical setting.

Alternatively, an open-handed slap in the mouth may be in order (although this idea may cause you to have a shorter than expected term of employment). :mad:

[vessa 1]

If you ask me, it sounds like she's insanely jealous and just being catty and hurtful to you to make herself feel better. (Of course, every woman sadly, is doing everything to lose weight, perhaps she feels you have an advantage and she's seeing green)

Women like this, I used to hate, but then I caught myself oing it, (because of another woman's success)oh my!

And I felt sorry for myself that I was so petty, I coul'nt be happy for her, and instead acted like a stupid highschool girl.

Why do people have to hurt others to make themselves feel better?

When a gal is being catty and mean to me, now, instead of being a victim, I think about her an feel pity for her, like, "what is going on in her life that she gets pleasure from someone else's unhappiness?" An then instead of being mad, i feel compassion...and, well, pity for her, then I cannot hate her. (And sometimes I have to do this alot with certain persons, as they continually find fault in everything I do.)

[whimsy 0]

Perhaps you need to have a talk with HER boss about her social ineptitude. There is NO room for this in the workplace... especially in a medical setting.

Alternatively, an open-handed slap in the mouth may be in order (although this idea may cause you to have a shorter than expected term of employment). :thumbup:

I concur with the open-handed slap in the mouth! :smile:

Ok, I kid. I kid.

Back on topic - she sounds incredibly opinionated and perhaps she feels familiar enough with you that she can speak so candidly. If a gentle reminder or nudge advising her to back off doesn't help, I say be a bit more candid with her, too.

People need to realize that words hold weight. Her behavior is unacceptable. You were doing the responsible and considerate thing by informing her of your situation so that you could better explain your needs and behavior if it affects your work performance/schedule. She should respect your choice as an adult and as an employee. She may be a health professional (or medical office/admin - you didn't specify :crying: ) but her demeanor leaves a lot to be desired. Her bedside manner must be atrocious.

I will say, though, that she may mean well but has trouble expressing her compassion and concern in a tactful way. If it's possible, I'd ask for a moment of her time and talk privately with her to let her know how you feel.

Good luck to you! Don't let her behavior get you down.

[Molly A 0]

I hate it when someone says they are trying to help you and actually they want to undermine you. Tell her directly that her comments are unnecessary and that she should get a life! You have one and maybe she is jealous. Are your other friends and family supportive? That would make her really jealous.

About the GI bleeding. Most obese people have GI problems with esophagitis, ulcers. That's one of the problems with being overwt. And many lap band surgeons evaluate that before surgery - mine did. I'm not totally sure, but band slippage should not cause GI bleeding. The band is outside the stomach. If the patient just had the band done - the surgeon could have goofed and perferated something - like the stomach - but that is usually a really acute and critical problem. Maybe the patient had a history of GI bleeds and wasn't taking her medicines. And, some medications cause GI bleeds - there are a lot of possibilities for a bleed - the band may not have had anything to do with the it!

Remember, you have made a great choice for yourself - don't let on crack pot derail your decision. Consider the source - she must be like that with other people too. Remember also that the world is full of not so nice people and some really wonderful ones too - surround yourself with the latter.

Good luck

Molly

[Alfie 58]

The only negative comment I got was from, believe it or not, the cardiologist. Her comment was that I should just not eat after 6 o'clock pm and walk on the treadmill and I will lose weight???!!!:confused2:

She is actually a surgeon and is very young (she looks in her 20's really). She is adorable and probably weighs 110lbs soaking wet. She told me that's what she does because she says she tends to have a fat tummy...:thumbup:

I wound up saying to her "have you ever had a weight problem?" Of course she said that she didn't. She actually is very laid back and sweet but she just doesn't understand the problems with obesity from a perspective of an obese person. She was never for my surgery and I'm very glad she wasn't my pcp because she would have never co operated.

[shortgal 5]

Lots of people, even heatlth professionals, just don't get it.

BUT have you ever seen someone who just can't get a grip on some part of their life, like their finances or an abusive or "bad boy" boyfriend and think to yourself, why don't they just stop wasting money on expensive clothes, furniture, cars, vacation that they can't afford. Or think why doesn't she just get rid of that boyfriend that doesn't treat her right?

I think this is the way they see our weight issues. It a part of their life that for whatever reason they have control over and we don't, but maybe we have control over our bank account and they don't. Or we are in a nice healthly relationship and they don't.

I figure we all have some flaw in our life, ours is just very visible.

If you know her "achilles heal" then you can explain it that way to her.

[Skinny_Jill 36]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that. When she makes comments just say that you are doing great and walk away unless you want to confront her and let her know how you really feel. The best revenge is to do well and she will she how wonderful the Lap Band is. :thumbup:

I am lucky that I have a great boss. He is very understanding and supportive. When I scheduled surgery and needed time off I had tell him I was having surgery because we were swamped. I did it Thanksgiving week though so I would only be off 2 days when everyone else was at work. I told him I was having surgery and he really didn't want the details. I knew he would assume it was "female" problems and not ask. He just wanted me to assure him that I was fine. I ended up telling him a week before my surgery that was Lap Band. He was very excited for me.

I hope things work out well.

[MacMadame 81]

BUT have you ever seen someone who just can't get a grip on some part of their life, like their finances or an abusive or "bad boy" boyfriend and think to yourself, why don't they just stop wasting money on expensive clothes, furniture, cars, vacation that they can't afford. Or think why doesn't she just get rid of that boyfriend that doesn't treat her right?

I think this is the way they see our weight issues.

I think it's interesting you put it this way because a few years ago I had a similar epiphany about dieting. If my dieting, losing weight but then gaining it all back and then some, was instead a "bad boy" boyfriend that I kept leaving and going back to, all my friend would be lecturing me and begging me to cut out this destructive behavior. But whenever you go on a diet, people get all excited for you and give you all kind of "atta boys".

That is how ingrained it is in our society that fat people have brought their problems on themselves through their own bad behavior and all they have to do to not be fat is have a little bit of self-discipline. The idea that there is a biological component to our condition is rejected outright and us bringing it up is seen as "making excuses" and "not taking responsibility" for our actions. That's also why bariatric surgery is seen as "cheating" instead of a tool to break the destructive cycle of failed dieting.

[shortgal 5]

Agreed.

We don't tell alcoholics to just have three small drinks a day and we don;t tell a drug addict to have three small hits a day, but we tell overweight people to just have three small meals a day. We tell other addicts to abstain, becasue we know if they have even one drink or drug, they be back on it full force, but you can't just give up food!

It's unrealistic that without some help we can do it alone. It is also the reason that we need to be vigilant after reaching goal, becasue the food demon will always be a monkey on our back.

My analogy was more about how people that can control one thing in their life, just don;t understand why other people can't control the same aspect. Much of the food problem and the other issues I mentioned are pyschologically based. And personally, I do think the people unable to control finances or continually pick the wrong mate have a weakness. Exactly the same way they see our weight issue as a weakness.

With how hard I'm working at this weight battle, even with the band, I don't feel like I'm cheating at all, but understand that others might. I don;t really care as long as I end up thinner.

If the other people hired a professional accountant to handle their finances and got control would I say they "cheated"? NO!

If the girl got rid of the bad boys by getting a shrink to help figure out why would i say she cheated?

No, we would pat them on the back for getting their life in control!

We'll just have to start educating people as much as possible!

[make33 2]

And isn't it odd how people who have NEVER had a weight issue are so quick to judge and they all know just the right answer to 'cure' us!!

My four co-workers, who I really DO love dearly, gave me such GRIEF during the six-months I was doing the nutritionist-thing in preparation for surgery. They all felt that somehow I "had never found the right diet to correct my metabolism" (they couldn't blame it on exercise since I work out four nights a week). I've only worked with them a few years, so they never saw all the gazillion diets and trends I did to try to lose. It got to the point where I didn't discuss any aspect of what was going on towards the Band.

Now, four months later they are so supportive--I guess I just had to show them that it was MY life...!:thumbup:

If you can, avoid the subject at all costs--I would even go so far as to make up other excuses as to why you need time off (dental, vision, kids, dog, hubby) so the subject doesn't get raised with your boss. You don't want to burn a bridge, but you sure don't want to give her an opening... :eek:

[Linda Lu 1]

I think you should speak to her about this and not let it go unchecked. Perhaps you could gently say something like "look you stupid bit...h" oops, my evil twin took over for a minute!

Perhaps you could really say something like "While I appreciate your trying to make sure I'm aware of potential complications, rest assured that I did my research before making my decision to have surgery so you needn't keep pointing out all of the horror stories to me...keep in mind that the healthy success stories are not likely to make an appointment to come in here for medical care."

[stepoffaith 0]

I work in a doctor's office too. Sometimes they are the least sensitive places to work surprisingly. Shrug it off. You are doing this for yourself not anyone else. There are alot of people out there that will support you. Ignore those who don't.